Darrin 21,346 0
03/07/2006 10:33 AM

Ashley?

Vanilla Dew 891 10
03/07/2006 10:34 AM

Ironically enough, yes, her name is Ashley.

Phuc 237,919 21
03/07/2006 10:35 AM

Virus on the computer.



Hardcore pics of you on computer (I can tell you if they'll do the job--email in profile).

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
03/07/2006 10:35 AM

In your position, I'd just feel relieved that I wasn't the one he got knocked up.



And keep anything good he left there and pretend you've never seen or heard of it. But that's kind of a given.

Phuc 237,919 21
03/07/2006 10:36 AM

Stinkpalm.

Fratberry 283,018 53
03/07/2006 10:36 AM

1: Set everything outside.

2: Set it all on fire.

3: Let him pick up just one big melted ball of plastic.

Fratberry 283,018 53
03/07/2006 10:37 AM

1: Hide a bunch of gay porn on his machine.

2: Wait a couple of days and tell his fiance where to find his personal , hidden and dark secret on his computer.

Darrin 21,346 0
03/07/2006 10:38 AM

You should seduce him. Let him take his clothes off. Get on your knees in front of him and pretend like you are going to give him head. Then take his clothes and run and laugh like a mad woman.

Vanilla Dew 891 10
03/07/2006 10:43 AM

Or... OR... when I'm kneeling in front of him, I could pull out a knife, and castrate him. And then laugh as he writhed in pain....



I mean, I could do something that's not violent. Because I'm not crazy.

Darrin 21,346 0
03/07/2006 10:44 AM

OR you could lay him down and tie him up like you were going to sex him good.



Then cut his balls off and shove them in his mouth. The fun part is waiting to see if he bleeds to death or suffocates on his balls first!

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
03/07/2006 10:46 AM

Give him his stuff, and move on with your life.



If you do anything to try and get revenge, he will just look at it as "Aren't I great? She's all hung up over losing me."

Chit Eating Grin 178,781 15
03/07/2006 10:46 AM

Call up Larknot and make videos.

The Mailman: ringing twice, as always 176,450 56
03/07/2006 10:46 AM

1.) Put a pillow under your shirt, so you'll look like you're pregnant.

2.) Get your picture taken with the pregnant fiancee, in a way that both of your pregnant bellies can be seen.

3.) Set the picture as the computer's background image

4.) Give the guy his stuff and wait for a phone call

5.) Report on GAB

Gno_Kei_Bahndeet 76,490 10
03/07/2006 10:46 AM

What's his cellphone number?

<action>goes to Greyhound bus station with a permanent sharpie</action>

Gno_Kei_Bahndeet 76,490 10
03/07/2006 10:48 AM

1.) Put a pillow under your shirt, so you'll look like you're pregnant.



2.) Crash their wedding.



3.) As the minister is about to say "man and wife", run down the aisle yelling "YOU SWORE YOU NEVER LEAVE ME!"

The Mailman: ringing twice, as always 176,450 56
03/07/2006 10:50 AM

Give him his stuff, and move on with your life. If you do anything to try and get revenge, he will just look at it as "Aren't I great? She's all hung up over losing me."



Aren't you supposed to get hitched later this year, Prof.Fanta?

Vanilla Dew 891 10
03/07/2006 10:51 AM

Well, I was contemplating sending the girl an "I'm sorry for your loss" card for their wedding, but I think I like your idea better, NKB.

Chickens down FIVE Pants sizes and 20 lbs 286,539 61
03/07/2006 10:52 AM

Basically, he cheated on you and she won the guy by using the holy condom trick. They'll be divorced in three years and the kid will be a statistic.



If you really want to get even with him, set up a video camera. When he comes by, Frost him. Tie him up. Bring in the donkey. Do it all.



Later, hack his wedding invite list and send a copy to them all.

Chickens down FIVE Pants sizes and 20 lbs 286,539 61
03/07/2006 10:54 AM

Or, you know how they decorate the getaway car at weddings? Volunteer.

Chit Eating Grin 178,781 15
03/07/2006 11:01 AM

You can always just do what women have been doing for years.



Frost all his friends, and tell them how he was a lousy lay.

You can call me Plain Jane 173,958 15
03/07/2006 11:05 AM

an ex boyfriend of mine that I had not seen nor spoken to in roughly five months.



It's been 5 months since you broke up, yet you still want revenge because he knocked some bitch up?



My suggestion is that you grow the Frost up and move on. If you start acting like an adult, there's a good chance you could one day find another man.

Phuc 237,919 21
03/07/2006 11:07 AM

My suggestion is that you grow the Frost up and move on. If you start acting like an adult, there's a good chance you could one day find another man.



I think she only brought this up because he was coming by to pick up his stuff.



Why you so bitter, Jane? Cabin Fever?



What's the deer urine for?

Chance gets down with Fraggle Rock! 171,275 14
03/07/2006 11:13 AM

Get a large box and as much animal (or your own if youre up for it) Shakespeare you can find. Layer the bottom in feces. Then throw all of his crap into the box. Shake until marinaded. Set on porch and watch out the window as he picks up his "Shakespeare".

Lila - Gettin' Hitched This Spring 78,555 13
03/07/2006 11:13 AM

Deer urine? What about the deer I'M in?! Yuk yuk yuk...

You can call me Plain Jane 173,958 15
03/07/2006 11:15 AM

I'M NOT BITTER!

Fratberry 283,018 53
03/07/2006 11:16 AM

<action>licks Jane</action>

I don't know. You taste a little bitter to me.

PrincessBritt 4,730 9
03/07/2006 11:18 AM

If it's been 5 whole months I say that he has forfeited the right to pick up his stuff. Especially if he was cheating on you anyway. Call him up and tell him it's yours now. Or hock it and tell him what pawn shop he can find it at to buy it back.

Fratberry 283,018 53
03/07/2006 11:20 AM

Volunteer.



Heh. BARSTARD!!

Phuc 237,919 21
03/07/2006 11:42 AM

Sorry. It was fox urine.



I really should know my pee.

Chit Eating Grin 178,781 15
03/07/2006 11:45 AM

I don't know. You taste a little bitter to me.







That's just the Monistat.

You can call me Plain Jane 173,958 15
03/07/2006 11:59 AM

<action>throws away her "I <3 Chit" pillow</action>Bastard.

Kittuns Under New Tense 44,835 9
03/07/2006 12:04 PM

<action>wonders how Chit knows how Monistat tastes likes</action>

When my ex cheated on me I packed all his Shakespeare up for him and brought it to his parents house. This was just a ploy on my part to try and get him back.



In hindsight, I should should have brought it over to his parents house and promptly doused the pile with lighter fluid.



I'd wear the arson mark on my record like a badge.



Even though I took the Emerson to court over money he stole/promised to pay me back and I won a the judgement, he hasn't paid one red cent of it back. Burnage of his personal belongings would have been sufficent payment for me now.

Mrs.JM 24,693 8
03/07/2006 12:30 PM

Ashley?

Darrin, if I didn't love you so damn much that would really piss me off.

Darrin 21,346 0
03/07/2006 12:31 PM

Well, it seems to me that all Ashleys are whores. I just wanted to make that known.



I got your back, Jilly!

Mrs.JM 24,693 8
03/07/2006 12:33 PM

That is correct. All Ashleys are hoochie mamas from hell and they must be destroyed. And they're fat.

You can call me Plain Jane 173,958 15
03/07/2006 12:36 PM

You know what, Jilly? I've been trying really hard lately to be nice to you.



But I'm afraid that my daughter and I have nothing to say to you but a big "Frost YOU!"

Yeah, my daughter. You know, the one named ASHLEY!

I would tell you to stop and think before you post, but I'm not sure your two brain cells could handle the friction.

You can call me Plain Jane 173,958 15
03/07/2006 12:38 PM

I am so Frost-ing pissed right now. Why don't you go ahead and knock her down, maybe make fun of her one arm while you're at it?

Chit Eating Grin 178,781 15
03/07/2006 12:38 PM

throws away her "I <3 Chit" pillow





What...I thought a temporary yeast infection sounded far better than a lifetime of bitterness.

You can call me Plain Jane 173,958 15
03/07/2006 12:39 PM

It's okay, Chit. I could forgive you for anything. Now excuse me, I'm playing nice with Jilly.

Mrs.JM 24,693 8
03/07/2006 12:39 PM

Oh Jane - lay off me for 5 seconds couldja?

Fratberry 283,018 53
03/07/2006 12:40 PM

Oh Jane - lay off me for 5 seconds couldja?



Oh, I got this.

Fratberry 283,018 53
03/07/2006 12:47 PM

<action>steps in front of Jilly, pushes Janes daughter to the ground, points at the nub, barks at the hole</action>

You can call me Plain Jane 173,958 15
03/07/2006 12:48 PM

Hey, I've been laying off for a while now, being nice to you. But you make a generalization that includes my daughter. And that just pisses me off. I named my daughter after my best friend who died after a long, painful battle with cancer.

Darrin 21,346 0
03/07/2006 12:49 PM

Is your daughter fat?



FAT DAUGHTER?

Fratberry 283,018 53
03/07/2006 12:49 PM

Was your best friend a hoochie mama?

Fratberry 283,018 53
03/07/2006 12:49 PM

Jebus I think the prozac is finally wearing off.

You can call me Plain Jane 173,958 15
03/07/2006 12:54 PM

My daughter is no fatter than yours, Darrin.

Darrin 21,346 0
03/07/2006 12:55 PM

I don't have a daughter. I don't know what you are talking about.

Fratberry 283,018 53
03/07/2006 12:55 PM

In Soviet Russia, turkey stuffs you!

You can call me Plain Jane 173,958 15
03/07/2006 12:56 PM

If you don't have a daughter, who are we supposed to rape?

Darrin 21,346 0
03/07/2006 12:57 PM

I don't have a whole daughter - when she was born she was just an arm.



I guess you can rape my arm.

FDIC, ALOG Cofounder 10,327 12
03/07/2006 01:00 PM

If it's been 5 whole months I say that he has forfeited the right to pick up his stuff. Especially if he was cheating on you anyway. Call him up and tell him it's yours now. Or hock it and tell him what pawn shop he can find it at to buy it back.



If you haven't already hocked it, pretend you have. Then let him wonder what happened when he goes to the pawn shop and can't find it.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
03/07/2006 01:01 PM

Jane, if I, a longish-time member in reasonably good standing who also has green boobs, did not know your daughter's name and how that makes her off-limits for jokes, how on earth could Jilly, who is a new-ish member in shaky standing who does NOT have green boobs know?



(That sentence is my crowning achievement of the internets.)

You can call me Plain Jane 173,958 15
03/07/2006 01:03 PM

Hell, Roofie. I didn't even know my daughter's name was Ashley until this thread.

Darrin 21,346 0
03/07/2006 01:03 PM

Jilly's topless shot was wearing a green bra - so, technically we have only seen her green boobs.

PrincessBritt 4,730 9
03/07/2006 01:06 PM

You know what else you could do? Line up all his stuff across the top of your bed. Then ask a guy over and have him Frost you on top of it. Don't use any protection so that you can try and get pregnant. Then when he comes to get his stuff you can laugh about your secret revenge on him for impregnating another woman.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
03/07/2006 01:07 PM

Way to ruin my crowning achievement of the internets by highlighting the error of my ways.

You can call me Plain Jane 173,958 15
03/07/2006 01:09 PM

Would it make you feel better to show me your breasticles, Roofie? Now, I would, of course, hate every minute of it. But I'm willing to suffer through it if it would make you feel better.

You can call me Plain Jane 173,958 15
03/07/2006 01:13 PM

I thought her bra was yellowish, not green.

DemoMonkey. This suit itches! 166,252 10
03/07/2006 01:29 PM

"How would you get your revenge?"



When he comes over, pull out all the stops, and do absolutely EVERYTING you can to win him back. Then marry him. And STAY married to him.



Force him to live with you until the day one of you dies.



The horror. The horror...

HR Panda: Breaking wills, stealing souls 181,795 70
03/07/2006 02:04 PM

Kill him. Bury his belonging, with his body, in his own front yard.



Call his woman, tell her you two slept together.



Find an alibi.

Chit Eating Grin 178,781 15
03/07/2006 03:02 PM

I don't know if you can buy those wedding announcements in the local newspaper or not. If you can though, you could always pretend to be the bride, and cleverly work into the wording that you are expecting a child in about four months.



And as far as a photo goes, try to find something fitting.