Oliver Chest; Professional Crotch Washer 203,475 12
07/07/2005 02:33 PM

<action> vomits

Oliver Chest; Professional Crotch Washer 203,475 12
07/07/2005 02:34 PM

<action> vomits again

OneEyedTrouserTrout 6,046 8
07/07/2005 02:34 PM

My parents are both virgins

Oliver Chest; Professional Crotch Washer 203,475 12
07/07/2005 02:34 PM

<action> dry heaves

Niles is happy 3,169 9
07/07/2005 02:35 PM

If anything could make me unhappy, it would be what I just read.

Miniver 2,334 9
07/07/2005 02:35 PM

Ooooops.



A long, long time ago, when I used to have a sex life, my boyfriend was dry-humping me on the downstairs sofa. She stopped and whispered, "Your daughter is standing right there." She was quietly observing the whole thing. No wonder she's emotionally damaged.



But I'm sure your kid won't be.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
07/07/2005 02:36 PM

Too bad your husband didn't choke Frost the life out of you.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
07/07/2005 02:37 PM

People with sex lives still dry hump each other?



I thought the whole point of having a sex life was so you didn't have to dry hump things anymore.

Miniver 2,334 9
07/07/2005 02:37 PM

In last post, She=He. Ex-bf was not a girl.

lupience, ye olde woman hooker. 26,981 11
07/07/2005 02:40 PM

Considering he's 16, starting college next month, and was the first to lemonparty me- I think he'll be alright. He may move into his brother's house, though.

...which gives us 'folks' more freedom....

(hands ollie a bucket for puking)

Miniver 2,334 9
07/07/2005 02:42 PM

And dry-humping was only a preliminary, Nuttbutter. A strange behavior some people call foreplay.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
07/07/2005 02:55 PM

Sorry, I don't speak German. I have no idea what this "foreplay" thing is.

Oliver Chest; Professional Crotch Washer 203,475 12
07/07/2005 03:18 PM

Actually, I believe the German word for "foreplay" is "diarrhea."

lupience, ye olde woman hooker. 26,981 11
07/07/2005 06:20 PM

Dry humping is something you do in the checkout lane of wal-mart.

It means:

"Baby, I got such a good deal on that skeet-shoot set, I wanna do you when we get home."

DemoMonkey, Mr Contributes-nothing-to- the-world. 166,252 10
07/07/2005 06:38 PM

Actually, I believe the German word for "foreplay" is "diarrhea."



No, the German word for foreplay is "Poland".

Filly 39,193 20
07/07/2005 06:40 PM

BAD MONKEY!

Sylvester 4,465 9
07/07/2005 08:39 PM

And I thought all this time the German word for foreplay was France.

Return of the Son of The Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
07/07/2005 08:51 PM

Actually, I believe the German word for "foreplay" is "diarrhea."



I think you have the Germans confused with the Japanese.

DemoMonkey, Mr Contributes-nothing-to- the-world. 166,252 10
07/07/2005 08:53 PM

Ah. I see where you went wrong, Sylvester.



What you fail to take into account is that the Nazi's attacked Poland BEFORE they attacked France. Thus in my analogy of sex=war, Poland would have come first and would be considered the "foreplay", whereas France would have been something more along the lines of the cunnillingus or initial penetration.



It's an easy mistake to make. Don't give it another thought; any time I can deconstruct an off the cuff witticism for you BECAUSE YOU COMPLETELY MISSED THAT THE JOKE HAD ALREADY BEEN MADE I'm happy to oblige.



Demo

Fluro, President of Takapuna 14,139 11
07/07/2005 09:06 PM

Warjacked?

AussieSarah 8,390 9
07/07/2005 09:45 PM

I don't know why people have a problem with parents or people older than themselves having sex.

I've never had a problem with it , I even bought my parents a bondage kit for their 20th wedding anniversary.

Fartpuppy is not worthwhile 5,142 13
07/07/2005 09:57 PM

Older People: No problem

Parents: Kill me.

AussieSarah 8,390 9
07/07/2005 10:03 PM

I've never had a problem with it , I even bought my parents a bondage kit for their 20th wedding anniversary.



They were the ones embarrassed not me and it was their own fault - they sent me to a Steiner school.

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
07/07/2005 10:27 PM

Bondage becomes a necessary tool, when one partner ages faster than the other.

lupience, ye olde woman hooker. 26,981 11
07/07/2005 11:33 PM

We were only a little bit embarrassed.



We were both a lot bare assed.



I just don't think that a person of that age, who has probably seen far more disturbing things than Goatse & Tubgirl on the internet ever expects to see the parents engaged in stuff like that.







Dammit! I'm NEVER gonna have grandchildren now.

Adrian von Buttcrack 13,341 13
07/08/2005 12:20 AM

You should return the favour by walking in on him while he has a "special moment" with a bottle of lotion and a Playboy magazine.

lupience, ye olde woman hooker. 26,981 11
07/08/2005 02:50 AM

This is the New Millenium.

I doubt a playboy would faze a 16 year old boy anymore.

He has the internet.

He can spend a day looking at the ' cameltoes' site if he wants.

lupience, ye olde woman hooker. 26,981 11
07/08/2005 04:25 AM

Demo- How do you do it?

Fishpolegsland 1,612 9
07/08/2005 08:22 AM

Poland would have come first and would be considered the "foreplay".



Strange, I always come first during foreplay, too.



















But, of course, then there isn't any aftplay, so I guess that just makes it play.

gorcwho? 41,132 13
07/08/2005 01:02 PM

Yeah- one night when I was 15 or so, my stepdad and I were playing some football game on the Genesis and my mom said she was going to bed. My stepdad said he'd be right back.



30 minutes or so later, I was getting bored and decided to go to bed myself. At the top of the stairs, next to my parents open bedroom door, I hear my mother panting, "Oh, yeah...Oh, yeah" and the headboard banging on the wall. Praise Allah, the room was dark.



Horrified, I ran back down the stairs and into the living room and waited about 45 seconds for my stepdad to come downstairs and resume our videogame as if nothing had happened.

lupience- aka pervie pervertson 26,981 11
07/08/2005 01:36 PM

Did he smell funny?

I am Straw 97,995 37
07/08/2005 01:45 PM

I remember a friend of mine telling me that whenever his parents were having sex, he and his sister would make noises (stomping to the bathroom, flushing the toilet)to startle them out of the mood.

lupience- Worm Farmer 26,981 11
07/08/2005 08:11 PM

You have friends that are mean. Just MEAN. When can we old folk get nasty? When can we do The Wild Thing?

When can we EVER have intercourse with kids running amok?





















Old people need it too.

Smart Choice 1,296 9
07/08/2005 08:23 PM

Old people need it too.



No they don't . Their external organs give out for a reason.

supergrover 4,517 9
07/08/2005 11:40 PM

My friend works at an old folks home and one time she had to get called in to seperate two old people who were stuck on the floor.



You see, they had been Frost-ing on the floor and then couldn't get up again, so were stuck together, missionary style.



They had to be pulled apart. *Shudder*

Adrian von Buttcrack 13,341 13
07/09/2005 12:09 AM

I doubt a playboy would faze a 16 year old boy anymore



Nope, but I bet that mum walking in on him mid wank and offering to help would....