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This Pro-Am article brought to you by TableTopJane and Chris Garrett
Last month we celebrated Memorial Day Weekend. An American Holiday which began way back in the year... hell, I'm too lazy to look it up. Anyway, it's a holiday where we are supposed to remember all of our fallen soldiers who each gave an amazing quantity of blood to preserve our freedom throughout history. Other countries don't celebrate Memorial Day, simply because they haven't fought in wars that counted...morons.
So, I spent the weekend, honoring our fallen heroes by sitting on my couch...All weekend long (I blame John's Shakespearety server for this). During this time, I watched a lot of TV. Copious amounts of TV. SICK amounts of television. Throughout the weekend, I noticed a couple of things, (besides the fact that Marge Helgenberger has great tits) These "Couple Of Things" are:
1. The Morons who run the networks show the same movies. Over. And. Over.
2. We, the American public watch them. Over. And. Over.
Here's an example: Saturday night, I am sitting on my couch, watching "Pretty Woman" with my wife. We've seen it, at least a dozen times. Amazingly enough, the ending stays the same, and the hooker with a heart of gold lands the man. And the piano scene still makes me want to take a few moments alone in the bathroom.
Sunday, one of the channels was showing Terminator 2. Seen it. Watched it. Hated it just as much as I did the first time.
Monday, I watched "Platoon." I've seen this 1986 Best Picture winner at LEAST 25 times, yet I watched it again. Guess what? A bunch of people still die.
Platoon ends, and "The Hunt For Red October" starts....another movie that I have seen more than once, but yet I continued to watch it. Connery's character surprisingly defects from the Soviet Union. I never saw it coming.
It's now 4pm, on Memorial Day, an amazing quantity of blood has settled into my ass cheeks, and what comes on after the aforementioned Sean Connery Sub movie? PLATOON!
And guess what I did....I WATCHED it. Again. Watched Tom Berenger (Major League sucked, by the way) and Willem Dafoe (Yeah, you were real convincing as the Green Goblin. Fag.) go at each other's throats, again...Morons.
I couldn't take it anymore. I've been sitting on my couch, all day, watching movies that I have seen countless times before, so I decide to channel-surf for something new.
I go up ONE channel, to USA, to catch the opening credits of "Braveheart." Did I get up? Did I go do something productive? Nope. I watched it, again.
I find myself doing this all the time, watching movies over and over that I have seen over and over. Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm hoping for a different ending. There's always a chance that one day I'm going to watch Old Yeller to find that the little boy doesn't have to kill his dog. Of course, if that happens, I'll have to find a new movie to convince my kids that they don't really want a pet. Enter "Milo and Otis Part Deux - The Wrath of Otis".
Gotta go. "The Breakfast Club" is coming on. I gotta go catch it. I hope Anthony Michael Hall finally gets to bone Molly Ringwald this time.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Funny
34 votes
3.8
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21 Comments on "Fifty-Seven Channels and Nothing On"
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Chi Chi Felipe: Operating Thetan 161,353  14
06/27/2005 07:51 PM
How the Shakespeare could anyone hate Terminator 2?
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TTJane-pour me a cab, I can't drink any more 173,958 15
06/27/2005 07:59 PM
watching "Pretty Woman" with my wife
Guess which one of us wrote that part?
And I am very sad, Chi. My very first article, and you didn't even kick it off with a "first to post".
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ringworm 68,315 13
06/27/2005 08:16 PM
but t2 taught us that it was in our nature to destroy ourselves.
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DemoMonkey, Mr Contributes-nothing-to- the-world. 166,252 10
06/27/2005 08:36 PM
"Pretty Woman" is one of the few movies I will consistently watch all the way through if I catch even a piece of it while channel surfing.
In other news, typing that sentence has caused me to grow a vagina.
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TTJane-pour me a cab, I can't drink any more 173,958 15
06/28/2005 01:20 AM
<action>stumbles and bumps into thread</action>Sorry. I just couldn't stand to see it slip off the board.
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erika the killjoy 76,152 9
06/28/2005 01:22 AM
Well it's good to see that at least one other team followed the rules.
</gets>
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Yah Yah Yeh 2 7
10/06/2005 10:37 PM
lazy bum.
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Dogs Akimbo 211,574 32
10/07/2005 12:03 AM
Throughout the thread, I noticed a couple of things, (besides the fact that Marge Helgenberger has great tits but doesn't show them enough naked on the internet.)
Well, actually that's the only thing that I noticed.
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Bankey 70,843 10
10/10/2005 10:43 AM
Wait, I thought it was the tomb of the Unknown Mountee. What's that all aboot?
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Zombie Named Bub 1,163 8
10/10/2005 11:01 AM
This is supposed to be funny?
Yes, actually. The humor comes from the sarcastic statement of something untrue.
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WickedWedgieWoman 15,741 12
10/10/2005 03:03 PM
I found this article lacked sexual appeal.
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Millie has fun-size snickers 116,988 28
10/10/2005 04:29 PM
Angry Canadian--we celebrate November 11, too. VETERAN'S DAY!
So, we still have one more holiday than you guys to remember our fallen soldiers.
Sarcasm is a form of humor. But if you are kind of dumb, you may not recognize it as such.
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Chris Garrett, Naked 86,932 12
10/10/2005 04:32 PM
Angry Canadian?
Isn't that where I cum in your mouth, then smack you in the back of your head, and the Molson shoots out your nose?
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Everett, a.k.a. Sy the Photo Guy 6,547 10
05/10/2006 06:50 PM
I too, have a habit of watching movies more than once, just as I read my books more than once. My position is, if it's a good story, it bears repeating. And versy vaissa.
One movie that I always watch, regardless of what time it's on, is The Enemy Below, starring Robt Mitchum and Curt Jurgens.
It's a story of a German U-boat, determined to make it to S. America in the closing days of the war, and the American Destroyer, determined to stop him.
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Every Jane has a piece of Aphrodite. 173,958 15
05/10/2006 06:53 PM
And for the record, I thought Chris Garretttt and I did a great Frost-ing job on this article. Even if most of you bastards don't agree.
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Everett, a.k.a. Sy the Photo Guy 6,547 10
05/10/2006 06:53 PM
Angry Canadian?!? That's an oxymooron if ever I heard one!OooooooH! Angry Candain! Whatever shall we do? Snicker, chortle, a-huck!
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Everett, a.k.a. Sy the Photo Guy 6,547 10
05/10/2006 06:55 PM
Going through my profile again, Dad?
Nope. If you will recall, I read a post by the previous moniker about spiders and Callahans, so it was self-evident. Duh...
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Everett, a.k.a. Sy the Photo Guy 6,547 10
05/10/2006 07:04 PM
So, we still have one more holiday than you guys to remember our fallen soldiers.
Millie, I spent two summers in Quebec in '90 & '91, and they've got one that's got everthang I've ever seen beat nine ways to nowhere. They celebrate Saint Jean Baptiste (St. John, the Baptist) Day on June 24, and since exactly one week later is Canada Day, a NATIONAL holiday, they keep the party going all week!
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