Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
06/06/2005 01:05 PM

The next day, upon our arrival home from church, he decided he wanted to play with his new lawn mower. He scampered off in his overalls, hat and tasteless orange earplugs for an afternoon of grasscutting adventure!



Meanwhile I do the housework because he's allergic.



After about 10 minutes, I notice that I don't hear the tell-tale sound of a small engine moving about the yard. I look out the door and see that he's trying to start the thing, and cursing intermittently.



I go outside to make sure he hasn't harmed himself or the lawn mower.



By the time I get to him, he's kicking and cursing the old lawn mower:



"YOU are causing this, aren't you! This is YOUR FAULT! DAMN IT!" He says as he punches and kicks the old dinosaur.



Now, I know better than to try and interfere with a male temper tantrum, so I casually look over the lawn mower and notice a key in the front. (*NOTE* The mower is a Snapper similar to the one used by Tom Hanks in "Forest Gump".) The key has 3 positions: off, on, and START.



Me: "You've tried putting the key in start and pulling the cord."

Him: "What the hell do you know about starting a lawn mower? Yes, I've tried that!"

Me: "Okay. I'll go to the house now, massah!"



Half an hour later, he loads the lawn mower on the truck and heads to the retailer from whence we purchased the mower. An hour after that, I get a call.



Him: "Hey. Guess what was wrong with the mower."

Me: (Not really paying attention) "I give up."

Him: "I was supposed to put the key in the start position and then pull the cord to start it."

Me: "Imagine that!"

Him: "But the book said to have the key in the on position to start it! I bet those guys thought I was a total dumbass."

Me: "Oh, I'm sure they didn't think that!"



Heh... DUMBASS!!

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
06/06/2005 01:11 PM

Lawnmower Man is no match for Vacuum Man. He has 7 attachments and can suck up a golf ball.

Zippies Drainage 2,735 9
06/06/2005 01:11 PM

Who wears earplugs to mow the lawn? What are you guys, like 70, 80 years old?

lupience from hell 26,981 11
06/06/2005 01:13 PM

What?

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
06/06/2005 01:15 PM

What the hell is wrong with your husband?



This is the shopping equivalant of cheeseburgers and sex at the same time.

Fratberry 282,940 53
06/06/2005 01:21 PM

You go to church?? In Milledgeville? HAHAHahahaHahaHaHaHaHaHaHaha!! Why????

Orfinked Chickens 286,527 61
06/06/2005 01:35 PM

In caveman times, a man's worth was determined by his ability to bring home mastidon steaks.



Today, real manhood is determined by your ability to keep small engines running.



FDIC, be glad you live in modern times, lest you would starve.

DemoMonkey, Vaultmaster. 166,252 10
06/06/2005 01:53 PM

Today, real manhood is determined by your ability to keep small engines running.



You just keep telling yourself that while you're pouring the diesel fuel into Hen's vibrator.

Fratberry 282,940 53
06/06/2005 01:55 PM

See, I knew there was an engine/vibrator/butt plug joke in there somewhere. Thanks Demo.

Fratberry 282,940 53
06/06/2005 09:32 PM

Bump for the evening crowd because it was a good story by FDIC. Dammit.

23 Flavours of Megatron 3,360 9
06/06/2005 09:39 PM

Next time to save time and money just ask the nearist um.. what's the PC phase for them now....... oh yea Latino!

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
06/07/2005 07:03 AM

ZD: I cannot explain why he feels the need to wear earplugs whilst mowing the lawn or operating the weed eater.

I would have even further trouble explaining his reasoning for not using earplugs when working with equipment that makes much more noise than a lawn mower or weed eater.

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
06/07/2005 07:07 AM

Chickens: If manhood is determined by one's ability to keep small engines running, I may as well buy him a tu-tu, some tights, and a little fairy wand.

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
06/07/2005 07:24 AM

How is he at pouring cement ?

GoBanana 590 10
06/07/2005 08:55 AM

He's allergic to housework? Please tell me that's a bad joke.

Mr Fook 4,016 9
06/07/2005 09:14 AM

10 bucks says the old lawnmover needed a new sparkplug.

I remember my dad throwing a fit over an old weedwhacker. He got uber pissed and threw it into the side of our garage

lupience- Now in Technicolor! 26,981 11
06/07/2005 09:16 AM

FDIC-

I'm thinking our spouses should compare notes.

Many moons ago the heater switch went out on my car.

"I can fix it,Honey"

Several hours and band-aids later, he comes in all proud- says it's fixed.

I go out to see, and there's wires coming out from under the dash, attatched to a light socket with a pull chain laying on the front seat.

"Just pull the chain, and the heater will come on."

"Oh- the blue smoke lets you know it's working."

At that moment I knew it was imperative I get a higher paying job,so a mechanic could fix my cars.

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
06/07/2005 09:52 AM

Banana: That was a bad joke. Thank you for noticing.



lupience: I have a rule concerning my car. I will let him change the oil in it. He may even drive it on occasion. Other than that, I'm taking it to a mechanic.

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
06/07/2005 09:54 AM

Fook: The spark plug is useless without a working battery.

GoBanana 590 10
06/08/2005 08:07 AM

well it sounds to me like your husband should be doing the housework and you should slap on the overalls and straw hat and get to mowing.