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I went to a party last week with my friend Sofia. The plan was that I meet her at her place, and we'd go the party together. This in itself was bound to spark a discussion on one of our recurring topics. You see, Sofia and I have opposing views on what is the best way to travel inside the city. She prefers her car, and I like to take public transportation and the occasional taxi. When I showed up that evening, inevitably, we started arguing about how we would get to the party.
I won't transcribe the conversation in great detail, but the summary below will give you a good idea on how it went:
- Her: It's faster by car!
- Me: But we have plenty of time!
- Her: The subway is dirty!
- Me: We wouldn't have to worry about a parking space.
- Her: The subway closes at 1 AM.
- Me: We'll take a taxi on the way back.
- Her: It's expensive.
- Me: No it's not.
- Her: Yes it is.
- Me: You're a poo-poo head!
- Her: No, you're a poo-poo head!
Anyway, I finally caved in, because I'm a wuss, so we took her car. She drove. When we arrived at our destination, we started looking for a parking space. We found one right away, so she gave me a proud satisfied grin.
The parking spot was not located directly on the curb. There was a small parking alley along the street, that we needed to enter in order to parallel park, between the alley and the street. Sofia being the Herbert von Karajan of parallel parking, the matter only took a few seconds. As my friend stopped the engine, I opened my door, exited the car on the alley side and closed the door. Meanwhile, Sofia had opened her door too, but didn't exit the car right away. She was looking for god-knows-what in her bag.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
8 votes
4.7
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310060
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Hilarious
11 votes
4.7
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310062
The Mailman: ringing twice, as always 130,691  14
10/15/2005 12:03 AM
Now is a good time to mention that it had rained heavily all afternoon. The street gutter, on the driver's side of the car, was overflowing with water. As I started walking around the car, I noticed that there was a huge puddle of water next to the car, that extended to one third of the street's width. It was already getting dark, but I could see the water puddle, thanks to the headlights of a fast approaching car that were reflecting in it.
Fast approaching car. Big water puddle. Open door on the driver's side. I realized the horror before it even happened. I only had time to shout a perfectly useless "Watch out!" before the car drove through the water, splashing its entire content in my friend's direction. I heard a shriek. I saw what looked like a tidal wave entering Sofia's car, splashing all the way to the passenger window.
I rushed over to my friend. Her clothes and her hair were soaked. There were small puddles of water on the car floor, in the cup holders, on the passenger seat, on the dashboard, everywhere.
I was standing there, speechless. Sofia was obviously shocked, but after a few seconds, she started smiling at what had just happened. But even then, I did not dare to tell her what I had in my mind at the moment: "I'm so glad we didn't take the subway!"
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Hilarious
11 votes
4.4
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310066
Big Irish Guy 175,958 10
10/15/2005 12:04 AM
So did you Frost her or not?
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Funny
6 votes
3.2
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310068
Oliver Rotting Corpse 201,926 7
10/15/2005 12:05 AM
Dammit, BIG. That is exactly what I was gonna post.
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Funny
4 votes
3.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310069
Duhnnie Darko 24,135 6
10/15/2005 12:07 AM
<action> reads thread title and realizes it's a Mr. Sir story. Grabs hand lotion and tissues and continues reading thread. Slowly stops fapping as he continues reading</action>
So. Dissapointing.
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310070
WickedWedgieWoman 15,638 6
10/15/2005 12:07 AM
Yeah. I so thought this story was going to be different.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310075
Big Irish Guy 175,958 10
10/15/2005 12:09 AM
Ollie, that is scarier than midgets killing your dog.
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Funny
4 votes
3.3
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310077
Big Irish Guy 175,958 10
10/15/2005 12:10 AM
Oh, and Duh, its a Mailman tale.
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Funny
2 votes
3.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310080
Blood-spattered Sombrero 90,999 8
10/15/2005 12:10 AM
Why do us tooth icon retards always get Mr. Sir and Mailman confused?
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.7
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310083
Blood-spattered Sombrero 90,999 8
10/15/2005 12:11 AM
Jesus christ, For such a large man, You're swift.
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.3
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310084
Duhnnie Darko 24,135 6
10/15/2005 12:11 AM
Because we can't tell the gays apart.
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310085
turtle10 19,485 7
10/15/2005 12:11 AM
Mr. Sir is the Mailman? I could see the resmblance, but the same person? WOW
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Funny
4 votes
3.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310088
Erika the Exorcist 75,961 7
10/15/2005 12:12 AM
Heh. It's fitting that the turtle would be way too slow.
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.2
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310089
Aimless's Fetus - Ma Ma, Ma Ma 126,252 11
10/15/2005 12:12 AM
Mr Sir is the Mailman?
Damn that fantasy just got hotter.
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Funny
4 votes
3.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310095
Erika the Exorcist 75,961 7
10/15/2005 12:14 AM
Sometimes I scare myself.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310096
Duhnnie Darko 24,135 6
10/15/2005 12:14 AM
Wow, now that's good timing Erika!
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310098
Duhnnie Darko 24,135 6
10/15/2005 12:14 AM
You scare me too...
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310101
Erika the Exorcist 75,961 7
10/15/2005 12:15 AM
But only in a good way, right?
RIGHT?!
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Funny
4 votes
3.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310105
Duhnnie Darko 24,135 6
10/15/2005 12:17 AM
<action> turns on Barry white and puts out some scented candles</action>
Remind me to answer that tomorrow morning.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310106
Duhnnie Darko 24,135 6
10/15/2005 12:18 AM
Oh by the way, how do you like your eggs?
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310118
Erika the Exorcist 75,961 7
10/15/2005 12:23 AM
I like my eggs like I like my men, scrambled and cheesy.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.2
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310120
Duhnnie Darko 24,135 6
10/15/2005 12:25 AM
<action>slowly puts away the candles and turns off Barry White</action>
Oh... I thought you were going to say runny and yellow.
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.4
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310125
gorctard 41,034 10
10/15/2005 12:27 AM
At least she didn;t say, "Fertilized."
Then you know you're trapped.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.2
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310126
Zolton, Third Cousin Twice Removed of Chucky 71,048 8
10/15/2005 12:27 AM
<action>wanders into the thread, hard-boiled and peppery</action>
So, Ekira... how you doin'?
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310127
Erika the Exorcist 75,961 7
10/15/2005 12:27 AM
HA! That's funny, because my boyfriend is Asian.
No comment on the runny part.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310131
gorctard 41,034 10
10/15/2005 12:28 AM
Also- a semicolon is just a fat-fingered retard;s apostrophe.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310132
Oliver Rotting Corpse 201,926 7
10/15/2005 12:29 AM
<action> hears Barry White playing. Grabs his beatin' stick. Waits for snakes.</action>
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310258
Millie has fun-size snickers 107,018 10
10/15/2005 02:23 AM
HA! That's funny, because my boyfriend is Asian
BIG is Asian?
His name is very misleading, then.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310259
johnnykielbasa2000 15,686 0
10/15/2005 02:25 AM
"Story of a wet girl"
I know this isn't about Jilly.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310261
Jilly 24,640 6
10/15/2005 02:28 AM
sleep with one eye open.
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0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310263
Jilly 24,640 6
10/15/2005 02:29 AM
and not the glass one.
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310265
McPants - The Shape of Punk to Come 19,246 9
10/15/2005 02:36 AM
BIG is Asian?
His name is very misleading, then.
Maybe he found that Big Asian Guy would lead to an unflattering abbreviation?
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Funny
6 votes
3.8
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1310275
Zolton, Third Cousin Twice Removed of Chucky 71,048 8
10/15/2005 02:42 AM
I didn't say 'Tall', Hat. I said Big.
But if it helps, maybe he should call himself:
Girthy Asian Yao
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130,691 
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