erika the killjoy 76,152 9
08/03/2005 01:13 PM

Yeah, hitting the Delete key to erase extra spaces is really difficult.

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
08/03/2005 01:14 PM

Oh, but that was actually pretty funny.

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 01:14 PM

First off, the problem isn't extra spaces, you clearly know nothing about script formatting. Second, sarcasm stopped being clever in the 80's. Jackass.

Chris Garrettt 86,932 12
08/03/2005 01:14 PM

I have this great commercial.



I am in a concert hall, listening to the legend himself, Jimmy Hendrix...he begins to play "Purple Haze," so I jump up on the stage, and beat him to death with his guitar.

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 01:16 PM

JEEZE! Now I look like and Emerson after you said something nice. Shakespeare.

BlaiseMilla 67,037 13
08/03/2005 01:18 PM

Sarcasm never goes out of style.

Mr. Sir 66,722 9
08/03/2005 01:19 PM

Purple.



This might help.

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
08/03/2005 01:20 PM

And that is why I love Mr. Sir.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 01:21 PM

now THAT'S good sarcasm.

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 01:23 PM

Hmmmmmmm....



HHHMMMMMMmmmmmmm...



I guess I was being a little niave thinking people would respond with commercial parody ideas.

BlaiseMilla 67,037 13
08/03/2005 01:23 PM

I'd like to see a parody of a "Simple Life 4" promo where Paris Hilton is beaten and stabbed by a homeless man. I'd like it even more if it was really her and she was really beaten and stabbed.

Mr. Sir 66,722 9
08/03/2005 01:23 PM

You're a disgrace to the beer can.

BlaiseMilla 67,037 13
08/03/2005 01:25 PM

Hey my mom drinks rum- not beer. I'm a disgrace to the rummy.

S. Kake 55,555 14
08/03/2005 01:27 PM

I guess I was being a little niave thinking people would respond with commercial parody ideas.



Ah, the starry eyed optimism of the n00b.

Mr. Sir 66,722 9
08/03/2005 01:28 PM

I wasn't talking to you Blaise.





By the way, I would like to see Paris raped and stabbed too.



And not in New York. That's too good for her. More like Nebraska, where they're not as good at it.

BlaiseMilla 67,037 13
08/03/2005 01:29 PM

You'll just steal our ideas Purple Hayes. Our precious ideas that we will never use.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 01:30 PM

<action>goes to google images, types in a search term, browses through random pictures until he finds one that seems mildly appropriate, goes to Zug</action>



Mr. Sir, I looked at your Amazon wishlist and bought you this book



i hope you don't go through that exact process all day.

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
08/03/2005 01:36 PM

Google this, douchenozzle!



</kicks Deepan in the nuts>

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 01:37 PM

are we roleplaying now?



</me casts +5 basic human decency on Erika the wombat>

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
08/03/2005 01:38 PM

Basic human decency? Do you know where you are?!

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 01:39 PM

oh Frost. my bad.



</me cries into a beer can>

OneEyedTrouserTrout 6,046 8
08/03/2005 01:42 PM

I'd like to see that Frost-ing Snuggle Bear get sucked against a wall from static cling impaling his smug little ass on a kitchen knife on the way over

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 01:45 PM

I'd like to replace the images from that Gillette "every move is cool" commercial with images of what real men do, like drink beer, scratch their nuts, smack their woman's ass, and get arrested for masturbating in a movie theater.

BlaiseMilla 67,037 13
08/03/2005 01:46 PM

I'd rather see the Snuggle bear stuffing Snuggles into a toilet paper roll and then blowing weed smoke through it while he sits in a dorm room playing the Clash on his radio.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/03/2005 01:46 PM

I would love to see a slogan for a condom company to be a little more truthful:





Trojan: Because we're cheaper than Child Support



Lifestyles: Because you don't want AIDS.



Magnum: Not to be sold to White People.

Apparently, everyone knows me as Yosh now. 24,152 8
08/03/2005 01:48 PM

Mr. Purple huh? Listen kid, I'm not gonna bullShakespeare you, all right? I don't give a good Frost what you know, or don't know, but I'm gonna torture you anyway, regardless. Not to get information. It's amusing, to me, to torture a nOOb. You can say anything you want cause I've heard it all before. All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you ain't gonna get.



In the meantime, here's some helpful tips:



1. Sarcasm and cynicism is the lifeblood of GAB.



2. When in doubt, talk about poop.



3. Whenever a link has NSFW near it, it's something hilarious that you'll want to click on immediately. Especially in the presence of coworkers and supervisors.



4. It would be a good idea to start taking pictures of your schlong and/or bearded clam now as they will be very important later.



5. Jeff is god. That should be your mantra.



6. Check out this link for more information that I'm too lazy to type.



7. Listen to the regulars and obey them promptly.



Remember this as well: If Rape is inevitable, then lie back and enjoy it



This has been a public disservice announcement.













P.S. You're funny, stay that way.

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 01:49 PM

I have... not so much a parody but a completely invented commercial that I wrote in scriptwriting class.









FADE IN



INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY



MAN#1 is sitting in his living room, reclining, watching TV. He looks content. MAN#2 charges from another room heading towards the door with a fish bowl in his hand. MAN#1 becomes clearly bewildered over this; MAN#1 stops #2 just before he gets to the door.



MAN#1

Where are you going with that fish?



MAN#2

The police station.



MAN#2 tries to leave again but his answer only feeds MAN#1's curiosity.



MAN#1

Why are you taking a fish to the police station?



MAN#2

This fish is wanted for murder.



MAN#1

Ha. OK, seriously, where are you going with that fish?



MAN#2

I just told you.



MAN#1

Alright, fine. How can a fish commit murder?



MAN#2

Well, he's wanted for murder, but it was really a case of

involuntary manslaughter. He'll probably get off easy.

He just needs a chance to tell his side of the story.



MAN#1

(Beat)

Where did you get that fish?



MAN#2

What are you, simple? The pet store!



MAN#2 bursts through the door and runs away.



CUT TO:



Title and logo display "Freddy's Fish Bowl: Our Fish Won't Rape your Children"



CUT TO BLACK

S>H>P 181,790 70
08/03/2005 01:51 PM

You're using that for advertising what? Confusion?

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 01:52 PM

Yosh, thanks for your concern.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 01:53 PM

i thought that was Frost-ing hilarious. i just wish there was a simpler way to go through it.

Apparently, everyone knows me as Yosh now. 24,152 8
08/03/2005 01:55 PM

You're welcome Purple. Now send me some drugs and don't give me any bullShakespeare about not having any. EVERY film student does drugs...

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 01:55 PM

It's not intended to advertise for an actual Fish Store. It's just a completely scategoloical thing I came up with whilst not paying attention in class one day. Some find it funny, some don't.

Pubah, Incurably Gabdicted 56,805 18
08/03/2005 01:55 PM

<action>Hands Yoshi a ten pount sledge hammer</action>



Wail away, nintendo lizzard



!!!Not at ME, boof...at the n00b!

S. Kake 55,555 14
08/03/2005 01:57 PM

I can't stand it when n00bs don't realize they're still n00bs, and try to haze n00bs, or tell them what gab's all about.

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 01:58 PM

Certainly, Yosh, I have plenty of drugs, what is your home address?

Pubah, Incurably Gabdicted 56,805 18
08/03/2005 01:59 PM

<action>Pulls ten pound sledge hammer out of it's head</action>



N00b on noob crime is runining Gab

Apparently, everyone knows me as Yosh now. 24,152 8
08/03/2005 01:59 PM

321 Wilson St, A306

Miami, FL 33173

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 02:00 PM

i cant stand people who actually have to lower themselves socially and use the word "n00b"

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 02:01 PM

Wow. you guys sure have established a sense of superiority for yourselve on an internet communmity that doesn't mean dick. keep on inflating your own ridiculous ego.

OneEyedTrouserTrout 6,046 8
08/03/2005 02:01 PM

Thats the same address I just sent my check for $40.00 to for the set of homemade midget scat porn videos

Pubah, Incurably Gabdicted 56,805 18
08/03/2005 02:01 PM

Big mistake, Yoshi.



Assuming that's YOUR REAL address.

PurpIe Hayes 203,956 21
08/03/2005 02:01 PM

See my problem is that I can come up with pointless commercials for things that no one needs or products that don't exsist.



Since I am just wasting my parents money and will eventually just become a waiter in LA trying to sell my work, but end up having to prostitute myself in order to make ends meet.



But I figure that I have spent enough time taking it in the ass from the priests at the exclusive bording school that I went to I should be well prepared.

S. Kake 55,555 14
08/03/2005 02:01 PM

n00b is the socially accepted word for "New douchebag" on Gab, douchebag.



By the way, I said it before, we already had a paranoid android here. and he was actually funny.

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 02:03 PM

zug is a good idea, and you folks just ruin it. this n00b is getting the "copulate" out of here

Mr. Sir 66,722 9
08/03/2005 02:04 PM

i hope you don't go through that exact process all day.



I don't, 'cause I know how to google. Dumbass.











Also, I like how Erika picked up my slack while I was at lunch.



Thanks, you're a doll.



*Gives her a ice-cold bottle of PBR, and a kiss on the cheek.*

Apparently, everyone knows me as Yosh now. 24,152 8
08/03/2005 02:04 PM

Thats the same address I just sent my check for $40.00 to for the set of homemade midget scat porn videos



What can I say Trout?

Those midgets give great head.

They come in pretty handy for when you're watching TV and need a place to set your drink.

BlaiseMilla 67,037 13
08/03/2005 02:05 PM

He'll be back. They always come back.

PurpIe Hayes 203,956 21
08/03/2005 02:06 PM

Hey Kake, I will be funny. And I am using proper grammatical style.



Do you see how I wrote those parody commercials?









All those spaces mean something.













I am paying a lot of money to learn how to write like a complete tool and will probably get my ass kicked by the real world.







But it is important that I stress that I am paying to learn the right way to do something...it isn't like I can borrow a style handbook from the library is it?

Apparently, everyone knows me as Yosh now. 24,152 8
08/03/2005 02:08 PM

Hey Kake, I will be funny. And I am using proper grammatical style.



Indeed.

Pubah, Incurably Gabdicted 56,805 18
08/03/2005 02:08 PM

<action>Raises their hand to be the individual who beats and stabbs Paris Hilton</action>



I'll bring you my resume'. Where do you live?

BlaiseMilla 67,037 13
08/03/2005 02:09 PM

If you're going to reference my joke at least give me a damn clickie for it.

PurpIe Hayes 203,956 21
08/03/2005 02:10 PM

Shut it, Duuuuh. Go photoshop something.

OfficeHag 24,693 8
08/03/2005 02:12 PM

On a totally unrelated note... I just looked at the GAB photo album.. You know how you get a picture in your mind of what someone looks like and then you see them and you were way off base? Well, slap my hiney and call me Heidi - because y'all aren't a bad lookin' bunch.

Pubah, Incurably Gabdicted 56,805 18
08/03/2005 02:13 PM

We did...



...didn't we?

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 02:14 PM

hey OTHER Purple Hayes. say what you want about me man. it doesn't mean anything. the film industry is a very tough industry to get into. maybe i'll make it, maybe i won't. make any jokes you want. if you need to put me down, go head, if it makes you feel better about yourself.

Apparently, everyone knows me as Yosh now. 24,152 8
08/03/2005 02:15 PM

I already have, Purple.

PurpIe Hayes 203,956 21
08/03/2005 02:18 PM

I am a jackass who feels that this board is "ruined" because it doesn't fit my needs. I hope to one day become a great film writer/producer/director, but in actuality I will be stuck doing documentaries on the festering sores on the anuses of camels.

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 02:20 PM

good one.

Big Irish Guy 24,152 8
08/03/2005 02:21 PM

Purple Hayes,



Don't be a dirty hippie.

Be hazed.

Enjoy it.

If all else fails, let me stick my penis in your butt and let's see what happens...

PurpIe Hayes 203,956 21
08/03/2005 02:21 PM

Hey, duuuuuh, having fun yet?

gorcjuice gives you wings 41,132 13
08/03/2005 02:22 PM

That was pretty good, Yosh- I actually thought it was BIG.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 02:23 PM

i might be mistaken, Big Irish Guy, but isn't blatantly ripping off a forum member's name for the sole purpose of harassing them, constitute abuse?



you can correct me if i'm wrong, but being an Emerson didn't seem to serve many people well in the past, except american presidents.

OfficeHag 24,693 8
08/03/2005 02:23 PM

Don't be a dirty hippie.

Be hazed.

Enjoy it.

If all else fails, let me stick my penis in your butt and let's see what happens...

Is that a haiku?

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 02:26 PM

constituting* trust me, i caught it. now stop being a blatant cretin.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 02:29 PM

and Mr. Sir, don't try to pump your ego too much, i doubt erika has nothing better to do than to "take over while you were at lunch", and trust me, i know for certain that's the kind of crap you repeat over and over on GAB like a programmed monkey, thinking that someone else's image on the webbernet makes you oh so much funnier.



spotting an image that proves your point is as funny as a Zug flame war.





oups.

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 02:30 PM

Yeah, way to put this film snob in his place.

BlaiseMilla 67,037 13
08/03/2005 02:30 PM

oups on. Come and get it.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/03/2005 02:30 PM

Um,, Deepan you stupid push start Indian, are you trying to tell me how to act on GAB?





BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA...go lurk you Frost-ing idiot.

Chris Garrettt 86,932 12
08/03/2005 02:33 PM

<action>Runs through thread, screaming, waving arms over head</action>



My GOD! Who is running the Quik-e-Mart?

jepreport - premature articulator 58,758 13
08/03/2005 02:33 PM

Man, what is it with all the sensitivity around here lately? I've seen thicker skin on catastrophic burn victims.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 02:37 PM

I'm taking your jobs, your money, and eventually your women. The Qwik-e-mart is run by the stupid redneck white guy named Rick and his hazed out buddy Ted.



Trust me, I have as much a thick skin to stereotype jokes as the next shmuck does.



and Irish guy, that Emerson persona- i never bought it. so shove it, lad, shove it deep inside till you need a flashlight. i'm here, you're here. deal.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/03/2005 02:39 PM

Hahahaha, Deepan, I didn't realize that you went to SUNY Albany, what a Frost-ing Shakespearehole that place is.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 02:43 PM

Irish, i realize that while trying to find fodder in my profile is the only pathetic attempt you can grasp to insult me, you also have ot realize that trying to get personal on an internet forum is an extreme form of sadness that can only be cured by quadruple doses of vicoden and hot chocolate. but i just suggest you get some rum and crackers and chill the Frost out. else, you'll be stuck arguing over nothing with a "n00b" and losing whatever self developed respect you've made here in your 'first six months' (WHOOPEE!)

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 02:44 PM

Hey, you know, I think I might fit in here, after all. I do gobble a good Coleridge.

Chris Garrettt 86,932 12
08/03/2005 02:44 PM

Heh.



Ok...BIG, I love you like my OTHER son I never had...but THAT was funny.



Click for Rajnesh.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/03/2005 02:45 PM

Bwahahahahaha

Deepan: Paranoid Hemorrhoid 24,152 8
08/03/2005 02:46 PM

I'd like to add that I find your overuse of insults to be stupid. In fact, you're stupid! You're a stupid doody head and I'm gonna tell teacher you BIG meanie!

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/03/2005 02:48 PM

Duuuuh, dude, don't piss him off or he's going to report abuse.





Frost it, have at it. If you don't think I should imp people than send John an email.

BlaiseMilla 67,037 13
08/03/2005 02:49 PM

I post the following excerpt from Menace to Scoiety to no one in particular. All the bitching and crying just made me think of it.



O-Dog Hey, man, who the Frost gonna be old out there at twelve o'clock at night, bitch? Shakespeare, nigga, I'll smoke anybody, nigga. I just don't give a Frost. Shakespeare. I'm gonna hit this Shakespeare, Ogden Nash.

Caine: Look, all right, not me, all right? I'm not killing no kids.

O-Dog: Hey, you know what, Ogden Nash? You acting like a little bitch right now. You acting real paranoid and Shakespeare. Now, these mother-Frosters smoked your goddam cousin in front of you, nigga! Blew his head off in front of your face, and you ain't gonna do Shakespeare? You acting like a little bitch right now, nigga. Man, Frost that. I ain't letting that Shakespeare ride. We gonna go in and smoke all these mother-Frosters. I don't care who the Frost out there. Goddamn it, is you down, Ogden Nash?

A-Wax: Man, both of y'all shut the Frost up. Both of y'all acting like some mother-Frosting bitches. Shakespeare. Scared to peel these punk-ass nigga's cap. Now, give me my mother-Frosting joint, nigga.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 02:49 PM

Oh, if you thought I'D take offense to that tomfoolery, that dumbShakespearetery, that cry-while-i-masturbate-sadness... well, you're wrong my man. I find it as funny as the third person would. Bring it on, my irish buddy, bring it on.

Aparently, everyone knows me as Yosh now 24,152 8
08/03/2005 02:51 PM

I'm right there with you BIG. Let him report abuse, however if he wants to imp me then he can go ahead. I'd be surprised if he can actually say something funny while impersonating me, but if he does I'll give him props.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/03/2005 02:53 PM

This post exceeds your moral tolerance

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 02:54 PM

Yosh isn't funny. I haven't seen you throw one creative or original idea at me while trying to haze me. You rely on sterotypes and cliches to cut into me. Grow a dick.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 02:54 PM

I just thought it's an exercise in maturity to try to insult people as yourself, rather than driving them off the board by stealing their name.



If you can't handle that, I really would suggest you click on Tennis ball's link, because we all know that the testosterone is running low here.

Aparently, everyone knows me as Yosh now 24,152 8
08/03/2005 02:55 PM

And the circle jerk of the hippies continue...

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 02:57 PM

WTF about what I just said implies HIPPY?!?!

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
08/03/2005 02:58 PM

It's funny.



You morons spent the last what, hour or so, trying to argue with one another about how so-and-so is better than whats-his-name. You argued back and forth about what IS and what ISNT funny around here, Only to have your own individual ego's boosted by the Single clicks your posts have recieved. I'm willing to bet the hairs from my right ass cheek that you only got those clicks from the other retards that have been "On your side" in this whole thing.



Let it be known, None of you are funny, None of you are cool, And if I had the choice to euthanize the whole lot of you, I'd rather jerk off, Because Internet threats are about as useful as a fork for soup.



Now shut the Frost up, or Frost off. This is terrible.

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 02:59 PM

Agreed

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/03/2005 03:00 PM

The inevitability of the Glowing Bowler.

gorcjuice gives you gas 41,132 13
08/03/2005 03:00 PM

That's waht I was gonna say, but then I realized it just as easily applies to me, Hat.

OfficeHag 24,693 8
08/03/2005 03:00 PM

O-Dog Hey, man, who the Frost gonna be old out there at twelve o'clock at night, bitch? Shakespeare, nigga, I'll smoke anybody, nigga. I

Baise Milla is an F-ing genius.

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 03:03 PM

HEY GUYS!!! SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!

Aparently, everyone knows me as Yosh now 24,152 8
08/03/2005 03:03 PM

<action> wipes away a single tear</action>



I agree with the Pink Fedora. Let's end this.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 03:05 PM

if someone's going to be an Emerson to me, no matter where it is, i'll get my words in, im sorry sombrero, but this place is meant to be funny, but not to anyone's expense- unless they mean to.



i'm cool if everyone else is cool, werd.

gorcjuice gives you gas 41,132 13
08/03/2005 03:06 PM

but this place is meant to be funny, but not to anyone's expense



You need to search up my posts, then read the ones right after it. SR, too.

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 03:06 PM

I AM A STRONG MAN!!! SOMEONE ON THIS BOARD COME FIGHT ME NOW!!!



caps make me loud

gorcjuice gives you gas 41,132 13
08/03/2005 03:09 PM

Hey purp- your bio says you're in Baltimore. What part?

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 03:11 PM

My school campus is located just outside baltimore, in a small town called stevenson. I take residence in Owings Mills, which isn't far away, and right now i'm staying with my parents for the summer in Delaware.

gorcjuice gives you gas 41,132 13
08/03/2005 03:14 PM

I'm in Glen Burnie. Cheers.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 03:14 PM

right about this point, when i got out of bad arguments or bar fights, i'd offer everyone i got rough with a round of shots at whichever pub or bar was closeby... but since on the internet, e-liquor doesn't quench, i'll send anyone i messed with an email with a coupon to Denny's attached.*



*as soon as I beat up an old lady for them and scan

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 03:14 PM

why do you ask?

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 03:16 PM

Cheers

S>H>P 181,790 70
08/03/2005 03:20 PM

If all else fails, let me stick my penis in your butt and let's see what happens...

S>H>P 181,790 70
08/03/2005 03:20 PM

Explains. SO. Much.

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 03:21 PM

So one day I was talking to Stevie Wonder, and he was telling me about how he wanted to get a magic dildo. I said, "Stevie, if you get a magic dildo, Ray Charles is just gonna wanna get one too!" And Stevie said, "I see your point" "Hah!, good one, Stevie!" I said.

And it was funny because just a month prior, I had talked to Ray Charles, and he was telling me that he wanted to get a gold dildo. I said, "Ray, if you get a gold dildo, Stevie Wonder is just gonna get a magic dildo to show you up!" and Ray said "Shut up, honkey, and bring me some white biotches!"

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 03:22 PM

So one day I was talking to Stevie Wonder, and he was telling me about how he wanted to get a magic dildo. I said, "Stevie, if you get a magic dildo, Ray Charles is just gonna wanna get one too!" And Stevie said, "I see your point" "Hah!, good one, Stevie!" I said.

And it was funny because just a month prior, I had talked to Ray Charles, and he was telling me that he wanted to get a gold dildo. I said, "Ray, if you get a gold dildo, Stevie Wonder is just gonna get a magic dildo to show you up!" and Ray said "Shut up, honkey, and bring me some white bitches!"

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 03:22 PM

whoops. well let me have it for accidentally posting that twice

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
08/03/2005 03:22 PM

Must. Resist. Urge. To. Haze.

gorcjuice gives you gas 41,132 13
08/03/2005 03:23 PM

Don't ever come to Glen Burnie. Ever.

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 03:24 PM

hah, why not?

BlaiseMilla 67,037 13
08/03/2005 03:25 PM

These are the worst commercial parodies ever.

Errol 10,584 9
08/03/2005 03:25 PM

<action> tortures thread with powerful electric shocks, euthanizes it with a shovel. </action>

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
08/03/2005 03:27 PM

<action> runs into thread, sets Blaise on fire, then puts it out with a hammer

But there's good news...















I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance!

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 03:30 PM

Erika, I felt like cattle prodding you right after I read "good news".



just wanted to let you know.

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 03:30 PM

well don't just say they're the worst, tell me why

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/03/2005 03:32 PM

Erika prefers to be duct taped and hit with a ballpeen hammer.



Try to keep up.

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 03:33 PM

I would like to point out that I have one undescended testicle.

gorcjuice gives you gas 41,132 13
08/03/2005 03:34 PM

erika can fix that. Douchenozzle.

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
08/03/2005 03:34 PM

Yes I can help you Purple. I can give you two undescended testicles.

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 03:35 PM

erika, can you fix that? Carrollrag

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 03:35 PM

all i got is some scotch tape and a highlighter.

erika the killjoy 76,152 9
08/03/2005 03:36 PM

<action> apparently is psychic

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/03/2005 03:37 PM

Hayes making rude comments to well liked GABbers is a schtick that has been done as nauseum. Stick with the commercial parodies...they are easier to ignore.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 03:38 PM

i'd gladly have a procedure that would retract my testicles back into their little caskets. imagine the number of victoria's secret stores i could raid.

Chris Garrettt 86,932 12
08/03/2005 03:38 PM

<action>Would LOVE to be Erika's Carrollrag</action>

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 03:38 PM

I think i'd like a t-shirt that says "Frost Oprah." I could wear it to the dentist.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 03:39 PM

ick. i think even hot girls get some bad bacteria growing there.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
08/03/2005 03:39 PM

Oprah: "Dave, I'm pregnant."



Chapelle: "Gotcha now, bitch!"

gorcjuice gives you gas 41,132 13
08/03/2005 03:41 PM

I am amazed at the pile of poo that has been stacked here in only 2.5 hours. Not that I've helped it fade away, but damn! Somebody needs to post something funny, preferably in a new thread so we can move on.

Chris Garrettt 86,932 12
08/03/2005 03:42 PM

Nothing a douchnozzle can't fix.

Purple Hayes 235 8
08/03/2005 03:42 PM

Irish, I seem to remember you making several "rude comments" to me earlier in the name of "hazing." You're comment is as shakey as my knees when I splooge on your face. See? Vulgarity isn't clever. It's not funny.

gorcjuice gives you gas 41,132 13
08/03/2005 03:42 PM

Or queefs.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/03/2005 03:43 PM

There are somedays that I read Phla's posts and wonder if she is on drugs.

<action>posts randomly</action>

Other days I wonder if there is a decoder ring to understand her.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 03:45 PM

i don't care if a girl blew me for breakfast lunch and dinner, if she licked my feet if they got dirty, if she did my laundry without asking... if she queefed in bed, i'd hit her with a shovel and throw her the Frost out.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/03/2005 03:49 PM

Purple, vulgarity is funny. You just need to use it properly.



Something done ala Hammerhead is usually funny: Frost off you ignorant Carrollwad, I would rather pour bleach in my eyes than read anything you post. You father should have stayed and released you on the shower wall rather than getting drunk and Frost-ing that fat cum bucket that is your mother. Too bad they didn't abort your pathetic ass.





And sometimes a Daggyism is all that is needed: Excuse me dear, are you new?





And on other occasions a proper Declaning is needed: I want to stick my hand up your ass so I can rip your spine out.

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/03/2005 03:51 PM

Hello. I'm a newbie. Found site by accident. I hope old retired guys are acceptable. Here's a real life commercial parody... the one where MONK brings a cart full of expired goods to checkout counter in supermarket. I did it last weekend. Was funny

Dit-dit-dit-dot-dot-dot-dit-dit-dit 123,110 14
08/03/2005 03:53 PM

I think it's time for me to get a new icon.



BIG, can I spoon with you?

Senior Destructor: America's Heartthrob. 60,724 12
08/03/2005 03:55 PM

<action>Just woke up, and DID NOT want to see this pile of crap</action>





Hayes, you're a defensive Emerson, Deepan, sometimes you're funny, but you've still got a lot to learn, and don't either of you question BIG or him and I are gonna put you in the hospital like we did Sylvester.



I'm going back to bed.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/03/2005 03:57 PM

I can't speak for NKB and Puggy, but I am sure that you will be welcome in the spoon army.



But because of Puggy we aren't kept in a drawer with the knifes and forks, we stay in a closet. </obligatory

HartmanTwins 10,131 10
08/03/2005 03:59 PM

I don't know why I bothered to read this whole thread. It was mildly amusing, but I feel weird. It's the same feeling you get when you finish wacking off a dog. It was fun to watch, but, on some level, you feel like something wrong just happenned.

Ditdah, now part of the Spoon Army 123,110 14
08/03/2005 04:03 PM

YAY!!!



But I wonder why I can't ever get away from the kitchen items?

Lamb Salad Sandwich 33,017 9
08/03/2005 04:07 PM

Hey I like this Purple Hayse fellow. Stick around, you!



Duuuuh, I'm liking you less and less. Get over yourself. You don't have to haze every new person that comes on here...especially if they show potential. You're still way too new to know that though.



Anyway, here is my commercial idea...for Shout detergent.



(to the tune of "Shout" by Tears For Fears)



Shout, shout, get the dirt out, these are some stains I can do without

Come on, I'm talking to you, come on

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/03/2005 04:10 PM

SORRY Lamb Salad.............. did not mean to stain anyone on my first post

Lamb Salad Sandwich 33,017 9
08/03/2005 04:12 PM

STFU n00b.

Oliverius Chesticus XIV 203,475 12
08/03/2005 04:14 PM

I dunno, I kinda like the purple guy.



He can spell, use proper grammar, and he has some funny ideas.



Lets lay off the kids that have potential, and get back to trying to get rid of Officegag/JillyWilly/Dumb Carroll.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/03/2005 04:14 PM

Lammie, I read that and couldn't help but thinking you spilled your fruit basket on your icon.

jepreport - premature articulator 58,758 13
08/03/2005 04:17 PM

Ollie, I'd like to add mrfunkychunks to that list if you don't mind.

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/03/2005 04:17 PM

hope STFU is something good ??????????

Oliverius Chesticus XIV 203,475 12
08/03/2005 04:19 PM

Jep, of course.

Lamb Salad Sandwich 33,017 9
08/03/2005 04:22 PM

Lammie, I read that and couldn't help but thinking you spilled your fruit basket on your icon.



Okay, what are you talking about? Have you been drinking?

jepreport - premature articulator 58,758 13
08/03/2005 04:23 PM

Lammie's telling you She's Tantalizing when Felt Up

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/03/2005 04:25 PM

OMG............. STFU has lots of possiblities : # Stop ThinkGeek From Understanding

# Stinky Telnet Fell Under

# Somebody Thinks Fitzgerald's Ugly

# Slashdot Trolls Feign Understanding

# Star Trek Federation University

# Some Teamsters Form Unions

# Salty Taste From Uruguay

# Strangely Talkative Funky Underpants

# Something Taken From Uranus

# Scandalous ThinkGeek Fudged Us

# Stout Toads Fear Us

# Smell The Frozen Urchin

# Samurai Training Finished Unsuccessfully

# Select Technicians Fried Unwillingly

# Snap The Farmer's Underpants

# Slippery Teflon From Utah

# Sir, That's Freakin' Ugly

# Shed That Foul Underwear

# Scum That Feels Upity

# Smack That Face Up

# Serenity Through Flamboyant Utterance

# Stupid Technicians Found Unworthy

# Scrawny Two-Faced Underling

# Smelly Toilets Flush Unevenly

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/03/2005 04:26 PM

Oh, I have to start making sense now?

Senior Destructor: America's Heartthrob. 60,724 12
08/03/2005 04:26 PM

umm...uh oh.

Lamb Salad Sandwich 33,017 9
08/03/2005 04:27 PM

If you wanna "get in my hat", just say so.

Senior Destructor: America's Heartthrob. 60,724 12
08/03/2005 04:28 PM

Sir, That's Freakin' Ugly



I like this one. I'm keeping it.

Chris Garrettt 86,932 12
08/03/2005 04:29 PM

I DO, I DO!!!!

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/03/2005 04:30 PM

thanks rep............... I'll add that to my list

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/03/2005 04:33 PM

Lammie if by "hat"





You mean do I want to see if I can get your toes to curl then yes...





If you mean do I want to go to Canada and have the man sex with a DJ...no.

OfficeHag 24,693 8
08/03/2005 04:35 PM

Officegag/JillyWilly/Dumb Carroll.

heeeeeeyyyyyyy.

HartmanTwins 10,131 10
08/03/2005 04:40 PM

Hey! I'm from Canada and I have to protest!



The man sex with a DJ is pretty freaking fun with the right lube and pair of scissors.



One rule though, no eye contact.



Don't you look at me! Don't you DARE look at me! That's right. Take it all...take it allll in.

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/03/2005 04:58 PM

HOLY ENGINE SEARCH.......... STFU has all kinds of possibilities!!!!!!! Shy Tubers Falling Up

Slap The Fat Uncle



There is about 200 more........... I am amazed

Senior Destructor: America's Heartthrob. 60,724 12
08/03/2005 05:01 PM

I say we boycott this thread.

HartmanTwins 10,131 10
08/03/2005 05:03 PM

Ok, johnny. It's getting old. How about saying something else? Or is your mouth so full you can feel the pubes on your chin?

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 05:05 PM

boycotting is as effective in Zug as it is at Wal-Mart

Ditdah, now part of the Spoon Army 123,110 14
08/03/2005 05:06 PM

johnnysnausage - it means



SHUT THE Frost UP!

Ditdah, now part of the Spoon Army 123,110 14
08/03/2005 05:07 PM

Sorry guys - I couldn't take it anymore.

Underwhere? - moving to Houston in 3 days! 101,398 77
08/03/2005 05:12 PM

Shed That Foul Underwear



I am going to hurt you.

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/03/2005 05:13 PM

OOPS.......... me bad.....Sowwy

Underwhere? - moving to Houston in 3 days! 101,398 77
08/03/2005 05:13 PM

Ditdah - log on to YIM!

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 05:13 PM

holly, get in line.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/03/2005 05:15 PM

Why are people real naming lately?

Ditdah, now part of the Spoon Army 123,110 14
08/03/2005 05:22 PM

Sorry Underwhere - I am currently without computer at home, and can not IM from work. Believe me, it hurts me more than it does you.



We are supposed to get the computer back tomorrow night. Hopefully I'll be on IM just minutes after it is in the house...

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/03/2005 05:22 PM

special apology to the great and powerful oz

Ditdah, now part of the Spoon Army 123,110 14
08/03/2005 05:23 PM

Deepan - do I even know who you are? I don't want people thinking I IM with you. Please stop.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/03/2005 05:32 PM

i'll kindly take down any posts that i had even mentioning you.









so far, 0. thanks for playing.

Underwhere? - moving to Houston in 3 days! 101,398 77
08/03/2005 05:50 PM

Yes, but you did name me and I have no idea who you are.

supergrover 4,517 9
08/03/2005 07:10 PM

When I come back to this thread, someone better have an explanation for what happened here.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
08/03/2005 08:45 PM

See what hanging out nli gets you, Phla?

Pubah, Incurably Gabdicted 56,805 18
08/04/2005 08:36 AM

<action>Gets on a plane full of nyphomaniac stewardesses, drunken co-eds on spring break, Rap Video Dancers, Swedish womens volleyball players and Plastered Female Gabbers at a Gabstravaganza. Spashes liberally with 'High Karate'...Nothin happens</action>



We want our money back

Piquantrax 8,691 9
08/04/2005 01:11 PM

Black Screen, Words in white: This commercial sponsored by the NRA



Fade Out to God Bless America, Fade in on man in his living room.



MAN: Most people believe that guns are one of the leading causes of death in the United States. Those people are wrong.



CUT to scene of a corner. In the streetlight there is a well dressed African-American pimp and his scantily clad Latina ho.



PIMP: Bitch, where the Frost is my money? You been sucking dick for free?!?



HO: Daddy, I'm tellin' ya business is slow the cops are shutting down this block. I just don't wanna get you in trouble.



PIMP: Ho, I ain't gonna get caught, the chief of police is a client. Why is Mr. Benjamin alone tonight? I might hafta bust a cap.

(Grabs ho)



HO: Let go of me, ouch!

(Pulls a pistol out fires two shots into the pimp and runs)



Zoom in on Pimp's corpse then screen goes black.

Big red letters drip like blood spelling: Dangerous minorities kill people, guns are for self defense.



Cut to black