Livewire the Kelly Girl 78,229 13
08/16/2005 12:12 AM

Delaware is New Jersey Lite.

Millie 116,988 28
08/16/2005 12:37 AM

Pick up Mr. Sir and bring to the funeral and tell everyone he's your new boyfriend!



Or bring Ditdah, and tell everyone she's your new girlfriend.

Millie 116,988 28
08/16/2005 12:37 AM

Or bring both, and tell everyone you are in a alternative-type relationship.

Pistol in Pink 10,071 9
08/16/2005 12:47 AM

Brilliance. Anyone else care to make it a foursome? I'm Irish. I've got a lot of relatives to scare off.

Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
08/16/2005 12:50 AM

<action> gets another stupid tattoo </action>

People?

Scare off?











I'm in.

Declan McManus, Vice Promotion Squad 131,877 36
08/16/2005 01:02 AM

Oh, MiLLie, I too, am in Ohio.





I'm closer to Cleveland than either Ditdah or Mr. Sir.



Sincerely sorry about your relative, Pistol.

Millie 116,988 28
08/16/2005 01:10 AM

Oh, yes, I'm sorry, Declan. For some reason I always think of New York--because of your brother (who I'm stalking).



Declan would make it a foursome. A deliciously kinky foursome.

Napkin Wundt MD 30,762 12
08/16/2005 02:39 AM

Do you ever feel like you're going to fart, but instead you Shakespeare on your father's face? And, uh, and everybody on the bus is like "Hey! That's not appropriate!", and you're like "I thought it was gonna be a fart!" And they go "Ohh, alright then."

Whistler P. McManus 186,041 44
08/16/2005 02:42 AM

Hey! I'm going to Ohio, too! I won't be there until next Wednesday, though. Will you wait for me?





Sorry about your loss, Pistola.

supergrover 4,517 9
08/16/2005 02:47 AM

My brothers and my dad recently took a six hour trip up north (that's what we southern Wisconsiners refer to anything more than two hours north.) My dad is nearing 60 years old and had to make a lot of pit stops.



At one such stop they were all lined up at rest stop urinals (each respectively one urinal seperated I'm sure) when my dad suddenly made a face. It was the look of a man who has just eaten something unexpectedly sour. With tightly clenched cheeks he quickly waddled to the stalls, followed by the mocking laughter of his sons.



That was the day he learned the word, 'sharted'.

OneEyedTrouserTrout 6,046 8
08/16/2005 02:53 AM

So this guy covered in poop walks into a bar with a dead baby on his head The bartender says "what the Frost is that" The dead baby says "beats me it started in Ohio as a wart on my ass"

Jesus-Fish Tapeworm 592 8
08/16/2005 03:04 AM

And they called themselves The Aristocrats.

daisypie 49,378 9
08/16/2005 10:27 AM

Ohio gozaimasu!

Ditdah, now part of the Spoon Army 123,110 14
08/16/2005 10:46 AM

Ohio, per se, is not so bad. The major cities have lots of culture and entertainment. I can promise anyone that comes to Columbus a good time and a whole lotta fun, whatever your interests are.



But if you are going to the 80% of the towns in the state that plopped in the middle of a cornfield, I am very, very sorry for you. Don't step in the steaming piles.

DemoMonkey, Pranked by a Master. 166,252 10
08/16/2005 10:56 AM

Pistol



Funerals for the elderly are great places to meet lonely men who probably don't understand the concept of "pre-nup" too well.



I'm just sayin', is all.



Demo

Oliverius Chesticus XIV 203,475 12
08/16/2005 11:34 AM

Did she have a colostomy bag?



If so, does she need it anymore?

Oliverius Chesticus XIV 203,475 12
08/16/2005 11:35 AM

<action> ties a napkin around his neck. Pulls out spoon from his pocket.

Oliverius Chesticus XIV 203,475 12
08/16/2005 11:36 AM

<action> waits patiently

Mr. Sir 66,722 9
08/16/2005 11:39 AM

Hey Ditdah, I just discovered that our birthdays are only 10 days apart.





I'm not really going anywhere with that information, I just thought that I would point it out.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/16/2005 11:48 AM

I've been to every Shakespearety state in the Union, and Ohio by far is the front runner on the crap meter.



But you've got an Irish family... so that's not bad... with all that booze you'll be catatonic by the time you have to face your loud-mouthed aunt who always critcizes you, and makes it seem like every achievement you have is totally understated to that of your older cousin, who came from your dad's side of the family and therefore has all the great genes and wins basketball titles all over colorado.



I'm really happy I don't have an aunt like that, I'll tell ya.

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/16/2005 11:51 AM

Oliverius Chesticus XIV waits patiently



Ollie, I know a great dumpster next to the plastic surgery clinic. You can burn all that fat for fuel, or make soap, or be a hit at the next cookout by making chili out of it.

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/16/2005 12:04 PM

Tries to fax OC an old colostomy bag. Ruins my fax machine. You guys are right..... I'm a stupid, old fart.



Condolences Pistol for having to go to Ohio. Sorry about your aunt also.

Ditdah 123,110 14
08/16/2005 12:07 PM

Hey Ditdah, I just discovered that our birthdays are only 10 days apart.



Are you 10 days before or after me? And may I point out that I wouldn't have to ask that if your info was on the 'Cities' page?

Ditdah 123,110 14
08/16/2005 12:09 PM

<action>can't believe jk2000 STILL can't do action tags </action>

Mr. Sir 66,722 9
08/16/2005 12:10 PM

September Fourth.





I just realized yesterday that my info wasn't on that page, so I submitted it.



I imagine that the guy who handles that is busy with his underwhere, if you know what I mean.





Virgos RULE!

Ditdah 123,110 14
08/16/2005 12:16 PM

Ohio Virgos RULE!

Deepan the Paranoid Android 2,042 8
08/16/2005 12:21 PM

Yeah, Ohio Virgins do rule.



Unfortunately, they become pregnant mothers a few weeks later.

Spicey McHaggis 117,760 37
08/16/2005 12:27 PM

Mr. Sir, I have already sent in the update. It just doesn't appear to have been uploaded yet. Don't worry. It will be uploaded in plenty of time for your birthday thread.

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/16/2005 12:28 PM

action tags are for kids......... all my action is in bed, on the racetrack, or loading my fridge.

Mr. Sir 66,722 9
08/16/2005 12:31 PM

I was just foolin' with you Spicey... no need to get all huffy about it.



I am not a big celebrant of birthdays, it is basically just another day to me. They stopped being fun after 18.

Ditdah 123,110 14
08/16/2005 12:36 PM

Well, I do not share Mr. Sir's feelings. I want a birthday thread, as well as lots of love, attention, and gifts. Alcohol is always appreciated. You have just shy of a month. Start shopping. NOW!

Spicey McHaggis 117,760 37
08/16/2005 12:36 PM

Sorry, I wasn't trying to be huffy. It's just hard to focus on the funny when people keep interrupting my GABbing with their "problems". Like it's my job to fix them or something. Sheesh.

Mr. Sir 66,722 9
08/16/2005 12:43 PM

Whoa! I never said that I didn't expect to be showered with gifts. I just said I don't make a big hoopla about it.



Alcohol works fine for me too.

Pistol in Pink 10,071 9
08/16/2005 02:35 PM

Alright, I've been thinking this over all last night. I need a game plan for this mess as I will be asked two general question repeatedly.



1) "Do you have a boyfriend yet?"



"Well, not quite." Enter Ditdah



2) "What are you going to do when you get your engineering degree?"



"I'm going to hook. I've already got a personal fashion expert and a porn author to train me." Enter Declan and Mr. Sir

Oliver Chesticles 203,475 12
08/16/2005 04:32 PM

3) "How can you do something like that?"



"Easy. I already have my first client." Enter Oliver

Oliver Chesticles 203,475 12
08/16/2005 04:32 PM

3) "How can you do something like that?"



"Easy. I already have my first client." Enter Oliver

Oliver Chesticles 203,475 12
08/16/2005 04:36 PM

Huh. That doesn't happen to me very often.

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/16/2005 04:37 PM

and as OC plays with his first client (himself) oops, my camera died.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
08/16/2005 04:46 PM

Pistolet



I have the perfect t shirt for you to wear, and explain that since you don't put out you don't have a serious boyfriend. I know the shirt and size (from your birthday thread) but where the hell am I sending it?



Me

Pistol in Pink 10,071 9
08/17/2005 07:08 AM

This is it. I'm going to leave for Ohio die in half an hour.

Cruising for a Boozing 9,993 12
08/17/2005 07:49 AM

I remember a couple of years ago I went to my Godmothers husbands funeral, now I'm sure you can tell that is not exactly the closest of family bonds that one can ever hope to forge and I was pretty much just there to support my mum.



So there I was amongst all his kids, brothers, nephews, neices and so on, I don't know anyone and this isn't exactly the best place to try making friends.



So as evreyone around me is chatting and offering condolences I'm parked on the living room couch, alone, and bored out of my mind I turn to my saviour, TV, to make things alright.



Wrong.



I ended up stuck their for two hours in a room on my own watching reruns from the 70's version of 'Charlies Angels' where they all had really big hair whilst everyone else was making enough small talk to convince me that it could've been a manic-depressives singles party.



Worst funeral ever.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
08/17/2005 09:41 AM

Whoa! I never said that I didn't expect to be showered with gifts. I just said I don't make a big hoopla about it.



Alcohol works fine for me too.





But don't send him boobs. He'll get kind of freaked out and stop answering email. I think it means he's secretly gay.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
08/17/2005 10:21 AM

Of course he might have responded more favorably if the boobs had been merely pictures and delivered via email as opposed to attached to a hooker and delivered to his doorstep where his kids didn't know if they should accept delivery.



Sorry 'bout that, buddy.

Mr. Sir 66,722 9
08/17/2005 11:14 AM

But don't send him boobs. He'll get kind of freaked out and stop answering email. I think it means he's secretly gay.



I haven't had a chance to look at the photos yet. Obviously I can't look at them at work, and the only other connection I have is at a female friends house.



I know that they will be spectactular- this weekend, come hell or high water, I will have my internet connection fixed at my house. I have already set aside some "alone time" so that I may peruse them.



As for me being gay, Feh. I recognize your attempt to bait me as a plea for me to use your body in an unconventional manner, then quietly sneak out through the bathroom window, with no "cuddling" afterwards.



I figure that I can be in your area in about half a day.

Mr. Sir 66,722 9
08/17/2005 11:42 AM

Feel free to send me boobs. Women's boobs.





Also, I'm really more of a leg/ ass man. Women's legs/ ass. You can send those too.



Thankssomuch.

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/17/2005 03:30 PM

I'll send you leftovers MR