SHP: ALOG cofounder 181,795 70
01/21/2006 08:56 PM

Me too, man. Me. Too.

Erika - Chuck Norris's abandoned daughter 76,152 9
01/21/2006 08:57 PM

It's a good thing there's not an entire thread that's dedicated to new album pictures right under this one, or this thread would seem kind of pointless.

SHP: ALOG cofounder 181,795 70
01/21/2006 08:59 PM

GAB: Pointlessness personified

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
01/21/2006 09:04 PM

Are we talking about stupid Shakespeare we would do with money, or are we making fun of MadMatt in this thread?

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
01/21/2006 09:05 PM

I guess if I had a million bucks, I could hire midgets to make fun of Matt.

Fratberry 283,018 53
01/21/2006 09:08 PM

A thread about new photos? Where?

SHP: ALOG cofounder 181,795 70
01/21/2006 09:10 PM

True answer: get myself and my close family out of debt. Pay off my ex in-laws, with interest, the money we mooched off of them for 10 years. Give my Nanna's church about 100 large, because she'd be busy praying for my lost gambling soul, and that could even it out. Buy me a comfy house, a couple of horses, and a pool boy. Live comfortably and know my kids and their future children would be taken care of.





GAB answer: Hookers and blow. And enough money to make the bodies go away. Oh, and I'd buy a starving Ethernopian.

Spicey McHaggis 117,779 37
01/21/2006 09:30 PM

I'd buy you a monkey. Haven't you always wanted a monkey?

Whistler P. McManus 186,122 44
01/21/2006 09:34 PM

He'd hire Steppenwolf to play "Born to Be Wild" in the back of his minivan so he wouldn't have to whistle it.

MaddMatt - Steely Eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
01/21/2006 10:08 PM

I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.



Been there, done that. And it didn't cost me a thing.

Fratberry 283,018 53
01/21/2006 10:13 PM

I secretly wish I could grow a mustache like that.

Fratberry 283,018 53
01/21/2006 10:13 PM

dammit

Barefoot Chance ALOG member 171,275 14
01/21/2006 10:15 PM

I would buy myself an icon.

MaddMatt - Steely Eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
01/21/2006 10:23 PM

I secretly wish that I could grow a mustache like that.



Now you're just yanking my chain. With a goat like that, you've got no problems.



Quick question though;



Why does the flyer on the door with the heading "Having trouble understanding computers?", have a diagram of a toilet on it?

Kabuki Quantum Fighter 375 7
01/21/2006 10:40 PM

There's a special down at the Taco Shack: A million tacos for a million bucks! I think I'd get that.

bigblueskirt 3 7
01/21/2006 10:53 PM

I would buy a gigantic plate of delicious petit fours, and then serve them to selected friends.

Kabuki Quantum Fighter 375 7
01/21/2006 10:55 PM

I had some petit fours, but they kept getting squished between my enormous three and gigantic five.

Declan McManus-They say that bears have affairs 131,887 36
01/21/2006 11:06 PM

I'd give up Kraft Dinner.





I'd get Fratberry the green dress of his boygirl dreams, and then steal him out of the clutches of Bankey.





I'd start phoning my dear brother, instead of relying on email.

Kabuki Quantum Fighter 375 7
01/21/2006 11:07 PM

I'd do all of that, too, but from inside of my solid gold space station.

SHP: ALOG cofounder 181,795 70
01/21/2006 11:08 PM

This may very well have been posted before, but does anyone else read MaddMatt's posts in the voice of the neighbor guy (Lawrence) from Office Space?

Kabuki Quantum Fighter 375 7
01/21/2006 11:09 PM

Man, something about him reminded me of Lawrence, too. Like, I dunno, this thread?

SHP: ALOG cofounder 181,795 70
01/21/2006 11:11 PM

Yeah. OK. That's probably why I drew that parallel.



Oh, and noob.. you'd better be glad you can write in complete sentences. My turtle is really Chuck Norris.

Kabuki Quantum Fighter 375 7
01/21/2006 11:13 PM

Chuck Norris taught me how to fight... and more importantly, how to love.

Declan McManus-They say that bears have affairs 131,887 36
01/21/2006 11:14 PM

My turtle is really Chuck Norris



Chuck Norris in really uncomfortable drag, at that, on a hot Australian summer day.

rock hound 156 7
01/21/2006 11:16 PM

If i had a million dollars i would buy a big yacht or stock in Ky jelly or both

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
01/21/2006 11:16 PM

And why does IMDB provide the Spanish title for this movie ("Cubiculos de la oficina") but not for The Beverly Hillbillies ("Los Billies de las colinas Beverly") ?

Declan McManus-They say that bears have affairs 131,887 36
01/21/2006 11:22 PM

That's easy, Dogs.



IMDB doesn't want Jorge and Isabel getting ideas that they can be like lazy Anglos.

Crazyballs 11,888 10
01/21/2006 11:22 PM

I'd break even.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
01/21/2006 11:28 PM

In that case, Declan, they should have called it Limpiando Los Cubculos de la Oficina.

MaddMatt - Steely Eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
01/21/2006 11:31 PM

<action>yells from outside thread</action>

Hey, switch over to channel five!



That chick is on doing the breast exams again!

Kabuki Quantum Fighter 375 7
01/21/2006 11:45 PM

Ahem... "Channel Nine..." Sorry, I've seen that movie approximately 1.2 billion times.

MaddMatt - Steely Eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
01/22/2006 12:34 AM

Ahem... "Channel Nine..." Sorry, I've seen that movie approximately 1.2 billion times.



Yes. Thank you.



I realize now that a classic bit of genius comedy was ruined by my incredible gaff of getting the channels wrong. I really don't know what I was thinking in attempting to borrow a tome of the sacred writings without doing the proper research and aquiring the original writers approval, and then contracting an editor to make sure the handling of this sensitive text was presented as accurately and responsibly as possible.



To you, and all future readers of that post, I can only offer my most sincere apologies and promise never to do that again.

WickedWedgieWoman 15,741 12
01/22/2006 12:39 AM

And refresh my memory kids, who is Kabuki now?

Kabuki Quantum Fighter 375 7
01/22/2006 01:02 AM

A soldier is beamed into a computer mainframe to defeat a rogue AI. In the virtual world, the soldier assumes the form of a Kabuki performer who uses his cyber-world hair to kill people. Two words can describe this: it's Japanese.

MaddMatt - Steely Eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
01/22/2006 01:04 AM

Kabuki is most likely a n00b that may have some potential.



However, there has been a spate of regulars who got bored and started new profiles and are trying out different personalities.



Most of them irritating.

WickedWedgieWoman 15,741 12
01/22/2006 01:04 AM

I didn't ask for the definition of kabuki, sweetheart.

Chit Eating Grin 178,781 15
01/22/2006 01:08 AM

trying out different personalities





You're being too kind Matt. They are letting their true personalities shine through.

Kabuki Quantum Fighter 375 7
01/22/2006 01:32 AM

I've upset the status quo! Noooo!

MaddMatt - Steely Eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
01/22/2006 01:34 AM

They are letting their true personalities shine through.



I hope not, some of those were extreme.



In a backhand way though, it may reduce some of the uglier hazing. Now we are a little more cautious in case it is one of the regulars trying to yank our chains.

Gorky Thatcher- Outlaw Poet 41,132 13
01/22/2006 01:39 AM

$1,000,000 = 12,000,000 packs of ramen noodles!

larkknot 3,359 10
01/22/2006 01:41 AM

That's a reason to be more cautious and not a reason to be meaner?

Chit Eating Grin 178,781 15
01/22/2006 01:52 AM

I can't speak for the rest here, but if they were regulars just trying to out do whoever did it first, (As i expect) It seems to me that they should have known to stop a long time ago. It doesn't take much to notice that it has only brought this place down. And it would seem odd to continue when you see it driving other regulars off in droves.

WickedWedgieWoman 15,741 12
01/22/2006 01:53 AM

yeah, what Chit said

MaddMatt - Steely Eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
01/22/2006 02:08 AM

BUWHHAHAHAHAHA! Now I can reveal my true identity!



My two year plan has worked! I have completely taken you all in. In all this time, you had no idea that the humble and soft spoken MaddMatt was slowly integrating himself into this board and your lives for the express purpose of hoodwinking the unhoodwinkable! (Is that really a word?) I have done it! Tales of this moment will resound through the 'net for years to come. They wil say, "This is the day that Ashton Kutcher got his revenge!"











Or, maybe not.

WickedWedgieWoman 15,741 12
01/22/2006 02:10 AM

And I thought I was bored.



Matt shouldn't you be dusting some cherubs?

MaddMatt - Steely Eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
01/22/2006 02:27 AM

Matt shouldn't you be dusting some cherubs?



DRAGONS! DRAGONS! (And yes, I do the tongue thing.)





*Mulan flashback*

Shawn Roy 302 8
01/22/2006 02:29 AM

I'd take some time off and work on my "jump to conclusions" mat.

Cracker, I barely touched her! 68,758 11
01/22/2006 02:31 AM

Id fly to wherever matt is and buy his mustached ass a beer!

WickedWedgieWoman 15,741 12
01/22/2006 02:34 AM

Listen, if all you could manage to muster up is one shelf for your dragons you aren't slapping your wife hard enough

Cracker, I barely touched her! 68,758 11
01/22/2006 02:35 AM

Or not doing doing the dishes to her liking. Whichever.

MaddMatt - Steely Eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
01/22/2006 02:38 AM

Id fly to wherever matt is and buy his mustached ass a beer!



Thanks Crack! But it's vodka. (with the cranberry thing) And I would be honored.



But I'm not at all sure what my mustached ass has to do with it.

Cracker, I barely touched her! 68,758 11
01/22/2006 02:40 AM

It's late. For a million bucks, I want a happy ending.

WickedWedgieWoman 15,741 12
01/22/2006 02:40 AM

But it's vodka. (with the cranberry thing)

























FAG

Chit Eating Grin 178,781 15
01/22/2006 02:41 AM

Hoodwinking ?







That's a chick trick, isn't it ?

WickedWedgieWoman 15,741 12
01/22/2006 02:43 AM

Have I mentioned how much I love you Chit?

Chit Eating Grin 178,781 15
01/22/2006 02:44 AM

I'd wink back if I could !

MaddMatt - Steely Eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
01/22/2006 02:47 AM

It's late. For a million bucks, I want a happy ending.



I'll have to ask the wife if that's OK. Oh wait;



I'll jus' tell the bitch that you're on your way bro, smack her around a little and she'll take care of ya!



(Satisfied 3W?)

Cracker, I barely touched her! 68,758 11
01/22/2006 02:48 AM

Who cares if she is or not! I am!

WickedWedgieWoman 15,741 12
01/22/2006 02:48 AM

I am a female, Matt, I am NEVER satisfied.

MaddMatt - Steely Eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
01/22/2006 02:52 AM

I love you guys! You are way too fast for me.



The wife's calling from the bedroom, got to go.



Good morning.

WickedWedgieWoman 15,741 12
01/22/2006 02:54 AM

I hear a cat crying and whip snapping coming from Matt's direction.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
01/22/2006 12:45 PM

I'd buy WWW a new niece, one with a longer expiration date.





Or a new ass, mine has a crack in it.

Crazyballs 11,888 10
01/22/2006 12:54 PM

I'd buy new, funny jokes, and give them to big.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
01/22/2006 12:56 PM

Why? So I can overuse them and ruin them, too?

Crazyballs 11,888 10
01/22/2006 01:19 PM

Good point.

Crestfallen Snork 45,655 12
01/22/2006 01:27 PM

I would put it in a bank account and die of old age thinking of what to do with it.

Tabula Rasa 14,056 9
01/22/2006 01:31 PM

<action>obscurely posts</action>

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)

I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel)

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)

I'd buy you an exotic pet (Like a llama or an emu)

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)

I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (All them crazy elephant bones)

If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love



If I Had $1000000

We wouldn't have to walk to the store

If I Had $1000000

We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more

If I Had $1000000

We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner.

(But we would eat Kraft Dinner. Of course we would, we'd just eat more.

And buy really expensive ketchup with it.

That's right, all the fanciest Dijon Ketchup. Mmmmmm.)

Crestfallen Snork 45,655 12
01/22/2006 01:36 PM

Actually, I've always wanted to open an orphanage.



It's the best way I can think of for getting a fanatically loyal organization. And all attempts at world domination require loyal followers.



I'm sure Chickens is doing the same thing.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
01/22/2006 01:36 PM

A bare naked lady quoting the Bare Naked Ladies...how odd.

Supergrover * now with more cowbell 4,517 9
01/22/2006 11:53 PM

If I had a million dollars I would get high, get drunk, sleep, and I suppose get really fat since I would be high and drunk inbetween sleeping.

Millie 116,988 28
01/22/2006 11:54 PM

How will you get fat? I didn't see eating in that list.

Fidel Chistro 2 7
01/23/2006 12:31 AM

Man, if I had 1,000,000 dollars. I would get a bullet proof pick up truck, chauffer, and bullet proof giant bubble. I would put the bubble in the back of the truck, throw all the money in, and sit in the giant bubble.



Than I would get the chauffer to drive all around my town, and I would throw the money around in my bubble. Yelling at everyone, that I am better than them...man...that would be the life.