I need some sex advice!
A comedy conversation
by Grapelicious  407  7
11/11/2005 04:34 PM 349 views
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Why won't my boyfriend take off his shirt when we have sex?
I don't understand it. When I ask him, he won't tell me. And it's not just this one, either. I'm not a whore, but I've slept w/ a few people, and none of them would take of their shirts. I figured the first few guys were because we mostly had sex in cars, and it could get kind of cold. But my boyfriend and I live together. I will crank up the heat if you tell me it's because it's too cold.
Help me!
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Like This? Rate It!
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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Autra 10,560  11
11/11/2005 04:36 PM
Oh....this is just to priceless...
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.8
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Prof. Fantabulous 19,711 13
11/11/2005 04:36 PM
Sue Johanson is two websites over, to the left.
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Hilarious
8 votes
4.3
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Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
11/11/2005 04:37 PM
She's dating Ollie?
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Hilarious
11 votes
4.7
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McPants with the daylight in his eyes 19,555 11
11/11/2005 04:38 PM
She's dating Ollie?
Then his shirt is actually off, she just thinks he's wearing a wool sweater.
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Hilarious
14 votes
4.6
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Oliver Chest: Committed to Sparkle Motion 203,475 12
11/11/2005 04:38 PM
Stretch marks. Hairy back. 4 nipples. Umbilicle chord still attached. Dead siamese twin fetus still attached. He's actually your mom.
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.0
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Erika of Magrathea 76,152 9
11/11/2005 04:40 PM
If you've had this problem with a few guys, it's probably your fault. Your boyfriend keep his shirt on because he finds your big ugly bologna nipples repulsive, and doesn't want them touching his chest.
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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Erika of Magrathea 76,152 9
11/11/2005 04:41 PM
And he keeps it on, too.
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0 votes
0.0
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ME Banned ? Oops. 15,703 0
11/11/2005 04:42 PM
You need a man friend. I think Ditdah is available.
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.8
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Oliver Chest: Committed to Sparkle Motion 203,475 12
11/11/2005 04:43 PM
I'd totally keep my shirt on if I had sex with Erika.
I hate the feeling a blood on my bare skin.
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Chuckleworthy
2 votes
2.5
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Grapelicious 407 7
11/11/2005 04:45 PM
How did you know about my bologna nipples? Mom?
Is it bad that when I spelled bologna, I had to sing the Oscar Meyer song in my head to make sure I spelled it right?
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.0
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Erika of Magrathea 76,152 9
11/11/2005 04:46 PM
Ollie, I don't know what that means, but it has me very terroused.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
11/11/2005 04:47 PM
Well, its a third option.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Erika of Magrathea 76,152 9
11/11/2005 04:49 PM
BIG,
Shut. Your. Mouth.
Love and all that junk,
Red
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
11/11/2005 04:49 PM
So that's what people mean by this place is cliquey.
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Funny
3 votes
3.3
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Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
11/11/2005 04:52 PM
E.
I love you forever and a day. The day is not complete unless you are the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night.
Me
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0 votes
0.0
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ME Banned ? Oops. 15,703 0
11/11/2005 04:53 PM
"I need some sex advice!"
How about we just "fool around"?
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.0
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Who wants to taste my pie? 171,275 14
11/11/2005 04:54 PM
Im definatley thinking you have some sort of hidious wildebeast birth defect you arent telling us about.
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.7
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Brer Chickens and the Tarbaby 286,539 61
11/11/2005 04:56 PM
<action> doesn't read thread
DON'T DO IT, YOU'LL GO BLIND
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Funny
3 votes
3.3
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PeeWee: Sticking his dick in the mashed potatoes 4,624 8
11/11/2005 04:58 PM
All your sex questions answered here!
If it's an innie - female
If it's an outie - male
If it was an outie but now an innie - you're sleeping with a werehampster
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0 votes
0.0
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ME Banned ? Oops. 15,703 0
11/11/2005 04:59 PM
Well, maybe he'd take his shirt off then.
Go to the "in your dreams thread, ollie"
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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Jade - Sick of being the Queen of Mistakes 14,453 11
11/11/2005 05:05 PM
That's the second time this evening that someone has managed to make me feel sick. Congratulations, Lupe.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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lupience, forgot the Gizzard pouch again 26,981 11
11/11/2005 05:05 PM
Jade- now that song is going to be stuck in your head.
Listen to "Iron Man", it will help.
So Sorry, Hon.
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Funny
4 votes
3.3
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SHP - slatherd with sweet 'tater pie 181,790 70
11/11/2005 05:06 PM
Because man-dolls have to be manually undressed.
I have no first hand experience in this arena. No, seriously. My friend told me.
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Funny
4 votes
3.8
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Brer Chickens and the Tarbaby 286,539 61
11/11/2005 05:08 PM
I highly recommend posting just over Oboe's posts cause I keep accidentally clicking the post above his since he wont sign in.
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Hilarious
18 votes
4.1
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PrincessBritt: Mostly Harmless 4,730 9
11/11/2005 05:15 PM
If he's not going to be man enough to take his shirt off, then maybe you should be the man.
Next time you are having sex, rip his shirt off. When he gets mad, slap him. He'll probably try to pull out. This is when you use all your strength to flip him over. While he's surprised, tie him to the bed with the ropes that you put there earlier in the day. Then continue until you're finished.
If he starts crying, you know it's working.
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Side-splitting
2 votes
5.0
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Ortzy 178 8
11/11/2005 05:16 PM
Will you marry me Brit?
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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lupience, forgot the Gizzard pouch again 26,981 11
11/11/2005 05:18 PM
Give it up. Become a lesbian. Post pictures of your encounters. Rate #1 on GAB.
I KNOW how it works around here.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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lupience, forgot the Gizzard pouch again 26,981 11
11/11/2005 05:40 PM
OOh! Ooh! I figured it out!!!!
Press Left,Right,Left Right, A,B, then press start. It works!
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.7
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TableTopJane-Ridin' my Jesus horse 173,958 15
11/11/2005 07:21 PM
Your boyfriend keep his shirt on because he finds your big ugly bologna nipples repulsive, and doesn't want them touching his chest.
Shut up. SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
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Funny
3 votes
3.0
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TableTopJane-Ridin' my Jesus horse 173,958 15
11/11/2005 07:21 PM
He most likely keeps it on because, while he's willing to Frost you, he wants to make sure as little of his skin actually touches you as possible.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.3
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Millie with mashed potatoes and gravy 116,988 28
11/11/2005 10:20 PM
Jeez, why don't you ASK HIM?
If you know him well enough to Frost him, then you should know him well enough to say, "Hey, just wondering why you always leave your shirt on?"
Maybe he has a hairy back and he's insecure about it.
If others have left their shirts on, too, this is puzzling. But perhaps if you ask him and he tells you why, it will give you some clues.
Are you completely naked when you have sex?
I know of at least two of my girl friends who told me that they always keep a shirt on when they have sex, but it was because they were self-conscious of their boobs. Droopy, small, whatever.
If the guy I'm with has his shirt on, I take it off. I don't continue on with Britt's scenario, though I find it intriguing.
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Hilarious
16 votes
4.8
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Chi Chi Felipe: Smells Like Teen Spirit 161,353 14
11/11/2005 10:23 PM
I keep my shirt on, too. That way, she's wondering "why is he keeping his shirt on?" instead of "why is he weeping so violently?"
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Side-splitting
5 votes
5.0
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Chi Chi Felipe: Smells Like Teen Spirit 161,353 14
11/11/2005 10:25 PM
<action>crosses off "self-effacement" off of joke quota.</action>
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.3
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lupience, forgot the Gizzard pouch again 26,981 11
11/11/2005 10:26 PM
Millie- you assume this person knows this guy well enough to Frost him.
You always give people the benefit of the doubt.
What if she's just a self-serving slutty minion?
They exist.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.5
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Millie with mashed potatoes and gravy 116,988 28
11/11/2005 10:29 PM
O.K., if she doesn't know him, then what does she have to lose by saying, "Hey, you--uh--yeah...um, what's with the shirt?"
It's not like she's ever going to see him again.
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Hilarious
8 votes
4.7
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Chi Chi Felipe: Smells Like Teen Spirit 161,353 14
11/11/2005 10:31 PM
Having been to Mars, I've met a few guys who won't take their shirts off. It's a good thing. You don't want to see Kuato's O-face.
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Funny
3 votes
3.7
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lupience, forgot the Gizzard pouch again 26,981 11
11/11/2005 10:37 PM
Perhaps the Grapechick is a spineless wimp in bed, and also pays asking price for stuff at yard sales?
There's something to be said for mature women who are self-centered enough to get what they want between the sheets.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.0
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Millie with mashed potatoes and gravy 116,988 28
11/11/2005 10:51 PM
Hey, when you get to our age, time's a'wastin'! I'm not going to wait around for the guy to figure it out.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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lupience, forgot the Gizzard pouch again 26,981 11
11/11/2005 10:58 PM
Yes Maam! I've wasted too many potential 'gasms worrying about stupid Shakespeare that now I make all sex all about me.
I ROCK.
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Funny
3 votes
3.7
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Millie with mashed potatoes and gravy 116,988 28
11/11/2005 11:06 PM
Hmmm. Your tongue?
Since your penis can't speak, I don't think the noise is coming from there.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.0
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daisypie esq. 49,378 9
11/11/2005 11:23 PM
The answer is obvious:
He remains half dressed because he wants to get it over with, so he can get the hell out of there and go see his real girlfriend. You're just the warm-up act...
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Grapelicious 407 7
11/12/2005 10:13 AM
I'm not slutty (all the time) and I do know him well,we live together and have been dating for 2 years. He told me that it's just weird to have sex w/ out a shirt on. I just thought there might be a better (or funnier) reason, and ya'all would be the ones to ask.
Instead I got called a slut and bologna nipples, and many weird things were proposed about my boyfriend.
This is just like living at home :)
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Hilarious
8 votes
4.6
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SausageBoy 15,703 0
11/12/2005 11:35 AM
and many weird things were proposed about my boyfriend.
About your boyfriend? Guess you missed this:
with your free hand caress his manhood. Whith the other free hand, give him a rub of the belly, and with the other hand slip his shirt off.
Someone has suggested you have 3 hands! If I was your boyfriend, I'd still have my pants on and the car running.
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
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UnderCooked & Watery Green Bean Casserole 101,398 77
11/13/2005 08:47 AM
What if she's just a self-serving slutty minion?
They exist.
Shut up. SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
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