Hold me closer Tony Danza 173,958 15
04/12/2006 09:59 PM

The police are still investigating. They suspect foul play. Because of this, I can't really share any details. All I can say is that if there's anything worse than seeing a 3 week old corpse covered in maggots, it's seeing a 3 week old, maggot covered corpse that is wearing something that looks like this.

Kittuns 44,835 9
04/12/2006 10:00 PM

<action>doesn't read thread, instead, sings</action>

Whiskey bottles and brand new cars...

Witness Protectionat'd 131,068 34
04/12/2006 10:04 PM

Chopsdicks!



Jane, that's gross.



On an unrelated subect, one of my neighbors has 20 newspapers piled outside of his house. You mind checking on him for me?

Peter Cockintail 156,790 17
04/12/2006 10:06 PM

I'm tempted to call fat daughter on you but because I was at your wedding and I love you I would just like to say that you have bigger balls then most.



That is eww. Very eww. And I have a strong stomach. Tell them you're on paper duty for the rest of the month...claim mental distress and get disability.



Trust me, it'll work.

SquidBoy Killed the Easter Bunny 19,912 12
04/12/2006 10:08 PM

What, you didn't take any pictures for us?



Shame on you.

Peter Cockintail 156,790 17
04/12/2006 10:10 PM

Ohhhh can someone please photoshop some maggots on the picture??

Chit 178,781 15
04/12/2006 10:10 PM

Jane, they didn't happen to put the ad in the paper for your new job....ohh say....three weeks ago by chance ?





You have my sympathy.



Take a few years off why don't ya.



Eww.

Millie 116,988 28
04/12/2006 10:12 PM

I didn't click that link. I really didn't want to see what ever it was.



Jane, I am sorry about your disgusting day. But look at it this way--it will probably be the worst thing you ever see. I hope.

Hold me closer Tony Danza 173,958 15
04/12/2006 10:13 PM

Trae, no fat daughter on this one. It's a true story. Well, most of it is. I DID stumble across a body. It HAD been there 3 weeks-in a heated apartment, mind you. And we've had really warm weather (he died when it was still cold). He WAS covered in maggots.

Hold me closer Tony Danza 173,958 15
04/12/2006 10:13 PM

Sadly, there was no bondage outfit. But think about how much cooler it would have been if he had been dressed like that.

Peter Cockintail 156,790 17
04/12/2006 10:17 PM

Meh a smelly dead body with maggots far outweighs the outfit.



You still got balls. Did you hurl or did you say "Cooooooooool!!!" ?

Hold me closer Tony Danza 173,958 15
04/12/2006 10:20 PM

They told me a story to try to make me feel better. They told me about a man who had killed himself about a year ago. He slit his wrist (up the road, not across the street, kids). After he slit them, he walked around the apartment covering it with blood before ending up in the bathroom writing messages with his blood.

They happened to mention he was polish, and that they used to make pollack jokes about him before he died.

Without thinking, I blurted out "How many pollacks does it take to paint an apartment red?"

They look at me like I'm crazy and one of them said "Uh, I don't know."



"Only one, assuming he's depressed enough."



They looked at me like I was crazy and I thought "Well, if I had posted it on GAB, somebody would have laughed".

Chit 178,781 15
04/12/2006 10:21 PM

The worms go in

The worms go out

In your stomach

And out your mouth.

Hold me closer Tony Danza 173,958 15
04/12/2006 10:21 PM

Trae, I just calmly talked about what we needed to do next. After almost a year of nursing school and wanting to be an ME for most of my life, dead boddies don't bother me.

But when I told Donk about it in the car his eyes glittered like a little boy and said "Really? SWEET!"

Hold me closer Tony Danza 173,958 15
04/12/2006 10:23 PM

The worms go in

The worms go out

In your stomach

And out your mouth.



And the big green worm

With rolling eyes

Crawls in your stomach

And out your eyes.



Your stomach turns a slimy green

And pus pours out like sour cream.

You spread it on a piece of bread,

And that's what you eat when you are dead.





Sadly, I still have that memorized from my childhood.

Chit 178,781 15
04/12/2006 10:25 PM

Heh...





Jackson Pollack

Hold me closer Tony Danza 173,958 15
04/12/2006 10:30 PM

I just realized that the guy kind of reminded me of someone. I started to panic, and then I went to check. I felt a great sense of relief when I realized I was wrong.



I can rest easy tonight knowing he's still alive.

Mofo the Merciful 10,950 10
04/12/2006 10:47 PM

WHAT!?! He said ROUGH. It's not like there wasn't a safety word!



I woulda called an ambulence, but the 45 mintues were up, and NOBODY gets time they didn't pay for.

HighSoci 30,109 18
04/12/2006 10:55 PM

Bah.... that isn't that bad. Try finding them before they burst and are all swollen.



Comedy gold watching the detectives try to carefully roll the body over to gather evidence and have the body burst fluids all over them.



Of course picking up brain matter and skull fragments from idiots that blow their brains out is quite the treat as well.





Oh yeah.... Hello everyone!

Mofo the Merciful 10,950 10
04/12/2006 11:12 PM

Looking back on it, it probably is hard to say "Existentialism" with an 11-inch rubber dong ducttaped in your mouth...

Chit 178,781 15
04/12/2006 11:56 PM

By the way Jane, we should have this place all aired out and ready for you and Donk to move into in just a few days.

beater of teh egg laying bunny 10,702 8
04/13/2006 07:57 AM

wanting to be an ME for most of my life



Wait a second, if you aren't already a YOU, then who are you?

Chit 178,781 15
04/13/2006 08:24 AM

So there has to be a fly present somewhere to get maggots, right ?





Do they just sniff out the carrion and show up through the ventilation or something ?





There is little I find more repulsive that maggots.

Peter Cockintail 156,790 17
04/13/2006 08:28 AM

There is little I find more repulsive that maggots.



Oh, I'm betting this group could find something.

Chit 178,781 15
04/13/2006 08:34 AM

Oh, I'm betting this group could find something.











Complete with photos even.

Mrs.JM and her basket of goodies 24,693 8
04/13/2006 08:46 AM

Best.Work.Story.EVAR.

Hold me closer Tony Danza 173,958 15
04/13/2006 07:27 PM

I wanted to go to work this morning with a gong. Yes I mean Gong. Not dong. Not bong.

Anywho, I had a strong desire to walk through the building banging it while calling out "BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!"

Donk wouldn't let me. Said this was South Dakota, that not many people would understand where that was from and I would most likely lose my job.



However, I did try to explain my wedding to a coworker. I lost her around "Our friend Phuc married us. And there was a gay pirate there". I do plan on being fired soon.

Chit 178,781 15
04/13/2006 07:57 PM

However, I did try to explain my wedding to a coworker. I lost her around "Our friend Phuc married us. And there was a gay pirate there".





Don't look at me like that you bunch of silly South Dakotan Pig Dogs. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries.



(You stupid Dakotan ker-niggits!)

lupience- hider of small chocolate eggs since 1983 26,981 11
04/13/2006 11:13 PM

I'm just upset that you didn't dress him in at least a agimp mask before you called the coroner.











I'm also upset that this thread isn't about sex.

Snork: Defender Of Easter World. 45,655 12
04/14/2006 07:11 AM

Maggots are actually very useful if you have a flesh wound: they eat the dead, infected tissue but leave healthy tissue alone.



Snork Survival tip: if you're ever wounded far from civilization - remember: the flies and maggots crawling all over your decaying body are a good thing.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
04/14/2006 09:02 AM

Awesome: Reading GAB.



Awesomer: Stopping reading GAB right before that last post.

Whistler P. McManus 186,122 44
04/14/2006 09:09 AM

By the way, kids, Jane's link up there:



>O<



Not safe for work. Or for straight guys who have just finished breakfast, but not their second cup of coffee.



Thanks, Jane.

Neep- I'm pretty sure Janeway likes chocolate. 35,066 15
04/14/2006 09:12 AM

Did you guys ever watch that episode of CSI where there was a guy and he died and was left in his bath with running hot water and he bloated up and rotted? And when a couple of the CSI chicks arrived they were offered an umbrella and they declined? And they were standing in the water that was coming through the ceiling from upstairs while someone explained what was going on... then one of the chicks went "it's raining man juice?" Yeah... that was amusing.



Janey, that must have been awful. Want a hug?

Hold me closer Tony Danza 173,958 15
04/14/2006 10:50 AM

Whistler, if you had scrolled over my link, you would have seen "Coleridgeballtorture" in there. If you clicked a link in a thread about a ripe, dead body without scrolling over, I do not feel sorry for you.

But because you're whistler and I do love you I will pretend to be sorry.



So, sorry.

Pram Maven 80,728 42
04/14/2006 11:32 AM

Anywho, I had a strong desire to walk through the building banging it while calling out "BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!"



That's why you're supposed to yell, "NEGLECT YOUR DEAD!"



<GoNnNnNGg>

CG-Version 2.0.06 86,932 12
04/14/2006 11:43 AM

9.

Pram Maven 80,728 42
04/14/2006 11:48 AM

8.

Elf the dog cop 256 7
04/14/2006 11:54 AM

Oh, God. I sympathize with the dead body finding. I had a similiar experience 2 years ago. I got a call to go pick up a dog at a house where a body had been found. Our well meaning Sherriff's Dept neglected to tell me that the dog was protecting the dead and bloated body of it's master.



So, picture this, it is mid July, for all ya'll yankees, that means 90-95 degree weather down here in teh south. I go in to get the dog and I saw the body. Let me tell you, that memory is the most effective diet aid I have.



Apparently guarding Master was a tiring job, because Rover had been snacking on his leg. Maggots were everywhere. I will not eat rice to this day because of the memory of all those long grain Frosters running around. I still haven't forgive the Deputies for that one. The bastards.

CHICKENS LIVES! 286,539 61
04/14/2006 11:56 AM

Update Jane?

Live Chickens in your pants 286,539 61
04/14/2006 12:26 PM

And Elf, damn. Does a dog that's tasted human flesh, alive or otherwise automatically get the axe?

beater of teh egg laying bunny 10,702 8
04/14/2006 01:04 PM

Apparently guarding Master was a tiring job, because Rover had been snacking on his leg.



Wait, was the dog snacking on his own leg, or the master's leg? Because he wasn't doing a good job of protecting his master if he was Frost-ing eating him, and he had to be just Frost-ing retarded to be eating himself. Is there a third party in this story whose leg the dog may or may not have been snacking on? Also, what was the cause of death? Was the dog euthanized? How about sodomized? Maybe deep fried? Also, on an unrelated note, what's up?

Chit 178,781 15
04/14/2006 01:15 PM

I think a more accurate description might be, "The dog was guarding his food."

Pram Maven 80,728 42
04/14/2006 01:39 PM

The guy had an itch he couldn't scratch /anymore. The dog was just trying to help.

Chit 178,781 15
04/14/2006 01:55 PM

We've all heard the phrase, "Don't bite the hand that feeds you."







Too bad this guy wasn't in the habit of kicking the dog's bowl over to him after filling it.

Pram Maven 80,728 42
04/14/2006 02:11 PM

Where was Trent Reznor and his video camera?

deedee 69 7
04/15/2006 02:02 AM

its knd of sad someone died, but the story is quite amusing. You would think someone would have noticed the dude was dead earlier.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
08/29/2006 08:48 AM

Bumping for an update. Yesterday, a woman came in looking for her brother. Nobody recognized the name and it took a while to realize her brother was the guy we had found dead. She had been out of the coutry and nobody had told her that he died.

One of the office workers had to leave the room because she couldn't hold her laughter in when the sister asked if we knew how he died and if he had suffered. And she was told no, he didn't suffer. Because his death really wasn't that bad (it turned out to be natural causes). His body didn't suffer until after he died.

Chit 178,781 15
08/29/2006 09:08 AM

I just knew there had to be more.





Thanks for the update, Jane.

DemoMonkey, leader of the MondeGreen Party. 166,252 10
08/29/2006 09:15 AM

His body didn't suffer until after he died.



I can understand painting a smile on the decomposing face and writing "THIS SIDE UP" on his buttocks with a Sharpie.



But sewing hundreds of tiny little tabards and making the maggots re-enact the Battle of Agincourt over his outgassing intestines - that was just excessive.

TableTopJane 173,958 15
08/29/2006 09:18 AM

You say excessive, I say comedy gold.