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After vast quantities of alcohol and/or horse tranquilizers last night, I was wasted. Realizing that I was about one rum-'n-orange-soda (what the hell?) away from passing out, I had called a taxi to whisk me home to bed. After waiting for 20 minutes, I realized my cab was not coming so I began to walk. I mean, stumble.
Walking might not seem like a bad idea, except for the fact that I was a half-hour drive (along the freeway) from home (don't worry, I ended up getting a cab. . . eventually).
Sorry, I'm getting a little off-topic. You want to know why I'm slow, right?
As I was walking along, I was approached by an attractive woman asking for a light. I explained that I don't smoke. She looked puzzled.
This happened again with another woman.
And then a third time. After the third incident the woman said, ". . . uh. . . ok. . . I'll go see if that guy has a light. . . haha. . . I hope I don't look like a hooker. . . haha." She waited a few seconds to see if I picked up on her hints. I didn't.
Anyway, I didn't realize they were hookers until this morning when I replayed the events in my head. If I ever murder someone, I plan to use this story in court to prove that I am functionally retarded.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Side-splitting
23 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1258263
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.5
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The Lying Fudgeman 446  7
08/07/2005 07:04 PM
You should have asked about their Discounts for the Mentally Retarded.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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dropkick brody 43,090 12
08/07/2005 07:04 PM
Rum and orange? Wow, BJ drinks the same old guy drink as me!
I saw a hooker last night for the first time ever.
I havn't lived.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1258274
anonnona 592 8
08/07/2005 07:15 PM
I don't know how you could have known they were hookers if they were attractive.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1258275
EmpLloyd 48,662 14
08/07/2005 07:17 PM
So in your language, "excuse me sir, are you carrying a lighter, or perhaps a book of matches?" is easily confused with "hey baby, let mama suck your Coleridge for fifty bucks"???
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Hilarious
25 votes
4.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1258300
dropkick brody 43,090 12
08/07/2005 08:07 PM
You should have just stopped walking. Everyone knows their vision is based on movement.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1258432
Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
08/08/2005 12:13 AM
Edmonton has hookers?
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1258434
Dogs Akimbo 211,574 32
08/08/2005 12:15 AM
Yeah. The ones in Salt Lake City who couldn't take the fast-paced city life relocated there.
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1258444
Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
08/08/2005 12:31 AM
Well we shoot you all a lot of Shakespeare for Canadian money, but it seems to have it's advantages.
I wonder how many times you could get laid on a full Bic Lighter ?
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1258446
Lamb Salad Sandwich 33,017 9
08/08/2005 12:39 AM
I was blown away buy the number of hookers on the streets of Toronto. They were seriously everywhere. Homeless people too.
It's way too cold up there for either of those professions.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1258451
Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
08/08/2005 12:55 AM
Must be why they have the reputation of being so laid back and all. If you can get laid for just a song !
Or a Tooney anyway.
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1258455
Frogpop - Wicked Smaht 173,153 25
08/08/2005 01:00 AM
I was not blown away by any of the numerous hookers in Montreal, but there sure were a lot of them.
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Side-splitting
19 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1258474
Livewire the Kelly Girl 78,229 13
08/08/2005 02:51 AM
Edmonton has hookers?
Why not? Hooking's only a two minute penalty up there.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1258476
Ravos, The Taco Squirrel 695 8
08/08/2005 02:59 AM
Apparently, none of you have been to Dalhousie street in Ottawa. You can't find people who AREN'T hookers. Or pimps. Or transvestites...
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1258492
Zaphod Beeblebrox 31,599 13
08/08/2005 04:33 AM
By now, Bob has been back down that street about a dozen times.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1258565
Pubah, Incurably Gabdicted 56,805 18
08/08/2005 10:27 AM
...been down that block plenty of times...
This time he HAS a lighter and a book of matches.
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.5
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Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
08/08/2005 11:33 AM
Wicked Wanda : Hey there big boy, is that a lighter in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me ?
Bob Johnson :Actually it's neither, that is my Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator....... and shouldn't you be working on producing some bread at this hour ?
Wicked Wanda : Bitch ! What you think I'm doing out here ?
Bob Johnson : I just thought you might be late since I met two of your associates much earlier, that also overwhelmed my olfactory sensors with the very same odor of yeast products.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1258607
Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/08/2005 11:37 AM
Canada has hookers? I thought you can't have sex in space
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1258623
DemoMonkey, Pranked by a Master. 166,252 10
08/08/2005 11:53 AM
In much of Canada, prostitution (by either gender) is perfectly legal, while solicitation to committ prostitution, keeping a "common bawdy house", and living off the "avails" of prostitution, are illegal.
The moral of this story is that in Canada it's ok to be a whore, as long as you're a homeless telepath who can't balance their chequebook.
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1258639
HartmanTwins 10,131 10
08/08/2005 12:21 PM
You guys are right. There are sooo many whores here in Canada but they like to play mind games.
I went up to this whore yesterday and I offered her some money for her services. Well, she started acting all stupid saying Shakespeare like "I'm not a prostitute, leave me alone" and "Look, mister. I'm only 15!" She kept calling her pimp to rough me up "Dad, this guy keeps bothering me." But I'm not taking the Shakespeare lying down, you know? I want to get laid. So her pimp comes over and he's all in my face saying incoherent Shakespeare like "I'm a mormon and I don't believe in violence. So please leave or I will be forced to call the police" And then I'm like, "Go ahead bitch! Call em! You're the one tricking out your bitch ass hoe all over town." Canadian whores are so difficult.
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