JOHN HARGRAVE: My friend bought me a SIRIUS radio for Christmas. I'm wondering if you can tell me a little bit more about your service.



SIRIUS SATELLITE RADIO: OK. It's commercial-free, you get any music you want. There's talk shows, there's football games ... news, entertainment, sports, music. It's all commercial-free. That's why it's better than regular radio.



JH: Because there are no commercials.



SSR: Yep.



JH: You said it's uncensored?



SSR: It's uncensored, yes.



JH: It's not completely uncensored, right?



SSR: Actually, yeah.



JH: Can people talk about Cleveland Steamers?



SSR: Um ... I believe so.



JH: Really. And no problems with that?



SSR: No.



JH: What about a blumpkin?



SSR: Yes.



JH: I heard, who's that, Martha Stewart? She was doing festive holiday blumpkins. That's fine to talk about that?



SSR: Yep.



JH: Do you have any food channels?



SSR: Um ... we have basically just Martha Stewart.



JH: Does she do a recipe for a Pasadena Mudslide?



SSR: Um, I don't know. That'd be on the Web site.



JH: Oh, OK. Would she also show how to make a Hot Karl?



SSR: It depends on what she does that day.



JH: But I guess the point is, she could.



SSR: Yeah, she could.



JH: Can they say the word COOZE?



SSR: They can say anything they really want.



JH: DONG?



SSR: Yeah.



JH: Even, like, GRAVY MAKER?



SSR: [Laughs] Yes. We have Eminem and all them on there, so it's all uncensored.



JH: How about HAIRY HOTDOG? He was this DJ out of Fresno, and he did this fantastic oldies show. Is there a HAIRY HOT DOG CHANNEL?



SSR: I can check for you.



JH: I think his show was called MOM'S HOMEMADE SLIT PIE. Something like that.



SSR: No, we're not showing anything for him.



JH: Really? He's been around since the 20's. Can they say JIZZ?



SSR: Yes.



JH: JISM?



SSR: Yes. [Giggles]



JH: QUIM?



SSR: Yep.



JH: Really? SNAPPER?



SSR: Yep.



JH: SNATCH?



SSR: Yeah.



JH: SPUNK?



SSR: [Laughs] Basically, any word you can think of, they can say.



JH: Even TUNA TACO?



SSR: Yep. If they want to say that, they can.



JH: You're kidding me. WINKY?



SSR: They can say anything.



JH: YAMBAG?



SSR: Yep.



JH: Oh my Lord. Who uses these words?



SSR: [Laughing] I don't know.



JH: Not Martha Stewart, right?



SSR: No.



JH: All right. Well, it sounds freaking great to me. I'm going to go pick me up one of those goshdarn radios.



SSR: All right. You just call us back when you're ready to set up your account, OK?



JH: I sure as heck will. Thank you.



SSR: You're welcome. Bye-bye.

JOHN HARGRAVE: I have a question. My friend bought one of your XM radios for Christmas. Can you tell me a little bit more about the XM service?



XM RADIO: XM Radio is a satellite radio. And it works like cable for the radio.



JH: So you have no commercials?



XM: 100% commercial free.



JH: And you said it's uncensored?



XM: Yes, uncensored.



JH: Not completely uncensored.



XM: What do you mean by that?



JH: Can they talk about, for instance, a Cleveland Steamer?



XM: You know Opie and Anthony?



JH: I'm sorry, who?



XM: Opie and Anthony.



JH: Smokey?



XM: Opie.



JH: So they can talk about a blumpkin?



XM: Yes. They can talk about -- what?



JH: A blumpkin.



XM: Blumping.



JH: No, blumpkin. Like, a festive holiday blumpkin.



XM: Ooh, OK, yes.



JH: All right. But the bottom line is, on the explicit channels, they can say anything they want.



XM: Yes.



JH: Including the word COOZE?



XM: Like the word what?



JH: COOZE. C-O-O-Z-E.



XM: D-O-O-L-V-E?



JH: How could you misspell that so badly? C-O-O-Z-E.



XM: C-O-O-V-E?



JH: No, Z! C-O-O-Z-E. COOZE.



XM: What does that mean?



JH: Well, it's like ... beef curtains. Look, the question is this: can they say anything?



XM: Yes, they can say anything.



JH: DONG?



XM: I'm so sorry.



JH: GRAVY MAKER?



XM: Your phone really has a problem here.



JH: HAIRY HOT DOG. There was this great DJ out of Fresno. Does he have a show on XM?



XM: No.



JH: JISM?



XM: Yes.



JH: MAN-ROOT?



XM: So will there be anything else I can help you with?



JH: How about the word QUIM?



XM: Hah?



JH: SNATCH?



XM: What do you mean?



JH: How about TUNA TACO? Can they say that?



XM: What are you talking about?



JH: How about WINKY?



XM: Would there be anything else that you want to know?



JH: Yes. The word YAMBAG.



XM: Hah?



JH: YAMBAG!



XM: What is that?



JH: I think it's a euphemism for the male scrotum.



XM: How old are you, by the way?



JH: I'm 36.



XM: Would there be anything else that you want to know?



JH: Yes. Who the hell uses these words? Bob Dylan?



XM: [Hangs up on me]

Jade - Queen of Mistakes 14,238 6
01/06/2006 08:56 PM

First to post!

Mr. Slinky 28,117 8
01/06/2006 08:58 PM

Get off my head.

Jade - Queen of Mistakes 14,238 6
01/06/2006 08:59 PM

Oh, nice article by the way. Very funny.

Rider the T in T&A 2,006 6
01/06/2006 09:16 PM

Did you replace you non-free speech phone yet?

gwallaia 2,675 9
01/06/2006 09:53 PM

I am proud to say I was unfamiliar with all of the terms in that article. Beef curtains is hilarious though.

Ditdah 114,999 10
01/06/2006 10:02 PM

Why are you proud of that?

Kocharks 59 5
01/06/2006 11:11 PM

Thanks for the lecture

Whistler P. McManus 140,862 20
01/07/2006 12:52 AM

I got a Sirius radio for Christmas. Can someone tell me which is the Hot Karl station?

HartmanTwins - Half Bi 10,114 5
01/07/2006 02:15 AM

42

00111010 00101000 30,677 7
01/07/2006 05:35 AM

Interesting John...



My friend bought me a SIRIUS radio for Christmas.

...

I'm going to pick me up one of those darn radios.

00111010 00101000 30,677 7
01/07/2006 08:55 PM

Also, I'm willing to bet there isn't going to be a ZugCast for this one.

Chi Chi Felipe: What Scientologists Believe In 160,399 12
01/07/2006 09:25 PM

Hahaha, "How old are you?"

John Hargrave 116,544 19
01/09/2006 11:01 PM

Guess again on the ZUGCAST.

Jay Cornelius 408 11
01/10/2006 03:19 AM

Ahahaha. Great soundclip. I like after using all those phrases, the strongest word you felt like saying was "gosh darn"

Everyones Grudge - yes I'm still here 2,432 5
01/10/2006 10:00 AM

Very funny Hargrave. You squeezed a few chuckles out of me.

newwave 45,836 7
01/12/2006 11:55 AM

Damn, can I give extra smiley orbs for the audio file?

disposabke420 0 5
01/21/2006 09:52 AM

i work for SIRIUS call center, and this is beyond hilarious. Call in sometime and when you "let us go" don't hang up the phone, we can't hang up, we will mute out mics and listen to what u are saying...

newwave 45,836 7
01/21/2006 02:05 PM

Only if you spell your username right.

BobbyBooBooz4215327 225 5
01/21/2006 08:34 PM

u sound cute john!! lol

disposabke420 0 5
01/22/2006 07:19 AM

how do you know this wasn't my intended spelling? lol

fablerose 2 4
06/20/2006 05:19 AM

cripes, the spam is deep...



anyways, I got sirius a couple years ago, i was so happy when howard stern moved over, i listen everyday when delivering the mail. have to keep it turned down though, i cant have little old ladies coming to get their mail and hearing howard yell out Carroll midsentence lol...and it DOES have commercials.