Dartful Todger 159 7
05/31/2005 02:20 AM

I grab a hold of a tree with the leaves in the other hand and pop a squat. Of course as I hold onto the leaves i press down on my croch region to keep my shoes out of the rain. (so yes the poison has now been rubbed upon my pipkin) Everything seemed to go as planned and I join my teammates to finish the run.



I wake up the next morning to find that I have morning wood. I decide to become acquainted with the wood. (remember this is completely natural 90% of men choke the weasel on a regular basis and the other 10% are liars). So as the wood and I play I start to notice that the wood is burning and is now burning to the point that I am screaming in my bed.



So in comes my mom to save the day. At this point I dont know what the Hell is going on. For all I know I have conducted malaria from an ardvark in El Salvador last night after getting stoned with Bill Nie the Science Guy. So I have no choice but to show my mom the little red bumps and blisters. Nothing in my life has ever or most likely will ever compare to how awkward this moment was. Some true mother-son bonding time indeed.

Dartful Todger 159 7
05/31/2005 02:20 AM

So after some intense brainstorming we come to the conclusion that I wiped my ass with poison oak and that we would make an appontiment with the doctor as soon as we could get over the awkwardness of our bonding time.



So the next day I'm asked by the doctor to share my poison rash with him. So I drop my pants and he says in the most casual and generic voice "doesn't get much worse than this." He writes the perscription and I'm out. I'm so glad he was the guy who gave me my shots as a child I can really tell that he is passionate and enthusiastic about his profession.



Two days later I'm back at cross country practice where I hope I can keep my rash on the down low. Of course the team notices that my stride is a little awkward, well pretty much I looked like I had just been raped (sexually) by a wooly mammoth. So I share my story and we stop in the middle of the run so they can all awe at my disturbing bum. And of course theres that one prick who for the rest of the week gets his kicks out of coming up and slapping my ass as hard as he can as often as he can. Just call me Poison Ass.

Tabura Lasa 14,056 9
05/31/2005 02:23 AM

Poison Ass.

McRib, sucking at life with style 13,155 9
05/31/2005 02:24 AM

<action> posts randomly </action>

I don't think enough people drink bleach anymore.

Whistler P. McManus 186,041 44
05/31/2005 02:27 AM

Lots of words. Do I need a summary or should I just hit "ignore"?

Declan 'Gabriel Conroy' McManus 131,877 36
05/31/2005 02:30 AM

Squirts



Outdoors



Bad leaf choice



There.

newwave 45,912 10
05/31/2005 02:30 AM

It's mildly funny. It has poop and boners in it. A for poop inclusion, A for boner inclusion, C- for spelling and grammar, B for effort, D for succinctness.

Tabura Lasa 14,056 9
05/31/2005 02:30 AM

<action>paints ignore on her ass</action>

Oh yeah, hit it.



It's not worth it. Couldn't use bathroom, used poison oak, mom touched his weener, etc.

Frogpop 173,153 25
05/31/2005 02:31 AM

Thanks Declan!

newwave 45,912 10
05/31/2005 02:33 AM

F+ for giving out 3x as many mahas as clickies.

Whistler P. McManus 186,041 44
05/31/2005 02:33 AM

<action>returns from his Yahoo Photo album</action>



Oh, Tabby. You don't have to paint any signs.

Dartful Todger 159 7
05/31/2005 02:34 AM

sorry guys its my first one i tried

Whistler P. McManus 186,041 44
05/31/2005 02:44 AM

Now don't start crying.



And next time, take it easy. A little bit at a time. Until Tolstoy or Joyce start posting here, we want our funny in tiny little bites.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
05/31/2005 02:45 AM

I'm just going to assume this was a story about Dead Robot. It's easier that way.

Whistler P. McManus 186,041 44
05/31/2005 02:54 AM

Damn. That's about the fifth Dead Robot/AIDS joke today.



And I've clickied every one of them.

JepRep - Limericking upon request 58,758 13
05/31/2005 07:27 AM

I must go on record right now as stating that I currently have an article awaiting approval that touches a bit upon this subject that was not inspired by Dartful Todger at all.

dropkick brody 43,090 12
05/31/2005 07:35 AM

Of course you do Jep.



Actually I think I may have read it if it's been on your JepReport. ChiChi better approve it though, so I can give you it's deserved clicks.

JepRep - Limericking upon request 58,758 13
05/31/2005 07:38 AM

You've read it darling.

dropkick brody 43,090 12
05/31/2005 07:40 AM

Damn.