Aimless 54,807 10
08/08/2005 04:15 PM

I spun around wielding the giant bear like a club and, in the presence of young children picking out Barbie's and parents with babies I yelled the following:



JESUS CHRIST YOU F**KING NUT MY KID ISN'T EVEN BORN YET SO WILL YOU STOP HOUNDING ME WITH YOUR CRAP BECAUSE I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL SHOVE THIS BEAR DOWN YOUR THROAT AND PULL IT OUT YOUR ASS IF YOU EVER COME UP BEHIND ME AGAIN. "



Everything in the store stopped. It was like time stood still. It was in this pause that I actually took a good look at the annoying sales lady and noticed that she didn't look totally right. Oh my god I have just yelled at a retard. Her lip began to quiver a little and I could see her eyes getting shiny. holy Christ she is going to cry. I have yelled at a retard and she is going to cry and the whole store saw it. Then, much like a dog that hears it's masters car come around the corner her ears perked up and she c0cked her head to the side, then she spun on her heel and made a beeline for the door. A new customer!!! Fresh meat! I looked over to BD to give him my "that was a close call" look but he was gone. During my rant he snuck off to the sports section to hide out in case they hauled me away for beating down an un-armed retard in the Barbie department at Toys R Us and I needed someone to bail me out.



Moral of the story: If she's pregnant and holding ANYTHING that could be used as a weapon you better back the Frost off. Being retarded is no excuse.

OneEyedTrouserTrout 6,046 8
08/08/2005 04:18 PM

That is why everyone should hire the handicapped. They are so much fun to watch.

Oliverius Chesticus XIV 203,475 12
08/08/2005 04:18 PM

I have never been more aroused.

ringworm 68,315 13
08/08/2005 04:19 PM

here you go.

S>H>P 181,790 70
08/08/2005 04:20 PM

Yelling at retards is a lot like yelling at puppies. You can do it a dozen times, maybe more, but if you pat their heads and give them a cookie, you can still get them close enough to kick them, every time.

BlaiseMilla 67,037 13
08/08/2005 04:20 PM

She's wasn't retarded. That's her schtick to get more sales.

Flaminsky 379 10
08/08/2005 04:22 PM

actually took a good look at the annoying sales lady and noticed that she didn't look totally right



Was it the penis that gave 'her' away.

Ravos, The Taco Squirrel 695 8
08/08/2005 04:43 PM

Are you english, or retarded?

Millie 116,988 28
08/08/2005 08:07 PM

I hate pushy salespeople. I won't go into a store if someone has bugged me too much.



People in Maine are not extremely friendly, anyway. When I'm working, even if I say, "Hi" a lot of times they'll answer, "No! I'm just looking!"



I'm a Shakespearety salesperson, anyway. In my job, we have sales quotas, even though we don't get commission. I couldn't care less if I meet my quota or not.



I predict I'll be back in the paint department before long.

Ravos, The Taco Squirrel 695 8
08/08/2005 11:24 PM

Im like the worst employee ever. I dont know who would honestly hire me. I take 3-4x longer for my breaks than i should, i leave 15 minutes early, and i stand around doing nothing for over 1/2 my shift. It makes me feel dirty.

eeboney 372 8
08/08/2005 11:59 PM

A tried and true method for getting rid of pushy salespeople is to decline their offer of 'help' by saying





No thanks, I'm just shoplifting.

Just Ducky 10,666 13
08/09/2005 12:33 AM

Millie where in Maine are you? I was just there this weekend for my sister's wedding. Wost. Frost-ing.trip.ever.

supergrover 4,517 9
08/09/2005 12:37 AM

I have always wanted to go to the mall wearing a shirt that says, "I'm just here to shoplift."



Then I remember I'm lazy and anti-social, so I log on to Gab instead.

Armored 3,923 8
08/09/2005 12:46 AM

Im like the worst employee ever. I dont know who would honestly hire me. I take 3-4x longer for my breaks than i should, i leave 15 minutes early, and i stand around doing nothing for over 1/2 my shift. It makes me feel dirty.



Sounds like you fit all of Wal-Mart's criteria.

eeboney 372 8
08/09/2005 12:48 AM

Or, alternatively, when they say:



May I help you 'SIR"? respond:



I am Not a sir, I'm a DEMOCRAT!

Lamb Salad Sandwich 33,017 9
08/09/2005 01:01 AM

About a week ago, the attendant at the gas station called me "sir".



After he gave me my change, I said "thanks, miss" and walked off. I don't think he noticed.

Millie 116,988 28
08/09/2005 01:02 AM

Ducky, I live in Hallowell, but work in the Portland area.



I used to live in Portland, until I got divorced a couple of years ago. I grew up in Augusta.



Why was your trip sucky? The weather has been nice lately.

Lamb Salad Sandwich 33,017 9
08/09/2005 01:03 AM

Because it's Maine.

Frogpop 173,153 25
08/09/2005 01:07 AM

You don't really want that chowdah, do you?

Millie 116,988 28
08/09/2005 01:09 AM

Maine is beautiful.



I wouldn't live anywhere else (as if I have a choice).

Frogpop 173,153 25
08/09/2005 01:10 AM

<action>gives Millie the New Englandah super secret handshake</action>pissah.

Dogs Akimbo 211,574 32
08/09/2005 01:20 AM

Here's my t-shirt:



I WILL SHOVE THIS BEAR DOWN YOUR THROAT AND PULL IT OUT YOUR ASS IF YOU EVER COME UP BEHIND ME AGAIN.

Millie 116,988 28
08/09/2005 01:25 AM

<action>returns the secret handshake</action>

Ayuh.

Ravos, The Taco Squirrel 695 8
08/09/2005 01:29 AM

Sounds like you fit all of Wal-Mart's criteria.



Thats because I work at the Canadian Equivalent. At least I wont be there for life.



At least I keep telling myself that...

eeboney 372 8
08/09/2005 02:14 AM

Maine has a very beautiful seacoast. Reminded me of the old NC seashore. I hope that the super rich have not destroyed your beaches like they have here.

Millie 116,988 28
08/09/2005 02:24 AM

The rich people are trying their best to take over the beaches, but luckily a lot of land is owned by the state the beaches are state parks.



We don't have a huge amount of sandy beaches in Maine--something like less than 1% of the actual coastline.



The ocean is so cold here, anyway, if you're not used to it, you can't swim in it.

eeboney 372 8
08/09/2005 02:36 AM

Down here, where the Labrador current meets the Gulf Stream, you don't have any clue whether the water temp will be 50 or 80. Most of the times, that temp fluctuation can occur within hours. Yankees seem to get all giddy over themselves when this temp change happens immediately.



This causes them to shed lots of clothing on the beach, and is a great source of hilarity(and voyeurism) to our Baptist eyes.

Lamb Salad Sandwich 33,017 9
08/09/2005 03:04 AM

Beware the pregnant woman's wrath for Maine-jacking her thread!

eeboney 372 8
08/09/2005 03:16 AM

Fearing the Lambie here. Must not panic.













Okay, what did I do wrongly this time?

Millie 116,988 28
08/09/2005 03:28 AM

<action>points at Ducky</action>

It's all Ducky's fault!

Frogpop 173,153 25
08/09/2005 03:32 AM

CHOWDAH!

eeboney 372 8
08/09/2005 03:34 AM

Okay

















I DON'T HAVE A VAGINA!













So sue me.

Release the One Legged Space Chickens 286,527 61
08/09/2005 03:45 AM

POISON!

Frogpop 173,153 25
08/09/2005 03:52 AM

I used to love Toys R Us when I was a kid. The Lego aisle was my personal idea of heaven. I think it's kind of sad that they're getting out of the toy business.

eeboney 372 8
08/09/2005 03:59 AM

Chickens is awake?



At this hour?



Closing down He's Not Here?



Enquiring minds really don't need to know.

ringworm 68,315 13
08/09/2005 04:28 AM

shoud-air.

Whistler P. McManus 186,041 44
08/09/2005 09:16 AM

If I worked at Home Depot, I'd want to work in the paint department. All my years in the printing business have made me very good with color. And addicted to fumes.

Ravos, The Taco Squirrel 695 8
08/09/2005 10:48 AM

Wow, i've worked in printing too, just like my father before me, and his fath.....wait. No, just my father. Difference is, I hated printing.

Aparently, everyone knows me as Yosh now 24,152 8
08/09/2005 11:11 AM

I used to work at Toys 'R Us. In fact, it was my first job. I wasn't a pushy sales guy, more like the guy who would bend over backwards to help the customers out. Since this was all before I removed my rose-colored glasses I ended up earning employee of the month the very first month I was there.



My stupidity did not end there. I was asked to run the Pokemon League, to which I asked if would get more money. Laughter was my response. After dealing with about 35 kids all screaming and farting (the meetings were scheduled just long enough after lunchtime so the parents could unload their little Hazmat brats to us and enjoy a flatulence free afternoon) I vowed never to be conned again.



Then came Camp Geoffrey... I had to wear a pith helmet and have such fun events as coloring and painting. I even faked Will Smith's autograph for some parents since MIB 2 had just come out. Still earning 6.75 an hour, I had to actually wear the Geoffrey suit. A rank, putrid aroma permeated this suit. I later found out that the previous wearer had actually vomited while wearing it. I asked if it had been cleaned. I got the standard response of chuckles.



If anyone here is considering getting a job at that rancid hellhole I honestly hope you seriously reconsider.

Ravos, The Taco Squirrel 695 8
08/09/2005 11:14 AM

I had a friend who worked there. He worked in electronics, so it wasnt so bad. But he quit anyway.

Aparently, everyone knows me as Yosh now 24,152 8
08/09/2005 11:22 AM

There was one cool place to work though, i.e. no dealing with customers. '500s was the best; it's the stockroom in the back of the store and had a box crusher which we nicknamed Mr. Bonestripper. We'd smoke some and then throw all kinds of things in it and crush them as flat as a dime. Halloween was fun though, since we had about 40 aging pumpkins left over. We got 26 of them stuffed in there with a rusty bike we'd found, then Momo hit the crush button. We ended up running out of there and back to our worlds(areas we worked) laughing all the way. It took them 3 weeks to get the smell out.

Jilly 24,693 8
08/09/2005 11:27 AM

pushy salespeople? Try the Gap - they freaking chase around the store waving boot-cut,ultra low rise, vintage wash jeans and khakis, and hoodies. Then when you buy the merchandise that has been mercilessly and shamelessly pushed upon you - you get the old

"You can save .0004% on your purshase if you sign up for a Gap card"

"No, Thanks"

"But it only takes a couple of minutes and you DO save .0004% on todays purchase"



Well- since you harassed the Shakespeare out of me - I won't be coming back - so a Gap Card would only be used to pick locks and line up cocaine.

I am going somewhere where they have NO customer service. Old Navy. Boo-ya

I'm going to