newwave 45,912 10
07/06/2005 03:40 AM

I'd have to say it was when this girl started a thread on GAB called "Weirdest Way You've Been Hit On" .. I mean, I was totally flattered, but come on... weird to the, like, max!

Spicy-Sweet Lamb Tagine with Saffron Couscous 33,017 9
07/06/2005 03:42 AM

Aren't you out of the closet now?

Dr. McRib 13,155 9
07/06/2005 03:43 AM

You should have asked him if you could get your meal for free in exchange for giving him your number. That way, you could drive away laughing about the fake phone number you gave him while stuffing your face with fries.

newwave 45,912 10
07/06/2005 03:43 AM

I plan to play it up a little more so I can get more clicks when I "accidentally" slip up and post pictures of me in a tutu.

Spicy-Sweet Lamb Tagine with Saffron Couscous 33,017 9
07/06/2005 03:46 AM

I would shower you with clicks if you changed your name to include the word "tutu".

Dr. McRib 13,155 9
07/06/2005 03:48 AM

Hell, I'd just plain shower with him.

Dr. McRib 13,155 9
07/06/2005 03:48 AM

Fag.

Spicy-Sweet Lamb Tagine with Saffron Couscous 33,017 9
07/06/2005 03:49 AM

This has got to be the new record for quickest fag-jacking of a thread.

newwave in a tutu with a penguin 45,912 10
07/06/2005 03:57 AM

Sure...

Spicy-Sweet Lamb Tagine with Saffron Couscous 33,017 9
07/06/2005 04:06 AM

I don't think I want to know what that brown stuff is on your hand.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
07/06/2005 04:08 AM

Read the shirt silly. It's mud, honey.

Spicy-Sweet Lamb Tagine with Saffron Couscous 33,017 9
07/06/2005 04:20 AM

Mudhoney is the new Nutbutter?

Fluro, President of Takapuna 14,139 11
07/06/2005 04:30 AM

Grabbed my cajonies and begged permission to suck my Coleridge.



I had to tell the poor bloke no.

Max Planck 18,881 12
07/06/2005 04:38 AM

"I've lost my dildo, can I take you home?"

I was flattered, to say the least.

Senior Destructor: Exploded in pretty colors 60,724 12
07/06/2005 04:52 AM

Back in high school, one of my girlfriend's 'friends' was always trying to steal me from her.



Her main thing was that she was easy.



Actual quotes:



1)

Her: Yeah, I really like sex. I lost my virginity when I was seven, to my cousin's friend.

Me: What? Like on purpose?

Her: Yeah. He was 13. He just asked if I wanted to do it, and I said yes. It was fun.

Me: ...I have to go get something.





2)



Her: So I Frosted this guy last night. You wanna go back in the freezer?



(Me, her, and my girlfriend all worked at the same place [Ice cream stand at the Key Arena])







Also at the Key:



This older guy would come up every game and ask (only me, he'd never go to anyone else) for a "very rocky road" and then wink at me.





It was creepy, but I never said anything, because he always tipped me about 3-4 bucks on a $4.00 ice cream.

Dianada 57,835 108
07/06/2005 05:45 AM

Around about late 1999 early 2000, this guy came in to the music store that I worked at and started coming on to me, asking if I wanted to go to a movie or something. I though he was greasy looking, so I said no thanks. After he left, one of the girls I worked with and who also went to school with him told me who he was. Apparently he always bragged about how many girls he Frosted while Mary Kay was in jail. Gross!

BobJohnson, Tiger Trainer Extraordinaire 178,045 22
07/06/2005 06:38 AM

Once during high school I had a few friends over. ("Only once?" Haha.)



Anyway, one of my buddies said he wanted to show me something on my computer. He, I, and some chick I didn't really know went into my bedroom where my computer was. While he was loading the punchcards (or whatever it was one did back in 1997), the chick took my hand and started sucking on my fingers.



It was really weird, because I had no sexual interest in her, but I felt sorry for her: I didn't want to embarrass her in front of my buddy by rejecting her or asking "What the hell?" So I let her suck my fingers for a good 30 seconds until my buddy said, "Stop that."

supergrover 4,517 9
07/06/2005 06:39 AM

This just happened to me 20 minutes ago.

I was driving around and smoking some pot, so I was going down all the side streets.

I was going down the road when I see this guy walking on the side of the road. I've had some really funny hitchiker incidents, so I decide to pick him up.

The first thing he says is, "You're so Frost-ing beautiful."

I would have been more flattered if he'd said it without reeking of budweiser, but I'll take what I can get.



Anyhow, turns out he and his friend just got busted for drunk driving. The cops let him go and he was too mad and too drunk to take a ride to the station. Instead he decided to walk. He'd been walking an hour when I stopped and picked him up.

Being the genorous stoner that I am, I ask him if he needs a ride to where he's going, and I agree to drive him to the Eastside of Milwaukee.

supergrover 4,517 9
07/06/2005 06:40 AM

Within minutes he tells me he's going to go do some drugs. I say, "Oh really, that's funny." He thought that was funny, and that's when he began asking me if I could remember his phone number.

I told him I didn't want it. Guys are too much of a hassle. Then I talked about how I was going to get old and have like 60 cats and giant stacks of newspapers.

He thought that was funny too. After we talked a while it turned out we had a lot of similair interests. Then I asked him his age, and he was 33. TOO Frost-ing OLD.

Then he asked to get my number again, and I said no. So then he started talking about how he's just going to have to chalk this up to an interesting experience and he's going to regret later that he finally met someone whom he could see as a potential awesome girlfriend. And then he called me pretty again.

For the rest of the ride he made casual attempts to get me to join him in a coke binge. He was nice though, and said I shouldn't come in with him even if I wanted to (I didn't) because it might be dangerous for me.

Right when I dropped him off he hugged me goodbye. I tried to intercept with a handshake, but it was too late and his arms were around me. Then he got out of the car and stands there a minute and goes, "God you're Frost-ing hot."



All around an interesting ride. He also kept asking why I didn't have a boyfriend. He kept insisting that I needed to find a great guy, cuz I'm such a cool girl. And it would have all been so flattering if he wasn't so drunk he probably would consider Frost-ing Oprah.

REAPERR-FU 12,363 11
07/06/2005 08:15 AM

grover, you missed your chance to run that Froster up to Manitowok. Say ok here ya go.

By the time he sobered up I'm sure he would laugh all the way back to Milwaukee.

Prof. Fantabulous 19,711 13
07/06/2005 09:54 AM

Girl who i am pretty sure was mentally handicapped tried to sell me cup cakes. I wrote about her somewhere.



In high school a girl asked if i had any gum, then shoved her hand into my front pocket and started to rub my bazooka joe. She looked like a troll, but i didn't ask her to remove her hand right away.



In high school again, different girl told me it was her birthday and she was "now legal" and asked if i would like to do anything about it. I did not know her, so it was most likely a dare from her friends.



In a bar, a stranger came up to me and told me she thought i was cute, then said that anyguy with a big nose and big feet was cute. I don't think anyone would have found her cute however.

Phuc 237,919 21
07/06/2005 10:11 AM

Considering what a handsome sumbitch I am, you think I'd get hit on all the time. I'm just too much for the rest of the human race, I guess.



Way back when I was 40 lbs lighter and working at Bread n' Circus (now Hole Foods), this guy hit on me.



He had a beard and no moustache and drove a cab. He once returned a bottle of vitamin E oil and proclaimed loudly to the girl in customer service that his reason for returning it was because it made him "ejaculate too quickly."



So one day, I was working "The Booth" and Mr. Premature Amish Ejaculator saunters up to the booth to return some wheat grass or some such hippie Shakespeare.



He looks at my name tag, then into my eyes and says, "A. L. ...does that mean 'All Loving?'"

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
07/06/2005 10:21 AM

One time this girl name Trae had her friend Bob post a URL of a website where she displayed pictures of her breasts for me to see. It was such an obvious come-on (*cough*) but I didn't have the heart to tell her she's not good enough for me.

Trixxiewan Kenobie 65,026 15
07/06/2005 10:46 AM

Better and longer stories are wierdest ways I've hit on people.



For me I was at the gym and this guy introduced himself as a masseuse. Asked if I wanted to try a free trial massage. I said sure. Went to a door in the locker room he opened it and there was a room with a massage table I had no clue existed. Started massaging me, turn me over and started suck my Coleridge. He gave great head.

Duuuuh - Freelance Gynecologist 24,152 8
07/06/2005 10:55 AM

While I was in highschool this girl walked by me and dropped her books. I stooped down and helped her to pick them up. We started chatting, but the bell rang before we could finish so we said our goodbyes and went to class. The very next day she walked by me and again dropped her books. I teased her about being a butterfingers. She got very quiet and looked me in the eye and admitted that she had been dropping her books to get my attention so she could talk to me. She then asked me if maybe we could go and- Oooooooh yeah. This happened on TV. I've never been hit on.

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
07/06/2005 11:17 AM

In high school, I was tall, blonde, and attractive. While I didn't want a boyfriend, I did enjoy hanging out with my male friends.

One evening I went bowling with two of my friends, Chris and Alec. As we were completing our third game and getting ready to leave, I noticed this guy watching me. Alec went to pay for his games, Chris went to the john. I was left alone and this guy approached me saying that I looked familiar. He asked me if I worked at such and such place. I said, "No, I'm in high school." His eyes glazed over and I could hear the hamster wheel turning. He said, "Oh, well, I work for "_____ Vending company. I've probably seen you there." He introduced himself. By this time, I am about to crawl out of my skin wanting to get away from this man. Chris comes walking out of the bathroom, and I practically run over "cracker man" to get to him. "Chris, baby! Alec has already gone to the truck." Chris looks at me like I've lost my mind and I immediately interlock my arm with Chris' and hastily walk to the door. Chris was a little surprised, but he and Alec had a good laugh at my expense when I told them why I suddenly had a need to be all touchy feely with Chris.

Chris Garrett, or CG 86,932 12
07/06/2005 11:22 AM

One time, I was participating in a March of Dimes "Jail and Bail."



If you don't know what that is...you get "arrested," taken to "jail" get a "fine" levied on you, and then you have to call (solicit) people to raise the "bail" which goes to charity.



The "jail" was in the front of our local K-Mart. We had a cell, inside was me and a few other people, and a bank of phones. I was wearing a black and white prisioner outfit, so I was pretty Goddamn sexy.



I noticed this guy in one of the checkout lanes kept looking at me and smiling. He got even bolder, giving me the "wink," and the "eyebrow." It didn't take much of a rocket scientist to figure out he was "gay."



Anyway, he paid for his stuff, packed his Shakespeare (heh) into a bag, and began to walk out of the store, looking at me the whole time.....because remember....in that outfit, I was Goddamn Sexy.



He left, I thought it was over, and then suddenly, he came back IN the out door (figures.....DEFINITELY gay with THAT method of entry)



comes up to me, and sheepishly hands me a piece of paper, then wordlessly turns and runs out the door.



I opened up the note, it read:



"If you would like to take me over your knee, and give me a spanking, give me a call....." and his name and phone number.

Chris Garrett, or CG 86,932 12
07/06/2005 11:23 AM

I suddenly had a need to be all touchy feely with Chris.





YES!!!!!! A week and a half! Can you hold on that long?

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
07/06/2005 11:25 AM

Chris, it sounds like you missed an opportunity to be somebody's bitch.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
07/06/2005 11:26 AM

Do gay people have more kinks or are they just less inhibited about mentioning them the very first time you interact?



Also, does Chris Garrett just project gayness and/or kink?

Chris Garrett, or CG 86,932 12
07/06/2005 11:28 AM

it's kink.

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
07/06/2005 11:28 AM

This "Chris" was a much lankier Chris. Plus at the time he was shorter than me.

I think he was still in the "girls have cooties" stage at age 17.

Fratberry 282,940 53
07/06/2005 11:29 AM

I've never been hit on. Thanks for bringing it up.

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
07/06/2005 11:30 AM

It's kink...

but you don't evah tell her!



<obligatory>

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
07/06/2005 11:31 AM

Fratberry!

You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day!



Wanna have sex?





There. Now you've been hit on.

Chris Garrett, or CG 86,932 12
07/06/2005 11:33 AM

I got so much kink, they should just call me Ray Frost-ing Davies.



</random>

Lucky Charms 171,275 14
07/06/2005 11:34 AM

A line Fratberry has fallen for one to many times:



Hey Fratberry- you like Poe?

Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
07/06/2005 11:37 AM

Chris, I'd like to take this opportunity to say one thing to you:



Check your e-mail or I shall be forced to spank you.

Chris Garrett, or CG 86,932 12
07/06/2005 11:38 AM

no.

Fratberry 282,940 53
07/06/2005 11:39 AM

Jeez Chance, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?















































































And do you have pictures of it?

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
07/06/2005 12:00 PM

Wait, wait, wait!





Girls don't have cooties?

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
07/06/2005 12:03 PM

Some do.

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
07/06/2005 12:12 PM

Fratberry: "I've never been hit on. Thanks for bringing it up."





Yeah! No one has EVER sent me $50.00 via payal.

<action>empathizes with Fratberry</action>

lupience, ye olde woman hooker. 26,981 11
07/06/2005 01:19 PM

A few years back I ran a bait and tackle shop in Minneapolis. One day a guy came in and after he looked around a bit, I asked if I could help him find anything. He went over to the bait tanks, and pointed to one of them, asking "What kind of minnows are these?"

I told him they were sucker minnows.

Then he said- "sucker minnows. Minnows. Suckers. Suckers. Suck, suck, suck me baby, will you suck me?"



He put a $100.00 bill on the counter.





Yes, I know all the innuendo in this story. It's been done.

No, I did not suck his minnow.

I'd as soon chew on leeches.

Declan ('Aaron Altman') McManus. 131,877 36
07/06/2005 01:49 PM

Ray Frost-ing Davies





L-O-L-A



"I'm not the world's most passionate man, but I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man and so is Lola."

Pokey Little Puppy 243 9
07/06/2005 02:00 PM

My weirdest one happened on the subway in New York a few years ago. It was crowded, so I was standing and holding onto the bar. This gangsta looking guy sidled up to me. He stood there, way too close, for a minute or so, while he racked his tiny little brain for the perfect pick-up line. Finally he turned to me and said, "Yo, your skin's lookin' all smooth n' Shakespeare." I turned and gave him a "huh?" expression, and he went on: "You eat some kinda special food or something?" I stared blankly for a few more seconds until the train stopped and I darted out the door. I like to think I taught him a little something about picking up white women, but he probably thought his material was great and I was retarded.

Declan ('Aaron Altman') McManus. 131,877 36
07/06/2005 02:08 PM

This happened quite a few years ago, but I remember it clearly.



I was still drinking, and still drinking in bars.



I was drinking Tanqueray on ice. Bartender didn't want to put the bottle in the ice well, so that was the compromise.



(I kept the gin and vodka in the freezer at home).



After midnight, but before closing time.



This semi-creepy guy comes up to me. Looked like an accountant (small glasses, very neat hair, small moustache, early 50s), but dressed like a biker. At least his leathers weren't fresh out of the box new.



He said: "You'll do."



I blinked at him, and said "I'll do what, Poindexter?"

MiLLie 116,988 28
07/06/2005 02:09 PM

I give the guy credit. I would think it was nice if someone complimented my skin.



I had a customer a few weeks ago that stared at my chest. He said my name and then said, "Nice name. You can't really miss it--where you wrote it." Yes, we write our names on our aprons where it says "Hi I'm ____________". Yes, it is in the chest area.



He then asked me if I was single. I just ignored the question.

MiLLie 116,988 28
07/06/2005 02:13 PM

I also got hit on in the drive-through at McDonald's a couple weeks ago. The guy (a nice-looking black guy) told me he liked my watch and asked me what I was doing later.



I thanked him and said I was working, and could I please have my fries? (He was holding the bag and I was hungry.) He said he hoped I had a great day and gave me the fries.



I guess he figures if he hits on every woman, by the time his shift is over he might have a date.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
07/06/2005 02:40 PM

I never get asked out. Complimented, yes, but never asked out. I blame the wedding ring.

Niles 3,169 9
07/06/2005 02:45 PM

When I was in high school I was a really hot girl. One time this guy came up to me and he was all, "Hey Baby. I want to do you." And I was all, "You're weird. Get away."

SuhYpa: the erotic thriller 5,547 9
07/06/2005 02:48 PM

I volunteer as a teaching assistant in a Grade 3 class. On lunch breaks and at recess, the grade 2 teacher, a woman in her early 30's, kept hitting on me. This would have been fine if she hadn't talked to me using her "teacher voice". Creepy. As. Hell.

Chris Garrett, or CG 86,932 12
07/06/2005 03:05 PM

This semi-creepy guy comes up to me. Looked like an accountant (small glasses, very neat hair, small moustache, early 50s), but dressed like a biker.



Ewwwww! Your own BROTHER tried to pick you up????

Rep. Jep Rep. 007 58,758 13
07/06/2005 03:06 PM

I guess he figures if he hits on every woman, by the time his shift is over he might have a date.



There's a lot to be said for playing the odds.

PuggyD 48,304 12
07/06/2005 03:07 PM

Half brother.

Sharribarri 14,124 11
07/06/2005 03:24 PM

I was 16 when I moved to a neighboring town. There was a friend of my family helping out. He was a bit creepy, but I didn't think a whole lot about it. When we were leaving and dividing up into cars, I was left with him. I knew enough to place some thing between us in his truck, so I grabbed a big pile of clothes. Less than 2 minutes on the road and he began to ask me out. This isn't bad for maybe a 18 or 19 year old to ask 16 year old out, but he was 31 and creepy. I somehow steered the conversation away from his intents fled the truck when we arrived at the new house.



He is a client at my current place of employment and still asks me out. I am still weirded out by him, but have told him many times over "No thank you." Apparently, he has a thing for young girls and even had a long term stay in a special cement-block house for creepy bastards who don't take no for an answer.

Declan ('Aaron Altman') McManus. 131,877 36
07/06/2005 03:29 PM

Frostyouverymuch, Chris.



I'm older than Whistler, and neither of us are *that* near our mid 50s.

Chris Garrett, or CG 86,932 12
07/06/2005 03:40 PM

He is a client at my current place of employment



I thought when we went into McDonalds, we were "customers," not "clients."

Declan ('Aaron Altman') McManus. 131,877 36
07/06/2005 03:41 PM

Oh, and Chris?



Spanking?





I'm always interested.





email addy in profile.

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
07/06/2005 03:43 PM

I usually get pretty normal stuff like cheesy pick up lines and free stuff. There was this one time though, when I felt the guy went a little too far to get a date. I was walking down the street (going to class, not hooking) and I heard an ambulance coming down the street from behind me. It had the lights and sirens going, and was driving pretty fast. As it got up next to me, the driver slammed on the brakes, obviously catching my attention. I looked over to see if perhaps a child had run into the street or something, but instead I saw that the driver was rolling down the window. He yelled to me and asked for my number, and being completely stunned I just stammered back something about me not giving my number to strange men on the streets. He told me if I changed my mind to call the number on the truck and ask for Tommy, and then went back on his way to the fire or car accident that he had been heading to.

mrfunkychunks 256 9
07/06/2005 03:49 PM

Wait, wait, wait!





Girls don't have cooties?





I always thought it was herpes or crabs.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
07/06/2005 03:49 PM

The weirdest time anyone hit on me was after I joined this online community. One guy asked for a picture because he wanted to know what the guy he was masturbating to looked like. I would link you to that conversation, but that site's search function is being run on a Commadore 64.

Since I declined posting a picture, he turned to a long time community member to get one from me. He than promised something to her in return. I was a little uncomfortable...but then it turned out he was just as horny as a Republican at a fund raiser.

Filly 39,193 20
07/06/2005 04:01 PM

Probably my weirdest one was when I was at Disney World back in 9th grade. I was walking with some friends down by the boardwalk thingy, and some guy was leaning up against a wall in really really tight jeans, a glittery tight shirt, cowboy boots, and had corkscrew curls.



We all kinda stared at him in shock and kept walking by him when he starts whistling and making cat calls at us.



I think that's the first time I've ever been hit on by a gay guy.

Declan ('Aaron Altman') McManus. 131,877 36
07/06/2005 04:07 PM

Filly, trust me.





He wasn't gay. He was a tard.

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
07/06/2005 04:07 PM

Then there was this other time, when I kept finding this guy hiding in my bushes. It was kind of hard for him to hide anywhere, because he was 6'4" and smelled like beer. He would always run away whenever I tried to talk to him.



One night though, he didn't run away when I walked up to him. Instead he pulled out a handkerchief and covered my face with it. When I woke up, I was chained to a pipe in his basement. He made us a lovely dinner, before hitting me in the back of the head with a wine bottle. I woke up on the steps in front of my apartment, sore and dazed, with a phone number burned into my wrist.



It was really creepy, but after all was said and done I was flattered that someone that shy would go through so much effort just to take me out.

Chris Garrett, or CG 86,932 12
07/06/2005 04:09 PM

Then there was this other time, when I kept finding this guy hiding in my bushes. It was kind of hard for him to hide anywhere, because he was 6'4" and smelled like beer.



B.I.G.....2 A T.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
07/06/2005 04:10 PM

Good thing I am only 6' 2".

<action>slouches down</action>







*runs away before a positive identification can be made*

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
07/06/2005 04:14 PM

Chris, you're a quick one today ain'tcha?

Declan ('Aaron Altman') McManus. 131,877 36
07/06/2005 04:17 PM

Today?

Chris Garrett, or CG 86,932 12
07/06/2005 04:21 PM

What??



I was just giving personalized license plate ideas....



Here..



ErkaSTFU.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
07/06/2005 04:22 PM

CG A2M

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
07/06/2005 04:27 PM

Fine. I guess I will cancel my order for the I LUV CG plate.





Oh, there's a huff. I think I'll leave in it.

Armored 3,923 8
07/06/2005 04:34 PM

Being a 21 year old frat boy means that I am never actually hit on.

However I was at a local bar with my girlfriend and my mother the other night. We were playing darts, drinking, the usual, when some random meathead walked up and began spitting his game at my girl. I politely told him that he was a stupid Frost and should remove himself from our general area. He apologized profusely, then turned around and began hitting on my mother.



I wasn't sure whether to be pissed or disturbed.



On the plus side, Mom was able to score a few rounds at his expense.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
07/06/2005 04:37 PM

But your mom probably blew him in the bathroom. Yeah, she's a whore.

PrincessBritt 4,730 9
07/06/2005 04:46 PM

When I was a freshman in high school, I was living in a one-story house where my bedroom faced the front. One evening, while my blinds were still open, I was talking on the phone to one of my friends.



When I glanced out the window I started screaming and accidentally hung up on my friend because the seventh grade neighbor boy was standing in front of my window staring at me.



He never stopped either, because we kept finding muddy footprints leading from my window to his house.

Aroungry Aroungry Aimless 54,807 10
07/06/2005 04:53 PM

We sold some furniture to the business across the street and they were having issues with their chairs so I went over to take a look. Nothing too eventful happened while I was there but about a half hour after I got back to the showroom this creepy dude came over. Our conversation went somehting like this:



Creepy Dude: "Heh. You caused quite a stir when you were over. Heh."



ME: "Excuse me?"



CD: "Next time you stop by you'll have to for warn me so I can get a camera to take pictures of you so I can use it to blackmail the other guys wives."



Me: *blink* *blink*



CD: *stare*



Me: "Oh look, I have a phone call" *picks up phone even though it wasn't ringing*

Armored 3,923 8
07/06/2005 05:45 PM

But your mom probably blew him in the bathroom. Yeah, she's a whore.



Wow. You sir, have mastered the art of being both unfunny and an Emerson at the same time.



Bravo!

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
07/06/2005 05:46 PM

You're just noticing this now!?

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
07/06/2005 05:47 PM

If you are just figuring this out than you haven't really lurked that much.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
07/06/2005 05:48 PM

I like it when the girl comes first.

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
07/06/2005 05:48 PM

Liar.

Armored 3,923 8
07/06/2005 05:50 PM

<--- new.



As I am sure you already gathered.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
07/06/2005 05:52 PM

Liar.



I would like the chance to prove you wrong. Over, and over, and over and over and over, and over, and over again.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
07/06/2005 06:12 PM

<action>barfs</action>Sorry, let me clean that right up.

crackhead 427 8
07/06/2005 06:33 PM

this happened last friday so i find this thread well timed.



my roommates and i love ordering wings from this local place. once my roommate went on vacation in switzerland and i was sick with stomach flu so neither of us ordered for a week. next time we ordered, the delivery guy arrives and asks "helloooo. where have you guys been?!" so yeah, there ware usually 3 different guys that deliver for this place and they all know our apartment by now. last week my friend wanted to check this wings place out so she told me to meet her there for lunch. this was the first time i actually went to the restaurant instead of have them deliver. i left my cellphone at home and figured my friend probably couldn't find the place so i waited a bit longer wishfully thinking she might figure it out eventually. in the meantime, i'm making small talk with one of the delivery guys, who was outside because they weren't too busy and was shocked i'm at the restaurant in person this time. my friend never showed so i skipped lunch and went home. got home and my roommate asks if i wanted wings. figuring i went all that way and didn't have any, might as well. food comes and the delivery guy turns out to be the guy i chatted with earlier. he asked me if i had a boyfriend and asked if i wanted to go out on a date. he said he wanted to ask earlier but didn't want to freak me out, as if showing up at my door will ease the matters more. i turned him down and the instant the door closed, my roommate came running out yelling "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!! TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM! WE COULD GET FREE FOOD!! THINK: EXTRA SAUCE!!"



i once called for takeout at another restaurant and they offered me a job. i'm not sure if this tops the job offer episode but strange things keep happening to me due to my inability to cook for myself.

SHP, coming down with Boston fever 181,790 70
07/06/2005 06:40 PM

I read that entire lame-ass story because I thought it was written by Erika.



And I ended it by thinking "Erika's stories are getting Shakespearety."



You owe me 90 seconds of my life back.

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
07/06/2005 06:43 PM

His name looks nothing like mine, we have different icons, and I know how to use a Shift key...how the hell did you confuse us? Did you borrow some peyote from SR?





And my stories will always be awesome.

SHP, coming down with Boston fever 181,790 70
07/06/2005 06:44 PM

I don't display icons at work, you both have a "k" in your name, and I should have know it wasn't you halfway thru because BIG was nowhere to be seen in the story.

DemoMonkey, Mr Contributes-nothing-to- the-world. 166,252 10
07/06/2005 06:44 PM

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!! TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM! WE COULD GET FREE FOOD!! THINK: EXTRA SAUCE!!"



I'm not entirely sure your roommate would be pleased with the "extra sauce" you would get by giving it up to a delivery boy.

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
07/06/2005 06:46 PM

I should have know it wasn't you halfway thru because BIG was nowhere to be seen in the story





Touche.

Attorney for Mr. Johnson 91,274 10
07/06/2005 06:46 PM

And my stories will always be awesome.



Smells like copyright infringment.



Nope.. Sorry.

It's just the Shakespeare thread.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
07/06/2005 06:48 PM

I have never been in any of Erika's stories. Nightmares are another thing.

SHP, coming down with Boston fever 181,790 70
07/06/2005 06:50 PM

You haven't been in Erikas stories like I haven't recently had sex on the postage machine in the mailroom at work.











Oops.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
07/06/2005 06:58 PM

SHP, you are so weird.



I can't wait to meet you.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
07/06/2005 07:00 PM

SHP is saving on transportation by mailing herself...you can all learn something from her.

Coco's Chest 1,756 8
07/06/2005 08:27 PM

My weirdest pick-up experiences were probably in Egypt. Of course I got the usual offers of many camels for my hand in marriage, but some went to far creepier lengths to woo me (still with camels).



In one shop in the Soukh, the shopkeeper got his friends to close the door, thus keeping me well away from the school-trip crowd. Then the shopkeeper came up to me, tried to kiss me - in reaction to which I began to go towards the door (calling the name of the Chief of Police of Luxor). He went to kiss my cheek, saying it was tradition. BullShakespeare. Then he asked me whether I had a boyfriend or husband, to which I truthfully replied 'Boyfriend'. He claimed that he was bigger and stronger than my boyfriend, and could provide me with all the camels that I wanted.



I told him that my boyfriend was actually my husband (covering up my ring finger), and that my husband was high up in the army ("he very big and strong") and would not be pleased that I was being kept against my will. Then my English teacher (male, closet-gay) barged in asking what was happening to his 'daughter' - equally creepy. The shopkeeper stalked me throughout the city that night, whenever I turned round he was there winking at me, flexing his weedy muscles.

Coco's Chest 1,756 8
07/06/2005 08:28 PM

Another guy in that Soukh decided that coming up to me from behind, grabbing me by the neck and trying to plant one on me was a brilliant way of securing a wife. I was only 16, by the way. Another shopkeeper gave me correct change and told me he was being honest, so I thanked him. Then he replied 'So...you will have my babies now?'



At parties in the UK, suave and sophisticated men (late teens who call themselves 'men' when drunk) try to pick me up by commenting on my chest, or by simply staring, asking THEIR names and trying to grab them. Last weekend, one long-term friend of mine held his arms out to hug me and moved his arms to boob-height and width at the last moment. Unfortunately, my (sometimes) drunk girlfriends do this to me too.

MiLLie 116,988 28
07/06/2005 08:40 PM

What's with the girls and the boob-grabbing when they are drunk?



Coco, you do realize that bringing your breasts into the conversation is going to have people clamoring for you to STYT?



I haven't had a guy ask if I'll have his babies yet. The first one that does is going to be scared when I call his bluff.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
07/06/2005 09:09 PM

As a group of Canadian university students in England, my friends and I got this more than a couple times: "Oh you're Canadian? What a gorgeous accent. Say toMAYto, it's so sexy. I love it. Ooh, say it again, that's just so sexy."

Declan ('Aaron Altman') McManus. 131,877 36
07/06/2005 10:32 PM

In that case, I would be tempted to say "to MAH toe."

rahrahgranny 773 7
07/06/2005 10:33 PM

I kept finding this guy hiding in my bushes...he was 6'4"



DAMN! Trim that bush!

Jim-Bob's Pants 2,255 8
07/06/2005 11:32 PM

Nobody hits on me because I look like I've been put through a meat grinder and beaten with a pipe wrench (which is actually what I'll be doing this weekend), but I had a stupid girl at Barnes and Noble turn me down when she thought I waShakespeare-ing on her with what would have been a creepy pick-up line.

She worked in the coffee part, they wear all black (you'll see in a minute).



Me: Excuse me, (very quietly) your (pink) underwear is showing.

Idiot: Uh, I'm sorry, but I'm seeing someone.



That kept me up nights for weeks. It was one of those 'if it weren't for my horse..' moments.

Sylvester 4,465 9
07/06/2005 11:41 PM

I've been told be several women on my old job that "I wouldn't have done the survey if you didn't sound so damn sexy".

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
07/06/2005 11:43 PM

I think sometimes people make stuff up to sound better than they are in real life.

I mention this for no reason.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
07/06/2005 11:52 PM

"Weirdest Way You've Been Hit On"



Newwave: Some guy yelled at me "I know you are gay. How much you charge?"

Filly 39,193 20
07/06/2005 11:59 PM

<action>sprays on Stalk-Off</action>I dyed my hair red a while back.

Spicy-Sweet Lamb Tagine with Saffron Couscous 33,017 9
07/07/2005 01:15 AM

I've only had one person ask me to have their babies. And ironically, it wasn't the one guy I've dated who could have really gotten me some camels from back home.



It was this dude at the gym who was 5'11 and a half. He was very emphatic about that half an inch. He was jealous of my height because he'd always wanted to be over six foot...and wanted me to marry him so he could have tall children.



I should just sell my eggs to the NBA.

Nemain 56 7
07/07/2005 01:38 AM

The thread caught my eye so I had to skitter over... I don't get hit on much but the few times I have been, it's been...odd. I think the most unusual (and putting it that way makes it sound almost cute but...eh)had to be shortly after I moved back here after college. I was sharing an apartment with a close friend, who had a long term and rather icky bf. When she was an hour late getting home from work, I was left sitting in the den with him, waiting for her. He made no secret of the fact he thought I was unattractive and "a flake" and I made no secret of the fact I found him to be disgusting so when he looked over at me and said "She's not gonna be here for another half hour... wanna suck it?" while grabbing his crotch, I burst out laughing at the entire, weird situation. He was offended and left in a huff but later told my friend I "begged" him to let me "suck it". Charming man. They're divorced now.

Pubah, The Incurable 56,805 18
07/08/2005 02:19 PM

Weirdest way I've been hit on?



a floor lamp...







...BOOM! Right in the back of my head!

Pat The Great 948 9
07/08/2005 04:41 PM

One guy asked for a picture because he wanted to know what the guy he was masturbating to looked like.



Feel honored. That guy doesn't masturbate to just any faceless member of an online chatroom.



Oh, wait. Nevermind.

MiLLie 116,988 28
07/08/2005 09:35 PM

I thought of this thread today. It wasn't really weird, but it was definitely to the point.



I saw my brother's friend/business partner in the store and said, "Hi."



He said, "I know I was just in there the other day with my wife, but would you have sex with me?"

MiLLie 116,988 28
07/08/2005 09:36 PM

It made me laugh.

TTJane-pour me a cab, I can't drink any more 173,958 15
07/08/2005 10:10 PM

"I'm really well known on GAB."

Spicey McHaggis 117,760 37
07/08/2005 10:14 PM

You wanna see my spaceship?

Return of the Son of The Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
07/08/2005 10:15 PM

I don't know about the weirdest, but one time some chick hit on me in a bar by saying "I really want to get laid tonight." I looked at her and said "Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait", then walked away.

Everyone's Grudge 2,480 11
07/08/2005 10:17 PM

One time when I was about 11 or so, my dad had a friend over, who we will call Joe(because that was his name). Joe brought his daughters with him, one an 8-year-old and one my age, who's name was Alyssa. I had alot of fun prancing through the daisies and drawing rainbows with Alyssa, or whatever the Frost you do at age eleven. Eventually, we ended up behind this couch in my sister's bedroom, where there was this dead silence for about 3 minutes. Then she started in with Frost-ing,"Watcha thinkin about?" which turned into "Do you like me as a friend?" My god. I hope she burns in hell, by the way, as no man(or boy) should have to answer such... getting off subject. So anyway, Me: "Yeah." <silence> Her: "What about more then a friend?" AHH! But anyway, she ended up giving me head. Haha! No, just kidding. We only had kinky butt sex.

TTJane-pour me a cab, I can't drink any more 173,958 15
07/08/2005 10:27 PM

I don't know about the weirdest, but one time some chick hit on me in a bar by saying "I really want to get laid tonight." I looked at her and said "Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait", then walked away.





Uh huh. Sure you did. We totally believe that you turned her down.

MiLLie 116,988 28
07/08/2005 10:37 PM

I don't believe he saw a talking chicken in a bar, either!

Underwhere? 101,398 77
07/08/2005 11:22 PM

I got hit on at the grocery store once. I had stopped at the deli section and my cart hit some rolls piled on the counter. There were two guys working and one of them ran around to pick them up, even though only one bag fell to the floor. While I was waiting for the other dude to hand over my order, the other stood way too close to me as he spent what seemed like forever straightening the rolls.



This guy was a little on the short side, fat and balding. I would say he was in his late 40s.



Anyway, he started in with "I swear I've seen you in here before, do you come here often?" line. And I said, "yeah, it's the grocery store." I then grabbed my food and high-tailed it to the front of the store.



He followed me, shuffling about 3 or 4 steps back. I stopped and turned to look at him, and he asked me if it would be okay if he walked me to the checkout, since he was just about to go on break. I said, "uh, okay..."



He was waiting for me after I paid for my food, so I tried ducking behind another shopper and hiding over behind the lotto machine. He saw me though, and he stood there watching me buy a scratch-off ticket. He then asked me if I ever won anything, and I stupidly said, "sure, all the time." He then asked, "Well do you feel like getting lucky tonight?"



I don't remember what I said to him - somehow I escaped to my car and managed to drive home.



When I told my husband, he laughed and said, "maybe you should have gone out with the guy, we could have gotten free ham." I told him that if he made me go back there, I was going to get free sausage instead. He shut the Frost up.



I shop at a different store now.

Spicy-Sweet Lamb Tagine with Saffron Couscous 33,017 9
07/09/2005 07:43 AM

I haven't been back to that What-a-burger either. If I ever own my own business, I'm going to make a rule that you can't hit on the customers cause it scares them away for good!

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
07/15/2005 11:21 AM

The weirdest ways ive been hit on have always been by another guy.



I don't know what homopheremones I've been born with, but the ones I attract are always inevitably weird, unfunny, and wouldn't even buy me a drink.



In any case. I was at this club, dancing because I'm a schmuck, and this guy comes up to me and starts dancing too, and me figuring it was a good way to get chicks fell into it.



The guy followed me around all night.



-all night-



I had to get a bumper nailed to my ass to get his crotch away from it.

jepreport - premature articulator 58,758 13
07/15/2005 01:08 PM

This one is a little off subject:



Back when I first started at my company, we were too few and too overworked. 12 hour days were the norm and 14 hour days, as well as seven-day workweeks, were not uncommon. At one point, we hired a Sales manager, a guy I'll call Ed, that made us all look like inveterate loafers. He arrived at work at 6am on his first day and left at midnight, moving like a marathon runner the entire time. The guy was good and about as motivated as someone could be.



On the Friday of his first week, me and a colleague of mine, Tim, got hit with a quality issue that kept us at the office until 10pm. Tim, though VERY straight, had a somewhat effeminate demeanor and was occasionally mistaken for being gay. We were on our way out when we passed Dave's office and saw him frantically at work, showing no signs of letting up any time soon. Since Dave had been too busy for conversation all week, we decided to introduce ourselves. Tim started off.



Tim: So Dave, I see you really jumped right into the fire here, eh? You've been working some killer hours for a guy on his first week.



Dave: Yeah, but so has everyone else.



Tim: So, you married?



Before Dave had a chance to answer, I put my hand on Tim's shoulder and said, "Yeah, Tim here's been talking about asking you out all week!" I then walked away towards the door.



Tim was stunned and, instead of laughing about the joke, got flustered and walked away which made it look like he really WAS talking about asking him out all week. Dave took to avoiding Tim like he could spread genital herpes from fifty feet away.

Prof. Fantabulous 19,711 13
07/15/2005 01:28 PM

I thought you were calling him Ed.

jepreport - premature articulator 58,758 13
07/15/2005 01:51 PM

oops.

Giddy 0 8
07/15/2005 02:51 PM

I seem to attract creepy guys. Like when I parked my (very old) Stingray at a convenience/gas station 'bout a month ago. Left my lights on. Went in, came right back out, and car wouldn't start. I see a creepy guy walking along the busy street, who decides to stop at this gas station. I get the willies, pray, and the car starts. I'm outta there, but not before the guy, who is standing in the shadows behind the convenience store literally Shouts at me, "HEY!"



What?



Am I supposed to swoon, pull over, and plant a juicy kiss on this bum?

Prof. Fantabulous 19,711 13
07/15/2005 02:56 PM

I am sure he was just reminding you to do up your seatbelt.



They save lives you know.

Agiel 559 9
07/15/2005 03:06 PM

My ex-husband asked me out by saying - "How about I take you out to eat and then get you some dinner afterwards?"

I can't believe that worked.

jepreport - premature articulator 58,758 13
07/15/2005 05:50 PM

I actually acheived success with the line, "How 'bout we blow this joint and go grab a couple 40 ouncers and through some eggs at cars?"



I had meant it as a joke.

dropkick brody 43,090 12
07/15/2005 08:29 PM

I've never been hit on.



Once though, some guy yelled at me as I crossed the road: 'How big are your boobs?'.

EmpLloyd 48,662 14
07/15/2005 09:16 PM

When I was 18, I waShakespearechhiking. This car pulled over, driven by an old guy who looked harmless.



We drove for a while, making the usual small talk. He said "how old are you?" I said "18" and he said "Married?" I said "Not yet. You?"



"75. Never been married." I said "you have plenty of time." He freaked out and said he would never get married. Then he calmed down and said "Sorry, I sometimes drive around, pick up people, and talk crazy. But if they don't like it, they can get the Frost out" and started getting worked up again. I thought he was just a bit jumpy and wasn't worried. I just said "it's your car, you can say whatever you want."



Then we drove in silence for a while and he said "but you know...I'm getting hard right now just thinking about some ass" and started squirming and said "how about you? getting hard over there?" and started looking over at me. I crossed my legs to hide my package, in case he tried a grab, and said "no" and tried to decide between asking him nicely to let me out or freaking out on him.



He said "look! You're crossing your legs! You're getting hard aren't you? Don't be shy!" Then "Do you have any money?"



"no"



"How would you like a nice crisp five dollar bill? I'll give you five if I can touch it!"



"No thanks, but I'll get out here."



To my surprise, he pulled over, stopped and gave me his sexiest look and said "would you like to make it twenty?"



In retrospect, I should've asked what kind of cheap slut he thought I was, but I just got out. He said "OK, I guess I'll have to go over on the other side of the river and see if I can find someone!"



If I'd known how much I'd need five dollars now, 14 years later, I would've at least taken his number.

Dr. Napkin Descartes 30,762 12
07/16/2005 08:32 AM

You never did answer me, brody.

supergrover 4,517 9
07/16/2005 11:19 AM

My friend M. got hit on in a really funny way. He had a small drinking party and at the end of the night everyone was crashing everywhere.



He ended up sharing his bed with his good gay friend. He was very secure in his masculinity.



However, at some point in the night M. woke up to find his gay friend sucking his Coleridge! What a wake up call.



The funny part is, M. isn't gay! Boy did they have a good laugh over that one.... actually, isn't wasn't so much laughing as crying for M., but it's still friggin hilarious.

ixos 852 9
07/16/2005 06:31 PM

"Weirdest way you've been hit on"







A restraining order.

Pat The Great 948 9
07/16/2005 09:33 PM

Once upon a time, due to the strange customs of the Anari people of Owerzxy 5, I became the center of a religous ceremony dedicated to their most esteemed god, Ascoart.



After being chained to post suspended over and active volcano not far from their village, I was covered in melted butter and made to hold several copies of the magazine Playboy whilst simultaniousely posting on zug.com.



This, as it turned out, was simply the cleansing ritual prior to the wedding ceremony. I did not realize this, of course, until the actual "hitting" occured.



The princess ('s sister) approached me soon after the butter was showered off by the exactly 14 what could be considered "bridesmaids" in the sacred waterfalls of the island. With a curt bow and a swift uppercut to the chin (A more literal "hit," if you will), I admit I was taken with her. With eyes the color of the afformentioned waterfalls and skin tanned by the warm rays the befall the island's beautiful beaches, she was the most perfect example of two breasts on legs I had ever seen. This simple fact was aptly pointed out by a wardrobe malfunction with her coconut bikini.



It was only about five minutes later that I finally realized that I was being prepared for the wedding ceremony when I was forced to narroly avoid a rapid succession of 42 javelins thrown in my general direction, while simultaniousely protecting my bride to be. The javelins, you see, ended up spelling out the aformentioned message.



To make a long story short, we lived happily ever after.



In other news, I also enjoy pie.

Rowan the Caffeinated 30 7
07/17/2005 04:46 AM

Okay, so I was outside a nightclub after closing, basking in the light rain which served to cool us off after the womb-like atmosphere inside. A guy who must've been in his 30s walks behind me and proceeds to grab my ass and say "ooh, nice..."



Now, my first instinct is to turn around, slap the pervert, and tell him in no uncertain terms to keep his hands to himself. But I happen to be a shameless flirt (and easily flattered by compliments, no matter how gross), so instead I just look over my shoulder, give him a wind and a grin, and seductively purr "mmm, kinky" at him.



This is, apparently, the very last thing the guy expected, because his jaw dropped and he practically speed-walked away, backwards, as I waved at him and said "thanks for the compliment!" He was kinda cute, too...



Funniest thing was, this was at a GAY nightclub, maybe he thought I was a drag queen or something (I am kinda tall, and it WAS the night of the drag show).

Lktlslp 35,066 15
07/17/2005 06:18 AM

"Is that Harry Potter? What page are you up too?"



*shudder*

Pat The Great 948 9
07/17/2005 02:14 PM

You manage to pick up many guys at a gay stripclub?

anonnona 592 8
07/28/2005 12:51 PM

Strangely enough, the weirdest way I've been hit on is also the most common way I've been hit on.



Wing T going left away with a stacked middle backside and a belly option to attack the flank.

Underwhere? - Moving to Houston 101,398 77
07/28/2005 09:06 PM

In Boston, in a hotel room with 2 double beds...



Some guy: So which bed would you like?



Me: Ditdah, Mr. Sir and I were talking about that earlier. I really want the one closest to the air conditioning.



Some guy: That's the one I wanted.



Me, nervously: heh



Some guy: You know, you're in trouble no matter who you share a bed with here. We'd all like to jump your bones.



-short pause -



Some guy: I'll try to behave myself though.



fin

dropkick brody 43,090 12
07/28/2005 09:28 PM

Some Guy = Spicey?



Just kidding!



...

Even getting hit on weirdly is better than not getting hit on.



*cries*

Underwhere? - Moving to Houston 101,398 77
07/28/2005 09:49 PM

Some Guy = Spicey?



shhh! I wrote the story that way so he'd be anonomous anonam anonim Yes, that's him.

Spicey McHaggis 117,760 37
07/28/2005 09:59 PM

You didn't have to tell then about my fin!

Lamburger 33,017 9
07/29/2005 01:23 AM

My friend M. got hit on in a really funny way. He had a small drinking party and at the end of the night everyone was crashing everywhere.



He ended up sharing his bed with his good gay friend. He was very secure in his masculinity.



However, at some point in the night M. woke up to find his gay friend sucking his Coleridge! What a wake up call.



The funny part is, M. isn't gay! Boy did they have a good laugh over that one.... actually, isn't wasn't so much laughing as crying for M., but it's still friggin hilarious.



Aww it's okay. Don't be shy. You can tell us the M. is short for "me".

newwave 45,912 10
07/29/2005 01:27 AM

As I remember from the Boston pictures, anything is short for you... HEY HEY!

Lamburger 33,017 9
07/29/2005 01:29 AM

No, not me me, the other me! The one from the future!

Heworama 91 8
07/29/2005 02:20 PM

Okay, so me and a large group of over the top friends are low down cheap little punk, vargant, gothick mallrats right, and every now and again this strange group think they can convert us by standing in a circle and singing hymns and lecturing at us about how evil we are.



Now it just happens that I'm bisexual and so is one of my male friends and what we do every time they're around is hook up in order to gross them out/scare them off. Lots of fun, you should see the looks on their faces.



Well anyway after one of their attemts at us one of the guys comes up to me and is like



"So... what are you doin later tonight?"







Actually I think he was trying to get me to come to some church meeting rather than to go out with him but you should never let the truth get in the way of a good story...

dapinklady 461 7
07/29/2005 02:39 PM

last night i was at club and this boy came up to me in the middle of greese lightening and said this bits slow, grabbed my hands and was trying to 'slow dance'.... great.

Release the One Legged Space Chickens 286,527 61
07/29/2005 02:42 PM

give him a wind and a grin, and seductively purr "mmm, kinky" at him.



Well, you fart on a guy and most guys are going to hit the door.

Release the One Legged Space Chickens 286,527 61
07/29/2005 02:44 PM

The funny part is, M. isn't gay!



You didn't say anything about M stopping the guy...

Heworama 91 8
07/30/2005 05:51 AM

You didn't say anything about M stopping the guy...



You do know that erotic fiction isn't allowed on Zug, right?

UnderHaggis! 101,398 77
07/27/2006 05:22 PM

Bump - this thread makes me laugh.



Also, because Lammie is even hotter now, and I bet she getShakespeare on even more.



And I forgot about teh Haggis's fin.

Sage of Seattle (Obliquely Indiscreet) 36,465 8
07/27/2006 05:41 PM

So, I played the whole, "sorry, I'm lesbian" bit, grabbed my burger and drove off.





Since you bumped this thread, Undies, I was reminded of this one time I asked this girl out on a date.



I was working at Shoreline College (yes, you've heard this line before) and I talked with this cute girl off and on for a while and then got the courage to ask her out. She said no, and the next day, told me that it wasn't because she wasn't interested, but that she was a lesbian. I said, "oh, okay" and didn't think about it after that.



A few weeks later, I just happened to visit a strip club and guess who I see there? She gave me some lame excuse that she was a waitress there, but then decided that the money was really good stripping. She wanted to sit there next to me and talk about all the girls dancing; i.e., how did I like that chick, how were her tits, do you like shaved areas, etc. Then she wanted to give me a table dance, to which I initially refused. After all, I had known her in my professional life and I thought that since we weren't dating... well, it was uncomfortable to me, but I felt sorry for her, so I had her give me a dance or two.



So even though I never dated her, at least I was able to see her naked which was cool.

Pram Sandwich 80,726 42
07/27/2006 06:05 PM

At work, a couple years ago:



Customer: You have a beautiful smile. I would really like to get you into my clothes.



Me: Excuse me?



Customer: I'm looking for a male model to pose for my ad agency. Turn your head this way and smile. Okay, what size do you wear?



Me: My clothes fit?



Customer: That's okay, here's my card, call me if you want work.



Me: I'm at work.



Customer: I can get you *mumbles incoherently at this point, I think he said "laid"*



Me: I have a girlfriend. (I didn't have a girlfriend)

Pram Sandwich 80,726 42
07/27/2006 08:57 PM

Did I mention that he was a gay ass Froster?

Sage of Seattle (Obliquely Indiscreet) 36,465 8
07/27/2006 09:40 PM

Customer: Hey, dude you got any beer?



Pram: Beer?



Customer: Yeah, and, by the way, your putz is hanging out.



Pram: I have a putz?



Customer: Yeah, and like I can totally pick up the gay vibes you're giving off.



Pram: I'm gay?



Customer: Yeah, why else would you work in a convenience store?

Livewire 78,229 13
07/27/2006 09:46 PM

"D'you want to come to my church?"



It was a middle aged guy in an ugly hat in line at the supermarket.

UnderHaggis! 101,398 77
07/27/2006 10:01 PM

Sage, has anyone adopted you yet? Because that was Frost-ing awesome.

Chance has no chance with Slinky 28,185 10
07/27/2006 10:03 PM

I agree with the last statement.

Chance has no chance with Slinky 28,185 10
07/27/2006 10:15 PM

Also, I want to tell the story about how I waShakespeare on by a man but I submitted it with an article that Chi-Chi has yet to approve.

Pram Sandwich 80,726 42
07/27/2006 10:22 PM

Sage walked into a bar...



Didnt' get any.



Ha!

Sage of Seattle (Obliquely Indiscreet) 36,465 8
07/27/2006 10:37 PM

Hey Undies, I have some parents, but I wouldn't mind another set. Once you and teh Haggis are my adopt-o-kin, then we can go around and say, "incest is the best -- the family that lays together, stays together!" or some other Shakespeare.

Sage of Seattle (Obliquely Indiscreet) 36,465 8
07/27/2006 10:43 PM

Bar: Hey, Pram, wanna drink?



Pram: Are you talkin' to me?



Bar: Yeah. Sage just left. Did you know your putz is hanging out?



Pram: My putz is... oh wait. I've heard this before, right?



Bar: Yeah, you got me! Did you know you don't have any clothes on?



Pram: I had clothes?



Bar: Yeah, and it looks like you're mighty cold, if you know what I mean!



Pram: I have a putz?



Bar: Looks like it, though it's hard to tell....



Pram: You want some beer?



Bar: I'm a bar, dickhead.

KChiki - Demoboemonkey is my hero! 128,229 98
07/27/2006 10:48 PM

Did you learn nothing from Slinky drinking the paint thinner and having to go to the hospital??

Pram Sandwich 80,726 42
07/27/2006 11:15 PM

Here's Sage trying to get sex from an unattractive hag who works at Wal-Mart.



Sage: Hi, I think you are very attractive.

Snaggle Toothed Bitch: Thank you, thur. I think I am thoo.

Sage: So how about some sex when you get off work?

Snaggle Toothed Bitch: I woulthn't thleep with thoo ith you were the lath guy who lookth like John Malkovith in the worlth.

Sage: [weeping poetically].

MattFu 282 7
07/28/2006 01:40 AM

When a drunk blond girl started humping my left leg.

Millie 116,988 28
07/28/2006 01:43 AM

Some guy online kept calling me a cheap whore.

MattFu 282 7
07/28/2006 01:45 AM

Millie, you are a cheap whore

Lisa is a Pirate 26 6
07/28/2006 01:45 AM

When I went to Israel the lady at the counter of a store asked a guy in our group to marry her daughter

Kürbis-Kopf 56,642 8
07/28/2006 09:26 AM

I went to see KMFDM back in the early 90's. Pushed my way up to the front of the pit (I'm fairly scary bloke at 6'5" and about 220 with a shaved head). About half way through the show, my mates and I start shouting the obligitory "FREE BIRD!" that is some common at KMFDM shows.

The lead singer, bloke called Enesh, looks down at me, winks, then over the live mic says "Oi, I'll sing it if you meet me later for drinks cutie"

For those of you who don't know what this bloke looks like, this is him on the left.

I thought he was joking, but as we were leaving the show, all 7' Frost-ing 2" of him (Yes, he's that tall) comes running out the back door to hit me up for those drinks.











I did go, but just to get drunk, not 'cause I'm gay.



















fag.

Take a Chance on Chickens 286,527 61
07/28/2006 09:35 AM

A. I had a black guy who worked in mcDonalds give me Lg Fries and a Big Mac when all I had ordered was a shake. He mumbled something about cute guys and his big mac before I walked away.

B. Had one of the little sisters in my frat house(read: house sluts) pull a screw out of the arm of her chair, hand it to me, and ask, "Wanna?" I did.

C. Had the guy in the stall next to me knock on the wall of the public restroom stall. Trix tells me I was being cruised. Sheesh.

D. Had a girl at a party come up to me and tell me she had been watching me all night, was absolutely mesmerized and wanted to know if I had a girlfriend there and did I want one. I looked around thinking the Gods of pick-ups had finally smiled on me. Then I saw her 3 friends (also friends of mine) who had set the whole thing up to laugh it up ala Candid Camera.

mariemarie 2,881 7
07/28/2006 10:12 AM

I used to manage a convenience store where lots of old men hung out because there was lottery, free coffee, and tables to sit at. A regular customer was an old Mexican man, who I thought was a sweet, grandfatherly type. One day, he came in with a camera and snapped my picture, saying he wanted to show his sons back home a sweet, beautiful girl he knew in the States. A few nights later I was working, and the phone rang. It was him, but he was slurring his words, drunk on Tequila. He said he had put my picture up on a shelf, surrounded by candles and roses, and he had just looked at it and "done something to heemself, hehehehe."

Take a Chance on Chickens 286,527 61
07/28/2006 10:21 AM

playing guitar on the back porch i sit in my car

while she sings so sad

marie marie



Love. the. Blasters.

Take a Chance on Chickens 286,527 61
07/28/2006 10:22 AM

One of my all time fav albums.

mariemarie 2,881 7
07/28/2006 10:30 AM

One morning I was sitting at the computer reading Zug when this person with a chicken in his name wrote me a bad poem (I think it may have been a poorly counted-out haiku.)

Take a Chance on Chickens 286,527 61
07/28/2006 10:32 AM

Please tell me your name is from the song. Please?

Take a Chance on Chickens 286,527 61
07/28/2006 10:35 AM

urm

mariemarie 2,881 7
07/28/2006 10:50 AM

Ok its me. I am singing sadly.

Succubus 3,359 10
07/28/2006 12:26 PM

Hmm... can't believe I missed this one the first time around. Thank n00bs for bumping.

Anyway, I get hit on, a lot. The one that stands out most in my mind for sheer oddness:



I was 17 or so, and went to dinner with my parents at a Chinese restaurant, owned by a Chinese family. As we were leaving, the owner asked me if I was Chinese... because he wanted to set me up with his son!

Succubus 3,359 10
07/28/2006 12:41 PM

Oops. Sorry Undies. Usually it's n00bs bumping year-old threads.

SAVVY, Lord of the Chance 4,599 8
07/28/2006 01:11 PM

2 days ago, a truck driver got my attention with his horn and proceeded to suggestively point out his truck's phone number.



Frost-ing Hartford.

SAVVY, Lord of the Chance 4,599 8
07/28/2006 01:12 PM

the owner asked me if I was Chinese





You get that, too?

Take a Chance on Chickens 286,527 61
07/28/2006 01:19 PM

Anyway, I get hit on, a lot.



Everybody wants to feel a little freaky every once in a while.