Corky McTampon 86,705 14
07/24/2005 09:12 AM

YOU WERE WARNED!!!!!

Coco 1,756 8
07/24/2005 09:14 AM

<action>vomits</action>

EmpLloyd 48,662 14
07/24/2005 09:21 AM

Don't be such a baby. Just eat them!

Spicey McHaggis 117,760 37
07/24/2005 09:27 AM

Silly Daggy. You're supposed to use them in your art projects.

Corky McTampon 86,705 14
07/24/2005 09:39 AM

I sucked it, but it's not so nice when the blood gets lower than body temperature.



















































































BLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAARGGGHHH!!!

Smart Choice 1,296 9
07/24/2005 11:29 AM

Why can't you fluShakespeare?

Bonky 75,733 15
07/24/2005 11:32 AM

Just make sure your cat doesn't get ahold of them. There are only a few things worse than letting kitty kiss your nose, then walking about for an hour with dried blood on your face.

Return of the Son of The Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
07/24/2005 12:35 PM

<action>heaves</action>Why didn't someone post this thread BEFORE I got married?

Bonky 75,733 15
07/24/2005 12:51 PM

You kissed a girl with a bloody nose, didn't you?

Rep. Jep Rep. 007 58,758 13
07/24/2005 01:02 PM

fapfapfapfapfapfapfap

Dogs Akimbo 211,574 32
07/24/2005 02:46 PM

<action>'s wife like containas</action>Get one of those trash cans with a step-on lid, so the dogs (or cats) can't pull them out as a chew toy.

Dogs Akimbo 211,574 32
07/24/2005 02:48 PM

<action>'s wife's husband dislikes the neighbors</action>Or throw them over the fence into the neighbors' yard.



You know, the ones that call the cops about the loud music at 10:00 on a Saturday evening but then are all nice when they meet you in the village and ask how the dogs are doing.

The Kittunator™ 44,835 9
07/24/2005 04:32 PM

I must have put too much paper on it because it wouldn't fit in the tube



Either you have really small TP tubes in Australia or you're using ginormous tampons.

DemoMonkey, Pranked by a Master. 166,252 10
07/24/2005 04:43 PM

WOMEN BLEED FROM THE WHAT?!!

Dead Robot 67,630 16
07/24/2005 04:46 PM

Mini Burning Man icons!



Cheap Barbie accessories!



Earrings!



A pteryldactyl!



A broach!

lupience 26,981 11
07/24/2005 04:54 PM

Clown Face.



That's all, carry on.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
07/24/2005 04:56 PM

Ketchup packs!

Dead Robot 67,630 16
07/24/2005 05:00 PM

Stunt squibs for MiniMe!

Release the One Legged Space Chickens 286,527 61
07/24/2005 05:00 PM

you make little tampon mummies with tp and you put them in the trash, silly



then you have nightmares asbout them coming back from the dead and walking your halls



mwaaaaaaaaaaHHHHHHHH

Errol 10,584 9
07/24/2005 05:12 PM

Be careful, you might attract bears.





They can smell the menstruation.

Corky McTampon 86,705 14
07/24/2005 06:34 PM

Why can't you fluShakespeare?





Because the toilet will eventually become blocked. Then you have to call the plumber. Then he unblocks the toilet. Then he tells you not to flush your tampons down the loo. Then he shows you seven years worth of tampons that have become lodged in the plumbing. Some of them are not yours. Then you throw up. Then the plumber goes home. Then you hide your head in shame and try to drink away the image of seven years worth of rancid tampons.

Senior Destructor: Soon to be legal in Canada! 60,724 12
07/24/2005 06:35 PM

And that's why we have our Daggy.

Return of the Son of The Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
07/24/2005 06:36 PM

Well, the toilet went crazy

Yesterday afternoon

The plumber he says

"Never flush a tampoon!"

This great information

Cost me half a week's pay

And the toilet blew up

Later on the next day ay-eee-ay

Blew up the next day WOO-OOO

AussieSarah 8,390 9
07/24/2005 06:40 PM

Then he shows you seven years worth of tampons that have become lodged in the plumbing. Some of them are not yours. Then you throw up. Then the plumber goes home. Then you hide your head in shame and try to drink away the image of seven years worth of rancid tampons.



Just move every 5 or 6 years.

Dr. Napkin Descartes 30,762 12
07/24/2005 06:48 PM

I burn my tampons.

I've got a RedstaR in my pants 1,068 8
07/24/2005 06:51 PM

Don't you just hang em from your hat?

Errol 10,584 9
07/24/2005 07:10 PM

I burn my tampons.



When I was at my church's youth group in Jr. High, these girls thought it would be funny to set a tampon on fire. So, they did, and burned a hole in the floor, and set off all the smoke alarms.



Then the fire department came and had to tell them that tampons go in vaginas, not on fire.

Little Irish Lila 78,555 13
07/24/2005 07:35 PM

Your tampons will eventually plug the toilet?

You guys must have hoo has of steel in Australia!

dropkick brody 43,090 12
07/24/2005 07:43 PM

Make a little bloody pyramid of tampons. On second thoughts... no. Don't.



Unless you like that smell.



You could try using cotton wool for extra absorption so there will be no... external vaginal juice leakage.



I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Coco 1,756 8
07/24/2005 07:45 PM

You could somehow make them presentable and turn them into teabags for enemies.

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
07/24/2005 07:59 PM

I went to a highschool in a very small town. It was so small in fact, that everyone went to the one school from kindergarten to twelfth grade.



We had tampon dispensers in our girl's bathrooms. One day I had to purchase one. A curious little girl, probably only in kindergarten or first grade, asked me what it was that all the older girls bought out of the little white machine. I didn't feel that it was my place to teach this little girl about the birds and the bees, so I told her that we used them to stop bleeding. She still looked confused, but I just walked away.



A week or two later, I was in the bathroom when another young girl came in and walked over to the machine. They are pretty high on the wall, and so she asked me if I could help her buy one. I was really shocked that a child this small would need a tampon, but it wasn't my business so I got her one and let it be.



I soon found out that I had inadvertantly pranked a good majority of the underclassmen girls at my school. The little girl, whose question I had answered some weeks before, had apparently shared the information I had given her with all her little friends. The prepubescent girls at my school were now buying tampons to shove up their noses if they got nosebleeds. Every now and then, if you walked past the lunchroom during first lunch, you could witness a little girl sitting at a table with her firends, with a little white string hanging out of her nose.

EmpLloyd 48,662 14
07/24/2005 08:08 PM

<action>thinks there's something strange about that story - goes and has a look at wife's (unused) tampons</action>The little girls in your hometown must have the world's biggest nostrils!

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
07/24/2005 08:17 PM

No. If you cut them with safety scissors they fit just right.













I mean, not that I would know. I haven't tried it or anything.















STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!

Return of the Son of The Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
07/24/2005 08:22 PM

Freak.

Jaggy 11,895 13
07/24/2005 08:41 PM

Hmmmm... my sister-in-law is buying one of these. I know there's an old thread about them, but I can't find it. Who knows how to make the search function work, damnit?

Return of the Son of The Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
07/24/2005 08:43 PM

Girls are gross.

dropkick brody 43,090 12
07/24/2005 08:44 PM

Yeah? Well... BOYS HAVE COOTIES!



How'd you like THEM apples?!

Return of the Son of The Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
07/24/2005 08:45 PM

I don't trust anything that can bleed for seven dies and not die.

Return of the Son of The Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
07/24/2005 08:47 PM

seven dies = seven days

Senior Destructor: Soon to be legal in Canada! 60,724 12
07/24/2005 08:50 PM

Since Bellingham is such a Frost-ing hippie town, there's a whole crapload of "environmentally responsible women"

(read: Lesbians) who are all against the waste that tampons create and such.





They all make their own pads instead. They use fancy fabrics and designs, then wring them out and throw them in the washing machine after use.



Frost-ing hippies.

Tabula Rasa is tired of changing her name 14,056 9
07/24/2005 08:50 PM

I don't understand tampons. I just figured out how to get one in about a month ago, but I have to take it out when I pee or else it'll swell up and it hurts to take out.



That's it. I'm cutting out my uterus.

dropkick brody 43,090 12
07/24/2005 08:59 PM

Tampons just seem wrong to me.

Senior Destructor: Soon to be legal in Canada! 60,724 12
07/24/2005 09:00 PM

Haha, Tabby has a small vagina!





Wait a second...how's that work?

dropkick brody 43,090 12
07/24/2005 09:00 PM

Okay, that submitted before I was done... is there a time limit on writing posts now?



I was going to add:





WHAT HAPPENS IF THE STRING BREAKS OFF???

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
07/24/2005 09:00 PM

Tabby, why does it swell up when you pee? They only swell up when they get wet, so unless you've made a habit out of peeing into your vagina I don't see why you'd have a problem.

Senior Destructor: Soon to be legal in Canada! 60,724 12
07/24/2005 09:01 PM

She's obviously sticking the thing in her urethra.

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
07/24/2005 09:04 PM

Brody: Pliars.

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
07/24/2005 09:07 PM

Oh, and if the pliars don't work, try some pliers.

Errol 10,584 9
07/24/2005 09:10 PM

You all have some really tricky plumbing down there.









Tricky and arousing plumbing.

Little Irish Lila 78,555 13
07/24/2005 09:13 PM

They all make their own pads instead.



There is a FAR cry between having a diaper stuck between your legs and using a comfy tampon which, as long as inserted correctly, you can't even feel.

I used pads when I first got my period but quickly learned how to use tampons after I discovered how much more comfortable and sanitary they are. Now I would never go back. I don't give a Shakespeare HOW many oceans I pollute with my wasteful, tampon-using ways.



Oh, and Tabby, I change pretty much every time I pee. Something about relaxing those muscles makes your tampon shift and can be uncomfortable. Putting in a fresh one should do the trick.







I feel like I've shared more with you people than I ever wanted to.

dropkick brody 43,090 12
07/24/2005 09:13 PM

Arousky?

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
07/24/2005 09:16 PM

If this thread made me queasy, do I have to stand up when I pee now? I really don't want to, because I like these pants.

Little Irish Lila 78,555 13
07/24/2005 09:18 PM

<action>throws a tampon at Phla

KOTEX'D!!

Underwhere? 101,398 77
07/24/2005 09:19 PM

I change pretty much every time I pee.



Me too!

Little Irish Lila 78,555 13
07/24/2005 09:27 PM

If you agree

That you change your tampon when you pee

It would be

Nice to honor me

With some Gab pee!

Mwahiy, The Numa Numa Choreographer Extrodinaire 5,425 9
07/24/2005 11:35 PM

I occasionally use a tampon to help stop the anal leakage...

I am Straw 97,995 37
07/24/2005 11:49 PM

Tabby, it could be that you are peeing on the string, and it is wicking up into the tampon. When I pee while I have a tampon in, I tuck the string away so that I don't pee on the string.



Another possibility is that you are not putting it far enough in there. Only the string should be sticking out.

Mwahiy, The Numa Numa Choreographer Extrodinaire 5,425 9
07/25/2005 12:11 AM

Yea, just push that fetus' head back up in there when ya gotta pee.

Mwahiy, The Numa Numa Choreographer Extrodinaire 5,425 9
07/25/2005 12:12 AM

wait...wtf?

newwave 45,912 10
07/25/2005 12:36 AM

From the link Jaggy posted:

Most women forget they are wearing a Mooncup. It is excellent for activities such as swimming, yoga, cycling and tramping.

Corky McTampon 86,705 14
07/25/2005 03:11 AM

I didn't think the clots would be that chewy!

Neep, I want to lick Chris Garrett's knees! 35,066 15
07/25/2005 03:16 AM

This is why I love Daggy?

Corky McTampon 86,705 14
07/25/2005 04:24 AM

Have you even bothered to read this thread? You should be prosecuted for wasting letters.



Furthermore, your mother is Gary Busey.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
07/25/2005 04:27 AM

(boys, read no further)



Have you even bothered to read this thread?





No, I follow directions...sometimes.



Yes, I know.

Fishlegs (Mg,Fe)7Si8O22(OH)2 1,612 9
07/25/2005 06:39 AM

<action>does some quick maths...</action>One woman will use an average of 10 000 tampons or pads in her lifetime!



So, Daggy, you had about 2,000 tampons stuck in your toilet?







Plumbers are NOT paid enough.

Millie 116,988 28
07/25/2005 01:19 PM

Tabby, you need to try different brands.



I can tell you, even though I worked for Tampax and got free tampons if I wanted them (how could I not, they were all over the place there--on the floor, in the trash, hanging from machines, etc.) I hate that brand and will only use them if it's the only thing I can get my hands on.



Tampax tend to get too long and fall out. I like O.B. the best.



I don't usually have to change when I pee, but I know some women do.

CthulDuuuuhu 24,152 8
07/25/2005 01:24 PM

I heard that elephants use sheep as tampons.



Better than maaaaaaaxi paaaaaads.

Janice 181,790 70
07/25/2005 01:24 PM

I just figured out how to get one in about a month ago





Well, first you have to remove the penis...

Will the real Janice please stand up 58,884 29
07/25/2005 04:16 PM

Actually, I knew a girl who was so inexperianced about tampons, she put it is and it got stuck sideways. Yes even I'm cringing.

Will the real Janice please stand up 58,884 29
07/25/2005 04:17 PM

is=in

Fratberry 282,940 53
07/25/2005 04:19 PM

<action>returns box of playtex to store</action>

Um, yeah, I don't think these are very good suppositories.

D-vizzl 56 7
07/25/2005 05:13 PM

Because the toilet will eventually become blocked. Then you have to call the plumber. Then he unblocks the toilet. Then he tells you not to flush your tampons down the loo.



That's why renting is so great. Muhuhahahaaa.

Underwhere? 101,398 77
07/25/2005 05:58 PM

<action>high fives Millie</action>



OB is - by far - the best brand of tampons.

H-izz-o to the P-izz-ay 58,884 29
07/25/2005 06:00 PM

I prefer Kotex. They are cheaper and caught on to the idea of comfortable plastic applicators first. If I must wear a pad (read: never) I pick Stayfree.

Little Irish Lila 78,555 13
07/25/2005 06:01 PM

Eeww, is that the one that doesn't come with applicators?



You two stick your fingers up your messy cootchies to insert your tampons when you don't have to?!



You sick Frosts!

Mwahiy, The Numa Numa Choreographer Extrodinaire 5,425 9
07/25/2005 06:04 PM

That's what plungers are for.

TableTopJane and the Sucky Vortex of Suckitude 173,958 15
07/25/2005 06:04 PM

Why don't midgets wear tampons?







They would trip over the string.

I am Straw 97,995 37
07/25/2005 06:06 PM

I'm with you, Lila. Can't stand OB.



I like Tampax because it is the longest and most absorbent. Everything else I've tried just doesn't work well.

TableTopJane and the Sucky Vortex of Suckitude 173,958 15
07/25/2005 06:09 PM

Personally, I use playtex. I don't like the way tampax gets longer. Playtex blooms like a flower, and it appeals to my girly side.

Janice 181,790 70
07/25/2005 06:10 PM

I fear if Aimless enters this thread, she will retell her Instead story.



Which will be nothing compared to the "afterbirth prank" which I'm anticipating.

TableTopJane and the Sucky Vortex of Suckitude 173,958 15
07/25/2005 06:11 PM

I first heard that midget joke a couple years ago. I went in to a 7-11 at in the morning, and the guy behind the counter just popped out with "why don't midgets wear tampons?". I never did figure out if that was his strange way of flirting, or if he was just a complete Frost-ing idiot.

Millie 116,988 28
07/25/2005 06:18 PM

They do make OBs with applicators, for the prissy girls.



I don't really advocate any one brand, because, obviously, different ones work better for different women.



Tampax Pearl work much better than the old version, but I still like OB the best.

Millie 116,988 28
07/25/2005 06:19 PM

I forgot to say, that's why I suggested Tabby try different brands before giving up.



I can't stand pads.



I remember Aimless's thread well. All too well!