Erika the killjoy 76,152 9
09/20/2005 12:14 PM

Whistler that was just terrible.





Why don't Jewish cannibals like eating Germans?









They give them gas.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
09/20/2005 12:39 PM

Did you hear the one about the anti-semetic fife player?

Prof. Fantabulous 19,711 13
09/20/2005 12:40 PM

"Ssshhhhh, be vewy vewy quiet. I'm hunting nazis."

Dead Robot 67,630 16
09/20/2005 12:42 PM

One Ahrab T-Rex to the other: "Billy, remember to Jew your food."







I got nothing.

Loozur 139 7
09/20/2005 12:42 PM

Two Jews walk into a bar...

































...and buy it.

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
09/20/2005 12:49 PM

The gas in the Superdome was more deadly than that used in the holocuast. Jesse Jackson has vowed to dedicate the rest of his life talking to Al Sharpton.

Loozur 139 7
09/20/2005 12:58 PM

A catholic, christian, and jew find a bag of money, and are debating how much to give in tithe. The catholic suggests they draw a circle on the ground, throw the money in the air and donate whatever falls inside the circle. The christian suggests they donate whatever falls outside the circle. The jew says "No, no, no. We throw the money up into the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps!"

Space Cadet Snork 45,655 12
09/20/2005 12:59 PM

Two jews are walking down the street when they see an advertisement in front of a church:" $10,000 to the newly baptised!"

-Moishe, $10,000 is a lot of money...

-Jacob, your father was a rabbi, your family will never forgive you!

-My family doesn't need to know and $10,000 is a lot of money!

And with those words Jacob enters the church. Half an hour later he exits.

Moishe: So, did you get the money?

Jacob: That's all you jews ever think about, money!

Space Cadet Snork 45,655 12
09/20/2005 01:04 PM

Knock on the door:

-Does Reuben live here?

Answer:

-If you can call this living!

Chris Garrett 86,932 12
09/20/2005 01:31 PM

Little Sol wants a new bike, but it is $100. He doesn't have the money, so he asks his father.



"Dad...can I have $100?"



"100 dollars!!!! My GOD!! Eighty DOLLARS??!!! What in the world do you need Fifty Dollars for?"

SweetBritches 3,351 8
09/20/2005 01:37 PM

<action>WARNS: This joke could be taken as slightly off color</action>



What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?





Pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

The Mailman: ringing twice, as always 176,450 56
09/20/2005 01:38 PM

<action>tells a Jewish joke because he's bold like that</action>

Jacob asks the rabbi: "What did the zero say to the eight?"

The rabbi thinks for a while but doesn't find the answer. He gives Samuel a puzzled look.



Jacob then blurts out: "Nice belt!"

gorckat 41,132 13
09/20/2005 01:39 PM

Not as bad as:



What are Jews good at?



Burning, suffocating and general suffering.

Erika the killjoy 76,152 9
09/20/2005 01:49 PM

<action> is an equal opportunity bigot</action>Hitler and Goering were arguing about the Jews, Goering stating that they were quite clever people and Hitler vehemently denying they were any such thing. Finally Goering told Hitler that they should go out in the city and Goering would show Hitler it was true. Hitler agreed, so they disguised themselves and went out on the street.



Goering took Hitler into a shop, went up to the counter, and asked the clerk: "Do you have any left-handed teacups?" The clerk stared at Goering for a moment and then said, "No, mein herr, I do not."



The two left with Hitler complaining that he did not understand what the point of this was and Goering telling him to be patient. They went to another shop and Goering gave the same act: "Do you have any left-handed teacups?" The clerk stared and shrugged his shoulders.



They left with Hitler becoming incensed over this nonsense and Goering begging for patience. Finally they went into a Jewish shop; Goering again asked the clerk: "Do you have any left-handed teacups?"



The Jewish clerk smiled graciously, went into the back room and made a show of rummaging around, brought out a saucer and teacup, set down the saucer, and carefully placed the cup with the handle pointed so Goering could pick it with his left hand. "There you are, mein herr!" the clerk said.



Goering bought the teacup, thanked the clerk, and the two men left. Goering turned to Hitler and said: "See, I told you the Jews were very clever people."



"I don't see what was so clever about that," Hitler snapped. "He just happened to have one in stock!"

Loozur 139 7
09/20/2005 01:50 PM

What's the difference between a dead cat in the road and a dead jew in the road?





There's skid marks in front of the cat.

HartmanTwins - GABs token African-American Nigger 10,131 10
09/20/2005 01:58 PM

How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen?





2 in the front, 3 in the back and six million in the ashtray.

Piquantrax 8,691 9
09/20/2005 02:22 PM

Why do Jews have such big noses?



Because air is free.



Why do Jews drive Lexuses, because not only can they stop on a dime, they can pick it up.

Space Cadet Snork 45,655 12
09/20/2005 02:24 PM

A jewish pirate ship hoisted a black flag. And a white one, just to be sure.

Space Cadet Snork 45,655 12
09/20/2005 03:33 PM

Translated from russian:



During a U.S. citizenship test:

-Mr. Goldberg, in view of your old age...Mr. Goldberg!

-Huh? I think your radio is on.

-It's not the radio, I'm talking to you.

-Oh. My right ear doesn't hear so well.

-I'll speak to your left.

-No. I'm blind on the left.

-How am I supposed to ask you questions?

-Ask Sarah, she knows everything.

-Mr. Goldberg! This is an individual...forget it, what is your name?

-Washington.

-Your name.

-Jefferson. Sarah said if it's not Washington it's Jefferson.

-That's not what I was aski-

-I'm 98! I know what I know.

-How old?

-112

-You just sai-

-So I rounded off a bit.

-You filled in 5 first names. Are you perhaps of spanish origins?

-I'm jewish. As a child I was called Abe, then Abraham. At work I was Ivan Vladimirovich then Roger during the war. I always said "Roger-over" no one says "Abraham-over". Now I'm Bob, the only jewish cowboy in all of Brighton beach.

Space Cadet Snork 45,655 12
09/20/2005 03:33 PM

-:sigh: Mr. Goldberg, who won the American Civil War, the north or the south?

-You said something?

-The civil war? North against south?

-What war? Only penguins up north, you don't-

-In America, Mr. Goldberg! When president Abraham Linco-

-Sarah said it was Bush!

-In 1865! Who won?

-You're confusing me. I fought against the nazis then the communists and we won!

-Who is 'we'

-We won in Africa against the south.

-America, Mr. Goldberg, AMERICA!

-What about it? They also won in Africa.

-grhg Mr. Goldberg. What do we celebrate on the 4th of July?

-Oh, that's easy!

-Thank God!

-I'll remember that for the rest of my life.

-And...?

-How could I possibly forget the 4th of July, I ask you?

-MR. GOLDBE-

-That was the day I married Sarah.

-The 4th of July, Mr. Goldberg, is Independence day.

-No, it's the day I lost mine. I'm not complaining though. You'll never hear me complain.

-Frost-ing old...What is Thanksgiving day?

-It's when you eat turkey.

-And when do we celebrate it?

-Everyday! Like I told Sarah: "How many turkeys can there be?" and she said:"The indians taught americans to grow turkeys and now there's too many." - "Well it's not my job to eat all of them!" Wife:"Fine, tommorow will be Chicken day."

-Mr...

-Call me Abe. I like you. You wouldn't be jewish by any chance? I have a niece wh-

Space Cadet Snork 45,655 12
09/20/2005 03:34 PM

-No! Mr...Abe, one last question: Who discovered America.

-Moishe Rosenblatt. He was first to leave and invited everyone else.

-Does Christopher Columbus say anything to you?

-He also discovered America. But Moishe -

-In 1492!? Your Moishe wasn't even born yet!

-Moishe says that Columbus wasn't jewish and was here illegaly. He didn't have Medicare or food stamps which is why he went back to Spain. Did he take the test with you too?

-No! Please, Mr. Go-

-Not very american, was he?

-Mr. Goldberg do you know anything concerning american history?

-Of course!

-And...?

-Geshaft.

-???

-They bought Manhattan island for 24 dollars! 24 dollars! And where was I during this time? I would have offered one dollar more and would have had all of Manhattan, not the 5 bedroom dump I'm living in now. I always miss the good gaschaft. Is that fair? I ask you, was it fair when my grandfath-

-Stop! Why do you even want to become an american citizen?

-The truth?

-The truth.

-When I go back to Moscow and show my old friend Jacob my passport, I can just imagine him: "Oh, vey, that old goat of a shlimazl! An american!", and he'll just die of jealousy!

Whistler P. McManus 186,041 44
09/20/2005 05:32 PM

Did you hear the one about the anti-semetic fife player?



I grew up in Westchester. If I were anti-Semetic, I wouldn't have survived childhood. As it is I have a hard time answering the phone on Saturday.

BobJohnson, Pirate 178,045 22
09/20/2005 06:23 PM

This might be a little off-topic, but I have one of those funny Jewish hat-dealies from when I once attended someone's Bat Mitzvah. I also live in a neighborhood that has several mosques.



So. . . does anyone have any ideas for my next article?

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
09/20/2005 06:25 PM

Muslim BBQ: Fry terrorists, fry



or



Tuesdays with Bob.

Space Cadet Snork 45,655 12
09/20/2005 06:41 PM

Why do you hate the jews, Gab, WHY?!

johnnykielbasa2000 15,703 0
09/20/2005 06:44 PM

acronym for jews



Just

Ethnicly

Worth

Stabbing