Armored - White Introspective Emo Ranger 3,923 8
11/13/2005 01:07 AM

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?



When you jump on a trampoline, you take your shoes off.



That outta get things kickin'.

Fluffy now serving beer 977 9
11/13/2005 01:07 AM

There you go

Miracles Gets the Wishbone 22,430 0
11/13/2005 01:10 AM

Thanks for kickin' it, Arm.



Why do Jews have such big noses?





Because air is free.

Armored - White Introspective Emo Ranger 3,923 8
11/13/2005 01:13 AM

What gets louder as it gets smaller?



A baby in a trash compactor.



Booyah!

Miracles Gets the Wishbone 22,430 0
11/13/2005 01:15 AM

What's better than getting second place in the Special Olympics?





Not being a retard.

lupience, forgot the Gizzard pouch again 26,981 11
11/13/2005 01:18 AM

All I have is this

Miracles Gets the Wishbone 22,430 0
11/13/2005 01:19 AM

Lup, you've been on all Frost-ing weekend.



Are you on a meth binge or something?

lupience, forgot the Gizzard pouch again 26,981 11
11/13/2005 01:19 AM

Miracles- That joke is still on my funniest posts..



Tell a new we-Todd-Did joke.

Miracles Gets the Wishbone 22,430 0
11/13/2005 01:21 AM

Your funniest post was that lame retard joke?



Wow. That's some funny Shakespeare.

lupience, forgot the Gizzard pouch again 26,981 11
11/13/2005 01:21 AM

Just a being home all wekend binge. You should see my yard!



Then I cleaned the garage, the garden shed, and my son's room.





Why? Do you have Meth?

lupience, forgot the Gizzard pouch again 26,981 11
11/13/2005 01:24 AM

God, Miracles.

Masturbate violently, get laid, do some wicked yard work, or suck your thumb.

Miracles Gets the Wishbone 22,430 0
11/13/2005 01:24 AM

Me? Meth? Aw, hell no!



I'm a sober bitch these days.



What do all the girls at an AA meeting have in common?





They all have their panties around their ankles.





(Gay AA joke - because newly sober girls are pretty slutty and do some major 13th steppin')

lupience, forgot the Gizzard pouch again 26,981 11
11/13/2005 01:26 AM

<action>just was told that this is Miracles thread.</action>





...never mind.

Buy this Phla or I'll kill this book 131,068 34
11/13/2005 02:38 AM

I stepped on a snail today. I thought it was a lightbulb, but no. It was a snail.



I'm considering the possibility of throwing out my shoes.

lupience, forgot the Gizzard pouch again 26,981 11
11/13/2005 02:42 AM

You either have really small lightbulbs, or freakishly large snails.

Buy this Phla or I'll kill this book 131,068 34
11/13/2005 02:47 AM

Maybe I do, or maybe I do.

newwave 45,912 10
11/13/2005 02:47 AM

Phla, I'd offer to trade shoes with you, but I don't think you wear the same size as me.

Buy this Phla or I'll kill this book 131,068 34
11/13/2005 02:52 AM

That's kind of you. Tell me, what do you plan on doing with this snail sloosh that's made its way into the cracks and crevices of my sneaks?

Wonderus Breadulus 3,319 10
11/13/2005 02:53 AM

If all snails were lightbulbs, the world would be a brighter place...

newwave 45,912 10
11/13/2005 03:17 AM

When in doubt, put it on eBay.

lupience, forgot the Gizzard pouch again 26,981 11
11/13/2005 03:20 AM

Me thinks that you all are up too late.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
11/13/2005 05:06 AM

Its an oldie, but I still laugh at it.





What's the worst thing about having sex with a six year old?













Getting the blood out of the clown suit.

Autra 10,560 11
11/13/2005 08:30 AM

How do you make a 6 year old cry twice?



















Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear.

Autra 10,560 11
11/13/2005 08:53 AM

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."



The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."



"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."



The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"



On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.



The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"



"Yeah, my wife..."

The Baptist 1,672 8
11/13/2005 09:14 AM

How many dead babies does it take to paper a wall?







Depends on how thin you slice them.

Autra 10,560 11
11/13/2005 09:35 AM

How do you keep a baby from falling down a well?





Stick a javelin through it's head

The Baptist 1,672 8
11/13/2005 09:45 AM

What's the worst part of eating a bald Poe?





Putting the diaper back on.

Autra 10,560 11
11/13/2005 09:54 AM

Whats more fun than spinning a dead baby at the end of a wire at 100 mph?







Stopping it with a shovel.

Autra 10,560 11
11/13/2005 10:01 AM

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?



Depends on how hard you throw them.

Grapelicious 407 7
11/13/2005 10:51 AM

A woman goes to the grocery store to pick up the essentials: bread, eggs, and cheese. When she goes to check out, the man looks at her and says "Hey.. I bet you're single." She's amazed. "How did you know? Is it because I didn't get very many groceries?" "No," he tells her. "It's because you're really Frost-ing ugly!"

lupience, forgot the Gizzard pouch again 26,981 11
11/13/2005 11:00 AM

That's it! I'm buying a cat.

Autra 10,560 11
11/13/2005 11:22 AM

Whats the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of bowling balls?





You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

Autra 10,560 11
11/13/2005 11:23 AM

Damn, I'm still asleep, one of those should be 'dead babies' not bowling balls.



Maybe starting to drink at 9:30 am wasn't such a good idea.

Autra 10,560 11
11/13/2005 11:36 AM

<action>warns you that this next one is bad</action>



So two muffins are baking in the oven, when the first muffin turns to the other and says "damn, it's hot in here." To which the second muffin responds "holy Shakespeare! a talking muffin!"

Wonderus Breadulus 3,319 10
11/13/2005 12:32 PM

Pshh, that's so old. It's 2005, all muffins talk these days.

Jade - Small and Unloved Queen of Mistakes 14,453 11
11/13/2005 12:36 PM

What's the definition of mixed feelings?







Seeing your mother-in-law reversing off a cliff in your new car.

Autra 10,560 11
11/13/2005 12:40 PM

So Cher walks into a bar, and the bartender says,



"Hey buddy, why the long face?"

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
11/13/2005 12:41 PM

Holy Shakespeare! A talking mufftaur!

Wonderus Breadulus 3,319 10
11/13/2005 12:42 PM

A bear walks into a bar. It goes up to the bartender and orders a beer....

















































And some peanuts.



The bartender asks..."What's with the big paws?"

Autra 10,560 11
11/13/2005 12:54 PM

<action>tosses out another bad one</action>There were 3 strings and they wanted to go to a bar for a few drinks. The first string went in and the bartender looked at him and said "Are you a string?" and the string said "yes" so the bartender said "I'm sorry. We don't serve strings." The second string came in and the bartender looked at him and said "Are you a string?" and the string said "yes" so the bartender said "I'm sorry. We don't serve strings." Then the third string tied himself in a knot and rolled around on the ground to get frayed up. He walked into the bar and the bartender looked him up and down and said "Are you a string?" and the string said "No I'm a frayed knot.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
11/13/2005 01:00 PM

How many times did you repeat the third grade?

Autra 10,560 11
11/13/2005 01:03 PM

Contrary to popular belief, I graduated a year early.



It wasn't so easy after repeating 3rd grade 4 times.

Scary Republican Chickens 286,539 61
11/13/2005 08:50 PM

If gab died, it's cause of the virus you brought to it in your skanky cush.

The Baptist 1,672 8
11/13/2005 08:57 PM

A guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of Jack. The bartender asks, "What's the special occasion?"



To which the man replies," Tonight I had my first blowjob"



The bartender replies," Congrats buddy, have another one on the house."



To this the man replies," Well Shakespeare, if six doesn't get rid of the taste neither will seven!"

Piquantrax - The Firetruck Hunter 8,691 9
11/13/2005 09:31 PM

Singing My My Miss American Pie,

Drove my Chevy to the Levy,

but the levy was dry....

Autra 10,560 11
11/13/2005 10:07 PM

What do Michael Jackson and the Tortise have in common?





They both like to get there before the hair.

Autra 10,560 11
11/13/2005 10:08 PM

What did the mother say to Michael Jackson on the beach?



Get out of my son.

Autra 10,560 11
11/13/2005 10:09 PM

<action>should peobably kill himself after that last one</action>

Why did Michael Jackson go to Target?





He heard little boys pants were half off.

Autra 10,560 11
11/13/2005 10:09 PM

Err....make that probably.

Jasco: the dream of the dreamless 1,370 9
11/13/2005 10:17 PM

How do you know when your sister has her period?



Your dad's dick tastes funny.

Autra 10,560 11
11/13/2005 10:20 PM

I dunno what part of the country you're</i from, but outside Arkansas that Shakespeare doesn't happen.



Frost-ing hick.

Autra 10,560 11
11/13/2005 10:21 PM

<action>fails miserably</action>Oh Frost...attack of the italics.

The Baptist 1,672 8
11/13/2005 10:22 PM

How do you seperate the men from the boys in Arkansas?





With a crowbar.

The Baptist 1,672 8
11/13/2005 10:24 PM

How do you circumcize an Arkansas boy?





Kick his sister in the chin.

The Baptist 1,672 8
11/13/2005 10:29 PM

Why do the men in Arkansas wear sweat pants?





Because cows can hear zippers a mile away.

The Baptist 1,672 8
11/13/2005 10:35 PM

<action> ...last one I promise </action>



How did the Scotsman find his sheep in the tallgrass?





Not Bad.

Autra 10,560 11
11/14/2005 11:52 AM

What do you call a cow with no legs?





Ground beef.



Ok, ok, I'm done for real now.