Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
08/12/2005 10:18 AM

You should've winked back at her and said, "Oh, you bet your ass I will."

Cruising for a Boozing 9,993 12
08/12/2005 10:21 AM

"You have a real fun flight, ma'am."



The correct reply to this should be "Oh no this is just to make rrom for my stash on the return flight" and then wink knowingly

Erika the killjoy 76,152 9
08/12/2005 10:21 AM

Yeah, cause sitting on an airplane with a bunch of screaming kids and high strung travelers always puts me in the mood. The spacious interior and scintilating smell of the airplane bathroom creates the perfect ambience to have that special moment with ones self. Enjoy!

Bizzaro Duh 24,152 8
08/12/2005 10:22 AM

Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but... every once in a while... it's a dildo. Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article "a" dildo, never... "your" dildo.

Ditdah, now part of the Spoon Army 123,110 14
08/12/2005 10:26 AM

I'm currently sitting at the gate, waiting for my flight



Stop bragging about the Frostin Sidekick already!

Tabula Rasa 14,056 9
08/12/2005 10:29 AM

Great. I walked on the plane and the pilot's screaming into the phone, "Half a tank! Half a goddamn tank!"

I think I wanna go home now.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/12/2005 10:33 AM

see, if airport security actually worked, they should've opened up that thing to see if you had C4 or cocaine in it.



and then make you use it. ya know, to see if it actually works.

Erika the killjoy 76,152 9
08/12/2005 10:34 AM

Don't worry, he was just placing his drink order for the flight.

















Um, nevermind you should probably still worry.

S>H>P 181,790 70
08/12/2005 10:38 AM

I got on the plane to Boston with 2 lighters. There were 2 checked in my bag when I went to NYC.



There's really nothing funny about this post, except that when I told Trixxie this story, he tackled me in Quincy Market. It was my first gay-tackle. I liked it.

HartmanTwins 10,131 10
08/12/2005 10:40 AM

I once asked a stewardess:



Me: "Why are the windows on planes made so small?"



Stewardess: "It's simple. If the window breaks, one body will be enough to block the window. That will prevent anyone else from flying out."



...



Ok, that's a lie. She didn't say that. In fact, I didn't even ask the question, I just imagined I did. But in my world, imagination is reality.

Trae - Please return me to my upright position 156,790 17
08/12/2005 10:42 AM

I call bullShakespeare. No way you'd only bring one vibrator.

Miniver 2,334 9
08/12/2005 10:46 AM

I probably missed the facts because I'm not online much, but who what are you doing in New York, Tabby?

Mr. Sir 66,722 9
08/12/2005 10:47 AM

Good luck on the flight, Tabula.



I will wave at the sky in about an hour and a half. You should be in the vicinity about then.







Also, if things get too bad, the little bottles of booze are kept either in a (usually unlocked) compartment in the back of the drink cart, or on top of the cart by the handle.





Have a good trip.

Bizzaro Duh 24,152 8
08/12/2005 10:49 AM

Airport security is all show...



I was riding in a friend's car from Miami up to Ft. Lauderdale where there was a major party going on. The four of us were passing by Miami International Airport. There happens to be a shortcut near the airport and we were in a rush, so we figured why not. Once we got there we found out that the shortcut had a detour sign blocking it off.



This was about a month after 9/11, so we figured it wouldn't be a good idea to bust through a barricade at the airport. After following detour after detour sign we noticed that we were going into darker and more deserted areas of the airport. We hadn't seen a detour sign for a while and we realized we were lost in a maze of airport alleys. We had just made a right turn down an alley and had to stop. We had stopped right in front of the runway. The tarmac loomed at us.



My first thought upon seeing this? Let's get the Frost out of here before the national guard shoots us to hamburger. We drove in reverse and managed to make our way out of there and to the party later that night.



Now if I'm taking a flight I laugh when the security asks me to take off my boots.



Incompetence: The American Way

HartmanTwins 10,131 10
08/12/2005 10:50 AM

I bought a vibrator, but I can't figure out how it works. Am I suppose to apply it to my

o-o-o-oh n-n-n-n-e-e-e-e-v-v-v-r-r-m-i-n-d-d-d-d

The Mailman: ringing twice, as always 176,450 56
08/12/2005 10:52 AM

You know how you are supposed to check with the flight attendants before using any electric device during the flight?



Next time you're in a plane, when the seat belt sign goes off, pull your vibrator out of your purse, hold it up, and ask them if this is safe to use.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/12/2005 11:05 AM

My first thought upon seeing this? Let's get the Frost out of here before the national guard shoots us to hamburger



In Florida, the national guard is too busy trying to keep Terri's corpse alive.

Bizzaro Duh 24,152 8
08/12/2005 11:12 AM

No way Deepan, Schiavo has the same Disney animatronics crew that Cheney uses. Michael Eisner got them as part of his golden parachute deal and they're on loan to Florida for now.



Come to think of it, Aimless could get a lot better money working for them rather than being a street performer with her Howdy Doody fetus.

Trixxiewan Kenobie 65,026 15
08/12/2005 02:13 PM

Trae silly, that was her carry on.

Cruising for a Boozing 9,993 12
08/13/2005 11:17 PM

We're going to a casino tomorrow



Put $50 on 28 black, if it wins then as your psychic i'll take %5 of the winnings, if it doesnt then you've learnt a valuable lesson.



Never trust a Scotsman.

Whistler P. McManus 186,041 44
08/13/2005 11:47 PM

Where upstate does he live? You should come over.

Fratberry 282,940 53
08/13/2005 11:49 PM

I call bullShakespeare. No way you'd only bring one vibrator.



Of course she only brought one. Its not like she was going to a family reunion.

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
08/14/2005 12:14 AM

Imagine their surprise when they asked her what she had in the big thermos, and she pulled it out of the carrying case and turned it on for them !

Uncle Pie 26,981 11
08/14/2005 01:52 AM

So......

How was your flight?

I am Straw 97,995 37
08/14/2005 01:58 AM

About a month ago, when I was going through airport security, they did a search of my purse because I had so much crap jumbled together that they couldn't make sense of it.



As the dude was rummaging through it with his rubber gloves, I remembered that my teeny swiss army knife doohicky was in there. It has a blade, nail file, toothpick, tweezers and tiny scissors. I love that thing, it is awesome. I knew if he found it he would confiscate it, and I didn't want to have to go buy another one.



Fortunately he decided that my digital camera and my lipstick palette was what caused the suspicious lumps, and didn't dig further.

Armored 3,923 8
08/14/2005 02:00 AM

Score!

Fluffy now serving beer 977 9
08/14/2005 07:52 AM

I bought a vibrator, but I can't figure out how it works. Am I suppose to apply it to my

o-o-o-oh n-n-n-n-e-e-e-e-v-v-v-r-r-m-i-n-d-d-d-d

Arent you a guy??

WickedWedgieWoman 15,741 12
08/14/2005 07:55 AM

How sad

REAPERR-FU 12,363 11
08/14/2005 12:50 PM

"some things in my purse- eticket, lipstick, vibrator (don't want to lose it, ever), pen and wallet.



That must be one huge Frost-ing pus purse.

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/14/2005 02:01 PM

What's a vibrator??

OneEyedTrouserTrout 6,046 8
08/14/2005 02:04 PM

I can see how security would let the vibrator slide, but I'm surprised they didn't say anything about the diesel generator that powers it.