Senior Destructor: Retired Supervillan 60,724 12
05/27/2005 03:49 AM

My eyes hurt.

Declan 'Gabriel Conroy' McManus 131,877 36
05/27/2005 03:54 AM

As long as both (all) parties are of legal age, why apologise, especially if the "observer" invaded the privacy?

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/27/2005 04:00 AM

I was caught jerking off once when I was in high school. I worked at a fast food restaurant with a pirate theme. The uniform was horrible, I mean I was making a delivery to the IBM guys, tried to make eyes at some girls and they just laughed. So I get home and my younger sister had some people over in the pool. Well, her one good friend, who was also a coworker at the pizza place in the mall, was there in this awesome red bikini. I had to "take care of business", so I went to the bathroom. As I enter fantasy stage, and she starts walking towards me, taking off her bikini top, and I am getting closer to finishing...





She opens the door to the bathroom because she was looking for a Q-Tip. Man, doesn't anyone knock anymore?

Fartpuppy now Semi Lurking. 5,142 13
05/27/2005 04:11 AM

"Frost off I'm busy" That always worked for me.

Humphrey 51,764 12
05/27/2005 04:11 AM

"All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine."

Sylvester 4,465 9
05/27/2005 04:22 AM

There she blows!

Piemaster - drunken default_user style 12,538 15
05/27/2005 04:25 AM

stay... right... there...

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
05/27/2005 04:36 AM

Wait a minute, you're not in my class.







I am today dude !

REAPERR-FU 12,363 11
05/27/2005 05:01 AM

Those guys are fags.

supergrover 4,517 9
05/27/2005 05:06 AM

It's easier if you're a chick. You can just claim you're adjusting your balls.

Father Brandon 600 9
05/27/2005 06:59 AM

I am fighting prostate cancer!

DemoMonkey, Unplugged! 166,252 10
05/27/2005 07:29 AM

"IT'S GETTING AWAY!"

Father Brandon 600 9
05/27/2005 07:40 AM

"what a wierd coincidence. I was just thinking of you."

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
05/27/2005 10:53 AM

All I know is I get the first three wishes !

Neon Yarmulke 91,274 10
05/27/2005 10:55 AM

"I was just cleaning it and it went off!"

Mr. Briham 38,843 10
05/27/2005 10:56 AM

Quick, call for help! My hand and my peenie are figthing!



</Dave Attell>

Trixxie 65,026 15
05/27/2005 10:57 AM

"If you think you are disgusted now, wait till you realize I probably have done the same thing with all the cucumbers you've been eating in the salads."

High Priestess 58,884 29
05/27/2005 11:01 AM

I just deny deny deny.



'I don't know why there is a banana missing.'

TEDphat 6,408 9
05/27/2005 11:12 AM

cdog, unless your friend has had some ribs removed, he can't play his own skin flute. He could be doing the five knuckle shuffle with his beef bayonet though.

Oliver Chest, M.D. 203,475 12
05/27/2005 11:13 AM

"Dude, I'm jerking off. Just wait a second."

I lost my Trae of thought 156,790 17
05/27/2005 11:14 AM

I've never been caught. I'm a sneaky masturbator. Hell, I'll probably do it all weekend in Boston and you'll.......never........even.........know.





I smile a lot normally.

Neon Yarmulke 91,274 10
05/27/2005 11:30 AM

"So much for that mental image. Can you leave so I can start over?"

lupience 26,981 11
05/27/2005 11:36 AM

http://www.pleasuremenow.com

lupience 26,981 11
05/27/2005 11:37 AM

It also helps if you learn how to spell masturbating.

Phuc 237,919 21
05/27/2005 11:40 AM

"I was just cleaning it off for you, dear."

Whistler P. McManus 186,041 44
05/27/2005 11:47 AM

"Oh, wait a second, that's not my fife. I get so confused sometimes."

gorckat 41,132 13
05/27/2005 11:49 AM

"Next time, don't bring your 12 year old to the office for Bring Your Daughter to Work day!"

BlaiseMilla 67,037 13
05/27/2005 12:17 PM

It wasn't me.

Fratberry 282,940 53
05/27/2005 12:23 PM

"Oh, yeah...um, ok, no I was just going to use a worm and a hook but, and you know I'm pretty good at it now. Well, maybe not a master baiter yet, but you know, I'm getting pretty confident."

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
05/27/2005 12:29 PM

"I had the most horrible case of blueballs so I figured I'd do something about it before we headed off to your neice's first communion."

Sharribarri 14,124 11
05/27/2005 12:46 PM

This seems an appropriate place to link this local business. Nice name huh?



<*> SFW

lupience 26,981 11
05/27/2005 12:47 PM

I heard their bait is unbeatable.

It ain't the size of the rod, but the wiggle in the worm.