The Day I Reversed the O.J. Simpson Verdict
A comedy article
by Lamburger  33,017  9
06/03/2005 12:42 PM 652 views
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 With the Michael Jackson verdict being announced, and the subsequent comparisons to the OJ Simpson trial, I've been constantly reminded of my embarrassing OJ Simpson story.
I was in seventh grade when the OJ trial was coming to a close. I remember sitting in my school cafeteria just minutes before they were to announce the verdict. Now, this was before they had the Internet in schools, and there was no radio or TV accessible to us. The only technology was a single pay phone in the middle of the cafeteria. Since I couldn't stand the anticipation, I called up my mom and had her put the phone by our TV.
Well, about two minutes before they were to announce the verdict, the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. But by now, I had a huge crowd formed around me that kept getting louder and louder with impatience. They kept yelling "Come on! Hurry!" As if I could speed up the news! The administrators started trying to herd all the students out of the cafeteria, telling them to go to class.
Then it happened. I faintly heard through the phone receiver, "We the jury in the above entitled action find the Defendant, Orenthal James Simpson ... [student yells at me] ... guilty of the crime of murder."
Here was my chance to be the Moses of my school, bringing down the holy Ten Commandments, the actual word of God, from high atop the mountain. With a shout, I proclaimed to the crowd, "He's guilty!"
This being Texas and mostly anti-OJ, the entire crowd broke into triumphant cheer and turned to run out of the cafeteria to spread the news. As I heard the mob's echoes grow fainter and fainter, and as the cafeteria emptied out the last remaining students, I heard with utter horror the verdict go on, "and we, the jury, in the above-entitled action, find the Defendant, Orenthal James Simpson, not guilty of the crime of murder in violation of penal code..."
My heart skipped twelve or thirteen beats as I realized what I had done. But by then it was too late. Like a good lynching mob, you can't stop it once it gets going. The entire school was throwing paper and running around in the halls celebrating. As I made the long walk back to my locker in shocked silence, about ten people ran up to me to tell me the "good news." All I could do was smile sheepishly and say, "Yeah, great isn't it." But I alone knew the truth, until an hour later when the principal came over the speaker system to "clear up some confusion" and tell us the actual verdict.
Needless to say, I had a bit of egg on my face to go with that OJ.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Side-splitting
91 votes
5.0
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11 Comments on "The Day I Reversed the O.J. Simpson Verdict"
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Rep. Jep Rep. 007 58,758  13
06/15/2005 07:48 AM
First!
I'll start reading now.
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Rep. Jep Rep. 007 58,758 13
06/15/2005 07:52 AM
Good job Lambie! Spreading lies, rumors, and various other pieces of disinformation rules!
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Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
06/15/2005 08:25 AM
Good job, Cute story too.Too bad it really happened to you.
Anyway, eggs go great with OJ.
It Reminded me of:
The Sheriff is a Ni-BONG-er !
What ?
I said ...the Sheriff is a Ni-BONG-er !
Ohh!
He says the Sheriff is a near !
-Blazing Saddles
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dropkick brody 43,090 12
06/15/2005 08:27 AM
Ouch, I am cringing for you.
If that had happened to me I don't know if I could bring myself to tell another soul about it.
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Dead Robot 67,630 16
06/15/2005 08:35 AM
That article was the a9^5$(* I have ever read.
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dropkick brody 43,090 12
06/15/2005 08:38 AM
Okay, this 'leet' speak thing has gotten way out of hand.
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Lamburger 33,017 9
06/15/2005 10:08 AM
This just in! Michael Jackson is:
Pale and rather creepy.
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Wonderus Breadulus 3,319 10
06/15/2005 03:36 PM
LOUD NOISES!
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Dead Robot 67,630 16
06/15/2005 06:50 PM
And so was the MJ goo.
But that's subject to trial evidence.
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