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Obviously, GAB has been running amok of late and the result has been anarchy, insurrection and the emergence of an unholy emergence of an anti-humor terrorist element, the al-Qaeda of our forum. We need to unite and band together to combat this foe and we need to form a government to focus our efforts and hold the coalitions together to form an effective, unified front in the face of this humor shortage.
As with any governing body, we need cabinet ministers, specialists in certain critical fields that we can rely upon to rally the troops and ensure that they are directed appropriately. What I am calling upon the rest of you to do is create positions for this new GAB parliament, nominate the candidate you think should fill it, and give a description of what they should do in their new capacity should the choose to accept it.
To start off, I think this government needs a Minister of Foreign Affairs, and I nominate Roofie Raccoon to fill this position. I think her first task she should undertake is to seduce a married Frenchman, wrecking his home life and ensuring that there is at least one less belligerent whose mind is consumed with more pressing matters than what is floating around in Lance Armstrong's six-year-old urine.
To make sure there is a focal point in this, I will volunteer my services as the Speaker of the House since I am very long winded and no one listens to me anyway. I will perform this duty until I am killed or you find someone better. (To the ladies of GAB: I am now accepting applications to fill intern positions. Please send a picture of yourself wearing a black beret (or vinyl underwear) to the e-mail in my profile along with documented proof that you do your dry-cleaning regularly).
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Like This? Rate It!
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Side-splitting
10 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270741
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270755
johnnykielbasa2000 15,703  0
08/26/2005 04:18 PM
<action> this desrves a Burp </action>
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270756
Phuc 237,919 21
08/26/2005 04:20 PM
I want one of the positions that was played by Peter Sellers in Dr. Strangelove.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270757
REAPERR-FU 12,363 11
08/26/2005 04:20 PM
Dibs on Drug Czar.
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Side-splitting
7 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270763
Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
08/26/2005 04:27 PM
<action> waves away a haze of smoke </action>
*cough cough*Minister.. of.. *cough cough*.. Agriculture.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270766
Prof. Fantabulous 19,711 13
08/26/2005 04:30 PM
Can i be the Minister of Apathy?
I think i might be able to handle the work load.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270770
SHP, black, white, and happy all over 181,790 70
08/26/2005 04:33 PM
Someone once said my old photo made me look like Monica Lewinsky.
So can I be the Minister of BJ's?
Administer-er of BJ's?
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Side-splitting
7 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270771
Dead Robot 67,630 16
08/26/2005 04:35 PM
The politics of
oooooo
feeling good!
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270778
Freeze Dried Instant Coffee 10,327 12
08/26/2005 04:45 PM
Obviously, we're going to need someone to keep track of important dates, paperwork, flaming fests, and various vital statistics. Therefore I nominate myself to be the official
GAB Office BITCH!
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Side-splitting
12 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270791
PeeWee 4,624 8
08/26/2005 04:58 PM
I vote Daggy, BIG and Jep to be in the Liquor Cabinet.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270826
jepreport - premature articulator 58,758 13
08/26/2005 05:40 PM
I've been in the liquor cabinet here for quite a while and starting to get a bit bored. I think it's high time that we pull in Mr. Sir and the Minister of Agriculture and start auditioning some interns.
By the way, if some one would agree to front the Ministry of Munchies, we could probably find room for them in here as well.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270846
Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
08/26/2005 06:00 PM
.... What?
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270866
Mr. Sir 66,722 9
08/26/2005 06:52 PM
I've been in the liquor cabinet here for quite a while and starting to get a bit bored
Getting bored?
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR?
Alcohol is never boring. It is often inappropriate, but never boring.
Infidel.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270868
Mr. Sir 66,722 9
08/26/2005 06:53 PM
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR?
You have me so upset, I forgot how to spell YOU.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270869
Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
08/26/2005 06:54 PM
I hope Jeps not in my parents Liquor Cabinet. Most of those bottles are water!!
Boring indeed!
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270874
Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
08/26/2005 07:10 PM
Ninjas do not drink.
Thats why ChiChi is half Ninja, half Pirate, because he likes getting Ripped.
Anyways, No, It was from years of drinking it and replacing it with water.
Which is what I'm sure you meant when you said Ninja drinking, But I wanted to type alot so I'm typing alot.
Gobbledee Gook!
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270931
Rep. Jep Rep. 007 58,758 13
08/26/2005 09:37 PM
<action>Hasn't been able to post for a while. Something in the liquor bottles at Hat's parents' house shocked his system severely</action>
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270934
Suzy Gardner's Dad 2,724 8
08/26/2005 09:48 PM
But I wanted to type alot so I'm typing alot.
A lot.
No, no: He wanted to type "alot", so he did.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270936
Trae's Napkin on her lap 156,790 17
08/26/2005 09:54 PM
Can I be minister of social affairs? I mean, we have to have meetings and such and plan stuff.
I can plan stuff.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270939
Jesus-Fish Tapeworm 592 8
08/26/2005 10:00 PM
I request, nay, demand, the position of fluffer.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270943
Sarin Highwind 699 11
08/26/2005 10:16 PM
Jep has a problem.
He's already asked me where all the good local bars are, and he has only lived up here 2 weeks!
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270947
Rep. Jep Rep. 007 58,758 13
08/26/2005 10:45 PM
<action>VERY disappointed that Trae wasn't interested in applying for one of those intern positions.</action>
Can I be minister of social affairs?
Ooooohhhhhh. Okay, I guess.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270948
Rep. Jep Rep. 007 58,758 13
08/26/2005 10:45 PM
He's already asked me where all the good local bars are, and he has only lived up here 2 weeks!
Yeah, and BIG help Sarin was.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270950
Trae's Napkin on her lap 156,790 17
08/26/2005 10:50 PM
Intern? INTERN?
Frost you buddy! I'm no shrinking violet. I'm NOT going to get your coffee, file your papers, or any such menial work.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270953
I am Straw 97,995 37
08/26/2005 11:30 PM
I'll be Deep Throat.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1270956
Fluorescent Sombrero 91,274 10
08/26/2005 11:46 PM
You know, Trae... I'll give you like 2 N64 games if you do it.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1271039
Rep. Jep Rep. 007 58,758 13
08/27/2005 09:36 AM
Intern? INTERN?
Frost you buddy! I'm no shrinking violet. I'm NOT going to get your coffee, file your papers, or any such menial work.
I just wanted to see the picture of you in a black beret and vinyl underwear.
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1271040
UnderHaggis! 101,398 77
08/27/2005 09:37 AM
I like reverse cowgirl best, but I'm always willing to try out other positions.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1271047
Frogpop 173,153 25
08/27/2005 10:45 AM
I'll drink to that!
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1271049
Dogs Akimbo 211,574 32
08/27/2005 11:21 AM
Okay, we seem to have most of the important positions filled.
When do we start the embezzling of the moneys?
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1271053
Rep. Jep Rep. 007 58,758 13
08/27/2005 12:12 PM
I'll be Deep Throat.
Forget it, Trae. I think I got my intern.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1271057
Thatonechick 3 7
08/27/2005 12:20 PM
Shut up you god damned hippies. It's obvious that you know nothing about Politics, get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and made dinner for the man of the house.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1271059
Thatonechick 3 7
08/27/2005 12:22 PM
Whoa, that was a Turrets moment...carry on, nevermind, nothing to see here.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1271071
Livewire the Kelly Girl 78,229 13
08/27/2005 01:47 PM
I want to be Minister of Silly Walks.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1271073
Ho-Down Hollis 7,284 14
08/27/2005 01:59 PM
I want to be the Minister of Magic. Move over, Cornelius!
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Store
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13 