Vlad The Impaler (Purveyor of aMurder.com) 19,599 12
10/24/2005 12:44 AM

BobJohnson, Vlad apologizes, but Vlad's going to have to notify John that you've been posting while underage.

Piquantrax - Cereal Killer 8,691 9
10/24/2005 12:46 AM

I prefer the penis shaped lollipops, thats how I find out who the dirty ones are, for Christmas.

FlyingHippo, Stuffing candy in his pants 1,246 10
10/24/2005 01:00 AM

Very unforunate that I would have this name at the time of that post.

FlyingHippo, Stuffing candy in his pants 1,246 10
10/24/2005 01:01 AM

It's unfortunate as well.

Chit Eating Grin 178,781 15
10/24/2005 01:04 AM

Hillary seems to think that all the troublesome kids these days, are too busy shooting heroin and cutting their teeth playing GTA to be concerned with candy.







Yup, we were psychos in a much simpler time.

Calliope 927 10
10/24/2005 03:00 AM

I always bite the heads off of gummy bears before I eat them.

Nathyn: in rehabilitation 0 0
10/24/2005 03:17 AM

i lik loolipops

Going Boldly Where No Snork Has Gone Before. 45,655 12
10/24/2005 04:15 AM

Silly BobJohnson, nothing corrupts young minds more than wanton blurry pictures of boobs.



It is a well known fact that the Lord hates woman and all the dirty dirty sins they represent.

Captain Dan 44,452 11
10/24/2005 09:36 AM

I've been getting a lot of candy recently, as sex offenders are increasingly competitive for my business... or maybe because Halloween is just around the corner.



One alarming trend in today's candy (as opposed to the unwrapped, razor-concealing candy of yesteryear) is that it's almost always wrapped, which really makes it a challenge to hide razors within. The other trend is a horrifying increase in sour-candy.



Now... I recognize that there's a need for some sour candy. Anecdotal evidence suggests that sour candy is highly effective at luring innocent children into my van. But most of them complain about the taste of the candy later, which is a real turn-off when I'm trying to make a bookcase out of their bones.

REAPERR-FU 12,363 11
10/24/2005 09:49 AM

Sweet-N-Sour Dan , Sweet-n-sour.

dropkick brody and her Army of Flaming Leprechauns 43,090 12
10/24/2005 09:52 AM

You know what candy* would get me into the back of a van?



The crackly stuff that pops in your mouth.



Thorntons used to make chocolate lollipops with that in them for Hallowe'en, but they discontinued them. I was crushed.





*Typing that word makes me feel dirty.

Zolton, Third Cousin Twice Removed of Chucky 88,200 34
10/24/2005 11:11 AM

You know what candy* would get me into the back of a van?

...

*Typing that word makes me feel dirty.



But typing 'get me into the back of a van', apparently, does not.



This seems like a teensy priority problem to me.



So, Brody -- how you doin'?

dropkick brody and her Army of Flaming Leprechauns 43,090 12
10/24/2005 11:12 AM

That depends.



What kind of van do you have?

Efram the Retarded Rabbit 203,475 12
10/24/2005 12:54 PM

Sometimes I wonder how I'm the one that got stuck with the child molester schtick.



Then I go molest a kid and remember.

Autra 10,560 11
10/24/2005 12:57 PM

Remember, as long as you give them candy, it's not molestation, it's child prostitution.



And as long as you take pictures and post them on GAB, it's not bad, it's funny.

0 7
10/24/2005 12:58 PM

And I thought molesting kids was wrong. So where do you sign up?

gorcjuice 41,132 13
10/24/2005 01:07 PM

Wow. The things you find googling 'life size kids dolls'.



I think its safe. Its another re-hashed link, I'm sure. Thank God I didn't post that landoverbaptist.org link about Jar-Jar thinking it was real.



</poop>

HartmanTwins 10,131 10
10/24/2005 01:08 PM

Sometimes I wonder how I'm the one that got stuck with the child molester schtick.





A schtick?!? I didn't know we had props available to us! Please to order 5.

J.W.- blah 24,693 8
10/24/2005 01:10 PM

Sometimes I wonder how I'm the one that got stuck with the child molester schtick.



yeah... like it was up for grabs and GABbers were fighting for it.

gorcjuice 41,132 13
10/24/2005 01:12 PM

<action>unwillingly visualizes Ollie's hard-on being fought over by random GABbers in the photo album</action>like it was up for grabs and GABbers were fighting for it.

J.W.- blah 24,693 8
10/24/2005 01:16 PM

funny gorc... that was a thinker.

even for a bright mind such as my own.

Autra 10,560 11
10/24/2005 01:18 PM

even for a bright mind such as my own



Best. Joke. In. Thread.

J.W.- blah 24,693 8
10/24/2005 01:21 PM

Bio : i am not funny.



(Autra)





bite my ass. maybe my "flighty-ness" is my shtick.



whats your excuse?

Autra 10,560 11
10/24/2005 01:23 PM

Awww, she took it personally again.



How precious.

Ravos, The Taco Squirrel 695 8
10/24/2005 02:14 PM

I enjoy edible panties, myself.

182 7
10/24/2005 02:42 PM

The lolipops with blood in them were a hit where i'm from. Need explanation? Well, I'm there, and thats reason to down yourself

Millie has fun-size snickers 116,988 28
10/24/2005 05:07 PM

Pfft. When I was a kid, we liked those big wax lips. There are so many things wrong with those.



First of all, they were bizarre. But worse than that, they lost their flavor within seconds, and then your jaw would ache from chewing a big wad of wax.

Skitzo 321 8
10/24/2005 07:06 PM

What about those puke flavored jelly beans? Or the dirt flavored ones? Those surely aren't normal by any means.

dropkick brody and her Army of Flaming Leprechauns 43,090 12
10/24/2005 07:08 PM

I love millions, and clove rock, and rhubard and custard, and brandy balls, and apple tarts, and sherbert lemons.



Any sweetie that you can buy a 'quarter of' and get it in a little paper bag is my idea of childish heaven.

dropkick brody and her Army of Flaming Leprechauns 43,090 12
10/24/2005 07:08 PM

Who is surprised my teeth are giving me gyp, really?

Candie Kohrne 8,640 15
10/24/2005 07:14 PM

Hello?

Efram the Retarded Rabbit 203,475 12
10/24/2005 07:15 PM

AH!

Efram the Retarded Rabbit 203,475 12
10/24/2005 07:19 PM

There are about 20 people clicking on your profile and reading your funniest posts right now.

DEAR Johnny2k (abigail's illegitimate son) 15,703 0
10/24/2005 07:20 PM

<action> scratching head</action>



hello?

HeadlineNews 367 9
10/24/2005 07:21 PM

hi?

dropkick brody and her Army of Flaming Leprechauns 43,090 12
10/24/2005 07:21 PM

If I remember rightly, Candie is hot.



Hello!

Skitzo 321 8
10/24/2005 07:23 PM

hey?

Candie Kohrne 8,640 15
10/24/2005 07:27 PM

My mistake. I heard my name.

dropkick brody and her Army of Flaming Leprechauns 43,090 12
10/24/2005 07:31 PM

If we had said it five times would you have appeared to kill us all while we sleep?



Candyman... Candyman...



Okay, you get the idea, and I'm too much of a wuss to do them all.

Chit Eating Grin 178,781 15
10/24/2005 08:33 PM

I just found this that I typed at about 2:29 today but got sidetracked and didn't post. Since then, it seems Millie has covered some of it for me.



Bob Johnson reminded me of long ago when we had assorted Halloween handouts that were made of wax. They were just barely infused with hints of sugar and some flavoring, and you were supposed to chew them like gum, but I only recall them tasting of "Wax." They were in the shape of things like lips with buck teeth, etc...



We also had clear wax skeleton figures, filled with some toxic purple liquid, that if you shot the full half an ounce, it was enough to still tear up the back of your throat all night. Big draw on those had to be the biting off of the head I think.





If you pictured the candy spectrum, the items I just mentioned were way down at the end, next to Candy Corn, and Necco (chalk) Wafers. As bad as they were though, for some dumb reason they were prize possessions come Halloween time.



I think I mentioned Necco Wafers here before, but I have since learned that they are the same good folks that brought us other cancerous confections never meant for consumption like "Conversational Hearts" for Valentines Day, and I cant imagine why they aren't still churning out "Candy Cigarettes" any more. Hell....even Joe Camel would be protesting these.

Millie has fun-size snickers 116,988 28
10/24/2005 08:35 PM

Remember those wax bottles with the stuff inside them?



They were just as bad as the lips.

Phuc 237,919 21
10/25/2005 09:27 AM

There were candy cigarettes that tasted like licorice dipped in Shakespeare, there were gum cigarettes, and there were chocolate cigarettes. You were always hoping for chocolate, would settle for gum, and would plant your Pro Keds firmly in the crotch of the person who gave you candy.







...or maybe that was just me.