Smulz - Pregnant with Jack Bauer's Love Child 980 9
02/14/2006 01:40 PM

My right hand dressed itself up in a sexy little outfit for me. Who says romance is dead.

Pubah 56,805 18
02/14/2006 01:41 PM

Nuthin...I'll get nuthin

Hindenburg Kittuns 44,835 9
02/14/2006 01:43 PM

I predict that a bunch of crappy n00bs and Pubah will post in this thread.

Darrin 21,346 0
02/14/2006 01:43 PM

I scored a kick ass package.



It included 'Squirtin' Roy the pee-pee boy', a pig launching set to catupult plastic pigs up to 15 feet, a rubber chicken that lays a gross egg, and a pink fuzzy frog - plus other stuff.



That is my kind of loot! I'm not much of a diamonds and roses kind of girl.



Thanks, Valentine!

Pubah 56,805 18
02/14/2006 01:45 PM

You're still a crappy n00b, Kittuns?



Celery in my trash compactor, NOW!

CG-Version 2.0.06 86,932 12
02/14/2006 01:46 PM

I went to the store and looked at the card I would have gotten my wife.



But I didn't.

Fratberry 283,018 53
02/14/2006 01:48 PM

a rubber chicken



You sure it was a "chicken"?

You can call me Plain Jane 173,958 15
02/14/2006 01:48 PM

Donk said he's going to give me a pearl necklace.



I'm so excited! I've never had expensive jewelry before!

Hindenburg Kittuns 44,835 9
02/14/2006 01:49 PM

Maybe it was a rubber "Fratberry" complete with "Poe petting action."

Mr. Slinky 28,185 10
02/14/2006 01:49 PM

I'm currently in a fight with my girlfriend and I don't think she got me Shakespeare....



Its really going to suck later though when she realizes I'm a nice guy that took time out of his day to try and surprise her with a candlelight dinner when she gets off work. Maybe I'll get some maybe not, either way...the internet has LOTS of porn for me.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
02/14/2006 02:24 PM

I predict that my lovely wife is too smart to fall for the Hallmark induced consumerism forced upon the brain-dead by marketing executives and will instead great me at the door with a meal of cornish game hens and a fine bottle of Barolo given to us by some friends who brought it back from Italy.



If I wasn't such an amazingly humble person I would point out how much better I am than all of you.

Panda: the other black & white meat 181,795 70
02/14/2006 02:31 PM

Tonight's date/festivities have already been outlined for me.



When I arrive home, dinner will be cooked. Later, I will be treated to a hot bath - complete with bubbles and candles and a bottle of wine. Then, I will be pleased, sexually, and be asked for nothing else in return.



Takeout and masturbation are really fun.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
02/14/2006 02:33 PM

Why don't you just seduce the take-out guy?

Trae - Returned to her upright position 156,790 17
02/14/2006 02:41 PM

Panda your night sounds just like mine!

Ditdah 123,110 14
02/14/2006 03:02 PM

My predictions for this evening:



The girlfriend comes home from work to smell the meal I've been cooking all day for her. (Rosemary chicken with apples and onions over rice and lettuce wedge salads with bacon and homemade blue cheese dressing.)



I'll give her the card I spent 15 minutes picking out for her so it's "just right," and then her gift - a giant box of those stupid red-hot hearts that she can wolf down by the pound and tickets to see Lewis Black, along with dinner and hotel reservations (pre-paid) to round out the evening.



She'll inhale dinner, thank me for the gift, give me a card and a bottle of wine (that I picked out last week), kiss me on the cheek, and go watch Law and Order.



Wow. I'm so lucky.

FDIC, ALOG Cofounder 10,327 12
02/14/2006 03:04 PM

Ditdah, next year for Valentine's Day, I want to be your girlfriend.

turtle10 42,578 26
02/14/2006 03:04 PM

I'm going to school tonight. Then get home about 10, eat a PB&J and go to bed. My wife is one lucky girl.

Bankey 70,843 10
02/14/2006 03:08 PM

Ditdah, next year for Valentine's Day, I want to be your girlfriend.



This would make for an interesting change of pace, since FDIC is more of a CSI fan.

Ditdah 123,110 14
02/14/2006 03:08 PM

See, regardless of my GAB 'schtick,' I really do like my girlfriend. Sure, I want to kill her on a regular basis, but aren't most married couples like that?



This way, even if she doesn't care, I get a good meal, and a fun night out seeing one of my favorite comics. And if she doesn't like it, I'll take the mailman. He's new - and DAYUMN sexy!

Bankey 70,843 10
02/14/2006 03:10 PM

but aren't most married couples like that?



Most married couples incorporate a penis in one fashion or another. I'm just sayin'.

Ditdah 123,110 14
02/14/2006 03:14 PM

We have a few hanging from nails on the wall. Does that count?

The Mailman: ringing twice, as always 176,450 56
02/14/2006 03:19 PM

And if she doesn't like it, I'll take the mailman.



You rang?

Oliver H. Chest 203,475 12
02/14/2006 03:33 PM

I've been wishing in one hand all day about what I might get from a secret admirer for Valentines day. And I've been Shakespeare-ing in the other.



Guess which one filled up first.

Panda: the other black & white meat 181,795 70
02/14/2006 03:34 PM

If by "wishing" you mean "whacking," then I don't know...

Bankey 70,843 10
02/14/2006 03:35 PM

note to self: Add Ollie to the 'don't high-five list.'

Hosteen Chickens 286,539 61
02/14/2006 04:04 PM

I made Hen a card using the old standby Avery 8315 template.



Homemade cards mean the most. I think that means you're supposed to cut up a bunch of construction paper but hey, I used cut and paste like the romantic I am.

Hosteen Chickens 286,539 61
02/14/2006 04:06 PM

And a potted plant. Heartflower or some such. We're going on a cruise next month so decided to lay off the presents and going out.



She may get one them pearl neckaces though.

Ditdah 123,110 14
02/14/2006 04:06 PM

I'm afraid to ask what the 'paste' involved.

Hosteen Chickens 286,539 61
02/14/2006 04:07 PM

One of the girls here at the office got squat from her hubby so I took an old Christmas card left over from, you know, Christmas, marked out the message and the person's name who sent it to me, wrote in "I choo choo choose you, valentine" and had every one sign it for her.



I'm a recycler.

Mr. Slinky 28,185 10
02/14/2006 04:35 PM

Tell me if this is a good V-Day dinner.





I've talked with my girls parents and they are going out, so I'm making her this.



Starting out with a nice salad, store bought so Frost off.



Followed up by home-made crab-stuffed mushrooms.



Then leading into a nice Filet Mignon steak with baked potatos, Corn with mushrooms and homemade biscuits.



Then my dessert is a chocolate syrup covered all over her sweet tender body.

Millie 116,988 28
02/14/2006 04:57 PM

I will get nothing, I predict.



No card, candy, or sex.



Not even my ex-husband or my mother sent me anything this year. Wait--let me go check the mail. No, nothing.



I did make cookies for everyone at work and gave a hand-made card to someone.



Oh well, I didn't expect anything, anyway. I don't even have a bathtub so I can't take a nice, relaxing bath! I guess I can take a long hot shower, though.



<sobs>

Mr. Slinky 28,185 10
02/14/2006 05:00 PM

<action>Whistles.</action>



HEY SR! Today might be your lucky day.

Erika - Chuck Norris's abandoned daughter 76,152 9
02/14/2006 05:04 PM

I woke up to breakfast in bed: chocolatechip pancakes and mimosas. There were also fresh flowers (lillies and orchids, my favorites) next to my bed and the cutest stuffed puppy I have ever seen. I do feel bad for the dog's owner though.



Then after class I got a silver heart locket, some chocolates, and roses.



Tonight he is taking me to my favorite little restaurant in the Italian market, then we are coming home and he got some good wine and some chocolate and strawberry fondue.



I got him a card and a can of whipped cream. He'll receive his real present later tonight.

Mr. Slinky 28,185 10
02/14/2006 05:05 PM

Okay, he may make up look bad but come on....he's Asian.



My penis is like three times the size of his.

Erika - Chuck Norris's abandoned daughter 76,152 9
02/14/2006 05:07 PM

LOL! See it's funny cause all Asians have small penises. Man that Shakespeare never gets old.

Erika - Chuck Norris's abandoned daughter 76,152 9
02/14/2006 05:07 PM

My second option was: So, you have a 3 inch Coleridge?

Bankey 70,843 10
02/14/2006 05:08 PM

Man that Shakespeare never gets old.



Apparently you've never had a small penis.

Millie 116,988 28
02/14/2006 05:15 PM

After reading Erika's post, I feel so much better, knowing that, at least someone is having a wonderfully romantic Valentine's Day.

Millie 116,988 28
02/14/2006 05:17 PM

<action>goes down to river to drown self; sees it is frozen over and lies down in the middle of the road; cars stop so she goes home and drinks Drano; vomits it up</action>

Dammit! I hate this day!

Darrin 21,346 0
02/14/2006 05:18 PM

I got a pee-pee boy! That is romantic! Flinging pigs? C'mon ladies, you know that's hot.

The future Mrs. McHaggis 101,398 77
02/14/2006 05:41 PM

All the ladies at work kept getting flowers, and since I was in the main office most of the day, I got to deliver them and listen to them gush about how wonderful their significant other is.



I did not receive flowers. I did not receive a gift. I didn't even get a phone call at lunchtime.



Tonight, Spicey is getting herpes.

The future Mrs. McHaggis 101,398 77
02/14/2006 05:42 PM

Or else I'm getting pregnant.



I haven't decided yet.

Mr. Slinky 28,185 10
02/14/2006 05:44 PM

Don't forget that just to spite Spicey you got the herpes from Ollie.

Spicey McHaggis 117,779 37
02/14/2006 05:49 PM

I bought you a car, woman! How can I top that?

Piquantrax - Cran World Champ 8,691 9
02/14/2006 05:51 PM

With a top hat.

Noki_Banned_It 76,490 10
02/14/2006 05:53 PM

I got Mrs. Bandit a card, a dozen roses and a stuffed bear.

Tonight we are going to her favorite restaurant for some Indian cuisine.



Later on will get a heaping bowl of "...we'd better not. My Dad is in the next room."



For those of you who don't know, my unemployed Father-In-Law has been living with us *temporarily, until he can "...get some things straightened out."



* = Two years so far.



<looks at his swollen blue boys and cries>

Millie 116,988 28
02/14/2006 05:55 PM

Aw, thanks, PPPPV.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/14/2006 05:56 PM

I guess millie was wrong about not needing a man in her life to make her happy.

Millie 116,988 28
02/14/2006 05:59 PM

BIG, if you read my post, I mentioned my mother didn't even send me a card. It isn't about a man.



Not that I expect a man to understand. I've had these stupid conversations before. Men tend to think the world revolves around them and they are all women think about.



Meh. I'm too tired today to argue with you. I'm sure you didn't get a valentine, either, so shut up.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/14/2006 06:02 PM

Fine, ruin my fun. I know what you wrote. I also know how much it pisses you off when guys think women need a man.

Millie 116,988 28
02/14/2006 06:04 PM

I do need a man for some things, obviously.



I'm trying to turn gay, but it's not working for me.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/14/2006 06:05 PM

Because you were hanging out with the worst lesbian EVER, in Boston.

Millie 116,988 28
02/14/2006 06:07 PM

I just got an e-mail valentine, from a girl!



Thanks, sweetie!

Declan McManus-They say that bears have affairs 131,887 36
02/14/2006 06:07 PM

I'm not dating this year, so nothing spectacular from any gentleman callers, but...I'm still having fun.



A guy is scheduled for tomorrow. Close enough.





I did get a valentine from a college friend today, and she enclosed a 10.00 Target card.







Half price chocolate tomorrow!

trojandoll 3,467 8
02/14/2006 06:10 PM

I got a t-shirt that says "I only sleep with boys with Tattoos", but I'm hoping he got me something else, too. He has "the ring" but hasn't given it to me yet, so who knows... We're making dinner together (salmon & artichokes), but mostly it will probably be a pretty normal evening at home. He already got his present - he has been fixing up the garage lately and I got him a barstool with the Dodge logo on it for his workbench.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/14/2006 06:18 PM

Heh, you Dodge'd his stool.

newwave 45,912 10
02/14/2006 06:22 PM

I'll be getting a new car if everyone who's on ZUG right now sends me $15.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
02/14/2006 06:37 PM

I won't be seeing her until the weekend, so i picked up a card similar to this on my way home.



I am so going to be in the good books.

The Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
02/14/2006 07:26 PM

Pearl Necklace



I tried to convince her that "Cleveland Steamer" was a kind of expensive jewelery, but she wouldn't go for it.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/14/2006 07:30 PM

I don't think you could convince anyone that something named after a city in Ohio would be good.

Whistler P. McManus 186,122 44
02/14/2006 08:21 PM

My wife is getting a nice card, dinner out, and 9 inches* of flesh fife.

















*You read that right. I got a viagara tab and we'll be doing it twice.

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
02/14/2006 08:23 PM

Wouldn't that require two Viagras grandpa?

Humphrey 51,764 12
02/14/2006 08:33 PM

I took my wife to Aria restaurant for dinner then to the Sydney Opera House to see Billy Connolly on his "too old to die young" tour. Then we went home and agreed we were too tired for sex. Ahhhh.... 6 years of marriage. Who says the romance dies.

You can call me Plain Jane 173,958 15
02/14/2006 08:37 PM

Donk said he's going to give me a pearl necklace.



I'm so excited! I've never had expensive jewelry before!



I just found out that there is a whole other meaning to the term "pearl necklace".



So. Let. Down.

larkknot 3,359 10
02/14/2006 09:48 PM

You have been GABbing for HOW long now?

You can call me Plain Jane 173,958 15
02/14/2006 10:01 PM

You have been GABbing for HOW long now?



Long enough to know better than to take everything I read seriously.

The Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
02/14/2006 11:42 PM

Long enough to know better than to take everything I read seriously.



I got the pot on the phone for the kettle. Something about being black.

Jeprosy 58,758 13
02/15/2006 06:17 AM

I got a rock.

Miss Trixxie LeMay and her manifagent TallyWacKer 65,026 15
02/15/2006 11:13 AM

Rosie Palm and her five sisters gave me a hand-job.

FDIC, ALOG Cofounder 10,327 12
02/15/2006 01:12 PM

Cletus gave me 2 cards and a pretty diamond ring.

The dogs gave me a card and rubbed their eye boogers on me.



I am teh special.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
02/15/2006 01:55 PM

Men tend to think the world revolves around them and they are all women think about.



Considering a non-existent man not sending you a card was enough to ruin your day yesterday, along with countless other women, it's kind of hard not to think the way we do.



But then again, I AM one of those guys who women think about constantly.

Erika - Chuck Norris's abandoned daughter 76,152 9
02/15/2006 01:57 PM

<action>starts to disagree, but gets too distracted thinking about Nutters instead</action>

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
02/15/2006 02:03 PM

I had a large installation to set up for my sculpture class on Valentine's Day, and my present was supposed to be help setting it up, since I was on a very tight time budget between classes. Instead, I got chocolates that I'm allergic to, and a panic attack when he was well over two hours late. I knew he'd be late and show up with something lame to attempt to make up for it, but I thought it would at least be flowers. He didn't even put out. So disappointing.

Millie 116,988 28
02/15/2006 02:26 PM

Nuthead, I already said this to your fellow Emerson BIG, but if you read my post, I also mentioned that MY MOTHER didn't even send me one, which she usually does.



Last time I checked, she wasn't a man.



I am so going to become a lesbian.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
02/15/2006 02:34 PM

Last time I checked, she wasn't a man.



You should check again. I just saw her boarding a flight to Sweden.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
02/15/2006 02:41 PM

This will read much creepier than i intend, and i could go the email route, but.



Stone Cold, OCAD?

If so, when is the open house this year? May 13,14?

I am trying to see when i should come back from my honeymoon.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
02/15/2006 03:08 PM

Prof: Sorry, but no. I'm not at OCAD. You're going to have to hone your stalker skills a bit more.

AJChimaera 3 7
02/15/2006 03:41 PM

I am so going to become a lesbian.



Nah, just stay away from Emersons - much easier. This from a guy who is perfectly content to not be thought about by women much if at all, but I'm certainly not about to turn gay because of it!



Sorry to disappoint you, B.I.G; Nutbutter.

Dianapoptronic 57,835 109
02/15/2006 07:59 PM

I wasn't expecting anything much, but I was very pleasantly surprised to receive these along with this loverly poem! (He wrote it himself)



Awwwwwwww.

Jeprosy 58,758 13
02/16/2006 06:27 AM

Yo Froggie....that was cute but next time you want to throw down some prose on her, look me up and I'll cook up some stuff that'll get her naked in 60 seconds! (or have her gagging at the visuals in her head inside of a half minute...I guess it could go either way).

Christine: Now With Italian Flavour 164 7
02/16/2006 06:50 AM

Some random Italian guy in my class gave me a necklace, then took me back to his parents' house for lunch. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I already had a Valentine.