Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
04/11/2006 06:41 PM

Worst:



Here's Mine:

Big Chief ShakespearetinBull sends his trusty scout Quantum to look over the valley just beyond that ridge.



Quantum comes back months later to give his report: Big Chief ShakespearetinBull...Keeper of the eternal peyote...Master of the Setting...



Shakespeare-ingBull: Cut the crap Quantum. What's the report.



Quantum: Good News or bad news, Chief?



Chief Shakespeare-ingBull: Bad news



Quantum: Lush green valley, overrun my white men called Italiand.



Chief ShakespearetinBull: And the Bad news?



Quantum: They taste just like Buffalo.



*Rim Shot*



Your turn

Pram Maven 80,728 42
04/11/2006 07:03 PM

Best:



Has Received

4,707

9,147

1,099

235

307

Has Given

190

3,866

228

17

17







































Hand jobs.

Pram Maven 80,728 42
04/11/2006 07:04 PM

your turn.

Mr. Sir. 66,727 9
04/11/2006 07:16 PM

Pram, you are a useless douchenozzle.



Why do you not click anybody? If this place is not funny to you, why don't you leave.

Pram Maven 80,728 42
04/11/2006 07:19 PM

I don't click on anyone because I CAN'T. IE doesn't work right. But if I could click people I would click just about everyone, because this is where I go to get my humor fix for the day.

Darrin dyed with Paas 21,346 0
04/11/2006 07:19 PM

He can't click, Sir. Something to do with his Mac. He would if he could.

Cadbury Cream Crunch 61,976 36
04/11/2006 07:21 PM

IE doesn't work right



There's your problem.

HC: Queen of Trek 16,937 8
04/11/2006 07:24 PM

Pram is clickimpotent.

Pram Maven 80,728 42
04/11/2006 07:28 PM

<action>singing like Nat King Cole: </action>



unclickpostable, that's what you are...

Cadbury Cream Crunch 61,976 36
04/11/2006 07:31 PM

<action>Sings like Mindless Self Indulgence</action>"Socially Unacceptable, Unexceptional, Unsociable..."

HC: Queen of Trek 16,937 8
04/11/2006 07:33 PM

I don't click on anyone becauth I CAN'T. IE doethn't work right. But if I could click people I would click jutht about everyone, becauthe thith ith where I go to get my humor ficth for the day.



There you go Pram.

The Passion of the Erika 76,152 9
04/11/2006 07:35 PM

Worst:

What the hardest part about rollerblading?





Telling your dad you're gay.

EllaPhant 800 8
04/11/2006 07:47 PM

IE doesn't work right



That's nature's way of telling you to get firefox.

Pram Maven 80,728 42
04/11/2006 08:41 PM

I'm sorry, I meant to say "rim jobs"

Pram Maven 80,728 42
04/11/2006 08:48 PM

I don't click on anyone becauth I CAN'T. IE doethn't work right. But if I could click people I would click jutht about everyone, becauthe thith ith where I go to get my humor ficth for the day.



There you go Pram.



Ungh? I'm not getting your point of reference.

Chit 178,781 15
04/12/2006 08:18 AM

I heard this one again last night and laughed just as hard as I did the first time.











What's the perfect gift to give at a Mexican wedding ?





Shoes for a two year old.

Sharribarri 14,124 11
04/12/2006 11:00 AM

Q: Why are synagogues round?



A: So no one can hide in the corners when they pass the offering plate.

Sharribarri 14,124 11
04/12/2006 11:02 AM

Q: Why are Jewish linebackers so good at their job?



A: Because they can't wait to get the quarterback.

The Passion of the Erika 76,152 9
04/12/2006 11:04 AM

A man is getting arrested by a hot lady cop. She says, "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you-"



The man quickly interrupts her and says, "Tits."

Bonky 75,733 15
04/12/2006 11:22 AM

What's this?



A mole.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



No it isn't.



Yes it is.



Want a balloon?



Yes.

jaggeh 860 8
04/12/2006 11:37 AM

I came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy, so I thought I'd pass it on. The article suggested doing it three days a week.



Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax. Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks. Then 50-lb. potato sacks, and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.



Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack.

Piquantrax - Yeaster Bunny 8,691 9
04/12/2006 11:51 AM

Is this some Irish joke? Cause I don't get it.

Chickens of the Sea 286,539 61
04/12/2006 11:56 AM

<stolen from Sam Kiniston but Easter related>

"You know why we know Jesus wasn't married? Imagine coming home after three days, looking like hell, and your wife not killing you on sight."

</stolen from Sam Kiniston but Easter related>

Sage of Seattle (Insert apropos witicisim here) 36,465 8
04/12/2006 01:51 PM

<stolen from a seven year old, but Easter related>

A rabbi was walking along in a park one day when he spotted a Kaluffer picking on some Trids. The Kaluffer was kicking them around, laughing and having a good time, which infuriated the rabbi. He marched up to the Kaluffer and declared, "Hey, you, stop kicking them around! If you want something to kick around, kick me around! Ya big bully, ya!"

The Kaluffer turned to him and said, "Silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"

</stolen from a seven year old, but Easter related>

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
04/12/2006 01:54 PM

<action>looks at time of Bonky's post. Looks at watch. Looks at lack of orbs next to Bonky's post. Looks at time of Bonky's post again, to be sure. Looks at watch. Feels a tear roll down his cheek</action>I no longer know you people.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
04/12/2006 01:58 PM

Oh, don't try and humor me.

Chickens of the Sea 286,539 61
04/12/2006 02:40 PM

What's a Kaluffer? for that matter, what's a trid?

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
04/12/2006 02:48 PM

I assume Kalaffur and trid are just nonsense words, like rabbi.

trojandoll is hidden in the yard and getting melty 3,467 8
04/12/2006 05:30 PM

And what do nonsense words and a Rabbi have to do with Easter?

Sage of Seattle 36,465 8
04/12/2006 10:21 PM

Good God people! Am I really that old?

<sigh>

It's a stupid joke on the TV commercial for Trix cereal. Y'all with me so far? The brats in the commercial tell the rabbit "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids."



My only defense in this case is that I got the joke from a seven year old. Of course, I got his lunch money too, so I guess it ain't all bad...



(PS: there's a rabbit in the commercial. Easter bunny. Connection? Okay, I suppose I should lay off of the Nyquil I've been mainlining this week.)

Hold me closer Tony Danza 173,958 15
04/12/2006 10:25 PM

How many pollacks does it take to paint an apartment red?



Only one, assuming he's depressed enough.

deedee 69 7
04/15/2006 03:05 AM

1 in 4 people have a mental illness. Examine 3 friends, If there ok it must be you!

deedee 69 7
04/15/2006 03:10 AM

here's another joke, its not real good...



there were 2 workers planting seeds in a field. Worker 1 said to his friend "look at the boss, why does he get to sit under a tree drinking cocktails while were working out here in the sun?"



The friend says "i dont know, Im going to ask him"



The guy goes over to his boss and says "why do you get to sit under a tree drinking cocktails while were working out in the field"?



The boss replys "cause i got inteligence". The worker says "whats that"?



The boss puts his hand onto the tree and says "punch my hand as hard as you can". The worker obeys, but before he hits the bosses hand the boss moves it and he hits the tree.



The worker goes back into the field and says to his mate "the boss gets to relax under the tree cause he's got inteligence and we dont. His co-worker says "whats intelegence"?



The worker procedes to put his hand infront of his face and says "punch my hand as hard as you can!"

Bonky 75,733 15
04/15/2006 12:11 PM

Deedee, please check the appropriate box before I gouge my eyeballs right out of my head:



[ ] You were having seizures while you typed that post.



[ ] You're flirting with the grammar fairy because you think he'll bring you teeth.



[ ] English is not your first language.



[ ] Your retarded an you're joke wuz funny and eye am badd at reading and riting and you our intelegenter than me.

Love Nub 1,064 13
04/15/2006 01:12 PM

El Oh El, Bonky.



The biggest joke of the week? Wild speculation.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
04/15/2006 03:33 PM

I don't usually pick on people for bad grammar, punctuation and spelling and/or blatant stupidity, but dee dee? Holy Shakespeare. That's some retarded pencil you're using.



It's so bad that my 83 year old father, who thinks a battery-powered watch is high-tech Shakespeare for sissies, just called me up and asked if I had felt that tremor in the Force.

scottpaul 4 7
04/15/2006 03:54 PM

I agree with Nub. These posts just can't be true.

newwave 45,912 10
04/16/2006 03:38 AM

Oh no! Scott Weiland married RuPaul!

Emdub 96 7
04/16/2006 06:05 AM

I forget which one was best and which one was worst. They are equally tasteless. Hell is opening it's doors for me for repeating the second.





What's better then winning second place at the Special Olympics?







Not being retarded.







What's the most difficult part of getting bald Poe.





Taking off the diaper.

UnderEgg 101,398 77
04/16/2006 03:44 PM

What's black and white and black and white and black and white?







A penguin rolling down the stairs.

Chit 178,781 15
04/16/2006 04:01 PM

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a Martini.



The bartender looks at him and asks, "Olive or twist ?"

Bob the Dancing Flea 16 8
04/16/2006 06:46 PM

Three men are standing on top of a building, drinking when one says, "You know, the updraft here is so strong, I could jump off this building and it would blow me right back up."



To prove his theory, he jumps off and, sure enough, comes right back up.



"That was amazing! Let me try!" Exclaims the second man. He jumps off and falls to his death.



The third man says, "Superman, you're a bastard when you're drunk."

Live Chickens in your pants 286,539 61
04/17/2006 09:10 AM

Cliff Clavin,

of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.

Here's how it went:



"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo

can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when

the herd is hunted, it is the slo! west and weakest ones

at the back that are killed first This natural selection is

good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the

regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the

slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we

know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it att! acks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular c onsumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Bonky 75,733 15
04/17/2006 10:12 AM

As pastey as your flesh is, you are bad at copying and pasteyiing.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
04/17/2006 10:14 AM

It's because he drinks whiskey soaked in peat moss.

Bonky 75,733 15
04/17/2006 10:15 AM

Mmmm . . . peaty!

Live Chickens in your pants 286,539 61
04/17/2006 10:19 AM

Wait, we have to re-type it? Where is that in the rules?



Bite me, I gave credit where credit was due.

Pubah 56,805 18
04/17/2006 10:49 AM

<action>In honor of SoonerFan, The OKIE</action>



Superman, a dumb Sooner and a smart Sooner stand outside of a circle.



Someone throws a million dollar bill inside the circle and says, "Go get it".



Who will end up with the bill?



Why, of course, the dumb Sooner. The Reason?;

The other two are fictional characters.

Gorky Thatcher- King of Nazarylethand 41,132 13
04/17/2006 10:55 AM

Can you spell something with 100 letters in it?















P-o-s-t o-f-f-i-c-e!

Pubah 56,805 18
04/17/2006 11:07 AM

<action>Sheepishly laughs</action>



Now I get it...



...I thought I was being insulted for my lack of spelling talent...again.

Bonky 75,733 15
04/17/2006 11:35 AM

<action> bites Chickens.</action>



Mmmm . . . pleaty.





GET IT?! BECAUSE YOU WEAR A SKIRT!! GET IT?! FUNNYARE!

Duke of Ellington 353 8
04/17/2006 11:58 PM

Stupidest:

What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower? unemployed.

Best:

What do you call a Mexican with a lawnmower? a theif.

Chit 178,781 15
04/18/2006 12:25 AM

A nun comes into the office of the Mother Superior and tells her, "It seems like we have discovered a case of Syphilis in the convent."



The Mother Superior replied, "Ohh good, I was getting tired of the Chablis."

Chit 178,781 15
04/18/2006 12:52 AM

Here is a better one.





A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.

His buddy asks him, " How will I recognize him?"

"That's easy. He's a midget with a speech impediment."

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.

"A female horth."

So he shows him a prized filly.

"Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?"

So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the

once over.

"Nith eyeth. Can I thee her earzth?"

So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's

ears.

"Nith earzth. Can I see her mouf?"

The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he

picks him up

again and shows him the horse's mouth.

"Nice mouf. Can I see her twot?"

Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his

arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's rear end,

pulls him out and slams him on the ground. The midget gets up, sputtering and

coughing.

"Pewhapth I should rephrase that. Can I thee her wun awound a wittle.