The Kittunator™ 44,835 9
07/30/2005 04:50 AM

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I'm a schitophrenic

And so am I

Dr. Napkin Descartes 30,762 12
07/30/2005 04:55 AM

"OW! WRONG HOLE!"

-A couple exes.

Neep, I want to lick Chris Garrett's knees! 35,066 15
07/30/2005 05:39 AM

No, let me say it... He is gorgeous... he's everything you would want in a man. But I want a woman!





Bletch : Do you really think people are interested in nasal sex?

Trevor : Sure, boss. It's the next big fad.

jlfjr 896 9
07/30/2005 05:50 AM

The price is wrong, bitch

-Happy Gilmore

Heworama 91 8
07/30/2005 06:02 AM

Why can't people just have sex and not talk. It would be perfect - Gene Simmons



We had gay burglars the other night, they broke in and rearranged the furniture - Robin Williams

Release the One Legged Space Chickens 286,527 61
07/30/2005 07:05 AM

Never, ever, ever give up. - Winston Churchill





I never should have made that left turn at Albuquerque. - Bugs Bunny

Kunta Kinte, aka Toby 874 9
07/30/2005 08:37 AM

Bad Santa:



I'm talking about firing a little black midget. A small, colored, African-American small person. That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about your face all over goddamn USA Today, that's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about 150 of these little mother-Frosters all over the sidewalk out there. Holding pickett signs and using bullhorns and Shakespeare like that. Screaming and hollering your name out. Unfair practices, get me?

Anvil 206 8
07/30/2005 08:53 AM

Are you stalking me? because that would be super.



-Van Wilder

MaxPlanck, riding round forever on a manmade horse 18,881 12
07/30/2005 09:13 AM

"You're human"

"Not quite, I'm a lawyer"



-Blade 2

MaxPlanck, riding round forever on a manmade horse 18,881 12
07/30/2005 09:16 AM

If you're captured, you'll probably want to take your own life. So you'd better take this. *hands him a hammer*



-Team America

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
07/30/2005 10:00 AM

"Don't quote me on this."





(usually precedes something juicy)

Agiel 559 9
07/30/2005 10:14 AM

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten. -Jessie Potter



There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is made of and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced with something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. - Hitchhiker's Guide

MaxPlanck, riding round forever on a manmade horse 18,881 12
07/30/2005 10:21 AM

"I like cheese"



-No idea

Mr. Briham, Now Sweetened With Splenda©! 38,843 10
07/30/2005 10:40 AM

Garth: How can you sleep like that?

Del Preston: Listen, sonny Jim. Sleeping like this will add ten years to your life. I learned it from Keith Richards when I toured with the Stones. This may be the reason why Keith cannot be killed by conventional weapons. -Wayne's World 2

10 Inch Pianist 220 9
07/30/2005 12:25 PM

So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?



-Stewie

Return of the Son of The Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
07/30/2005 12:51 PM

"Without deviation from the norm, 'progress' is not possible." -- Frank Zappa

Grabem 206 8
07/30/2005 01:54 PM

ahhh beer. The cause of, and solution to, all life's problems.

-Mr. Homer Simpson

RedstaR I wish I was an oscar mayer winer 1,068 8
07/30/2005 02:02 PM

Say what again mother-Froster! Say what again!

- Samuel L. Jackson

Armored 3,923 8
07/30/2005 03:33 PM

"Your name is "you're wanting", and you can't play the man's game, you can't close them, and then tell your wife your troubles. 'Cause only one thing counts in this world: get them to sign on the line which is dotted. You hear me you Frostin' faggots?



That watch costs more than your car. I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy, I don't give a Shakespeare. Good father, Frost you. Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here, close. You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you Coleridgesucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit?"



-Alec Baldwin

Glengarry Glen Ross



Greatest rant in the history of cinema.

Dogs Akimbo 211,574 32
07/30/2005 04:18 PM

<action>tears up a bit</action>I would rather be with [you people...] than with the finest people in the world.



Mayor Deebs, Roxanne

daisypie 49,378 9
07/30/2005 04:24 PM

Here's a current favourite:



"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over

and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."



-George W. Bush

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
07/30/2005 04:42 PM

"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."

- Albert Einstein



has long been a favorite, but I also really like



"The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth."

- Niels Bohr



There are a few different versions of the latter floating around, which one might assume to mean that he is being misquoted, but it turns out that he said it multiple times and it was independently translated multiple times.



Some quotes that I have more recently aquired a taste for:



"I learned very early the difference between knowing the name of something and knowing something."

- Richard Feynman



"I have already given two cousins to the war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother."

- Artemus Ward

Everyone's Grudge 2,480 11
07/30/2005 04:46 PM

I seem to have reached the very peak of nerdom, because my favorite quote is from a video game.



"Sector 7 lobby is now full. Please form a line outside while the current occupants are ejected through the airlock."

Everyone's Grudge 2,480 11
07/30/2005 04:53 PM

Also:



"You know, mother, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get.... Your life, however, is more like a box of ACTIVE GRENADES! "



~Stewie Griffin

lupience 26,981 11
07/30/2005 04:55 PM

"Frost you, Emerson"

Arnold Schwartczennnnegge-oh, hell.

anonnona 592 8
07/30/2005 05:09 PM

"And yet... it moves."



Said by Galileo after being forced to recant his belief that the earth moves around the sun instead of the earth being the center of the universe and the sun revolving around it, as the church believed.



"I didn't hear no bell!" and "Get up you son of bitch, cause Mickey Loves ya!" from Rocky V.

daisypie 49,378 9
07/30/2005 05:12 PM

"Get offa' my icon"



- daisypie

OneEyedTrouserTrout 6,046 8
07/30/2005 05:15 PM

Bluto: What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!

Otter: Germans?

Boon: Forget it, he's rolling.



Or anything else from here

lupience 26,981 11
07/30/2005 05:24 PM

I wish I could click you more than once, trout-

Maybe lurkers can fill the tube for the Animal House reference.

Heh- 'Pledge Pin'.

anonnona 592 8
07/30/2005 05:28 PM

"Get offa' my icon"



- daisypie



I'll adopt the jesus-fish tapeworm. Hopefully he doesn't eat much.

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
07/30/2005 06:38 PM

A few from the movie, "As Good As it Gets"





Melvin Udall: How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive compulsive disorder, then act like I have some choice about barging in here?





Receptionist: How do you write women so well?

Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability





Melvin Udall: [introducing Carol to Simon] Carol the waitress, Simon the fag.

I've got a RedstaR in my pants 1,068 8
07/30/2005 07:06 PM

Welcome to the party pal



and



Yippy-ki-ay mother-Froster



-Bruice Willis DIE HARD

anonnona 592 8
07/30/2005 07:37 PM

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." --The Princess Bride

lupience 26,981 11
07/30/2005 08:15 PM

"Should I wear these pants?"





"Whoah!"

"Imagine you're a little deer. You're prancing through the forest. You get a little thirsty. You spot a brook, and put your little deer lips down to the cool clear water and BLAM! a bullet smashes into your head. Your brains are laying all over in little bloody pieces.-Now, I ask you- Would you give a Frost about what the son-of-a-bitch who shot you was wearing?"

McRib, all hot and bothered 13,155 9
07/30/2005 08:20 PM

Cleveland: The only British idiom I know is that "fag" means "cigarette."

Peter: Well, someone tell this "cigarette" to shut up.

Mr. Briham, Now Sweetened With Splenda©! 38,843 10
07/30/2005 08:39 PM

Death: "Humans need fantasy to be human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape."

Susan: "Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little-"

"Yes. As practice. You have to start out learning to believe the little lies"

"So we can believe the big ones?"

"Yes. Justice. Mercy. Duty. That sort of thing."

"They're not the same at all!"

"You think so? Then take the universe and grind it down to the finest powder and sieve it through the finest sieve and then show me one atom of justice, one molecule of mercy. And yet-" Death waved a hand. "And yet you act as if there is some... some rightness in the universe by which it may be judged."

"Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point-"

"My point exactly."

-Conversation between Death and Susan from The Hogfather, by Terry Pratchett.

Underwhere? - Moving to Houston 101,398 77
07/30/2005 08:40 PM

oh Chit, I love that movie. Bu I like this quote from it:



Carol Connelly: Why can't I have a normal boyfriend? Just a regular boyfriend, one that doesn't go nuts on me!



Beverly Connelly: Everybody wants that, dear. It doesn't exist.

Whistler P. McManus 186,041 44
07/30/2005 08:41 PM

This is the internet, not Mexico."



Puggy D.

Whistler P. McManus 186,041 44
07/30/2005 08:42 PM

"

DemoMonkey, Pranked by a Master. 166,252 10
07/30/2005 08:47 PM

"We were just outside of Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold."

-Hunter S. Thompson, R.I.P.-

Agiel 559 9
07/30/2005 08:51 PM

Oh Briham! I love Terry Pratchett.



"It's going to look pretty good then, isn't it," said War testily, the One Horseman and Three Pedestrians of the Apocralypse."



-Sourcery, Terry Pratchett

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
07/30/2005 08:56 PM

Some Yogi Berra Quotes:

------------------------





"The future ain't what it used to be."





"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."





"I wish I had an answer to that, because I'm tired of answering that question"





You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half you give what's left."







Mrs. Lindsay :- "You certainly look cool."



Yogi Berra : - "Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself.""

I've got a RedstaR in my pants 1,068 8
07/30/2005 08:59 PM

Snoogie Boogies!!!!

Whistler P. McManus 186,041 44
07/30/2005 09:02 PM

And of course:



"I got a fever. And the only prescription. Is more cowbell."



-Christopher Walken as Bruce Dickenson

rahrahgranny 773 7
07/30/2005 10:18 PM

jesus-fish tapeworm



HEY!



The blue ribbon is for prostate cancer awareness...Save the Woody!

Millie 116,988 28
07/30/2005 10:46 PM

Well, it's not necessarily my favorite, but I heard it today and it fits me, so I put it in my bio:



I used to be such a sweet, sweet thing, 'til they got a hold of me.



--Mr. Alice Cooper

Piquantrax 8,691 9
07/30/2005 10:49 PM

Quagmire: How old are you young lady?



Girl: 16



Q: 18?! I'm in.

Millie 116,988 28
07/30/2005 10:55 PM

It is safe to say that no other superstition is so detrimental to growth, so enervating and paralyzing to the minds and hearts of the people, as the superstition of Morality.



--Emma Goldman

Useless 92 8
07/30/2005 10:57 PM

"How did Louie Armstrong feel when he first walked on the moon?"

-Rebecca Romijn-Stamos

daisypie 49,378 9
07/30/2005 11:26 PM

"To me, my Shakespeare smells better than anyones. Except a dogs."



- Charles Bukowski

Tingles 2,134 8
07/31/2005 09:41 AM

"Dust is a must"



- Rev. Billy Graham

Tingles 2,134 8
07/31/2005 09:51 AM

"Nuts!"



- Chris Garrett (when asked by his wife if she could go to Myrtle Beach)

ChainsawGutsfuck 62 8
07/31/2005 09:54 AM

"The internet is going to rip open its asscheeks goatse style and take a huge dump right on this thread. you watch."

-DeepFriedKittens of Metal-Archives.com

Tingles 2,134 8
07/31/2005 09:55 AM

"Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son."



- Dean Wormer

ChainsawGutsfuck 62 8
07/31/2005 10:09 AM

Arnold Sawrzenegger: "you're one ugly mother-Froster"

-Predator



Danny Glover: "you're one ugly mother-"

Predator: "mother-FrostER?!"

-Predator 2



Predator: "Shakespeare...HAPPENS"

-Predator 2, just after the predator starts the countown to a self destruct nuclear bomb.

I've got a RedstaR in my pants 1,068 8
07/31/2005 01:05 PM

Caster: "OHMMmm...Isp-badi-bbada-bodm-bada-bom-mayyyy ...Isn't this religous?"

Archer:*grabs gun*

Caster: *Pulls out gun* "But your still not having any fun!"

*awsome shoot out ensues*

-Face\Off best movie ever

Pubah, The Incurable 56,805 18
07/31/2005 03:15 PM

"...for Doctors to practice their love on women..."

Of course, Dubayah



"Why for you bury me in the cold cold ground"

Tasmanian Devil



"She did it! She did it!

Gilligan



"I'v got a hole I need you to fill."

A rather attractive G.I. female

TTJane, eighteen seconds before sunrise 173,958 15
07/31/2005 03:21 PM

Tyranny has its place.

Universal freedom would deny my right to restrict Jeffrey Dahmer's recreational and dietary habits.



-Doc Webster







Some delusions are necessary.

Or do you know of a rational reason for living?

If you say you do, I won't argue-your delusion is necessary.



-Jake Stonebender





The pessimist sees only the darkness of the tunnel.

The optimist sees only the tiny point of light in the distance.

The realist sees the light but knows the light is probably an oncoming train.



-Long Drink McGonnigle

TTJane, eighteen seconds before sunrise 173,958 15
07/31/2005 03:59 PM

On a more serious note...





Our virtues and our failings are inseparable, like force and matter. When they separate, man is no more.



and



Peace can only come as a natural consequence of universal enlightenment...



Both are Nikola Tesla



The second is a partial quote. The full quote is below. I just love the last line.

War cannot be avoided until the physical cause for its recurrence is removed and this, in the last analysis, is the vast extent of the planet on which we live. Only through annihilation of distance in every respect, as the conveyance of intelligence, transport of passengers and supplies and transmission of energy will conditions be brought about some day, insuring permanency of friendly relations. What we now want is closer contact and better understanding between individuals and communities all over the earth, and the elimination of egoism and pride which is always prone to plunge the world into primeval barbarism and strife...Peace can only come as a natural consequence of universal enlightenment...

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
07/31/2005 04:15 PM

On a more serious note:



B minor.

Frank & The Frijoles 77,546 17
07/31/2005 04:19 PM

I'm partial to D Major Second, myself.

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
07/31/2005 04:19 PM

(I actually was going to say "A minor" but the meaning would be lost on your pedophiles.)

Frank & The Frijoles 77,546 17
07/31/2005 04:19 PM

Technically, though, those are chords, not notes.



</Squeamish>

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
07/31/2005 04:20 PM

Yeah, that's right. I didn't say "You pedophiles." I meant in particular, the pedophiles that Frank owns.



That was on PORPOISE.

Frank & The Frijoles 77,546 17
07/31/2005 04:21 PM

You're a sick, evil bitch.













Which is probably why you're so popular 'round these parts.

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
07/31/2005 04:22 PM

Donk, you're such a snot. And here I'm going, "Alright, who is this old-timer quoting Squeamish..."



Hah. I called you a snot.

Frank & The Frijoles 77,546 17
07/31/2005 04:22 PM

Pwned!

Phla Mignon 131,068 34
07/31/2005 04:23 PM

With a capital B.

dapinklady 461 7
08/01/2005 12:28 PM

Good Lord. I can't believe I'm at a public pool. Why doesn't somebody just piss directly on me?

Karen - Will and Grace

OfficeHag 24,693 8
08/01/2005 01:26 PM

''Crack is cheap. I make too much money to use crack. Crack is wack.'' Whitney Houston

more great excuses for drug use

crackhead 427 8
08/01/2005 01:37 PM

"you idiots! these are not them...you've captured their STUNT DOUBLES!" - spaceballs

gorcsquirt 41,132 13
08/01/2005 01:55 PM

I couldn't choose just one...



Archie Bunker



I'm not racist! I'll be the first to say it, it's not their fault they're colored!



Listen Edith, I know you're singing, you know you're singing, but the neighbors may think I'm torturing you.



God don't make no mistakes - that's how he got to be God



A four-letter Italian word for good-bye...BANG



The only thing that holds a marriage together is the husband being big enough to keep his mouth shut, to step back and see where his wife is wrong.



I didn't swear! God Dammit. The first word is God. How can that be a swear word? It's the most popular word in the bible. The second word, damn, that's a perfectly good word, you hear it all the time, like they dam the river to keep it from flooding it. And you read in the Bible that some guy was damned for cheating or stealing or having sex in the family. And who damned him? Who else? God. God damned him. Edith, beautiful words right out of the Bible



Sticks and stones may break my bones, but you are one dumb Polock



I never said a guy who wears glasses is a queer. A guy who wears glasses is a four-eyes. A guy who is a fag is a queer



Little boys who play with dolls grow up to be other boys' roommates



You can never buy beer, you just rent it



I was talking about the Bible which has nothing to do with the Jews



I want you all to synchronize your tongues to silence



Edith, at my age I don't need ROUGHAGE--I need SMOOTHAGE!"

dropkick brody 43,090 12
08/01/2005 02:05 PM

Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to useful, or believe to be beautiful.



William Morris.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
08/01/2005 02:28 PM

"Given enough thrust, pigs fly just fine." -- ?



"I used to be disgusted, now I try to be amused." -- Elvis Costello.

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
08/01/2005 02:38 PM

The first one, at the beginning.

"

Usually followed by the ellipsis(...) so you can quote someone and take their comments so much out of context that Mother Theresa can be made to sound worse than Charles Manson.

gorcsquirt 41,132 13
08/01/2005 02:45 PM

Like this?



Modified

"...what is left for me to kill you and you to kill me? There is nothing between."

Mother Teresa



"I'd probably try to stop the rain forests from being cut down..."

Charles Manson



The Originals

"The greatest destroyer of peace is abortion because if a mother can kill her own child, what is left for me to kill you and you to kill me? There is nothing between."

Mother Teresa



"I'd probably try to stop the rain forests from being cut down. I'd probably join the revolution down south somewhere and try to save my life on the planet Earth. I might go to Libya. I might go see the Ayatollah. I might go to France, catch somebody in France I'm upset with."

Charles Manson

OfficeHag 24,693 8
08/01/2005 02:58 PM

When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross.

-- Clint Eastwood (Dirty Harry, 1971)

"I'm busy You're ugly. Have a nice day." --Bumper sticker

TheBoB666 70 7
08/01/2005 05:19 PM

I'm kind of surprised that Demo was the only one to quote Hunter S. Thompson. This is my favorite quote from Fear and Loathing:



"We can't stop here, this is bat country."

Prof. Fantabulous 19,711 13
08/01/2005 06:23 PM

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..."

John Sedgwick



"I can resist everything except temptation."



Oscar Wilde

kamenoko 0 7
08/01/2005 08:02 PM

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers."



-- Homer Simpson

Neep, I want to lick Chris Garrett's knees! 35,066 15
08/02/2005 07:21 AM

"Can I lick your fingers?...





Meet me at the mail slot"



-Homer Simpson wispering to the fugde Taj Mahal guy.



My brother and I sat there sOgden Nashing for ages when we heard that. Jaggy and our brother's partner took a while to get it. So creepy!