Anger Between the Sheets
A comedy conversation
by Lamb Salad Sandwich  33,017  9
08/18/2005 04:06 AM 320 views
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Is it just me or does it seem like no matter how hard you strain and canoodle them, when you fold a fitted sheet, it always looks like you just carelessly wadded it up into a ball and shoved it in your linen closet?
It's the most obnoxious, poorly designed product ever. Worse than pantyhose or the Slip-n-Slide. Someone should invent paint-on sheets. I'd totally buy that. Bed dirty? Why, just apply this fresh coat of sheet! Available in a variety of scents, including Mountain Spring and $2 Whore.
Folding those elusive fitted sheets is especially frustrating to someone as perfectionist as me. Sure, I can be a slob sometimes and let my whole room turn to crap, but it's those little things that don't line up that really get to me. I've decided to stop trying from now on. For my own sanity, I'm just going to roll them up into sloppy balls and shove them into the closet in a messy heap. Like all my former lovers. That'll teach em.
YOU WILL TAUNT ME NO LONGER, FITTED SHEET!
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Like This? Rate It!
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Side-splitting
34 votes
5.0
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Hammerhead 59,399  14
08/18/2005 04:10 AM
I love you.
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Side-splitting
18 votes
5.0
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Frogpop 173,153 25
08/18/2005 04:12 AM
If you really loved her you'd get back in the closet and shut up, like she said to.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Humphrey 51,764 12
08/18/2005 04:13 AM
paint-on sheets
Or spray on sheets. For those without clean socks.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Hammerhead 59,399 14
08/18/2005 04:14 AM
How the hell would I ravage torture brody in my sex room dungeon if I'm in Lambie's closet?
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Side-splitting
15 votes
5.0
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Frogpop 173,153 25
08/18/2005 04:32 AM
With coathangers and a shoe rack?
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Side-splitting
13 votes
5.0
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Lamb Salad Sandwich 33,017 9
08/18/2005 04:35 AM
<action>cracks whip</action> All of you, back in the closet!
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Hammerhead 59,399 14
08/18/2005 04:36 AM
Yes Mistress!
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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I am Straw 97,995 37
08/18/2005 04:38 AM
The scary part of this is that when I saw the title, I thought "How did she know?" Seriously. I just got through submitting a story to fanfiction.net that involves exactly that - anger between the sheets.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.5
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Frogpop 173,153 25
08/18/2005 04:39 AM
Oh great, now we have to buy all our DVDs from the bargin basket at Walmart.
And the worst part is, we'll think they're GOOD!
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
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dropkick brody 43,090 12
08/18/2005 07:45 AM
How the hell would I ravage torture brody in my sex room dungeon if I'm in Lambie's closet
Two words-
THREE. SOME.
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0 votes
0.0
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Lamb Salad Sandwich 33,017 9
08/18/2005 11:07 AM
Hey! What's Puggy doin in here! OUT, I SAY!
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Side-splitting
7 votes
5.0
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Frogpop - Wicked Smaht 173,153 25
08/18/2005 11:13 AM
The power of sex compels you! The power of sex compels you!
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.5
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Lamb Salad Sandwich 33,017 9
08/18/2005 11:21 AM
It's a lovely day for a sexorcism.
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Side-splitting
9 votes
5.0
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I am Straw 97,995 37
08/18/2005 11:22 AM
A thread that looks like it is about sex, but isn't really about sex, turns into being about sex anyway.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
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Frogpop - Wicked Smaht 173,153 25
08/18/2005 11:24 AM
Hi, welcome to Gab, my name is Frogpop!
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
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I am Straw 97,995 37
08/18/2005 11:28 AM
Sorry, forgot to put my </obvious> tag
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
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turtle10 - the forgotten gabber 42,578 26
08/18/2005 11:50 AM
<action>wrote something helpful but then deleted it because it wasn't funny</action>
you're welcome
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/18/2005 12:12 PM
Gisele Jubinville invented the "fitted sheet". Blame her for your folding woes. In the meantime, never use any. Learn how to make hospital corners with a regular sheet or buy one of those space bags.
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1 votes
0.0
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Armored 3,923 8
08/18/2005 12:24 PM
How long did it take you to google all that? Or did you just happen to have an encyclopedia lying around?
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/18/2005 12:25 PM
I could only find fitted sheets in a dogpile.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Hammerhead 59,399 14
08/18/2005 12:55 PM
Lambie, last night after I made that last post, I went to bed. As I laid down, I thought that I should come back out to my computer and make that joke about Puggy. Good to know it only took several hours for someone to make a Puggy-closet joke.
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0 votes
0.0
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HartmanTwins 10,131 10
08/18/2005 02:33 PM
What's Puggy's number?
If you don't have that, what's Puggy's social security number?
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0 votes
0.0
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Frogpop - Wicked Smaht 173,153 25
08/18/2005 10:17 PM
Good to know it only took several hours for someone to make a Puggy-closet joke.
Who the hell do you think buys all his dvds at walmart?
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Side-splitting
10 votes
5.0
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Whistler P. McManus 186,041 44
08/19/2005 08:58 AM
Fold the sheet in half, turning the pockets at one end inside-out and slipping them precisely inside the pockets at the other end. Then fold it again in the opposite direction, turning one of the (now doubled) pockets inside out to fit precisely inside the other.
Now lay the quartered sheet on a flat surface (your kitchen table, perhaps). Fold the edges that form the corner where the elastic is in until you have made a perfect rectangle, with all the elastic bunched together inside. Now fold this in half, then in half again.
You can now stack your fitted sheets neatly in your linen closet.
God, I'm anal.
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0 votes
0.0
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Uncle Pie 26,981 11
08/19/2005 09:57 AM
For some reason I thought this thread was going to be about Red Snapper.
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0 votes
0.0
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Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
08/19/2005 12:31 PM
God, I'm anal.
Actually, I think you've been posessed by Martha Stewart.
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0 votes
0.0
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The High Priestess of Stewie 58,884 29
08/19/2005 01:35 PM
Actually, I think you've been posessed by Martha Stewart
Or his brother.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Jilly 24,693 8
08/19/2005 01:39 PM
but you know what the worst is?? when your bedmate will not get up so you can fix the sheet - because he's a dude and apparently is okay with sleeping on a bare mattress.
i need a xanax now.
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0 votes
0.0
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LPenguin 42 8
08/19/2005 01:50 PM
Well I wrap the quilt around me anyway, I havent had a sheet in a long time...
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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WickedWedgieWoman 15,741 12
08/19/2005 01:55 PM
Oddly enough, while reading this thread, I thought to myself "if ANYONE would know how to fold a fitted sheet it would be Whistler."
And lo and behold.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
08/19/2005 02:09 PM
This thread title is decieving.
... I totally thought this was about a dispute between KKK members.
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0 votes
0.0
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johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
08/19/2005 02:23 PM
reverse lookup revealed:
Puggy's numbers 1-900-047-039-5670-8730-38
Not sure which order these go in but at $9.99 a minute......... I'm surely not trying to figure them out
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