Gorky Thatcher- Would you like fries with that? 41,132 13
11/04/2005 11:34 AM

I procreated.

SHP- slatherd in sweet 'tater pie 181,790 70
11/04/2005 11:34 AM

Try:



Sex

Spicy food

Walking

Castor Oil



Preferrably in that order.

Peril-sensitive Spicey McHaggis 117,779 37
11/04/2005 11:34 AM

Aimless, the paternity test just came back. Johnny Keilbasa is the father!

Miracles Gets the Wishbone 22,430 0
11/04/2005 11:35 AM

You are supposed to have sex!



Sex or speedbumps.

SweetPotatoBritches 3,351 8
11/04/2005 11:36 AM

Aimless, drink some soy sauce.



What? It worked for my coworker.





PS: Let me know how the scraping goes so that I won't have to go through it....



PPS: Good Luck.

Prostetnic Vogon Chest 203,475 12
11/04/2005 11:36 AM

Do what I do whenever I can't manage to get the last turd out.



Just reach up there and grab it.

Flanders Fields Sombrero 91,274 10
11/04/2005 11:36 AM

Tubgirl

Peril-sensitive Spicey McHaggis 117,779 37
11/04/2005 11:36 AM

On second thought, that might not scare it out. It might retreat further into the womb.

Armored - White Introspective Emo Ranger 3,923 8
11/04/2005 11:36 AM

Threaten it.



If that doesn't work, turn it on yourself. Honestly, you'll be saving yourself 18 years of agony. I would know, I annoy the Shakespeare out of my parents daily.

The Mailman craves his daily post fix 176,450 56
11/04/2005 11:37 AM

GET THIS CHILD OUT OF ME.



The child knows about the weird people his mother talks to on an Internet message board. I think he's afraid.

SHP- slatherd in sweet 'tater pie 181,790 70
11/04/2005 11:37 AM

Take a ride in a taxi cab with a handsome stranger. That always works in the movies.

The Mailman craves his daily post fix 176,450 56
11/04/2005 11:38 AM

<action>reads first few posts in the thread</action>

Yeah. The child is very afraid.

Aimless could blow any day now 54,807 10
11/04/2005 11:39 AM

The logistics of having sex right now baffle me. How the hell am I supposed to have sex with a basketball attached to my stomach?? My stomach rubs the bed if we did it doggie style, my legs are so full of water I can't bend them enough to be on top (besides the fear of crushing the poor man) and missionary would require an elaborate system of pullies and ropes.

Miracles Gets the Wishbone 22,430 0
11/04/2005 11:41 AM

Lay on your side in a spooning position - then just let your man get it in from the back any way he can.



It works - I promise.

Gorky Thatcher- Would you like fries with that? 41,132 13
11/04/2005 11:42 AM

Just orgasm. I believe that helps things. But no oral- air is bad down there right now.

JesusKhrist2ndKoming 15,703 0
11/04/2005 11:42 AM

Your late delivery has nothing to do with you removing JK from SS list. However, if reading Spicey's post doesn't make you deliver.......... nothing will.

Gorky Thatcher- Would you like fries with that? 41,132 13
11/04/2005 11:43 AM

air is bad down there right now.



That sounds really bad. I didn;t mean it that way, I swear- I know there's some actual health risk to oral right now.

SHP- slatherd in sweet 'tater pie 181,790 70
11/04/2005 11:44 AM

After this baby, your sleep will be disrupted, your speech will revert to that of a toddler, your company will always ignore you in favor of the baby, and your cooter will be that much flappier. Enjoy these final moments as long as you can.

Slartibriham 38,843 10
11/04/2005 11:49 AM

I'm sure there is no problem with your baby, Aimless. Like any person, the kid just wants to spend as much time in your vagina as possible. Who wouldn't?

Aimless could blow any day now 54,807 10
11/04/2005 11:51 AM

At this point you could tell me "upon having a child your genetials will swell to 10 times their normal size, smell like sewage and turn bright green" and I would respond with "And your point is?"

Prostetnic Vogon Chest 203,475 12
11/04/2005 11:51 AM

Hey Aimless,

































































BOO!

SweetPotatoBritches 3,351 8
11/04/2005 11:51 AM

A time-honored tradition of trying to induce labor is nipple stimulation. This usually works best if some labor is already underway. If it isn't, the possibility is high that it will only cause your uterus to contract, but not effectively enough to deliver a baby. Your partner at home can do this in the comfort and peace of your own home. Provide as relaxing an environment as possible and be consistent with it. If you have a baby or toddler still nursing this can also be used as nipple stimulation.





It just sounds kinky.

Prostetnic Vogon Chest 203,475 12
11/04/2005 11:51 AM

Did it work?

Aimless could blow any day now 54,807 10
11/04/2005 11:53 AM

I met a woma the other day who was one of those "OH MY GOD pregnancy was so beautiful and magical and I LOVED it SO MUCH!!



I killed her.

Mr. Sir: lovin' some sweet 'tater pie. 66,727 9
11/04/2005 11:53 AM

"upon having a child your genetials will swell to 10 times their normal size, smell like sewage and turn bright green"







fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap

fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap



SKEET SKEET SKEET

TK in the Straw 98,000 37
11/04/2005 11:54 AM

I was 10 days overdue and nothing we did helped it along. Finally they put some thing on my cervix that had a string like a tampon, and I lay in a hospital bed for most of the day with it in there. When I went home, I still hadn't opened up, but then my water broke an hour after getting home. 24 hours later, after giving me dose after dose of pitocin and my cervix still was refusing to budge, I had a c-section.

Aimless could blow any day now 54,807 10
11/04/2005 11:56 AM

I actually read something about the nipple stimulation thing the other day. My bosses wern't real happy when I plopped out my boob and started sucking though.

Aimless could blow any day now 54,807 10
11/04/2005 11:57 AM

Thanks Straw, way to keep things upbeat.

TK in the Straw 98,000 37
11/04/2005 11:57 AM

I just realized my post was pointless unhelpful bitter ranting.



Glad I could help.

SweetPotatoBritches 3,351 8
11/04/2005 11:58 AM

My bosses wern't real happy when I plopped out my boob and started sucking though.



I did that once.......and then I found out I was pregnant.

Suicide Ranger with Poisin Turkey for the Pilgrims 27,937 12
11/04/2005 11:59 AM

An orgasm is a fun way to trigger labor I hear. Let my know if you need any help with that.

Aimless could blow any day now 54,807 10
11/04/2005 12:01 PM

That sounds really bad. I didn;t mean it that way, I swear- I know there's some actual health risk to oral right now



The only health risk I can forsee is Baby Daddy drowning in the huge amounts of mucas my body produces before being crushed by my massive water filled thighs.



Fap to that perverts.

dick fernandez 714 8
11/04/2005 12:03 PM

Is that a dare?

Mr. Sir: lovin' some sweet 'tater pie. 66,727 9
11/04/2005 12:05 PM

fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap

fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap

fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap

Duhmplings and Yams 24,152 8
11/04/2005 12:12 PM

Just get a couple of friends.

Friend one pushes down on your belly with all his might.

Friend two is waiting at the foot of the bed with a catcher's mitt.



'Nuff said...

PeeWee 4,624 8
11/04/2005 12:13 PM

You get right back to the library and return that book missy!

Chickens finally tappin Rosa Parks' seat 286,539 61
11/04/2005 12:15 PM

doggie is pretty much your best option at this point. Just let your belly drag on the bed. So what?

Chickens finally tappin Rosa Parks' seat 286,539 61
11/04/2005 12:15 PM

Cobb salads have been known to do the trick too.

Chickens finally tappin Rosa Parks' seat 286,539 61
11/04/2005 12:16 PM

And walking.

Chickens finally tappin Rosa Parks' seat 286,539 61
11/04/2005 12:16 PM

But the only fool proof way, and I'm sure you already know this, is to give a chicken a blow job.

PeeWee 4,624 8
11/04/2005 12:17 PM

Aimless, I'd be careful about what this so called "doctor" is going to do to you.



I did a search for "membrane scraping" and got this.

Chickens finally tappin Rosa Parks' seat 286,539 61
11/04/2005 12:18 PM

Breaking the water got Hen going both times. Right after the chicken blow job of course.

Chit Eating Grin 178,781 15
11/04/2005 12:18 PM

I had a friend that got in a really bad accident, and they scraped his membranes off the Frost-ing pavement...... And It Was Not Pretty !



So I think I kinda know what you are going through a little here.

Who wants to taste my pie? 171,275 14
11/04/2005 12:27 PM

Um go to the dr and demand to be induced. Thats what I did. Then prepare for the worst labour of your Frost-ing life....inducing pain is never good.

Who wants to taste my pie? 171,275 14
11/04/2005 12:30 PM

SO WHAT IF I CANT READ!!! My sons teaching me once he learns how.

k4stmoon 1,143 11
11/04/2005 12:46 PM

Have you tried douching with ipecac?

Gorky Thatcher- Would you like fries with that? 41,132 13
11/04/2005 12:47 PM

Have you tried douching with ipecac?



I need to create 2 more logins to give you the orbs you deserve.

TableTopJane-Ridin' my Jesus horse 173,958 15
11/04/2005 12:52 PM

Aimless, it's not worth all this Shakespeare. It's never too late to consider an abortion.

JesusKhrist2ndKoming 15,703 0
11/04/2005 12:57 PM

I'm not really the "Father" Jane.

I am the "Son".

Chris Garrett 86,932 12
11/04/2005 12:58 PM

Look at the bright side.



The further you're past your due date, the less gross Shakespeare will be all over the baby when it gets placed on your chest, screaming.

TableTopJane-Ridin' my Jesus horse 173,958 15
11/04/2005 01:00 PM

scrape my membranes to help speed things along to going on my own and not having to be induced.



The scraping isn't too bad, Aimless. It's just uncomfortable.

But why don't they want to induce? Is it because you're opposed to it?

Ditdah 123,110 14
11/04/2005 01:04 PM

the less gross Shakespeare will be all over the baby when it gets placed on your chest



BLECCCHHH!



I'm never having kids.

Who wants to taste my pie? 171,275 14
11/04/2005 01:05 PM

I will try ANYTHING. I'm desperate people.



Except the obvious "inducing" that would insure you get the child out soon.

Chris Garrett 86,932 12
11/04/2005 01:07 PM

What's so bad about inducing?



They take a long stick, with what looks like a crochet hook on the end, and just simply "POP" the "bag."



Nothing to be afraid of.

Declan McManus as 'Thack Sweeney.' 131,887 36
11/04/2005 01:08 PM

There are times when I am grateful to be a guy. Then, there are times when I am grateful to be a 'mo.





This is like both those times, to the ninth power.

Who wants to taste my pie? 171,275 14
11/04/2005 01:08 PM

the less gross Shakespeare will be all over the baby when it gets placed on your chest



BLECCCHHH!



I'm never having kids.



Ditdah once that happens you immediatley feel so much love and joy. Its not gross at all, you see this perfect little human clinging to you. Then after he/she is cleaned up its boobie fun chow time!

JesusKhrist2ndKoming 15,703 0
11/04/2005 01:08 PM

I'm never having kids.



Hey Dad, do that Immaculate Conception trick again.



>please dad<

TableTopJane-Ridin' my Jesus horse 173,958 15
11/04/2005 01:10 PM

They take a long stick, with what looks like a crochet hook on the end, and just simply "POP" the "bag."



Somebody sh

TableTopJane-Ridin' my Jesus horse 173,958 15
11/04/2005 01:10 PM

Uh, sorry. I changed my mind about posting as I started typing. I guess I hit submit by accident.

Chris Garrett 86,932 12
11/04/2005 01:12 PM

Aimless, you could always go wreck your car.

Zolton Desiato, Dead for Tax Reasons 88,200 34
11/04/2005 01:18 PM

Then after he/she is cleaned up its boobie fun chow time!



Aw. And I'd always heard there's nothing for the new daddy to do in the delivery room. That's beautiful.



Also? Your scraping means nothing without pictures.

Who wants to taste my pie? 171,275 14
11/04/2005 01:27 PM

When breastfed my son, I had tons of milk. I would chase my man around the house topless squirting him from across the room. I had some nice squirt guns.

Who wants to taste my pie? 171,275 14
11/04/2005 01:46 PM

I think I put her into labour with the thought of my boobie guns.



WHAT DID I WIN!!!

Aimless could blow any day now 54,807 10
11/04/2005 01:52 PM

During the act that made it possible for her to make it to this world there was no sucking of the nipples and there will be no sucking of the nippes when she enters it. They make bottles for a reason - so fathers can get up for the 2 am feeding.

Who wants to taste my pie? 171,275 14
11/04/2005 01:54 PM

So you dont like young children sucking your nipples?



Abnormal.

Miracles Gets the Wishbone 22,430 0
11/04/2005 01:56 PM

Breast feeding helps you drop baby weight real quick though.



Just think about it, Aimless. It's so bonding.



I do want to see that ass in top performance mode soon.

Zolton Desiato, Dead for Tax Reasons 88,200 34
11/04/2005 01:57 PM

Aimless, you should go the Ollie (and Declan and Therlin, etc.) route and get 'em pierced. That way the kid can get a meal and use a teething ring all at once.

Chris Garrett 86,932 12
11/04/2005 01:58 PM

You don't want to induce labor, and there will be no breastfeeding?





Are you sure the kid is yours?

Zolton Desiato, Dead for Tax Reasons 88,200 34
11/04/2005 01:58 PM

(Just for the record: I suspect that's the first and last time I'll suggest someone 'go the Ollie route'.



I'm not sure what came over me.)

Mr. Sir: lovin' some sweet 'tater pie. 66,727 9
11/04/2005 02:08 PM

Was it Ollie?

Mr. Sir: lovin' some sweet 'tater pie. 66,727 9
11/04/2005 02:08 PM

FAG.

Chickens finally tappin Rosa Parks' seat 286,539 61
11/04/2005 02:16 PM

They make bottles for a reason



Yeah, "A" cup size chicks from Iowa.

Auntie Sloopy Gizzardsprinkle Trixxie 65,026 15
11/04/2005 02:19 PM

Jethus Cristh, Justh express and let hubby get up and feed her.

lupience, bearer of the towel 26,981 11
11/04/2005 02:42 PM

I was 3 weeks overdue with my 1st. They were going to induce labor, and on my way to the hospital I saw a really nasty car accident, and my water broke. Labor. Ensued.

Of course they still had to an emergency c-section 17 hours later because the damn child was stuck. We wouldn't want that to happen to you- nooo.



Try jumping off a ladder.

JesusKhrist2ndKoming 15,703 0
11/04/2005 02:52 PM

Jethus Cristh



Learn to spell.

Whistler P. McManus 186,122 44
11/04/2005 02:53 PM

My bosses wern't real happy when I plopped out my boob and started sucking though.























Fags.

lupience, bearer of the towel 26,981 11
11/04/2005 02:57 PM

The nasty thing about inducing is that labor is disrupted. The pitocin causes the uterus to contract longer than a normal contraction, at intervals that differ from normal labor. It doesn't always mean the baby will be born sooner, just that the mother feels something happening, and assumes she's having the baby.

"Normal" labor is alot more fun.

Chickens finally tappin Rosa Parks' seat 286,539 61
11/04/2005 03:01 PM

Still not started?



You're ignoring the chickens blow job option....

Aimless could blow any day now 54,807 10
11/04/2005 03:04 PM

I'm not expressing milk either. I am not now, nor have I ever been a cow. I realize breast milk is free, I know all the benifits it gives the baby and I've heard all about the "bonding" experience.



I just don't care.



I never said I was going to be a good mother.

Aimless could blow any day now 54,807 10
11/04/2005 03:07 PM

I'm not ignoring it Chix, It's just that I don't have any need for a toothpick at the moment.

Aimless could blow any day now 54,807 10
11/04/2005 03:14 PM

"Stripping or sweeping the membranes- During a pelvic exam, your practitioner inserts her finger into your cervix and manually separates your bag of waters from the lower part of your uterus. This causes the release of prostaglandin hormones that can help get your contractions going. In most cases, this procedure is done during an office visit and then you're sent home to wait for labor to start, usually within the next few days. Many women find this procedure uncomfortable or even painful."





Well doesn't that sound special.

Mr. Sir: lovin' some sweet 'tater pie. 66,727 9
11/04/2005 03:22 PM

Man, you're being super bitchy, I hope you birth that thing soon.



It's not our fault that you're pregnant.





God knows we offered.

Who wants to taste my pie? 171,275 14
11/04/2005 03:23 PM

I'm not expressing milk either. I am not now, nor have I ever been a cow. I realize breast milk is free, I know all the benifits it gives the baby and I've heard all about the "bonding" experience



Oh sure bring a cow into this, you can milk anything with nipples you know. Just for that I hope that baby doesnt come out until she turns 18.

Prostetnic Vogon Chest 203,475 12
11/04/2005 03:24 PM

Is it odd that I find a woman that can squirt milk to be very arousing?

Aimless could blow any day now 54,807 10
11/04/2005 03:25 PM

I would LOVE for you to find a preganat woman past her due date that isn's super bitchy. She doesn't exist and do you know why she doesn't exist???



BECAUSE SHE WAS PROBABLY ONE OF THOSE ANNOYING HIPPIE BITCHES THAT LIKED BE PREGNANT AND ANOTHER PREGNANT WOMAN SAW HER, KILLED HER AND ATE HER.

Mr. Sir: lovin' some sweet 'tater pie. 66,727 9
11/04/2005 03:26 PM

You're the best Aimless.

Prostetnic Vogon Chest 203,475 12
11/04/2005 03:26 PM

Is it odd that I am finding Aimless to be very arousing right now?

Who wants to taste my pie? 171,275 14
11/04/2005 03:28 PM

Q.Is it dangerous to use a vibrator while pregnant?



A. "The primary concern is whether climaxing will initiate labor," says Mary Jane Bovo, M.D., a gynecologist in private practice in New York City. "In a normal pregnancy, orgasm speeds up labor only in women who are very near or past their due dates. Your doctor may advise against orgasms (whether via a vibrator or sex) in the last eight to 12 weeks if you went into labor prematurely in a previous pregnancy, if you're pregnant with twins (or more), or if your cervix has begun to dilate too soon," says Bovo.





HEY TRY THIS AND POST PICTURES!

Fratberry 283,018 53
11/04/2005 03:32 PM

Past Due Aimless is a lot like Virn.

Fratberry 283,018 53
11/04/2005 03:33 PM

Except Aimless is a little less bitchy.

SHP- slatherd in sweet 'tater pie 181,790 70
11/04/2005 03:36 PM

And there's not that ham odor.

Pants 14,252 17
11/04/2005 03:50 PM

Slap this bastard against your cooch and ride is like horse. I promise you will get some sort of result.

Prostetnic Vogon Chest 203,475 12
11/04/2005 03:54 PM

And there's not that ham odor.



Yeah, it's more of a "I haven't been able to reach my crotch to waShakespeare in 2 months" kinda odor.



Which is really more of a cheese waffle kind of smell.

lupience, bearer of the towel 26,981 11
11/04/2005 04:10 PM

When my milk came in for my 1st son, I could write my entire name on a retaining wall in breastmilk.









I'm just sayin'...

Fratberry 283,018 53
11/04/2005 04:11 PM

fapfapfapfapfapfapmoreovaltinepleasefapfapfapfap

Prostetnic Vogon Chest 203,475 12
11/04/2005 04:12 PM

Aren't you like, 100?

lupience, bearer of the towel 26,981 11
11/04/2005 04:12 PM

Oh- and put a cute swirly underline below it, too.











Hmm- perhaps that's why my tits look like empty udders now....



DON'T BREASTFEED!

lupience, bearer of the towel 26,981 11
11/04/2005 04:14 PM

44, and loving every minute of it, cause now I don't care if it feels like I'm peeing when I have an orgasm.

Flanders Fields Sombrero 91,274 10
11/04/2005 04:15 PM

I'm not sure which is wretching my stomach worse.



Loopy peeaking, or Cheese waffles.

Prostetnic Vogon Chest 203,475 12
11/04/2005 04:16 PM

Woa. You're like as old as Trae. What were dinosaurs like?

lupience, bearer of the towel 26,981 11
11/04/2005 04:16 PM

It's the waffles, dude. It's ALWAYS the waffles.

lupience, bearer of the towel 26,981 11
11/04/2005 04:18 PM

Frost you, ollie- Trae's younger than me.

Someday you'll be my age.



















...But I'll be senile, and flirt with my nurse.

Gorky Thatcher sings obladi oblada 41,132 13
11/04/2005 04:19 PM

Hmm- perhaps that's why my tits look like empty udders now....



36C + breastfeeding = 44 long

Gorky Thatcher sings obladi oblada 41,132 13
11/04/2005 04:21 PM

cause now I don't care if it feels like I'm peeing when I have an orgasm.



My wife does this too- what the hell causes it? Is it just a symptom of flappy cooteritis?

lupience, bearer of the towel 26,981 11
11/04/2005 04:21 PM

pre-baby #1- 36 AA.











Frost you! I was 17.

Gorky Thatcher sings obladi oblada 41,132 13
11/04/2005 04:23 PM

I only ask, because we have to put towels down before we can do it. And I'm really bad about keeping up on the laundry and nothing sucks more than, "We can't do it now because I don't want to ruin the couch cushions."

HartmanTwins - Victim of the Point of View Gun 10,131 10
11/04/2005 04:23 PM

That's no excuse.

lupience, bearer of the towel 26,981 11
11/04/2005 04:23 PM

My wife does this too- what the hell causes it? Is it just a symptom of flappy cooteritis?</I.



Oh, no- Baby! It means you're doing it goooooooood!

Women cannot pee during sexual orgasm.







(the flappy cooter is from parting the ol' beef drapes too roughly.)

HartmanTwins - Victim of the Point of View Gun 10,131 10
11/04/2005 04:24 PM

Ok. That was meant for Fosilized Woman up there.

Fratberry 283,018 53
11/04/2005 04:24 PM

Whenever my ex wife would run down the hallway naked it sounded like applause.

lupience, bearer of the towel 26,981 11
11/04/2005 04:25 PM

OOps- too horny, forgot to un- italicise.







Leave me alone!!!!

turtle10 42,578 26
11/04/2005 04:25 PM

lupie is making me ill.

lupience, bearer of the towel 26,981 11
11/04/2005 04:28 PM

If you need to puke, do it in another thread.















































Poe.

HartmanTwins - Victim of the Point of View Gun 10,131 10
11/04/2005 04:32 PM

I'll take 2.

Whistler P. McManus 186,122 44
11/04/2005 11:37 PM

Lupience is only 4 months younger than me. There's probably a hoopskirt in the back of her closet.





No baby advice from me. All the little McManuses were delivered a month or more early by c-section.

TableTopJane-Ridin' my Jesus horse 173,958 15
11/04/2005 11:39 PM

I don't know about Lupe being younger or older than Whistler.



I DO know that Whistler is Frost-ing sexy. I'm sorry, but he is. He's lick-a-licious.

Whistler P. McManus 186,122 44
11/04/2005 11:48 PM

Oooooooo!



Thank you, Janey! You can lick me any time. If what's-his-name says it's okay.

Chi Chi Felipe: Smells Like Teen Spirit 161,353 14
11/04/2005 11:52 PM

I remember 9 months ago there was a very similar thread about lateness in the vag zone.

TableTopJane-Ridin' my Jesus horse 173,958 15
11/04/2005 11:53 PM

If what's-his-name says it's okay.





Sure. Sy says he doesn't mind.

Mwahiy 5,425 9
11/04/2005 11:54 PM

<action> washes hands and readies coathanger </action>

TableTopJane-Ridin' my Jesus horse 173,958 15
11/04/2005 11:54 PM

Hmmm. Maybe you meant Donk. I'm sure he wouldn't care, either.

Neep: wants to have sex with Captain Janeway, like 35,066 15
11/05/2005 04:55 AM

You know... she hasn't posted for hours. Is she sleeping? Or having a baby?



I wish I could be bothered to work out the timezones.

Neep: wants to have sex with Captain Janeway, like 35,066 15
11/05/2005 05:09 PM

Still waiting...

40 7
11/05/2005 05:32 PM

Yea, Aimless will hate me too, because I too loved being PG and all that mothering stuff. In fact I loved it so much that there are five little owls because of it and ya'll know one of them intimately.

Suicide Ranger with Poison Turkey for the Pilgrims 27,937 12
11/05/2005 06:30 PM

Has anyone offered or tried a swift hard kick to the Uterus?

Roasted Raccoon with Stuffing 56,688 10
11/05/2005 06:46 PM

Jesus, which one of you sick Frosts brought your mom to GAB?

Autra 10,560 11
11/05/2005 06:49 PM

Hell, I'll just send you my 2 little sisters, and my two little brothers.



As soon as you have the 19 and 17 year old dudes, not to mention the 11 and 13 year old girls in the house, you'll never want to have the damn kid...I think it might just unimpregnate you.



Shall I send them now?

Suicide Ranger with Poison Turkey for the Pilgrims 27,937 12
11/05/2005 07:09 PM

Anyone who has a mom cool enough to show up and post on GAB, has got to be one suave mother-Froster.

Miracles Gets the Wishbone 22,430 0
11/05/2005 07:26 PM

Autra, sweetie - just forget the kids and send yourself to me.

Who wants to taste my pie? 171,275 14
11/05/2005 07:33 PM

I like stuff, Im a fan of stuff. I have some stuff.

I would recommend Autra's stuff. I am a fan and have subscribed to the newsletter. I give it an A+++++!

You must get him to show you his stuff.

Whistler P. McManus 186,122 44
11/05/2005 08:41 PM

Well, that owl chick isn't my mom, that's for sure. Only 5 owlets? Amateur.

Fluro, President of Takapuna 14,139 11
11/05/2005 10:35 PM

I'm back.

Ditdah 123,110 14
11/05/2005 10:59 PM

Fluro? Where you been, dude?



Jesus - it's like homecoming week around here. Fluro, Cracka, Dinky, HotBev - who's next?

Fluro, President of Takapuna 14,139 11
11/05/2005 11:11 PM

I've been in that place. But it's nice to be back.

Aimless could blow any day now 54,807 10
11/07/2005 09:15 AM

No baby yet. If I don't blow before Wednesday then Wednesday night I'm getting induced.



I'm. So. Frost-ing. Miserable.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
11/07/2005 09:20 AM

Aimless,



There is a more important issue here besides getting CG's baby out of you. Did you ruin that fine ass?





Me

Chickens finally tappin Rosa Parks' seat 286,539 61
11/07/2005 09:21 AM

I'll never forgive you for the toothpick comment, Iowa. As far as I'm concerned, you can keep the little moster up your cooch till June.



YOU'LL GET NO HELP FROM ME.

Pubah, Navel Lint Manufacturer 56,805 18
11/07/2005 10:39 AM

<action>Feels Genuinely Bad for Aimless</action>



Being past your due date should come under the heading of 'Cruel and Unusual Punishment'.



I'm sorry



Try running stairs, the afore mentionned Cod Liver Oil, Lots and lots of doggy sex (some HeFetus should thank me now) or blackmail your court appointed doctor into giving you drugs which will induce labor NOW!

Pubah, Navel Lint Manufacturer 56,805 18
11/07/2005 10:39 AM

<action>Hopes everything comes out alright</action>

lupience, forgot the Gizzard pouch again 26,981 11
11/07/2005 11:24 AM

Aimless- have you built a nest yet? I mean have you started 'nesting' yet? You know, mopping the ceiling, using a toothbrush to clean the screws on light switches, organising the tupperware- that sort of thing. If you are, baby is close. I'm sure Chickens would be happy to check your cervix.

SHP- slatherd in sweet 'tater pie 181,790 70
11/07/2005 12:40 PM

I nested for 4 months, lupi, so that's not very encouraging.





Way to keep her spirits up.

J.W.-with marshmallows on top 24,693 8
11/07/2005 12:41 PM

I heard that eating spicy food helps induce labor. Seriously.

SHP- slatherd in sweet 'tater pie 181,790 70
11/07/2005 12:43 PM

OH MY GOD, Jilly!



What new and interesting news!



What's next, you going to suggest she blow Chickens?

Oliver Chest: Commited to Sparkle Motion 203,475 12
11/07/2005 12:43 PM

Jesus, just take some ex-lax already.

Suicide Ranger with Poison Turkey for the Pilgrims 27,937 12
11/07/2005 01:00 PM

I was just about to say something similar to that Olli, damn you.

J.W.-with marshmallows on top 24,693 8
11/07/2005 01:03 PM

OH MY GOD, Jilly!



What new and interesting news!



What's next, you going to suggest she blow Chickens?



Just trying to be helpful, assface.

Butterball Box with stuffing crammed up my hole 14,650 10
11/07/2005 05:52 PM

Am I the only one that doesn't understand all the hype about pregnant women being beautiful and having some sort of glow to them? I think pregnant women are the most disgusting, unnatural things ever. That glow, in my opinion, is sweat from lugging that enormous bowling ball of hell around in their stomach.



Here in Utah I see a pregnant LDS woman at most every 5 minutes, and it makes me queasy. I've never understood babies. It seems their only value is their buttery, smokey flavor.

Aimless could blow any day now 54,807 10
11/07/2005 05:53 PM

A snippet of my weekend:



Saturday 8am: Masturbated because someone said it could jump start labor.



8:30am: Masturbated again. Anything worth doing once is worth doing twice.



9am:...or three times



10 am: Ate eggs with tobacco while masturbating.



10:30 am: Went to mall and walked around for an hour. Stopped for break to pee and masturbate.



11am: Had BD massage hands. They were cramping from all the masturbating.



11:30am: Went temporarily blind. Apparently god wasn't kidding with all that "You'll go blind" stuff.

Oliver Chest: Committed to Sparkle Motion 203,475 12
11/07/2005 05:53 PM

That's why you like smoking pole, ya queermo.

Aimless could blow any day now 54,807 10
11/07/2005 05:58 PM

I love it when Ollie talks all romantic. C'mon baby, whisper "Somke my pole" in my ear again.

SHP- slatherd in sweet 'tater pie 181,790 70
11/07/2005 05:59 PM

Hand cramp?

Flanders Fields Sombrero 91,274 10
11/07/2005 06:05 PM

I cant wait til 5, I'm gonna Somke the fattest joint.



And then Masturbate.

datallazn 202 8
11/07/2005 06:07 PM

have someone stick your hand in warm water while you sleep

or

pull out that jane fonda video and aerobisize until mini-me decides he/she breathing and eating on his/her own is better then having to work out with mom

Oliver Chest: Committed to Sparkle Motion 203,475 12
11/07/2005 06:08 PM

Aimless, even though you probably look more me right now, I'd still do you. And I'd stick my finger up your butt.

dinesh 24,862 16
11/07/2005 06:10 PM

10 am: Ate eggs with tobacco



must be an iowa thing.

Millie with mashed potatoes and gravy 116,988 28
11/07/2005 06:22 PM

I love it when men complain about how gross pregnant women look.



Because the irony is complete when they end up with huge bellies when they get older. At least a pregnant belly only lasts a few months. The big fat belly of a middle-aged man lasts the rest of his life.



Oh, Aimless, I have no advice for you. I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies.

Flanders Fields Sombrero 91,274 10
11/07/2005 06:29 PM

Millie could never work in a Complaint Department just the same as I could never work as a Proctologist. Think about it.

Balfazz 518 9
11/07/2005 06:30 PM

Well, I was watching Oprah when I went into labor. The plug came out then the water broke and ran down my leg and the next thing you know, the next 18 years of my life were over.

Millie with mashed potatoes and gravy 116,988 28
11/07/2005 06:43 PM

Because I haven't gone to medical school?

Chickens, now with DELICIOUS salmonella 286,539 61
11/07/2005 07:03 PM

12 noon - went looking for a chicken to blow



"CHICKENS" woman, Chickens.

The Lovely Daggy 86,705 14
11/07/2005 07:52 PM

If you're not going to breastfeed or express milk, what are you planning on doing with the 50 million gallons of milk that is going to pour from your boobs unassisted 24/7?

datallazn 202 8
11/07/2005 07:55 PM

<action>hand shoots up</action>

I KNOW! I KNOW!



>gulp, gulp, gulp<

Ditdah 123,110 14
11/07/2005 07:56 PM

<action>REALLY wishes she wasn't drinking milk when she read that post</action>

Piquantrax - Cereal Killer 8,691 9
11/07/2005 08:05 PM

Baby inside, that you don't want in you. Fall down a flight of stairs.

RR: all-white breast meat please! 56,688 10
11/07/2005 08:09 PM

Worst haiku ever.

Aimless could blow any day now 54,807 10
11/08/2005 09:09 AM

Pregnancy Journal: November 7, 2005 9pm



This child is proving to have more will than I initially gave her credit for. Threats of fetal alcohol syndrome did nothing to faze her. "YOU'RE GOING TO DRIVE ME TO DRINK!" I would scream at my belly but to no avail. The only reaction I received was a kick to the bladder. I cannot let her think that she has won. I must stand my ground. Eventually little one you will come out and when you do I will be waiting and if you are an ungrateful child I will make your life a living hell. Love, Mommy.

RR: all-white breast meat please! 56,688 10
11/08/2005 09:17 AM

Man, it doesn't even know it's on a countdown. What does it have left, 24 hours or so? Then the salad tongs will make it come out whether or not it feels like it. Are you videotaping the birth? Because I think that's just the kind of shot in the arm GAB needs.

Who wants to taste my pie? 171,275 14
11/08/2005 09:18 AM

Like mother like daughter.

Aimless could blow any day now 54,807 10
11/08/2005 09:21 AM

I plan on getting a nice juicy picture of the placenta for everyone. When BD and I got the tour of the maturnity suites there was a placenta sitting on a cart in the hall. It scared BD so bad that he ran into a door and almost knocked himself out.

RR: all-white breast meat please! 56,688 10
11/08/2005 09:22 AM

They left it on a cart? Unguarded? What if some sicko walked by and nabbed it? Since Baby Daddy didn't do so, I see why you don't have him on GAB.

Aimless could blow any day now 54,807 10
11/08/2005 09:29 AM

<action>hides stolen placenta behind back</action>



Yeah sickos.Heh.

Oliver Chest: Committed to Sparkle Motion 203,475 12
11/08/2005 10:29 AM

Twenty twenty twentyfour hours to go-o-o, I wanna be sedated.



Nothin to do, nowhere to go-o-o-o, I wanna be sedated.

Aimless could blow any day now 54,807 10
11/08/2005 10:54 AM

Sent to me by Jilly:



When a pregnant Plains Indian woman was near term and showed no sign of going into labor, tribe members would tie her to a rock in an open field and stage a mock "attack," pulling up their horses only at the very last minute, in hopes of inducing labor. The Pilgrims, for their part, would stand women whose babies were late against a pole, strap them to it, and pound the pole up and down against the ground -- apparently hoping to shake the baby loose.





Okay, I have a pole and a large rock. Who wants to play Pilgrims and Indians??

Erika of Magrathea 76,152 9
11/08/2005 10:56 AM

SR might be around later.

Zolton Desiato, Dead for Tax Reasons 88,200 34
11/08/2005 11:00 AM

...tribe members would... stage a mock "attack," pulling up... at the very last minute



Maybe if they'd 'pulled up' at the 'last minute' nine months earlier, we wouldn't have so many pregnant squaws in the first place.

Who wants to taste my pie? 171,275 14
11/08/2005 11:03 AM

<action> Puts on her headress and colorful stripes across her face </action> Okay I'm ready!

Zolton Desiato, Dead for Tax Reasons 88,200 34
11/08/2005 11:03 AM

On the other hand:



The Pilgrims... would stand women... against a pole, strap them to it, and pound the pole up and down against the ground...



Sounds like the conception, not the cure. Silly Puritans.

Aimless's Fetus 181,790 70
11/08/2005 11:20 AM

Look here now. It's warm. I have this awesome waterbed and some pretty cool mood lighting. I get to swim around all day, bouncing on a trampoline (or what I can hear you call "my Frost-ing blatter") and I can eat pretty much anything you can. Why on earth would I want to come out, drink crappy milk-powder, sleep in clothes, and have a bunch of strangers pawing at me all day? Besides, do you know what path I have to take to get out? That's just nasty.



Also, these "people" you "talk to" scare the hell out of me.



Love,

Gonna be a Fetus a little longer

Freeze Dried Instant Mashed Potatoes 10,327 12
11/08/2005 12:41 PM

Aimless: Here's hoping you are currently squeezing out the fetus, thus relieving yourself of the pregnant misery.



After all is said and done, since you will not be breastfeeding, get completely drunk. You've worked hard. You deserve it.

Millie with mashed potatoes and gravy 116,988 28
11/08/2005 02:07 PM

Aimless, the risk of fetal alchohol syndrome has passed, since your baby is pretty much fully developed now.



You can drink alcohol without much worry, except it may make the kid lethargic. I'm not sure if that would help with the birth.

Suicide Ranger with Poison Turkey for the Pilgrims 27,937 12
11/08/2005 02:35 PM

I can use my a pole to induce your labor, baby!

Aimless could blow any day now 54,807 10
11/08/2005 02:54 PM

SR I've been offered one toothpick already I don't need two.



Thanks though, you filthy Injun.

710 0
11/29/2005 04:36 PM

Creepy.

Ravos, The Taco Squirrel 695 8
11/29/2005 10:37 PM

coat hanger, fo sho.