Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
08/15/2005 05:47 PM

You dropped a tray full of champagne glasses on the little boy's head and he's now brain damaged for life?





Awesome!

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
08/15/2005 05:47 PM

...as you were falling one of the little boys screamed "she touched me in my no-no spot and gave us the fizzy juice in those glasses!

The High Priestess of Stewie 58,884 29
08/15/2005 05:50 PM

It wasn't as bad as it could have been. Only one of the glasses actually stuck in the cake and only my elbow was covered in frosting. I have never been for horrified. I almost started crying right there. The chefs took it into the back and patched it up. They did a great job and hid the bad part by re postioning the table in a corner. The planner told the mother of the bride as I cried in the kitchen. It was an accident, and the little boy was crying too, he was so sorry for bumping into me and ruining his cousin's cake. The mother clearly stated that she would not be paying for the cake. That's a $3600 dollar loss for the resort. Good news, I still have my job.

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/15/2005 05:54 PM

There is such a thing as a $3600 cake??????? I'd like to snort a few lines of crumbs, please!!

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
08/15/2005 05:56 PM

<action>continues assuming the worst</action>



...and the cake was actually an elaborate cover for a dirty bomb. The icing was made of plutonium and now the flesh on your elbow is rotting off the bone.

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/15/2005 05:57 PM

oops

Kittuns: The Moosinator™ 44,835 9
08/15/2005 05:58 PM

"Worst Night Ever"



This will also be the title of the thread after you lose your virginity.

The High Priestess of Stewie 58,884 29
08/15/2005 06:00 PM

Kittuns, I love you.





Johnny, $9.00 a slice for 400 people = 3,600 right?

Oliver Chesticles 203,475 12
08/15/2005 06:00 PM

??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!



Here, Kielbasa. You may want to use these also. You stupid Frost-ing moron.

Ditdah, now part of the Spoon Army 123,110 14
08/15/2005 06:14 PM

Worst Night Ever



Don't worry - you're still a virgin. You have many more "worst nights" ahead of you.

Potrzebie 1,790 9
08/15/2005 06:30 PM

"only my elbow was covered in frosting"

















Virgin!

The High Priestess of Stewie 58,884 29
08/15/2005 06:51 PM

Wow, Potrzebie and Ditdah, no one has ever made a virgin joke about me before! Espically not Kittuns! How original!

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/15/2005 06:55 PM

Priestess...you are a wonderful person, you saved the alcohol.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/15/2005 06:56 PM

Wait, you didn't?





Pfft, virgin.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/15/2005 06:56 PM

See, if you accidentally porked the groom, THEN i'd find a reason to cry. People eat the damn cake, as long as the bump doesn't show up on the pictures there's nothing to worry about.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/15/2005 06:57 PM

BIG - tray full of empty champagne glasses



She saved the crystal. Booo.

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/15/2005 06:57 PM

400 people dumn enough to pay $9.00 for a slice of cake?? I'm shutting down my $2.00 a slice Pizza joint and opening a catering service!!

DemoMonkey, Pranked by a Master. 166,252 10
08/15/2005 06:57 PM

Yes, but unlike that poor bride, at least the night Priestess loses her virginity she won't wake up the next morning with the tear stained memory of bodies spastically bumping together, an accidental "spill" that leaves her terrified about her future, and the realization that a young womans dreams of fairy tale romance have been destroyed forever.







...

Crap.

The High Priestess of Stewie 58,884 29
08/15/2005 07:05 PM

Darlen' you sho do know how ta sweet talk a girl!

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
08/15/2005 07:16 PM

I bet Mom gave the little bastard a five spot, and pocketed $3595.00 just like they planned.











Jewish wedding right ?

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/15/2005 07:18 PM

Jewish wedding right ?



Jews spend the most money of anybody on special occasions. They just skimp on things like clothes and hygeine products.

The High Priestess of Stewie 58,884 29
08/15/2005 07:20 PM

No, Gorgia White trash. And not the good class of White trash that Trae belongs to, this was the real bad kind. I think they thought the trash cans were spitoons.

nermal-the world's cutest fabulounik 8,478 12
08/15/2005 07:30 PM

400 people dumn enough to pay $9.00 for a slice of cake??



Hey Sausage or whoever you are...other than bringing a gift have you ever been CHARGED to attend a wedding?

Potrzebie 1,790 9
08/15/2005 07:32 PM

"wake up the next morning with the tear stained memory"





You're supposed to wake up and.....remember? That's just asking too much. In more ways then one unfortunately.

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
08/15/2005 07:34 PM

That is wrong to flat out refuse to pay, and if taken to court, (with a male judge) I would bet that they would settle somewhere in the middle. To not assume any responsibility for it is wrong.



Next wedding I bet your boss will be pushing them to cut the cake in the first 10 minutes of the reception.

No Lloydering 48,662 14
08/15/2005 07:35 PM

400 people dumn enough to pay $9.00 for a slice of cake??



But where they smrt enough to know how to spell dumb?

Cruising for a Boozing 9,993 12
08/15/2005 07:43 PM

You're supposed to wake up and.....remember?



When I woke up the morning after that fateful, drunken night I couldn't really remember much, but I was absolutely certain that I left my local drinking hole with something that belonged at the pub .... and I was right.



....



A barmaid.

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/15/2005 07:48 PM

I guess they where......... lmao

No_Key_Bandit 76,490 10
08/15/2005 07:52 PM

"400 people dumn enough to pay $9.00 for a slice of cake??"



But where they smrt enough to know how to spell dumb?



Dambit!

Millie 116,988 28
08/15/2005 08:23 PM

Don't worry; the bride's mother was Frost-ing thrilled to have a reason to refuse to pay for something.



Why the hell did they tell her? I wouldn't have unless she asked.



I made my own wedding cake. It was four delicious layers--chocolate, yellow, spice, and white. I didn't even get a piece of it. There was half a cake left and my fat-ass brother-in-law stole it. (Yes, all you anti-Semites, he is Jewish--make with the jokes.)



He had already had four huge slices because, as he told my brother, he felt obligated to taste every layer.



My cake probably cost less than $20 to make, but untold hours of toil. It had pretty flowers of all different colors (what a surprise) and real buttercream frosting. Yum.

Oliver Chesticles 203,475 12
08/15/2005 08:25 PM

Well, look how your marriage turned out.



That's what happens when you make your own cake.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/15/2005 08:26 PM

cupcakefroster.

dropkick brody 43,090 12
08/15/2005 08:27 PM

It was four delicious layers--chocolate, yellow, spice, and white





Mmmmm gotta love that yellow. It's the most delicious colour.

Millie 116,988 28
08/15/2005 08:33 PM

Hey, my marriage lasted nine years. We still talk on the phone every other day and see each other on a regular basis.



The best part is, I never have to see my in-laws again. God, I hate them.

Millie 116,988 28
08/15/2005 08:35 PM

BIG and Ollie, don't be bitter.



You could have tasted my cookies, but you chose not to.

DemoMonkey, Pranked by a Master. 166,252 10
08/15/2005 08:36 PM

The group really went downhill after Yellow Spice left.

Millie 116,988 28
08/15/2005 09:23 PM

Yellow cake is the BEST!



I have to take a stand on something.

dropkick brody 43,090 12
08/15/2005 09:24 PM

What flavour is yellow cake?



Because my yellow crayons always just tasted like wax.

Millie 116,988 28
08/15/2005 09:29 PM

I don't know what flavor it is, but it's good.

dropkick brody 43,090 12
08/15/2005 09:30 PM

I have totally never heard of it before. But it intrigues me.

UnderHaggis! 101,398 77
08/15/2005 10:07 PM

I dated a Jewish guy when I was 15. He had scoliosis and had to wear a body brace. It hurt when he hugged me. He took it off when we had sex, but he still smelled like cheese. Because, you know, the body brace smelled like cheese,



Later, after we were broken up, he dated some other girl and got her pregnant. They got married, but the baby was born with a birthmark covering half its face.



I am not sure if there was any issue with the cake at the reception. I was not invited.

dropkick brody 43,090 12
08/15/2005 10:12 PM

Anyone have a recipe for this cake?



And can I add chocolate to said recipe?

Millie 116,988 28
08/15/2005 10:30 PM

If you add chocolate, it will be chocolate cake, NOT yellow cake!



Or marble cake.



A good recipe--buy yellow cake mix and follow the directions.

Millie 116,988 28
08/15/2005 10:34 PM

Here's a recipe...



Basically, yellow cake is a buttery cake. Not as heavy as pound cake, usually, though I've seen some recipes that call pound cake yellow cake.



Now, I'm hungry! And I have a really good recipe for pound cake. And I have a pound of butter in the fridge...

dropkick brody 43,090 12
08/15/2005 10:35 PM

Thanks Millie!



So, it's kind of like a madiera cake, without the lemony taste?



And 'c' stands for cup, right?

Millie 116,988 28
08/15/2005 10:37 PM

Yes, 8 ounces.



I've never tried this recipe, but yellow cake is just a basic cake. You could probably add almost anything to it.

dropkick brody 43,090 12
08/15/2005 10:39 PM

I do love the cake.



I am so making this with dark chocolate and oranges.



And I can wear my apron! So everyone wins.

Dogs Akimbo 211,574 32
08/15/2005 10:43 PM

What exactly makes a cake special?

dropkick brody 43,090 12
08/15/2005 10:43 PM

Ask Kake.

dropkick brody 43,090 12
08/15/2005 10:45 PM

He's usually pretty special.

Ditdah, now part of the Spoon Army 123,110 14
08/15/2005 10:46 PM

Special in the white padded van kinda way?

Frogpop 173,153 25
08/16/2005 01:04 AM

The mother clearly stated that she would not be paying for the cake.



They chef or resort manager should have clearly stated that she wouldn't be eating it, either.

Livewire the Kelly Girl 78,229 13
08/16/2005 01:58 AM

I'll have to disagree with you, Oliver. Despite the excessive use of punctuation, johnnykielbasa is undoubtedly the most improved noob this week.



He went from flood posting horrible crap to actually making me chuckle in this thread. Credit where credit is due, I say.

The High Priestess of Stewie 58,884 29
08/16/2005 08:33 AM

Frogpop, I wish the planner could have said that, but this was a Club member and they get what ever the hell they want. There is even a hooker in the men's locker rooms at the golf courses that gives out blow jobs. Anything to keep them happy.

Frogpop - Wicked Smaht 173,153 25
08/16/2005 09:34 AM

Are you currently looking for new members?









huh-huh.. members..

S>H>P 181,790 70
08/16/2005 09:42 AM

Yellow cake is the BEST!

I have to take a stand on something



A cake stand?

Dead Robot 67,630 16
08/16/2005 09:56 AM

My bro once did that while catering. Full tray of champagne while behind the bride and groom at the head table. She stood up and all of the bridesmaids got covered in champers.

The High Priestess of Stewie 58,884 29
08/16/2005 10:07 AM

Frog,



Unless you've got $75,000 to give up front and then $10,000 each year as dues, sure!



Pristess

Lamb Salad Sandwich 33,017 9
08/16/2005 10:21 AM

Are they accepting applications for the whore position?

Duh-Dum-Dum 24,152 8
08/16/2005 10:33 AM

Here's a helpful flyer, Lammie.

DemoMonkey, Pranked by a Master. 166,252 10
08/16/2005 10:49 AM

Are they accepting applications for the whore position?



Yes. But you need a B.A.

Lamb Salad Sandwich 33,017 9
08/16/2005 10:52 AM

Bukakki of the Arts?

Lamb Salad Sandwich 33,017 9
08/16/2005 11:44 AM

Oh, excuse me. Bukkake</b. of the Arts.



I only have my AA. They never taught me how to spel.

Lamb Salad Sandwich 33,017 9
08/16/2005 11:44 AM

Oh, excuse me. Bukkake of the Arts.



I only have my AA. They never taught me how to spel.

Lamb Salad Sandwich 33,017 9
08/16/2005 11:45 AM

Or preview.

Duh-Dum-Dum 24,152 8
08/16/2005 11:46 AM

<action>looks up</action>



I always knew that acting like a glazed donut would lead to her keyboard sticking...

five_o 0 7
08/19/2005 07:18 AM

hi guys i'm brown. but hey a really nice guy.

Napkin Wundt MD 30,762 12
08/19/2005 07:23 AM

<action>sniffs that air</action>Ogden Nashes...

Time for Nerd to come out of hiding and join me in the lynching.

The High Priestess of Stewie 58,884 29
08/19/2005 10:24 AM

<action> rips sheets off bed, starts sewing</action>



I'll be done with your uniforms soon.

Phuc 237,919 21
08/19/2005 10:55 AM

I found an even better recipe for yellow cake!

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/22/2005 02:17 PM

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm ... yellow cake.. Is it Bin Ladin's birthday yet??

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/24/2005 04:23 PM

Are they accepting applications for the whore position?



Yes. But you need a B.A.



No lambie........... just bare ass as usual.

Oliver Chesticles 203,475 12
08/24/2005 04:26 PM

Just so you know, one of the most obnoxious things that you do is bump old threads for no reason.

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/24/2005 04:30 PM

Thanks Ollie, but I have plenty of raisins

monkeywrencho doesn't like writing her thesis 443 9
08/24/2005 11:27 PM

Sweet mother of god if this dipShakespeare doesn't shut up soon I'm going to lose my mind. I know this might seem out of the blue considering my scant posting habits on this board, but I'm here, always watching, always witnessing the idiotic verbal diarrhea that comes pouring out of JK. I can't help myself any more. He really gets under my skin.

monkeywrencho doesn't like writing her thesis 443 9
08/24/2005 11:28 PM

<action>exhales.</action>

The High Priestess of Stewie 58,884 29
08/25/2005 12:14 AM

psst: wrong thread

Lamb Salad Sandwich 33,017 9
08/25/2005 01:07 AM

Are they accepting applications for the whore position?



Yes. But you need a B.A.



No lambie........... just bare ass as usual.





Dear Johnny-keel-over-and-die,



It took you eight days to come up with that? Eight days?



I'm really very disappointed in you. You're going to have to think quicker than that if you want your comments to be relevant.



Also, go easy on the dot-dot-dots. I think you gave me fleas.

Frogpop 173,153 25
08/25/2005 01:10 AM

could be fruit flies..

Mwahiy: The Bitter, Sexually Frustrated One 5,425 9
08/25/2005 01:13 AM

Must not be doing your job very well then Mr. Frog.

notkaliesmash 1,741 7
08/25/2005 01:15 AM

Must not be doing your job very well then Mr. Frog.



that made me laugh

Frogpop 173,153 25
08/25/2005 01:20 AM

that made me laugh



don't tell us.. that's what the faces are for.

Mwahiy: The Bitter, Sexually Frustrated One 5,425 9
08/25/2005 01:21 AM

Crap, I'm appealing to the wrong audience then...Meh, nevermind I'll take what I can get.











How You Doin?

notkaliesmash 1,741 7
08/25/2005 01:21 AM

heh..sorry, i can see me not working well here =\

Lamb Salad Sandwich 33,017 9
08/25/2005 01:21 AM

But what are feces for?

Mwahiy: The Bitter, Sexually Frustrated One 5,425 9
08/25/2005 01:24 AM

heh..sorry, i can see me not working well here =\









Now if only we could get a certain few other people to jump on that bandwagon *coughjohnnykieldickweedandjillycough*

notkaliesmash 1,741 7
08/25/2005 01:37 AM

i thougt jilly was funny, maybe not johnny though..

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/25/2005 02:07 PM

If the sausageboy (I kinda like that name), I mean the FAKE JOHNNYKIELBASA, would stop posting, I'd have half a chance!!!

Mwahiy: The Bitter, Sexually Frustrated One 5,425 9
08/25/2005 02:14 PM

Yea, yea, blame it on your little schizophrenic alter-ego there, MiniSasuageBoy

Suzy Gardner's Dad 2,724 8
08/25/2005 03:19 PM

fiv_o: hi guys i'm brown. but hey a really nice guy.



Aloha, brah. Lolohaulimuddahs hir.

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/25/2005 04:54 PM

MaxiSausageBoy to you ...sexually frustrated wonderboy

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/30/2005 10:09 PM

This thread deserves last minute attention.

Mwahiy: The Bitter, Sexually Frustrated One 5,425 9
08/30/2005 10:16 PM

I'm only sexually frustrated because I can't decide if I like blondes or brunettes more, MicroSasuageBoy.

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
09/07/2005 01:49 PM

Try redheads then...

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
09/27/2005 03:14 PM

this thread is much funnier than any of todays threads

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
09/30/2005 04:55 PM

oops.......... wrong thread.



How silly of me!!!!!!!

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
10/02/2005 03:50 PM

anyone got cake ??

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
10/02/2005 03:55 PM

Guess I'll settle for leftover Lazagna

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
10/03/2005 04:19 PM

bump

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
10/12/2005 12:36 PM

No fair Lammie.......... I think fast on my feet.

773 7
10/15/2005 05:37 PM

johnny rocks! BUMP!

SausageBoy 15,703 0
11/24/2005 02:51 PM

So today, I sold a $3600 Turkey. Some people will buy anything.

CCCCCCCCC 286,527 61
05/31/2006 01:17 PM

J2k hasn't posted since August of 05? damn, it seems like just yesterday

Taco: the Lord of the Crunch 61,976 36
05/31/2006 01:24 PM

Oliver Chesticles 8/24/2005 4:26 pm



Just so you know, one of the most obnoxious things that you do is bump old threads for no reason.

UnderHaggis 101,398 77
05/31/2006 02:03 PM

I still haven't forgiven that Froster for making fun of my tits.

Ollie Ollie Go Go Pop 203,475 12
05/31/2006 02:14 PM

I make fun all over your tits all the time. I suppose that's a little different though.

Fratberry 282,940 53
05/31/2006 02:21 PM

<action>takes Shakespeare stirring stick away from Chickens, beats him to death with it</action>

CCCCCCCCC 286,527 61
05/31/2006 03:15 PM

why is this old codger tapping me with his white cane?

Under a Crazed Wal-Mart Crowd 101,398 77
12/15/2008 04:06 PM

I was talking to Mung today and suddenly remembered this thread.  Thought I'd share.

Have a Sarah Merry Christmas! 30,601 8
12/15/2008 04:17 PM

Speaking of, I have to make a cake for an upcoming luau party.

I have to make it in the shape of a roasted pig, with an apple in its mouth and everything.

I like cake. That it all.

Under a Crazed Wal-Mart Crowd 101,398 77
12/15/2008 05:17 PM

I like cake.

Me too, and I've got an ass to prove it!

Millie 116,988 28
12/15/2008 10:17 PM

Take a picture of the pig cake! 



What flavor cake?



You should make red velvet cake, then when it's cut open, everyone will gasp because they'll think it's all bloody inside.



Plus, red velvet cake is awesome.



 

Straw la la la la la la la la 97,995 37
12/15/2008 10:41 PM

Brody, did you ever try yellow cake?

Dogs Akimbo 211,574 32
12/15/2008 10:54 PM

Now, if you could make a roast pig look like a cake, that'd be something.

I love the penis 3 4
12/15/2008 10:58 PM

Sometimes I wish that cake was actually good for you; so we could eat it at anytime and not worry about becoming fat.

Ravos the red-nosed GABber 63,467 21
12/16/2008 08:22 AM

Now, if you could make a roast pig look like a cake, that'd be something.

Meatcake?