Chris Garrett 86,932 12
08/18/2005 03:09 PM

Tell her you're gay.





Well, because.....you are.

Jilly 24,693 8
08/18/2005 03:09 PM

Have you even tried separation yet??

Do they call you leech because you're clingy

or because you suck?

BobJohnson, King of Belgium 178,045 22
08/18/2005 03:10 PM

Walk in, punch her in the face: "Good news, honey. That will never happen again because I've filed for divorce."

SHP, black, white, and happy all over 181,790 70
08/18/2005 03:12 PM

CG, I'm going to ask you very very nicely to be nice to my noob.



Jilly, you back the Frost off or I'll rip your arm off and rape your hamster with it.

Fratberry 282,940 53
08/18/2005 03:13 PM

Frost her in the ass. Follow up by saying, "Speaking of getting Frosted in the ass...".

Chris Garrett 86,932 12
08/18/2005 03:14 PM

Tell her that you're leaving her because she is nothing but a sniveling, milksop bitch, who cares about no one but herself, and should rot eternally in the cesspool of death.



And then tell her that you've got good news.....after the divorce, you're gonna save a Shakespeareload of money on your car insurance by switching to Geico.

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
08/18/2005 03:16 PM

Get a buddy of yours to keep dropping by looking for you, and maybe she will make a move on him.



Then you will be the good guy that has dog poop on his shoes, and not the scumbag that dumped her.





Might get the dog that way.

Chris Garrett 86,932 12
08/18/2005 03:17 PM

SHP, I wish I could click you twice for that.



Appy polly lodgies...I didn't know he was your n00b.

SHP, black, white, and happy all over 181,790 70
08/18/2005 03:49 PM

MM.. mahas taste like hamster!

gorckat, Knave of Belgium 41,132 13
08/18/2005 04:04 PM

Honey, I met a person online. They live in another state, but I'm going to move in with them.



or



You know how you caught me ogling your sister that one time? Now I can do something about it.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
08/18/2005 05:37 PM

"Hey honey do you have any plans for this weekend?"



"No."



"How about you pack up all your Shakespeare and find a new place to live while I make room for a pool table in the family room?"

Mr. Sir 66,722 9
08/18/2005 05:44 PM

"Anybody who is not moving this weekend, please take one step forward."

"Not so fast, wifey!"

SHP, black, white, and happy all over 181,790 70
08/18/2005 06:44 PM

You: "Honey, you know what I like to do?"



Her: "What?"



You: "Not you. Get out."

Chit Eating Grin 178,776 15
08/18/2005 06:54 PM

Brainstorm !







Honey, I have given this a lot of thought.



I know that both of us have seen this coming for quite some time now.



But you have without a doubt, outgrown my Coleridge !

SharkBait 183 7
08/18/2005 08:02 PM

If you're in a big hurry to get divorced, bring a hooker home and do her in front of your wife. Look your wife in the eye and tell her that you remember when she was that tight.



If your not in a hurry, spend some time coking out and blatantly cheating on your wife until she leaves.



If you don't like these suggestions, you could try not saying anything and just surprising her with a subpoena for the court date.

"Awwww, honey you shouldn't have bought me this lovely tie. The only thing I got you was this envelope full of divorce papers."

Jim-Bob's Pants 2,255 8
08/18/2005 08:08 PM

Don't tell her Shakespeare. Wait until tomorrow and surprise her with a candle-light dinner. Poor some wine and suggest a toast, "To all the wasted years and all the fun I'm going to have with you out of my life! Later, bitch!" Then poor your wine on the floor, throw the papers at her, grab your Shakespeare and leave--she's going to get the house anyway.

Senior Destructor: International Heartthrob 60,724 12
08/18/2005 09:16 PM

Come on.



Did this really go for this long without these two words?











Poop. Canoe.

Janice 181,790 70
08/18/2005 09:37 PM

Update:



He told her. However, I think he got a little nervous.



He walked into the house, punched her, said he was buying a pool table and to take a step forward.

Livewire the Kelly Girl 78,229 13
08/18/2005 10:29 PM

Roofie has made me laugh so hard I scared the cat.

Dogs Akimbo 211,574 32
08/18/2005 10:41 PM

I gots no advice for you, but it did remind me of this story:



A guy comes home and says, "Honey, I won the lottery today! Start packing!"



"Shall I pack for the beach or for the mountains?" she asks, smiling.



"I don't care. Just get the Frost out."

Tingles 2,134 8
08/18/2005 11:00 PM

How about taking her on a second honeymoon to Aruba?



I hear their new slogan is, "Aruba...make all your problems disappear!"

Filly 39,193 20
08/18/2005 11:58 PM

If you're in a big hurry to get divorced, bring a hooker home and do her in front of your wife. Look your wife in the eye and tell her that you remember when she was that tight.



Tight as a hooker? That's either a really Frost-ing bad hooker or a really loose wife.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
08/19/2005 12:09 AM

Like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

Humphrey, gaining pounds at an alarming rate. 51,764 12
08/19/2005 12:17 AM

Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.'

dropkick brody 43,090 12
08/19/2005 12:18 AM

Three little words:



I. Am. Gay.

dropkick brody 43,090 12
08/19/2005 12:21 AM

Or you could just show her this thread.

Jim-Bob's Pants 2,255 8
08/19/2005 12:26 AM

Stab her in the neck with a #2 pencil because SHE MUST PAY!!!!



Chop her up, put her in the freezer and when you leave the apartment, light the place on fire!

</Leary>

SharkBait 183 7
08/19/2005 12:38 AM

If you're in a big hurry to get divorced, bring a hooker home and do her in front of your wife. Look your wife in the eye and tell her that you remember when she was that tight.



Tight as a hooker? That's either a really Frost-ing bad hooker or a really loose wife.



Duh.

OneEyedTrouserTrout 6,046 8
08/19/2005 04:02 AM

Look under her top dresser drawer. That is where she keeps those the pictures I took of her having sex with your neighbor's German Shepard. Tell her you need a divorce because of you fear of of "doggie AIDS"



If that doesn't work just show her the pictures of you and the German Shepard.

leech 225 8
08/19/2005 09:28 AM

Turns out all I needed to say last night was 'I've filed for divorce, the papers arrive tomorrow.' She's leaving, moving her Shakespeare out this weekend. A little crying, a few names, and thankfully no shouting in front of my little girl, and it's over.



Now I can finally get a haircut and shave!

Jilly 24,693 8
08/19/2005 09:41 AM

CG, I'm going to ask you very very nicely to be nice to my noob.

n00bs have a "Big Sis/Big Brother" program? Where do I sign up??!!

Prof. Fantabulous 19,711 13
08/19/2005 10:19 AM

I had an uncle who walked into the room where his wife was sitting and said:



"I'm tired so i'm going to bed. I left a note on the computer to tell you why i am leaving you."