ZUG Live
Comedy ConversationIf you could learn 3 phrases in Arabic...
Captain Dan, Wüstenfuchs
03/23/2006 04:15 PMEnrollment in Arabic language classes is skyrocketing in universities (presumably so that students will be able to plead with kidnappers in their own language).
And while that joke is stolen, the following idea is totally original: If you were taking a class in Arabic, which would be the first three phrases you'd learn?
As is the custom, I'll start with an example:
"Death to America."
"What? Ha ha! No way! Seriously, I'm not American. I'm Canadian, I swear to God."
" Shakespeare! I meant Allah!"
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Oliver H. Chest
03/23/2006 04:18 PM"Where is the bathroom?"
"One beer, please."
"How much if I don't use a condom?"
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Declan McManus-They say that bears have affairs
03/23/2006 04:19 PM"I did not vote for George W. Bush, and do not support his government."
"I am sincerely sorry about Iraq."
"Mmmmm. Nice Kalashnikov!"
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Phuc of the Ascension
03/23/2006 04:21 PM"Big mac falafel, please."
"Is that a goat milk stain on your burka ma'am, or are you just glad to see me?"
"If you kids don't stop that goddamn ululating, I swear to Mohammed I'm gonna drop a Frost-ing scud!"
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The Lloyd has risen!
03/23/2006 04:21 PMCaesar salad with extra bacon bits, please.
I'll have a bacon double cheeseburger please.
Do you have any pork rinds?
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DemoMonkey. This suit itches!
03/23/2006 04:21 PM"If I told you you had a beautiful burka, would you hold it against me?"
"That? It is just my watch. No really."
"SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!"
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Prof.Fantabulous
03/23/2006 04:28 PM"I did not say anything, i am just trying to clear my throat."
"Those Crusades.... Crazy time eh?"
"Seriously, i think i have a piece of popcorn lodged in my throat."
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HRH BobJohnson
03/23/2006 04:36 PM"Did you know Carrot Top is a Jew?"
"Did you know Richard Simmons is a Jew?"
"There. I just solved most of the world's problems."
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Blueberry Pan-cake
03/23/2006 04:37 PM"I swear, all I was trying to do was get to Whitecastle"
"I'll Abu Ghraib YOUR prison!"
"How much longer do I have to wear this hood?"
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Oliver H. Chest
03/23/2006 04:40 PM"How much wood would a wood chuck chuck of a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
"Wouldn't you like to be a pepper too?"
"I sodmoized your entire herd of sheep."
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The Lloyd has risen!
03/23/2006 04:51 PMOllie, that last one is useful in any language.
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MaddMatt - Steely Eyed Warrior/Poet
03/23/2006 04:52 PM"Is that an AK-47, or are you just happy to see me?"
"Allah Akhbar? Funny, that's what your sister said last night when I was on top of her."
"Hey! If you're going to blindfold me and spin me around, at least give me a bat so I can hit the pinata!"
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The Lloyd has risen!
03/23/2006 04:56 PMCartoons! Get yer cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed here!
How about that Copenhagen Post?
Anybody read the latest Salman Rushdie book? He's so awesome!
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The Mailman: ringing twice, as always
03/23/2006 04:56 PM"You know planes right? What IS the goddamn deal with airline peanuts?"
"Hey, Show Us Your Ankles!"
"Ok now, have a nice a trip. I hope you have a blast!"
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Oliver H. Chest
03/23/2006 04:58 PM"Ok, I'll do it. But can my virgins be 7 year olds?"
"Will dry cleaning get the brain out?"
"If you're going to cut my head off, can you at least let me have a free hand so I can jerk off while you're doing it?"
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The Lloyd has risen!
03/23/2006 04:59 PMAnybody for a Danish pastry?
Anybody for some Danish blue cheese?
AnyBLAM!
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The Mailman: ringing twice, as always
03/23/2006 05:01 PMAnyBLAM!
That's a tough one. Arabic has 26 different words for "BLAM".
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DemoMonkey. This suit itches!
03/23/2006 05:03 PMThat's a tough one. Arabic has 26 different words for "BLAM".
...and none for "fluffy".
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Jeprechaun
03/23/2006 05:07 PM"Yo mama knows swine. In the biblical sense."
"I bet Mohammed would look FABULOUS in a leather hot pants. I know this even though drawing him is punishable by death."
"I think Benazir Bhutto is SMOKIN hot with that lazy eye thing she's got going on! You think she'd do me and a couple of my friends?"
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The Passion of the Erika
03/23/2006 05:09 PM"Does anyone know how to get sand out of one's vagina? Hypothetically speaking of course."
"One beer and a shot please."
"Where can I find Aladin?"
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Piemaster - I killed the Easter Bunny.
03/23/2006 05:12 PM"JK2K hates arabs."
"He says your wife is hot."
"That's Zee You Gee dot com."
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Jeprechaun
03/23/2006 05:18 PM"He has an itsy-bitsy-teenie-weenie camel Shakespeare encrusted weenie,
That has not been washed in 42 days!
His ass is bludgeoned, bested, twice molested, broken, bleedin, napalm tested,
From his time spent in 2 Abu Ghraibs!"
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Polyphonic Jane-days like this keep me warm
03/23/2006 05:18 PMWhy should I want to learn ANY phrases in arabic? I already know how to speak the only important language in the world.
USA!
USA!
USA!
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Mr. Slinky
03/23/2006 05:28 PM"Would you like fries with that"
"If you're going to cut off my hands, start with the already Frosted up one."
"You mean I can blow up anything you want, when I LIVE IN A VAN....DOWN BY THE RIVER."
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Chit
03/23/2006 05:38 PMI don't want to marry her, it's just $20.
You guys do really do lamb every way possible, don't you.
Which way to the facey bar ?
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Polyphonic Jane-days like this keep me warm
03/23/2006 05:41 PMCome on, Chit. Who doesn't want to do Lamb in every way possible?
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Chit
03/23/2006 05:43 PMMmmmmm, falling off the bone !
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Polyphonic Jane-days like this keep me warm
03/23/2006 05:47 PMScrew that. I'd rather have Lambie ON my bone.
If I had a bone, that is.
I could get a bone if I wanted to.
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HC: The Other White Meat
03/23/2006 05:49 PMDing fries are done!
I'm on my period, touch me.
I love 7-11.
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rock hound
03/23/2006 06:00 PM" why do you all work in the billing department for credit cards"
"do you own a gas station"
" can i have a camel ride"
" is that all hair under that turban"
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Oliver H. Chest
03/23/2006 06:02 PMMan, you're totally in the wrong country.
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Darrin dyed with Paas
03/23/2006 06:02 PMYou're only allowed 3, rock.
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Chit
03/23/2006 06:02 PMDon't kill me, I can talk to the Mexicans.
The toilet paper makes us fat. We eat with both hands.
What's up with all the broads in the bee keeper suits ?
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rock hound
03/23/2006 06:03 PMsorry i was on a roll
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Oliver H. Chest
03/23/2006 06:06 PMIn India?
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Frogpop
03/24/2006 01:06 AMOne of the first nouns they taught us out of the the list of like 30 was "airplane". That made me a little nervous.
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Frogpop
03/24/2006 01:06 AMOh! We learned "car" too.
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Piquantrax - Part 2
03/24/2006 07:46 AM"Man, did you see that cartoon of Muhammad, man that guy is a dumbass."
"Burka? I barely even know her."
"Seventy-two virgins? Where do I sign up?"
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Peter Cockintail
03/24/2006 07:53 AM"Can someone please give this camel a breath mint?"
"Are those hills or mass graves?"
"SUPPLIES!!"
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Speshul Kake
03/24/2006 10:48 AM"Hey, camel Froster!"
"Where is the bathroom"
"How much to Frost your camel?"
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The Lloyd has risen!
03/24/2006 10:51 AMAny post with "SUPPLIES!" in it gets my clickage. Unless you post it below this, in a whore-ish attempt to get my clickage.
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It's That Guy
03/24/2006 10:55 AM"I'm looking for the Children's Illustrated English version of the Koran?"
"It's ok, I'm in good with President Bush."
"Yes, they released me from the ward yesterday. Something about a death wish."
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The Lloyd has risen!
03/24/2006 11:04 AM
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Trixxie, Silly Fagot, Dicks are for Chicks.
03/24/2006 11:06 AMI only need one for any language.
"I need many large teenage penises."
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Speshul Kake
03/24/2006 11:09 AMMy Trixxie gross-o-meter just exploded.
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Mr. Slinky
03/25/2006 09:36 PM"SUPPLIES"
You didn't say anything about it being bold....so clickies should still be given...plus I'm drunk and I typed supplies correctly without pressing the delete button....which is more than I can say for the rest of this post.
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bloodyfish
03/25/2006 09:54 PM"Im Jewish"
"Lets all go to Mexico!"
"HEY LOOK! A RANDOM DISTRACTION!"
About that last one, it literaly works! Try it on people. Trash can works too.
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Señor Poopypants
03/26/2006 04:47 AMI'm not arab, my hair is wet.
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ieatpeople
03/26/2006 04:17 PM"You guys TOTALLY smell like Shakespeare."
"So I hear this 'Allah' character sucks dick for cheeseburgers."
"Check out the hood on that bitch. Soooooo black."
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Pubah, Stinky By The Third Day
03/28/2006 01:07 PM"Frost Bush"
"I Don't Eat Pork...much"
"20 dollars worth of unleaded on seven"
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Chickens down FIVE Pants sizes and 20 lbs
03/28/2006 01:14 PM"Beekeeper suits" and "SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!" both deserve 5 clickers as well as blow jobs from 27 arabic virgins.
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Chickens down FIVE Pants sizes and 20 lbs
03/28/2006 01:17 PM"Say, fella, can you point me to the nearest Synagogue?"
"No? How about a nice Kosher deli?"
"Oi Vey!"
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Stacy420
03/30/2006 11:47 AM"You're the bomb."
"Why wear pants? Creepy pants all the time get some."
"Hey, could you blow up my girlfriend?"
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No_Key_Bandit
03/30/2006 12:21 PM"I have a dream, that White peaple, and Black peaple, and even Arabic people can gamble together without gitting different chips."
"Which way to Carson City?"
"Where is my au-to-mo-bile?"
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Larry Moeshemp
03/30/2006 07:05 PM" What do you mean the Slurpee machine is broken?"
" Hey I gave you a twenty, you gave me change for a 10!"
" Did you just fart?"
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Thatguyfromfrance
03/31/2006 05:18 AM"I believe the Dean at Harvard positively commented on my Reaganomics essay"
"I ll have another Latte please, Starbucks is really pleasant at this time of the day"
"DIE INFIDELS DIE"
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Mr. Slinky
05/30/2006 10:16 AMBUMP!
Just because I did like this thread.
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SAVIORA Throws Knives
05/30/2006 10:47 AMindiscriminately
"Duck!"
"...A little more to the left..."
"Yeah, there is a knife in my pocket; now Frost off."
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Pumpkin Noggin
05/30/2006 10:53 AM"My God is better than your God"
"Stop me if you've heard this one before...A jew and Arab and a Christian walk into a bar...
"
"Muslim? isn't that that scratchy fabric you make clothes from?"
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Jihad Joe: The Real Arabian Hero
05/30/2006 11:11 AM"I don't know how to speak arabic."
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