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Since Petit .... Jane was so pleased with my Paul Mcartney story, here is another Excerpt from my life on the south coast of England.
When I was about 17 a friend of mines mother, who was carer to both her and her younger brother, became ill and needed medical attention. It was decided that my friend, whom we'll call Sarah was old enough to look after her mother's house whilst she was away, but her brother was moved in with his father and his new wife.
Suffice to say this made Sarah very lonely, so she invited her friend, who we'll call Jane, to come stay with her and Jane, in turn, invited me to go stay with them, which I did. And things were great, we got along really well, bummed money off our families for 'food' which we then spent on booze and just enjoyed being young.
One particular drunken night we were in the midst of a bottle of Archers cranberry schnapps when we decided to play strip poker, now I can never remember who won or lost this game as all three of us ended up entirely naked, but no one seemed to mind.
Anyway, there we all are, sat in the living room by candlelight drinking and smoking when I realise that the three of us are all sitting too far apart to share the two ashtrays that we have, so, being the gentleman that I am, I surrendered them to my friends and took to flicking my cigarette ash into a plastic pie tray which I positioned on my lap.
Now maybe it was the drink, or just plain stupidity but I couldn't see anything wrong with what I was doing right then and there. That was of curse until the inevitable happened, a large, smouldering piece of ash had proceeded to melt its way through the tray and drop its hot, sticky, quasi-plastic self right onto what can only be described as my 'manly area'
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Like This? Rate It!
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Side-splitting
15 votes
5.0
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Side-splitting
21 votes
5.0
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Cruising for a Boozing 9,993  12
08/17/2005 07:21 PM
With a shriek of pain I leapt up from my position on the chair and began to pound my smoking crotch with a cushion before the whole bush went up in flames. I just about managed to save my thatch, if not my dignity and lived to pass on this golden nugget of wisdom.
Never, EVER be a gentleman when it comes to protecting your wang from burning tobacco
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Side-splitting
9 votes
5.0
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Oliver Chesticles 203,475 12
08/17/2005 07:26 PM
Did your friends sooth the burning with thier mouths?
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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OneEyedTrouserTrout 6,046 8
08/17/2005 07:40 PM
I hate soft core porn
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0 votes
0.0
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dropkick brody 43,090 12
08/17/2005 08:08 PM
That was pretty funny. *click*
I still feel like I'm gonna blow chunks any minute, but my mind was taken off it for a few seconds.
...
In poker, is three of a kind better than two pairs?
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Amusing
2 votes
1.0
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Cruising for a Boozing 9,993 12
08/17/2005 08:39 PM
Did your friends sooth the burning with thier mouths?
You know that reminds me of another story about me and Jane and why I never got to see the end of 'Jerry Maguire'
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0 votes
0.0
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Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
08/18/2005 06:59 AM
<action> knows pain in the crotch area way too well... </action>
Bah, That aint Shakespeare.
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0 votes
0.0
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supergrover 4,517 9
08/18/2005 07:17 AM
I bet it's a lot like my story of why I watched Pulp Fiction three times in a row and never got a chance to actually watch it.
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0 votes
0.0
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supergrover 4,517 9
08/18/2005 07:19 AM
Hmmm. Actually probably not. I'd lay odds you've probably never had drunken sex with a guy.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.5
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La Petite Mort de TableTopJane 173,958 15
08/18/2005 09:40 AM
It's funny, 'cause it's painful and it happened to someone else.
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0 votes
0.0
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Jilly 24,693 8
08/18/2005 09:46 AM
so i guess you can identify the smell of burning hair. distict, ain't it? ( a piece of my hair caught fire a few years ago due to a crappy hair dryer. seriously)
I can smell burning hair from a mile away.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
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La Petite Mort de TableTopJane 173,958 15
08/18/2005 09:47 AM
So the smell is coming from you. I suspected as much.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
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La Petite Mort de TableTopJane 173,958 15
08/18/2005 09:49 AM
I don't have to make sense. My mommy says I'm special. And my Donkey says I'm purdy.
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0 votes
0.0
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Jilly 24,693 8
08/18/2005 09:50 AM
Noooo Jane... you smelt it - you dealt it.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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La Petite Mort de TableTopJane 173,958 15
08/18/2005 09:52 AM
<action>shrugs shoulders</action>Probably. I have been pretty gassy lately.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.3
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dropkick brody 43,090 12
08/18/2005 09:52 AM
Whoever said the rhyme did the criKILL ME NOW.
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0 votes
0.0
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Jilly 24,693 8
08/18/2005 09:55 AM
You said it
You bred it
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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dropkick brody 43,090 12
08/18/2005 09:57 AM
<action> watches balloons and glitter fall from ceiling while hot ladies in bikinis walk around </action> Congradulations TTJ, you just got my 9,000th clickie.
That is all.
Someone clear up this mess will you?
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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La Petite Mort de TableTopJane 173,958 15
08/18/2005 10:02 AM
<action>Puts on party hat, walks around proudly</action>You know, I sure have been using a lot of action tags this morning.
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Store
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