newwave 45,912 10
03/05/2006 09:05 PM

AT FRIGGING KILOMETRES AN HOUR!!



(For non-Canadians, that's 0.621371192*FRIGGING MPH.)

DemoMonkey. This suit itches! 166,252 10
03/05/2006 09:11 PM

Not proofreading.



Throughout history, failure to proofread has resulted in such terible mistakes as Moses leading the Stews out of Egypt, the Siege of Constantpineapple, the Treaty of Versace, Martin Luther nailing his feces to a cathedral door, and the incomprehensible gibberish that was the last sentence of the intro post.



Which SHOULD have read "But we also wouldn't have idiots in SUVs trying to shave, change CDs, make phone calls, and for all I know debone a trout while weaving spastically across 3 lanes of traffic in front of me AT 40 FRIGGING KILOMETRES AN HOUR!!"

Neep- Do not annoy the unmedicated. 35,066 15
03/05/2006 09:18 PM

I liked it better the first way.

Humphrey 51,764 12
03/05/2006 10:25 PM

Semen.



Unpleasant to sleep in. Can cause enormous outflows of cash. Tastes like stale paste. Created my children... ONE OF WHOM THINKS IT'S Frost-ing HILARIOUS TO DRAW ALL OVER DADDIES NEW WIRELESS ROUTER WITH A BLACK MAGIC MARKER!!!!!1

Trae - Returned to her upright position 156,790 17
03/05/2006 10:56 PM

Light beer





Why?

Chit Eating Grin 178,781 15
03/05/2006 10:58 PM

Light beer





Why?







Taste Great !

newwave 45,912 10
03/05/2006 10:59 PM

Less filling!

Chit Eating Grin 178,781 15
03/05/2006 11:04 PM

Thanks Newwave.



That was a long minute. I started to wonder if I was going to have to type that in a half hour or so.

newwave 45,912 10
03/05/2006 11:51 PM

<action>Filling in the other half of predictable jokes since 1978.</action>

No Lloydering 48,662 14
03/06/2006 02:22 AM

Bad idea number 1,567,890,124:



Ordering the "Beef Dip" sandwich from the roomservice menu at the hotel I'm staying at. The jus was so salty! I've had less salty salt.

Livewire 78,229 13
03/06/2006 03:35 AM

The Internet



It has backfired. Instead of spreading knowledge and wisdom throughout the world, it spreads asshattery and poor English skills.

HRH BobJohnson 178,045 22
03/06/2006 03:44 AM

Horse Enemas



They were a bad idea because they make looking your coworkers in the eye difficult.



You see, last night, after checking into my hotel room, I wandered over to my coworker's room. I asked what he was doing. He said something like, "It was straight to the TV for me. I don't have cable at home." But when I glanced at the screen to see what he was so excited about . . . it was scenes of people giving enemas to horses.



Lawyers are crazy.

Livewire 78,229 13
03/06/2006 03:45 AM

Dressing up as a zebra and waiting for the lions to attack



Sure, it sounds like harmless fun. But In practice, not so much.

Livewire 78,229 13
03/06/2006 03:47 AM

Getting a good job



Granted, I actually make money now. But I have no more time for making ridiculous articles.



Farts. I should have stuck with crappy jobs and unemployment.

Livewire 78,229 13
03/06/2006 03:49 AM

Speaking of horse enemas.

Captain Dan, Wüstenfuchs 44,452 11
03/06/2006 03:54 AM

Potassium.



Sure, the naysayers will argue that it's critical to life on Earth, and that its absence would lead to mankind's extinction. But is that really a bad thing? Look at David Irving! Are you suggesting the world is better with him? Are you a Holocaust denier?



Potassium: It's only a short leap to Holocaust denial.

Snork: Defender Of The Universe. 45,655 12
03/06/2006 03:56 AM

Jamaica.



Sure, ganja and reggae might sound like fun, but do we really need more stoned black people?

SquidBoy 19,912 12
03/06/2006 04:30 AM

Semen.



Unpleasant to sleep in. Can cause enormous outflows of cash. Tastes like stale paste.



Oh, come on! None of you are even the slightest bit curious why Humphrey knows what semen tastes like!?!?

Snork: Defender Of The Universe. 45,655 12
03/06/2006 04:38 AM

Now this is just a guess, but probably because Humphrey has had the dubious pleasure of dining on dick.

SquidBoy 19,912 12
03/06/2006 04:49 AM

Do you think his wife and kids know that he smokes pole?

DemoMonkey. This suit itches! 166,252 10
03/06/2006 06:46 AM

They do now.

Trivium 333 7
03/06/2006 07:13 AM

Posting.



Posting is a lot like anal sex. There's always that same feeling of excited apprehension beforehand. You shouldn't do it without lube (especially if inexperienced), and you're guaranteed to be left feeling violated with a burning sensation in your no-no place.

SquidBoy 19,912 12
03/06/2006 07:15 AM

Feel the burn!

Hosteen Chickens 286,539 61
03/06/2006 07:56 AM

George Clooney



Cause he's hansome and charming, can deliver a line well and good. And his timeing is excellent for comedy. He had it all going for him, and he's a Coleridge sucking liberal.



It's a bad idea cause he's like a mini-antichrist. When the real anti-christ comes around, he will be busted right off. He will be hansome and charming, can deliver a line well and good. And his timeing is excellent for comedy. He will have it all going for him, but he will also be a world dominating monster. Everyone will go "Remember that George Clooney guy? Right. Won't get fooled again." Armageddon will get nipped in the bud. Bummer.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
03/06/2006 09:16 AM

Afros on white people



Because it's not right for your head to look the most unkempt pubic area in the history of mankind.

Mrs.JM 24,693 8
03/06/2006 09:19 AM

Brazilian cut underwear.





Mesh joke in 1..

2..

3..

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
03/06/2006 09:24 AM

Cell Phones



When taken on it's per se value, the idea of cell phones seem like a wonderful idea. Actually it is a horrible idea that is spawning mutant lifeforms inside cell phone users' brains.



Just remember, cell phones have made pay phones almost completely obsolete. All that pay phones are good for are bad movies with Colin Farrell. I blame cell users for that movie ever being made.

MyOface 495 7
03/06/2006 09:27 AM

Enough Said

MyOface 495 7
03/06/2006 10:27 AM

And for those baseball fans out there...you might recognize the Flowbee spokesperson in the link as "Randy Johnson". Before the mullet I imagine...

Kittuns Under New Tense 44,835 9
03/06/2006 04:24 PM

Just remember, cell phones have made pay phones almost completely obsolete...



Which has made BIG's anonymous after-midnight drunken calls that much more inconvenient for him.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
03/06/2006 04:26 PM

"Let's park our blimp, so filled with flammable gas, over on this flat field. Yeah right beside that really tall tower."



"Lightning, you say?"

Humphrey 51,764 12
03/06/2006 05:56 PM

Oh, come on! None of you are even the slightest bit curious why Humphrey knows what semen tastes like!?!?



Disastrous.masturbating accident.

Kittuns Under New Tense 44,835 9
03/06/2006 07:47 PM

Disastrous.masturbating accident.



I'm reminded of the scene in the Green Mile where the Cajun man was fried on the electric chair.



Warden: "What the hell happened up there?! It smells like burnt hot dogs!"



Tom Hanks: "A execution. A successful one."



Warden: "A successful one?! People are puking up there, it's gonna take years to get that smell out!!"



Tom Hanks: "Well, the man is dead."



-----------



Humps Mom: "What the hell happened up there?! It smells like burnt hot dogs!"



Humps: "An ejaculation. A successful one."



Humps Mom: "A successful one?! The vaccuum is puking up all over the place, it's gonna take years to get that smell out!!"



Humps: *looks at his feet* "Please mum, may I have another?"

Blueberry Pan-cake 2,382 8
03/06/2006 08:39 PM

Prohibition



Honestly, what were they thinking?!?

Mr. Slinky 28,185 10
03/06/2006 08:42 PM

Womens Sufferage



And why doesn't it mean what it sounds like?

larkknot 3,359 10
03/06/2006 10:41 PM

Heh. Humphrey could be dating me. I take twisted pleasure at "accidentally" giving my other half bits of himself to sample... the disgusted look on his face after he realizes what ended up in his mouth is PRICELESS.

DemoMonkey. This suit itches! 166,252 10
03/06/2006 10:55 PM

Gosh. Hard to believe anyone would cheat on a gem like you.

Fartpuppy - Now with Redrum. 5,142 13
03/06/2006 11:02 PM

Wait till he gets a taste for semen and cheats on you with other men.

Chit Eating Grin 178,781 15
03/06/2006 11:08 PM

I take twisted pleasure at "accidentally" giving my other half bits of himself to sample...





Without their consent ?



How is that any different than someone suddenly violating you, knowing full well that it's not welcomed ?

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
03/06/2006 11:12 PM

She yells "Surprise".

Snakes on a Plane Felipe 161,353 14
03/06/2006 11:15 PM

The Holocaust was the worst idea, ever. What arrogance Hitler had, thinking he could wipe out an entire race of people, all the while ignoring the power of the Illuminati-backed Zionist conspiracy. Note to self: Never Frost with God's chosen people.

Chit Eating Grin 178,781 15
03/06/2006 11:18 PM

She yells "Surprise".





Rapists have overlooked this loophole all these years.





PRICELESS !

Pen15 84 7
03/07/2006 10:49 AM

The Written Word



Has been used to spread hate in extremest propaganda. Has caused riots and wars. Fortunately it has been destroyed by internet message boards

Piquantrax - Cran World Champ 8,691 9
03/07/2006 11:05 AM

Wheelchairs

It's called survival of the fittest. Examples of historical failures who had the demon machines:

Stephen Hawking

Christopher Reeves

Satan himself, FDR

Tupac (for the last few days of his life)

Pubah 56,805 18
03/09/2006 01:04 PM

Negro Slaves

Sure they did the dirty work building America's Agricultural Finacial base, but like a weed, they're taking over everywhere they go...yes, even hockey, ballroom dancing and bobsleding.

Damn them negros!



Power Steering

Without it, soccer moms would have to drive subcompact and there'd be a lot more parking spaces at the mall.