PeeWee 4,624 8
11/02/2005 01:49 PM

Stopping in to say hi, maybe. If you guys aren't jerks.



Then you shoved his face into the fryer, right?

Flanders Fields Sombrero 91,274 10
11/02/2005 01:50 PM

Oh right. I forgot that I worked at McDonalds.

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/02/2005 02:03 PM

Can you hook me up with a job on the grill?

Flanders Fields Sombrero 91,274 10
11/02/2005 02:10 PM

We have delivery trucks. I can get you stuck on the grille if you'd like.

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/02/2005 02:11 PM

That's fine too.



I'm looking to lower my responsibilities. Does that come with a uniform?

Miracles Gets the Wishbone 22,430 0
11/02/2005 02:12 PM

(Pointing to my mouth)



I'll hook you with up a real good "job" with this grill, Sir.

Phuc 237,919 21
11/02/2005 02:12 PM

Performance Review: Hat



Output has been consistently of 2-orb quality or higher, with an average ratio of funny-to-serious posts.



Has an inflated opinion of his place within the community, but can roll with the neck tattoo jokes like a troopa.



Takes extended bathroom breaks and often returns from lunch smelling of canned salmon and/or burnt almonds.



Was thrice caught passing obscene notes to Miracles and Ollie.

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/02/2005 02:15 PM

Sorry Hat, your offer was generous, but I think I'll go with Miracle's offer instead.

Magic Thighs of Chickens 286,539 61
11/02/2005 02:15 PM

Out of the satelles and into the mall just in time for Christmas, eh? I didn't know Radio Shack was hiring. Gonna go for that impressive manager position?

Flanders Fields Sombrero 91,274 10
11/02/2005 02:18 PM

but I think I'll go with Miracle's offer instead.



Do you have open sores on your penis?











Want some?

Flanders Fields Sombrero 91,274 10
11/02/2005 02:20 PM

... I'm not sure but I think I'll go with, "Thanks, Phuc."

Gorcmer Fudd on the prowl and hunting penis 41,132 13
11/02/2005 02:21 PM

I applied to be a manager at Radio Shack a few years back.



They haven't called for an interview, yet, but whenever I call they assure me the app is still on file and to just sit tight.

Miracles Gets the Wishbone 22,430 0
11/02/2005 02:22 PM

I'm sure they'll call you, Gorc.

Magic Thighs of Chickens 286,539 61
11/02/2005 02:24 PM

Do you have open sores on your penis?





BWAH-HAHAHAHAHA.

Phuc 237,919 21
11/02/2005 02:25 PM

Performance Review: Gorc



Though barley out of n00bhood, Gorc has shown impressive resilience.



Despite long bouts of mediocrity, he has managed to find a place within the masses of the community and is without a doubt a positive contributor overall.



Hygeine is only just satisfactory, and we would suggest a makeover, as the bald head and goatee thing is more tired than Trae's white blood cells.

Jade - Bowl of Petunias - Oh no, not again 14,453 11
11/02/2005 02:26 PM

Ooh. Can I get a performance review?

Phuc 237,919 21
11/02/2005 02:27 PM

Performance Review: Jade



(has not logged enough hours for an adequate review)

Gorcmer Fudd on the prowl and hunting penis 41,132 13
11/02/2005 02:29 PM

I've got to get a new pic up- I've got this crazy spikey hair thing going on- I look like a Chia pet with a recediing hairline.

Miracles Gets the Wishbone 22,430 0
11/02/2005 02:30 PM

Alright, Phuc.



Do me.



I know I have imporved in some areas...

Miracles Gets the Wishbone 22,430 0
11/02/2005 02:31 PM

Except spelling...

Erika of Magrathea 76,152 9
11/02/2005 02:31 PM

Ohhhh! Do me! Do me!







Then give me a performance review.

Prostetnic Vogon Chest 203,475 12
11/02/2005 02:31 PM

I hate to be a bother Phuc, but I've been waiting for my yearly review for 3 months now.

Phuc 237,919 21
11/02/2005 02:36 PM

Performance Review: Miracles



Despite incurring the hatred of the community like no one since Ford, Miracles continues to crank out consistently funny posts, all the while provoking some vets to falling out of character and posting lame-ass serious posts, earning her extra points from less self-important vets.



While her past failings will forever stain her work, we are confident that if Miracles continues to produce as she has been lately, her contributions will eventually win over more converts.



Tits would help.

J.W.-with marshmallows on top 24,693 8
11/02/2005 02:37 PM

Do me. I'm feeling fiesty today and I am up for some drama.

Flanders Fields Sombrero 91,274 10
11/02/2005 02:39 PM

Performance Review: Jilly



Fired.

Phuc 237,919 21
11/02/2005 02:41 PM

Performance Review: johnnybgood



While nowhere near as influential as he thinks he is, Ollie has nonetheless been one of the major forces behind what has been called "GAB's second golden age," the first being the years of teh Stew.



Ollie has managed to maintain a schtick for years, all the while keeping it fresher than Priestess' poonani. This is no small feat in a world where a mere double post can sometimes mean the difference between orbs and oblivion.



We would suggest that Ollie pay closer attention to details while bathing, and that he not fag it up so often, but overall, we are proud to have him among us. Though we still wouldn't Frost him with a stolen dick if we were a chick.

Miracles Gets the Wishbone 22,430 0
11/02/2005 02:41 PM

Tits would help.



ok. I'm doing it.



I'm sending them email - not in the album. Phuc is now on my list to receive tits.

Peril-sensitive Spicey McHaggis 117,779 37
11/02/2005 02:41 PM

Is it performance review time already? It's been a while. So which lube is popular with the reviewees these days?

Flanders Fields Sombrero 91,274 10
11/02/2005 02:42 PM

Mustard.

Gorcmer Fudd on the prowl and hunting penis 41,132 13
11/02/2005 02:42 PM

Performance Review: Jilly



Fired.



I dated a girl in high school for awhile that some of my friends didn't like and I took a lot of Shakespeare standing up for her and it was all worth it because she was special.



Sorry, Jilly.

Questular Rontok 171,275 14
11/02/2005 02:44 PM

DO ME PHUC DO ME!!! Then write me a review!

Fratberry 283,018 53
11/02/2005 02:50 PM

What's up, Phuc?

Autra 10,560 11
11/02/2005 02:51 PM

I'd ask for a review, but I haven't been here long, and to top it all off, the only time phuc has deigned to speak to me was to tell me to suck his dick.

Autra 10,560 11
11/02/2005 02:53 PM

<action>goes back to capitalize 'Phuc'</action>

Gorcmer Fudd on the prowl and hunting penis 41,132 13
11/02/2005 02:54 PM

Well, if you did a good job I don't see why you would be afraid of a bad review.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
11/02/2005 02:57 PM

Hmmmm, I can already see Phuc's performance review for me.





Excellent at beating a dead horse.

Lousy taste in music.

About as funny as a penis in a blender.

Oh, and he prefered me when he didn't think I was real.

Phuc 237,919 21
11/02/2005 02:57 PM

Performance Review: Spicey McHaggis



While many have regarded Spicey in the past as the "nice guy" of GAB--to the point where many were annoyingly protective of him--he has really come into his role as swaggering Coleridge-about-town and hipster stud.



Able to cut to the funny in as few words as possible, Spicey is the Henny Youngman of GAB.



We would like to see Spicey embrace a more acceptable hairstyle and pay more attention to his wardrobe, but this is just quibbling on our part.

Butternips - with stuffing! 369 7
11/02/2005 02:57 PM

Hat- "Since my last report, this GABBER has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."



Jilly- "I would not allow this GABBER to breed."



JK2K- "This gabber is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."



Miracles- "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."



Erika- "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."



Butternips- "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."



Phuc- "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."



Gorc- "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."



HT- "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."



Millie- "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, she's the other

one."



Brody- "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."



Erika- "It's hard to believe she beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."



Yorkie- "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."



Questular- "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"





alright... now bring it on Phuc!

Questular Rontok 171,275 14
11/02/2005 03:00 PM

Performance Review: Autra



While sexier than he thinks he is, Autra has nonetheless been one of the major forces behind the wetness in all the gab chicks panties. The first heartbreaker being the years of teh sombrero.



Autra has managed to maintain a erect schtick for days, all the while keeping just out of reach of the female gabber. This is no small feat in a state where many gabber chicks are on the prowl and just one trust would mean difference between extacy and utter disappointment.



We would suggest that Autra pay closer attention to details while shaving, and that he not fag it up so often, but overall, we are proud to have his schlong among us. Though we still would love to Frost him at his nearest convenience.

Phuc 237,919 21
11/02/2005 03:00 PM

Performance Review: Chance



The patron... uhhhh... patron of GAB, Ms. Chance has more than proven her worth by putting her money where her orbs are.



Possessed of a sharp wit and generous tit, Chance's contributions have helped enrich the community in so many ways.



In future, we hope that Chance will see fit to show a little more venom, as she truly shines when she "gets her hate on."

Yorkie Thompson: Hooloovoo 60,724 12
11/02/2005 03:01 PM

Well, if I was Erika, I'd have delusions of adequacy since I apparently beat out 1,000,000 other sperm. That makes you better that 1,000,000 other individuals!



That's something to be proud of, I'd say.

turtle10 42,578 26
11/02/2005 03:01 PM

So...aahh Phuc. If Gorc gets one then someone who has been around longer and has never been (openly) hated will get one too. Right?

Questular Rontok 171,275 14
11/02/2005 03:01 PM

Questular- "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"



DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!!!????

Yorkie Thompson: Hooloovoo 60,724 12
11/02/2005 03:01 PM

<action>goes back in time, breaks Phuc's and Chance's keyboards so that his post makes sense</action>

Questular Rontok 171,275 14
11/02/2005 03:02 PM

Frost-ing Froster.

Butternips - with stuffing! 369 7
11/02/2005 03:02 PM

damn.. I did Erika twice.. I was just trying to come up with names!

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/02/2005 03:03 PM

Try lurking, then you would know who everybody is.



Emerson.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
11/02/2005 03:04 PM

Better yet, try suicide.

Yorkie Thompson: Hooloovoo 60,724 12
11/02/2005 03:05 PM

A good way to catch up on lurking is to accumulate extra hours in unconventional ways, like by bringing your computer in the shower

Phuc 237,919 21
11/02/2005 03:06 PM

Performance Review: BIG



We would like to thank BIG for being there when GAB needed him, though we regret we had to dock his pay for his absence during the great sausage scourge of '05.



Possessed of a singular wit and superhuman resistance to alcohol poisoning, BIG is the quintessential GABber. If had a cooch and his tits didn't sag so much, we'd make him our queen.



BIG's etiquette needs work. He neglects to remove his hat indoors, farts in elevators and is Irish. We recommend finishing school. Upon successful completion, we would offer him a job guarding a pot of gold or beating wives.

Questular Rontok 171,275 14
11/02/2005 03:07 PM

Yay Phuc I feel schpecial!

Magic Thighs of Chickens 286,539 61
11/02/2005 03:07 PM

What exactly do you ... do... here?

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
11/02/2005 03:10 PM

Explain more of this beating wives thing.

A Slice of Filly Breast 39,193 20
11/02/2005 03:12 PM

<action>trembles</action>I'm scared.

Phuc 237,919 21
11/02/2005 03:12 PM

Sure and begorra, BIG, a fine broth of a lad like yerself has read that book where the Irishman beats his family!

Autra 10,560 11
11/02/2005 03:12 PM

Explain more of this beating wives thing



It's easy.



I have a bat you can borrow.

Magic Thighs of Chickens 286,539 61
11/02/2005 03:13 PM

REmember your whole childhood? It's that thing your dad did to your mom the night after every payday when he stopped by the pub on the way home. Yeah, that's it. </steriotypes as opposed to monotypes

PeeWee 4,624 8
11/02/2005 03:13 PM

I've been posting for three months now, it's time for my review and (hopefully) permanent status.



Do my benefits start after my initial 90 day waiting period?

Fratberry 283,018 53
11/02/2005 03:14 PM

I'm scared.



Hmmm, looked to me like you were just cold.

Magic Thighs of Chickens 286,539 61
11/02/2005 03:15 PM

3 months? You sure this isn't your first post?

Gorcmer Fudd on the prowl and hunting penis 41,132 13
11/02/2005 03:15 PM

Do my benefits start after my initial 90 day waiting period?



Yes: K-Y is now considered a business expense- keep your reciepts.

Phuc 237,919 21
11/02/2005 03:18 PM

Performance Review: Filly



Prior to the Filly Prank, this youngster's output was nominal, at best. She really came into her own when she took the initiative and put the whole prank into "holy Shakespeare, there are gonna be divorces and Shakespeare" territory with that whole ZUG10 after hours thing. Holy Frost-ing Shakespeare that was sick, yo.



While she often coasts on her hotness, Filly has potential for much funny. We would like her to apply herself more.



On a personal note, we would like to inform Filly that we are married and must decline her offer of freaky sex involving pot roast drippings, raw bacon, rabbit pelts, and WD-40.

PeeWee 4,624 8
11/02/2005 03:18 PM

3 months? You sure this isn't your first post?



I'm so in love with GAB that every post feels like the first time.

A Slice of Filly Breast 39,193 20
11/02/2005 03:20 PM

While she often coasts on her hotness...



She does not.

Magic Thighs of Chickens 286,539 61
11/02/2005 03:20 PM

You should have gone for that offer. The bacon bits are especially ....



umm... so I've heard.....





nevermind

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
11/02/2005 03:20 PM

But Filly's boobs just got bigger.



That got a raise.

Ortzy 178 8
11/02/2005 03:23 PM

But Filly's boobs just got bigger.



That got a raise.



You mean rise.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
11/02/2005 03:25 PM

Do you think Tabby is the only college stripper on GAB?

J.W.-with marshmallows on top 24,693 8
11/02/2005 03:25 PM

Butternips - you are such a loser. Nobody knows you and nobody even cares what you have to say. You're stupid and probably really pasty and ugly. You also don't have any friends.

Phuc 237,919 21
11/02/2005 03:27 PM

Didn't you just get fired? Clean out your desk and leave.



And take that Frost-ing kitten-hanging-from-a-tree poster with you.

Ditdah Broomfondle 123,110 14
11/02/2005 03:27 PM

OK, I'm filing out my OWN performance review right now. Our self-eval factors heavily into our review. I am stumped on what to put in the section about "email and Internet" usage.



I think the woman that shares a desk with me gets pissed about how much time I spend on the 'net, but I don't know if she would bring it up on her eval of me. So, do I mention it, and look like it's something I'm aware of and need to work on, or leave it off, and act surprised if it shows up?

Flanders Fields Sombrero 91,274 10
11/02/2005 03:28 PM

<action> steals Jilly's "artsy" clacky ball bearing desk thingy </action>



These should work well in my slingshot.



I'll get you, Dennis the Menace, Oh I'll get you good.

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/02/2005 03:29 PM

Ditdah,



Two words:



Deny, deny, deny.

Yorkie Thompson: Hooloovoo 60,724 12
11/02/2005 03:30 PM

If you have to do an evaluation of her, too, write that she keeps a half gallon of Monarch in the second drawer down.



They won't know it's yours, don't worry.

J.W.-with marshmallows on top 24,693 8
11/02/2005 03:30 PM

Performance Review: Jilly



Fired.



Dear Phuc - I am going to let that slide because I think you're funny and you were nice to me one time. (and I know you meant to say I'm "on fire" cause I'm hot, right? RIGHT?)

dropkick brody: totally unarmed 43,090 12
11/02/2005 03:30 PM

and look like it's something I'm aware of and need to work on



...she asks the internet message board.



I don't know if I would mention it. But if your coworker mentions it, you gotta goatse her.

Yorkie Thompson: Hooloovoo 60,724 12
11/02/2005 03:32 PM

Jilly, I'm going to try and be nicer to you.



But you have to learn to read first.

Ditdah Broomfondle 123,110 14
11/02/2005 03:33 PM

half gallon of Monarch



What is Monarch?

Phuc 237,919 21
11/02/2005 03:34 PM

I know you meant to say I'm "on fire" cause I'm hot, right? RIGHT?



You've had your chance to back that up and have done nothing.



Fifty points from Frostenwaffle!

Ditdah Broomfondle 123,110 14
11/02/2005 03:37 PM

And I know I spend too much time on the 'net at work... I just spent 2 hours reading a blog, GABbing, sending/checking my personal email, and sending personal email from work. (I've sent 15 emails from work today - 12 were personal. 7 were to GABbers.)



I just don't know if I should admit my problem to others.

Prostetnic Vogon Chest 203,475 12
11/02/2005 03:39 PM

I've never Frosted a waffle.



Yet.

Gorky Thatcher- Would you like fries with that? 41,132 13
11/02/2005 03:40 PM

<action> has a < and a /i and a > for sale as a set for only $20, same as in town</action>

dropkick brody: totally unarmed 43,090 12
11/02/2005 03:41 PM

I've sent 15 emails from work today - 12 were personal. 7 were to GABbers



*refreshes email*



But I agree with Mr Sir, denial is not just a river in EgypBLAM

Gorky Thatcher- Would you like fries with that? 41,132 13
11/02/2005 03:41 PM

Leggo my Eggo, Ollie!

Ditdah Broomfondle 123,110 14
11/02/2005 03:43 PM

Oh - I also called a GABber. So, I don't spend ALL my time at work screwing around on the computer.

JohnnyKringleTwoKoals 15,703 0
11/02/2005 03:43 PM

JK2K- "This gabber is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

Mentioning my name will not score you points with anyone NIP. Even the "Mystery Orb Filler" doesn't like you.



the great sausage scourge of '05.



Thanks for the great "review" oh immortal "one tooth wonder".

Ditdah Broomfondle 123,110 14
11/02/2005 03:44 PM

What happened to your arms, Brody?

dropkick brody: totally unarmed 43,090 12
11/02/2005 03:45 PM

My army of homosexual lephrechauns took them.



Bastards

dropkick brody: totally unarmed 43,090 12
11/02/2005 03:46 PM

They also took my full stop.

Phuc 237,919 21
11/02/2005 03:50 PM

Performance Review: Erika



We likes this one, preciousssss. She's mean and tastes like bile, she doesssss.



Erika is a role model to all young women. She has shown what a female can accomplish without showing breasties. Of course, the men of the community are collecting money to hire a cadre of ninja assassins to eliminate her as we write, but for the time being, we applaud Ms. Erika's strength of character. (read "frigid bitch, we'll get you")



We feel that Erika does not get the credit she deserves and are declaring her one of the unsung funnies of GAB. Not many people can maintain such a consistent level of negativity while never getting serious.



Points off, though, for being a chickenShakespeare wuss and caving in to her emo-fag "boyfriend's" demands that she not attend ZUG10.

Erika of Magrathea 76,152 9
11/02/2005 03:50 PM

Well, if I was Erika, I'd have delusions of adequacy since I apparently beat out 1,000,000 other sperm. That makes you better that 1,000,000 other individuals!



That's something to be proud of, I'd say.





SD, thanks for having my back while I was at class and unable to smash that twatwaffle. I owe you one*.















*This does not equal boob pictures. Not even of one boob.

Erika of Magrathea 76,152 9
11/02/2005 03:52 PM

Weirdest. Simpulpost. Evar.

Flanders Fields Sombrero 91,274 10
11/02/2005 03:53 PM

I'm willing to bet Erika has a weird superfluous nipple or a big nasty birthmark on one of her boobies.



I'm also going to believe this from now on.

Erika of Magrathea 76,152 9
11/02/2005 03:53 PM

Or simulpost. Whichever.

Prostetnic Vogon Chest 203,475 12
11/02/2005 03:54 PM

Erika has the best stories.

Yorkie Thompson: Hooloovoo 60,724 12
11/02/2005 03:55 PM

It's ok, Erika. I've decided the more roundabout approach of earning your respect and establishing a strong rapport is much more effective than an instant barrage of "caniseeyourtits?"



No problem.

Erika of Magrathea 76,152 9
11/02/2005 03:58 PM

Hat, your crazy reverse-psycho babble will not work on me.

Flanders Fields Sombrero 91,274 10
11/02/2005 03:59 PM

I should have continued...



I'm also going to believe this from now on, since there is no way in hell that now, after that, she is going to prove me wrong by showing me her boobsesses. Damn.

JohnnyKringleTwoKoals 15,703 0
11/02/2005 04:03 PM

Did anyone notice the "mystery orb filler" just filled my orbs?

J.W.-with marshmallows on top 24,693 8
11/02/2005 04:14 PM

But you have to learn to read first

Yorkavich...will you teach me?

Yorkie Thompson: Hooloovoo 60,724 12
11/02/2005 04:16 PM

Take off your shirt first.

Ditdah Broomfondle 123,110 14
11/02/2005 04:17 PM

I would like SD to teach me how to read braile.

Yorkie Thompson: Hooloovoo 60,724 12
11/02/2005 04:18 PM

What a coincidence! I've got these weird bumps on my penis.



They spell H-E-R-P-...Uh oh.

J.W.-with marshmallows on top 24,693 8
11/02/2005 04:19 PM

HEY- I fell for that with my last tutor. I ain't fallin for it again. You do NOT read gooder with your shirt off.

Yorkie Thompson: Hooloovoo 60,724 12
11/02/2005 04:21 PM

See, that's where he failed.



I'm not supposed to read gooder, you are.

Ditdah Broomfondle 123,110 14
11/02/2005 04:23 PM

So, SD, out of curosity...



Do they only spell 'HERP' because of a lack of space?

Zolton Desiato, Dead for Tax Reasons 88,200 34
11/02/2005 04:25 PM

If you take your shirt off, it'll read:



HERPETOLOGISTS DO IT WITH FORKED TONGUES



At least, that's what it says about SD on the bathroom wall.

Yorkie Thompson: Hooloovoo 60,724 12
11/02/2005 04:27 PM

No Dit.



It spells "Herpes Simplex Virus II".

Ditdah Broomfondle 123,110 14
11/02/2005 04:28 PM

He has a forked tongue?!



*faints*

Neep: wants to have sex with Captain Janeway, like 35,066 15
11/02/2005 04:40 PM

NSFW



<action>throws up a little</action>

HartmanTwins - Victim of the Point of View Gun 10,131 10
11/02/2005 04:51 PM

Performance Review: Phuc



A corner stone in this online community, Phuc continually provides teh funny. Even among his hate filled posts to attractive, good natured, African American n00bs, a tie to his ancestral roots can be found: Ying and Yang or Tears of the Fun. It could be said that, after bitch slapping you with the back side of his hand, you'll find the words "Stick it in her pooper then take it out a shoot her" tattooed to his hairy palm.



Phuc plays well with others but plays especially well with himself. It's often been wondered how he spends so much time on GAB and still manages to climax 8 times a day. The answer might only be revealed when Phuc dies at his desk and police have to break down the door. It wouldn't be a great surprise to find a traumatized pet gerbil in a cage on the ground and a print out of the boobs page as wallpaper.



The only negative remark that could be made of Phuc is that he spends too much time writing Gabber reviews*.



*I reserve the right to retract the previous statement if Phuc writes a review about me.

Fratberry 283,018 53
11/02/2005 04:54 PM

evaluation my for late I Am?

S. Kake 55,555 14
11/02/2005 04:55 PM

This thread reminded how awesome Al is.



And how unfunny Hartman Twins is.

HartmanTwins - Victim of the Point of View Gun 10,131 10
11/02/2005 04:58 PM

You too, huh?

MaddMatt - Now with enhanced Improbability Drives 15,437 9
11/02/2005 04:58 PM

I think the woman that shares a desk with me gets pissed about how much time I spend on the 'net,



You heard that wrong Dit. She said, "I'm pissed at how much time she spends on Annette."

JohnnyKringleTwoKoals 15,703 0
11/02/2005 04:58 PM

HT will "kiss an ass" of any mixed persuasion.

SweetPotatoBritches 3,351 8
11/02/2005 05:04 PM

<action>rubs belly</action>Ohhhh! Do me! Do me!



Careful what you wish for....

Roasted Raccoon with Stuffing 56,688 10
11/02/2005 05:12 PM

Phuc, well done. Those reviews were a pure joy to read. You're pretty weird and I like that.

Scorpion 4,080 9
11/02/2005 05:17 PM

I've been here over a year, I think I deserve a review. If only I was more active and as a result would actually expect a chance of receiving such a review.

MaddMatt - Now with enhanced Improbability Drives 15,437 9
11/02/2005 05:20 PM

Yes Phuc, very well done.



I laughed, I cried, it truly became a part of me. I liken it to the best of Emerson meets Dickens, with a raw, gritty character.



(See HT, That is how to kiss ass.)



But, have you considered how Hat feels, having his thread "Phuc'd"?

Fratberry 283,018 53
11/02/2005 05:24 PM

please now review my have I Can?

UnderHaggis Ends In Tears 101,398 77
11/02/2005 05:25 PM

Al - your reviews are awesome. Please do me!

Peril-sensitive Spicey McHaggis 117,779 37
11/02/2005 05:27 PM

And then write a review for her.



</obligatory>

Neep: wants to have sex with Captain Janeway, like 35,066 15
11/02/2005 05:28 PM

Scorpion, you don't deserve one. It isn't Phuc's job to make every random semi-noob feel like they belong.

J.W.-with marshmallows on top 24,693 8
11/02/2005 05:28 PM

Performance Review: Phuc



A corner stone in this online community, Phuc continually provides teh funny. Even among his hate filled posts to attractive, good natured, African American n00bs, a tie to his ancestral roots can be found: Ying and Yang or Tears of the

blah blah blah... HT - what's your deal?

HartmanTwins - Victim of the Point of View Gun 10,131 10
11/02/2005 05:31 PM

I don't know.



What's yours?

Flanders Fields Sombrero 91,274 10
11/02/2005 05:44 PM

Phuc can Phuc my threads all he wants.



I like when my threads get whore-jacked, Because then they go on for more than 10 posts.

lupience, bearer of the towel 26,981 11
11/02/2005 05:47 PM

All these posts, and so very little sex. Harumph.

MaddMatt - Now with enhanced Improbability Drives 15,437 9
11/02/2005 05:54 PM

Phuc can Phuc my threads all he wants.



(See HT, That is how to kiss ass.)













Couldn't resist Hat. And I agree with you. I'm just jealous that my threads don't get Phuc'd.

JohnnyKringleTwoKoals 15,703 0
11/02/2005 06:06 PM

Performance Review: Miracles



Phuc forgot to mention Miracles Integrity. She has yet to post my pic publically.

Miracles Gets the Wishbone 22,430 0
11/02/2005 06:09 PM

Thank you, JK.



I hold a lot more GAB secrets then people know...



A Carroll twat slut with integrity is me!

Questular Rontok 171,275 14
11/02/2005 07:07 PM

HEY! I was the first gabber to gaze upon the wonder that is JK. Ive been good, I havent made any santa claus jokes now have I? HAVE I!!!???



What am I getting for Christmas Santa Balls?

Prostetnic Vogon Chest 203,475 12
11/02/2005 07:13 PM

Why are you talking to him?

JohnnyKringleTwoKoals 15,703 0
11/02/2005 07:14 PM

Chance's Xmas gift (had I been her secret santy)



A picture of me and miracles being licked by a bi-sexual reindeer!

JohnnyKringleTwoKoals 15,703 0
11/02/2005 07:18 PM

Why are you talking to him?



You are fat but, I am pleasingly plump.

The High Priestess of Stewie 58,948 29
11/02/2005 07:20 PM

all the while keeping it fresher than Priestess' poonani.





*grumbles* ..it's fresher than that #17 combo in your fridge..

Questular Rontok 171,275 14
11/02/2005 08:18 PM

Why are you talking to him?



Hmm... If I was more selective on whom I talked to I doubt any of you would be graced with my words.

dropkick brody: totally unarmed 43,090 12
11/02/2005 08:20 PM

<action> curtsies </action>

Spicey McHaggis 117,779 37
11/02/2005 10:38 PM

No, but they might be reviled.

Phuc 237,919 21
11/03/2005 06:33 AM

Performance Review: Underwhere



Ms. Underwhere has really come out of her shell since deflowering GAB's boy sweetheart, Spicey. With a wink and a flash, she entered the hearts of all but the coldest-hearted dorks.



While her level of funny fluctuates, she can definitely "bring it" when the situation requires.



Extra points for moving to Texas. May god save her soul.

Chris Garrett 86,932 12
11/03/2005 06:38 AM

How the hell did I miss this one?





Oh Al? What due ewe tink ov moi?

Phuc 237,919 21
11/03/2005 06:38 AM

Performance Review: Neep



Since surrealistisches and resident sporker underaged, have Mrs. Neep represented at the community that a marked improvement of its capacity, waked up to long enough remain this each one, which gives a Shakespeare, its fresh posts and of him with reading can leaning to deviate not of the sequitors.



Had of a remarkable support (in the truth, it could have little faces Garys Coleman for nipples and we would not know) and without fear dispatches to post, Neep inside right-hand side since the old age of adjustment 12 matures.



We would like that Neep direct more attention on safety and in resounding with these sporks do not run.

Phuc 237,919 21
11/03/2005 06:44 AM

Performance Review: Chris, uhhh... Garrett



A riddle wrappen in an enigma, wrapped in a shroud of chocolatey deceit, Chris was twice voted class clown by a jury of his peers. Where they found peers of his, we're not sure, but it might go a ways toward explaining why the population in Ossining has declined lately.



It is difficult to evaluate Chris' performance as we are not sure who all we're evaluating.



50 points to Slytherin for some of the all-time classic gags, 10 points off for bringing in a funny-vampire, and we will sneak him the golden snitch for the piece of Tilly.



Mr. Garrett's parents have not showed up in response to our summons.

Chris Garrett 86,932 12
11/03/2005 06:54 AM

Ok...that was as confusing as Chinese Arithmetic.



So.....I'm doing a good job?

Phuc 237,919 21
11/03/2005 06:56 AM

Performance Review: Fratberry



Mr. Berry has been a very naughty boy. He was caught on Monday exposing his genitals to a group of canoe-ers from the girls' camp across the lake. While this sort of activity is not frowned upon by the staff here, it was Mr. Berry's use of ribbons, war paint, and a boombox blasting Dance Party Mix '87 that garnered him his 145th reprimand of this semester.



We appreciate Frat's positive contributions to the community and will continue to keep a close eye on him as he takes those wondrous first steps into manhood.

Phuc 237,919 21
11/03/2005 08:41 AM

Performance Review: High Priestess



As a priestess, High could show more initiative. Our bylaws require at least four goat sacrifices per sememster. We would, however, accept one of Johnny's ears as a substitute.



Ms. Priestess is a pleasure to be around. Her perpetually sunny disposition is like an infection of liquid laughter to all who cross her path.



Hygeine is satisfactory, as is language and penmanship. Low marks for attendance.

Fratberry 283,018 53
11/03/2005 08:46 AM

Sometimes I feel like you people know me better than I know myself.

lupience, bearer of the towel 26,981 11
11/03/2005 08:47 AM

<action>Pauses from peering through telescope-</action>

Yessiree! Now could you please open your curtains?

Phuc 237,919 21
11/03/2005 08:57 AM

Performance Review: Turtle10



Mr. 10 has been a joy. He sits quietly through class, speaks only after raising his hand--but for that incident with the ten strippers, Al Qaeda, and an oil drum of Astro Glide, Turtle would be a candidate for honors.



We recommend use of actual soap, other than a brillo pad and scalding Hi-C, and must remind 10's parents that if we don't get that permission slip by Friday, he won't be going to Tommy Bartlett's World of Enormous Tits with the rest of the GABbers.

Fratberry 283,018 53
11/03/2005 09:00 AM

Heh. Tommy Bartlett.

Phuc 237,919 21
11/03/2005 11:08 AM

Performance Review: Phuc (HT's doesnt' count because he is even less the boss of me than anyone else in this thread)



Considering he was here when ZUG was being coded on an IBM Selectrix, you'd think that Al's rating would be a lot higher. This is a recurring theme in his work and in his relationships within the community: That lazy gook just don't try hard enough.



While he bathes daily, an odor of garlic, meat, and a chinatown dumpster in July pervades his very soul.

S. Kake 55,555 14
11/03/2005 11:11 AM

I never thought I'd say this, but DO ME AL!



Yeah, I know I've mostly been lurking.

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/03/2005 11:13 AM

Thankfully, I do not require Al's validation.



I cannot be graded on the simple scale used by mere earthlings.

S. Kake 55,555 14
11/03/2005 11:14 AM

You are just saying that so Al will do you.

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/03/2005 11:15 AM

I was just trying to be original.

S. Kake 55,555 14
11/03/2005 11:15 AM

I was just trying to be original.

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/03/2005 11:17 AM

I was just trying to be original.

S. Kake 55,555 14
11/03/2005 11:17 AM

I was just trying to be original.

Fratberry 283,018 53
11/03/2005 11:17 AM

Say, that was original.

S. Kake 55,555 14
11/03/2005 11:17 AM

Say, that was original.

S. Kake 55,555 14
11/03/2005 11:17 AM

Say, that was original.

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/03/2005 11:17 AM

NO, I SAID GOOD DAY!

S. Kake 55,555 14
11/03/2005 11:18 AM

heh. We're weird.

Phuc 237,919 21
11/03/2005 11:18 AM

Performance Review: Special Kake



While Special's early output showed great promise, his recent lack of participation and defection to the place where goats are felched put him at risk of failing grades in all subjects. If he does not pull up his grades prior to the final, Mr. Kake will be left back and will be sitting at a desk next to Jilly.



Special has problems with clutter and hair products, both of which are above acceptable levels. With less fag and more rag, we expect him to fulfill his destiny and bring balance to the force.

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/03/2005 11:19 AM

I kind of like how that went down.



It's like we are a well-oiled idiot machine.

Fratberry 283,018 53
11/03/2005 11:22 AM

Heh. You said oiled.

S. Kake 55,555 14
11/03/2005 11:24 AM

Heh. You said Oiled, too.

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/03/2005 11:24 AM

I said "well-oiled idiot."



Gay + Funny= ?



Ollie?

SpeciaI Kake 283,018 53
11/03/2005 11:24 AM

Heh, You said oiled too.

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/03/2005 11:26 AM

Are you drinking the cactus juice again?

Fratberry 283,018 53
11/03/2005 11:27 AM

Are you forgetting mouse over again?

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/03/2005 11:28 AM

NO, I SAID GOOD DAY!

Fratberry 283,018 53
11/03/2005 11:31 AM

How can you say good day when I say GOOD DAY!!??1

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/03/2005 11:35 AM

DAMN YOUR LOGIC!



DAMN IT TO HELL!

PrincessBritt: Mostly Harmless 4,730 9
11/03/2005 11:38 AM

<action>sits down with some popcorn</action>

I'm hoping that this angry frustration is going to turn into some crazy sex.

Gorky Thatcher- Would you like fries with that? 41,132 13
11/03/2005 11:40 AM

Its always crazy sex with me- I was committed, once.

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/03/2005 11:43 AM

<action> stands behind Britt, taps her left shoulder, then runs off to the right.</action>

PrincessBritt: Mostly Harmless 4,730 9
11/03/2005 11:48 AM

<action>watches Mr. Sir run away and then trip, throws some of her popcorn at him</action>

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/03/2005 11:53 AM

<action> cries.</action>



She's right. I'm clumsy like that.

PrincessBritt: Mostly Harmless 4,730 9
11/03/2005 11:57 AM

It's okay, honey, would you like some popcorn?

J.W.-with marshmallows on top 24,693 8
11/03/2005 12:01 PM

Mr. Kake will be left back and will be sitting at a desk next to Jilly.

Lucky Kake. But seriously - why is my name mentioned in a converstation that I am not even involved in. It hurts. Deep down inside.

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/03/2005 12:02 PM

<action> sits next to PB, and enjoys some popcorn. Watches JillyWilly walk around thread, scratching her head.</action>

SweetPotatoBritches 3,351 8
11/03/2005 12:03 PM

They are just words, silly.



Now this knife that I have...it will hurt. Deep down inside.

Ditdah Broomfondle 123,110 14
11/03/2005 12:10 PM

Jilly, if/when people become regulars around here, their names are used when the topic fits, even if they aren't involved.



Kinda like Ollie's name comes up when we are discussing pedophiles, Hat with neck tattoos, Phuc with chicken feet, and Frat with old gay women.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
11/03/2005 12:13 PM

And Ditdah when we talk about drunks.

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/03/2005 12:14 PM

With fast fingers.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
11/03/2005 12:17 PM

And Jilly when we talk about morons, we talk about you.

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/03/2005 12:19 PM

<action> looks at watch, then at empty space on his desk where the performance report should be.</action>

Ditdah Broomfondle 123,110 14
11/03/2005 12:19 PM

Ditdah when we talk about drunks.



Hey - I'm flattered. It could have been much worse.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
11/03/2005 12:27 PM

Silly Dit, you aren't even the gayest GABber in Ohio. What did you think it was going to be?

Phuc 237,919 21
11/03/2005 12:30 PM

Performance Review: Mr. Sir



Mr.'s shamelss whoring for attention has gotten him into trouble in the past. While it is forbidden to mention the contents of the classified reports in this review, suffice to say that Ditdah's C section scare is barely noticeable.



Freakishly tall and devilishly handsome, Sir would fit right in on a basketball team or the newly formed task force to take pictures over the tops of the girls' bathroom stalls.



If Sir continues his current level of funny, it will only be a matter of weeks before his record is expunged of all incidents involving beer, razors, cheese, and whores.

dropkick brody: totally unarmed 43,090 12
11/03/2005 12:31 PM

I love this thread a lot.



You all (well, most of you) get an A.

Ditdah Broomfondle 123,110 14
11/03/2005 12:34 PM

Ditdah's C section scare



I was scared of having the C-secion, so I just kept the baby inside me?

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
11/03/2005 12:35 PM

Of course not, you had to take it out to cook it for the BBQ dinner you made the other night.

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
11/03/2005 12:35 PM

Thanks Phuc. I have no idea what the hell any of that means, but thanks.



For the record, though, I dearly love beer, razors, cheese, and whores.





Well, maybe not razors so much, but I don't want to throw them off the list completely.

PrincessBritt: Mostly Harmless 4,730 9
11/03/2005 12:35 PM

<action>offers Phuc some of her popcorn</action>

Can I have one too?

Phuc 237,919 21
11/03/2005 12:37 PM

Performance Review: Brody



Points off right away for having a vagina and chosing a guy's name. Charter bylaws officially declare "That ain't right."



Brody's comedic output is consistent and rich in humoric content. The overly salty aftertaste may or may not have something to do with the lack of vitamins B1, C, and riboflavin.



Brodie's personal grooming habits are a mystery, and since you must do the work to get a grade, she receives an "incomplete" on this one. Upon proof of use of toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, FDS, and nail clippers, Brody's grade will be re-evaluated.

Phuc 237,919 21
11/03/2005 12:38 PM

Can I have one too?



Sure. If someone can tell me who you are.

Ditdah Broomfondle 123,110 14
11/03/2005 12:42 PM

Alright, I wasn't going to ask, but now I'm feeling left out.



Mr Phuc, sir, may I please have one too?

Diana Matronic 57,835 108
11/03/2005 12:44 PM

Attention whores, ALL OF YOU!

PrincessBritt: Mostly Harmless 4,730 9
11/03/2005 12:48 PM

<action>snatches popcorn back</action>Fine! I don't need your stupid reviews!

But I'm not going to get angry, I can be mature about this.

Ditdah Broomfondle 123,110 14
11/03/2005 12:48 PM

Attention whores, ALL OF YOU!



Well, if I gotta be a whore, that's the better choice.

PrincessBritt: Mostly Harmless 4,730 9
11/03/2005 12:48 PM

<action>runs out of thread crying</action>

J.W.-with marshmallows on top 24,693 8
11/03/2005 12:48 PM

And Jilly when we talk about morons, we talk about you.



And Ollie - when I talk about fatasses, I talk about you.

Flanders Fields Sombrero 91,274 10
11/03/2005 12:53 PM

What about BIG, He's way fatter than Ollie.



Not to mention Spicey or Hammerhead.



The three of them would make an excellent Juggling set for a Circus Giant with no sense of smell.

Ditdah Broomfondle 123,110 14
11/03/2005 12:55 PM

You're stoned early today, aren't you Hat?

Flanders Fields Sombrero 91,274 10
11/03/2005 12:57 PM

Just because I come out the blocks with something funny, you think I'm stoned.



I've just been busy all morning with this stupid Online Ordering Shakespeare.



Eat me, Dit. Eat me like I was a giant vagina covered in Mansauce.

Flanders Fields Sombrero 91,274 10
11/03/2005 01:00 PM

Anybody else picturing a 70 foot woman Juggling three fat gabbers, while her exposed vagina drips giant would-be baby globs down her 4 storey legs?

Ditdah Broomfondle 123,110 14
11/03/2005 01:01 PM

Wow Hat - a little defensive? I was making the comment because your post was very strange - just an odd reference with the whole juggling giant. I was just giving you Shakespeare - I don't care if you're stoned or not.



But if you aren't you should be. Have a joint, or a drink.

Flanders Fields Sombrero 91,274 10
11/03/2005 01:01 PM

I am SO Arountertained.

Flanders Fields Sombrero 91,274 10
11/03/2005 01:03 PM

<action> wasnt defensive at all, Just said what he said as filler </action>

REPLYING TO POSTS IN A CONCERNED FASHION IS RUINING GAB!

Ditdah Broomfondle 123,110 14
11/03/2005 01:07 PM

JESUS - SORRY.



Hat, go Frost yourself with JK's dick, ya Emerson.





(Is that better?)

Gorky Thatcher- Would you like fries with that? 41,132 13
11/03/2005 01:11 PM

I wanns play GAB-ass too! Somebody Frost someone with my dick; I need to get some!

MaddMatt - Now with enhanced Improbability Drives 15,437 9
11/03/2005 01:38 PM

<action>Reading side of box for this thread...</action>

Hhmmm..., Contents;



Comedy - - - - - - - - 72%



Cries for attention - - 20%



AssKissing - - - - - - 5%



Vicious backbiting - - -1%



Filler - - - - - - - - - 1%



Sex - - - - - - - - - - - 0.8%



Anal rape - - - - - - - 0.2%





Yes indeedy, all the basic requirements for a fun filled afternoon.

lupience, bearer of the towel 26,981 11
11/03/2005 02:27 PM

Anybody else picturing a 70 foot woman Juggling three fat gabbers, while her exposed vagina drips giant would-be baby globs down her 4 storey legs?



I was, but now I'm picturing a giant vagina covered in mansauce.

SO AROUNGY!

McPants with the daylight in his eyes 19,555 11
11/03/2005 02:51 PM

I was, but now I'm picturing a giant vagina covered in mansauce.

SO AROUNGY!



Sigh, if you feel you have to squeeze that word in make sure to spell it correctly.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
11/03/2005 02:54 PM

Hey Jilly you stupid twat, way to prove my point. I was the one who said that when we talk about morons we talk about you, NOT OLLIE.