Sharribarri 14,050 8
04/13/2006 07:53 PM

I'm almost at that critical point too. Unfortunately, there is a plumber in the only female bathroom in my building.

Chit 163,790 10
04/13/2006 07:55 PM

Agreed, somewhere between your mouth and colon, coffee turns into astroglide.

CHICKENS LIVES! 237,969 14
04/13/2006 07:56 PM

Oh, this would have been one of those points where you grab the plumber by the coller and toss them out the door. One of those point of no return moments when the gate door opens before you even get fully seated and you have that one second panic where you hope you got your pants all the way out of the line of fire.

Chit 163,790 10
04/13/2006 08:04 PM

I had a buddy that used to race sailboats. He was on his way to an evening race and was right at the point you speak of chickens.



He got to the boat, pressing his ass cheeks together as best he could while running down the dock, and found he was the first one to the boat.



He threw down his bag, opened the combination lock of the boat, pulled the planks of wood that closed off the cabin, 1,2,3,4, and ran for the head. He said his pants were already down when he spun 180 degrees and let her fly.



Too bad the toilet lid was down and it hit the lid and went everywhere.



He said he halfassed cleaned it up before anyone else showed up, but all night people were bitching about how badly the bilge smelled.

Peter Cockintail 156,239 10
04/13/2006 08:15 PM

When the turtle peeks out, you have to be careful not to scare him back in.

turtle10 19,481 7
04/13/2006 08:21 PM

I am shy

Sharribarri 14,050 8
04/13/2006 08:21 PM

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS



SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS



SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS



SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS





SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

SSSSS









Ahhhhh

















EP!











SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS









SSSSS







SS















AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (pulls up pants and zips contentedly)

Trixxie, Silly Fagot, Dicks are for Chicks. 64,454 13
04/13/2006 09:02 PM

Really you guys too? I always thought it was just my worn out butt hole muscles.

Sage of Seattle 36,343 5
04/13/2006 11:29 PM

Reminds me once when I was a kid, riding the bus home from school and I had to take a monster piss; I thought I could hold it for the "short" trip home. That five minute bus ride turned into a seventeen hour nightmare of bladder cramps and trembling thigh muscles as I struggled to hold it in. There was a five-gallon bucket of sand that was supposedly used for putting fires out sitting next to me on the floor and I remember becoming mesmerized by its siren call. It was looking like a little bit of heaven to me the longer I stared, wondering if I should dare the wrath of the bus driver and unload right there. Of course, the more you think about going, the more you have to go, right? Let's just say that when that bus stopped, I would have put an Olympic track star to shame getting off that bus, heading anywhere where I could relieve myself with the minimum amount of shame possible. I remember saying to my friend as I rocketed by him, "HeymancanIgouseyourbathroom IgottagoreallyFrost-ingbadgetouttamyway Imgonnapeealloversome bodyanditaintgonnabepretty!" Or something to that effect. I think I made it in time, but since it was my friend's bathroom, I didn't care if I "missed" a little bit. I think that was the time when my life-long friendlessness had begun, but I'm not sure.

Hat and his merry band of O Rly owls. 90,999 8
04/13/2006 11:34 PM

I know that poop well, Chickens.





Do you ever notice that whenever you have a potentially-liquid poop knockin at the hatch, and you suppress it by trying to relax the body while tensing the sphincter, that you get a variation of the "Pee Shiver"?



I propose titling it a Shiss Shake.

Hat and his merry band of O Rly owls. 90,999 8
04/13/2006 11:36 PM

Shissgasm.



Much better.

CHICKENS LIVES! 237,969 14
04/13/2006 11:39 PM

Or when you get teh hersey squirts and you get up, do the paperwork, and take like three steps and ooop!





reboot

UnderEgg 72,790 16
04/14/2006 02:47 AM

Last weeekend Spicey and I were out shopping for a new couch. We were sitting in the showroom, and I had to fart, but instead of a noise, I made a mess. I fet this warm liquid sensation, and I jumped up off the loveseat we were sitting on and made a beeline for the bathroom - which was of course, at the very back of the store.



When I pulled down my jeans, I had a yellow-brown puddle in my panties. That wasn't all though. -there was also a long, thin rectangular piece of onion.



I wish I was making that up.

CHICKENS LIVES! 237,969 14
04/14/2006 06:18 PM

Awesome: Underegg has a sex dream about me.

Comepletely not awesome: blowing my glow with too damn much information

Dogs Akimbo 158,519 11
04/14/2006 06:29 PM

When I pulled down my jeans, I had a yellow-brown puddle in my panties. That wasn't all though. -there was also a long, thin rectangular piece of onion.



Years from now, when the Forensic Pathologists are sifting all of the records, that one paragraph will be the oldest piece of evidence in Mad Dog's Holly file.

UnderEgg 72,790 16
04/14/2006 07:30 PM

I'm just glad it didn't end up seeping through onto the couch.



Only minutes before I had been drinking a strawberry milkshake. While talking to the salesperson, I became conscious of that fact, and I set it down on the coffee table.



He told me, "don't worry. This is just a floor model. Getting a little something on it won't matter."



That phrase did go through my head as I was racing to the bathroom. I'm fairly certain, however, that he would have retracted his statement if I had stained his couch with my ass slime.

Sage of Seattle 36,343 5
04/15/2006 03:21 AM

<action>Saddened by the thought of never being able to eat tuna sandwiches with onions and sweet pickle relish ever again</action>That wasn't all though. -there was also a long, thin rectangular piece of onion.



I wish I was making that up.



So do I dear. So do I.

turtle10 19,481 7
04/15/2006 04:42 AM

You should chew your food better Undies...I know it's tough with the big Spicy animal around

Sexual Harassment Policy Panda 125,886 11
04/15/2006 05:48 AM

The only thing more pressing (heh) than the early morning coffee poo is the "I've just had my gallbladder removed" poo.



If you have a gallbladder, then try to imagine this... you've just had your morning coffee, and a Fleet enema, and you took a whole box of Ex-lax the night before. Now muliply that urgency by about 10.



Now you have an idea of how it feels to be on a date at Olive Garden and have to blow your innards in the middle of the seafood alfredo.

Love Nub 1,061 10
04/15/2006 06:12 AM

Please give us a heads up - which Olive Garden this is?

deedee 69 4
04/15/2006 11:31 AM

hehehe

Dexter, posting from the secret laboratory 45,836 7
04/15/2006 11:34 PM

<action>points at the "Add to Conversation" button</action> No, Deedee, you must never push THIS button.

The Rockin' Donkey 76,817 12
04/16/2006 02:01 AM

This was the WRONG thread to read while eating cereal.



Frosters.

Chit 163,790 10
04/16/2006 02:10 AM

This was the WRONG thread to read while eating cereal.









Just be happy it wasn't a Bloomin Onion !











With Dipppin Sauce...

Zombie Jesus' Nub 1,061 10
04/16/2006 02:37 AM

Olive Garden security camera footage.

lupience- hider of small chocolate eggs since 1983 26,463 6
04/16/2006 03:43 AM

Are you sure it was an onion? Because that sounds a lot like a tapeworm.

Pram Maven 53,089 9
04/17/2006 02:12 AM

UnderEgg,



Did you ever get to finish your fart?

Elf the dog cop 256 5
04/17/2006 08:53 AM

Lupy, I have to agree with ya on that one. Sounds like Unders has got a nasty tapeworm. Hey, unders, how long was it? The record tapeworm at our shelter is 12 inches.

Under the mistletoe 72,790 16
11/28/2007 01:54 AM

heh.

Do you think my SS victim would mind a homemade gift?

BillSalamie 65,909 8
11/28/2007 02:15 AM

An El Caganer figurine makes a great holiday gift.

Pram's Special Dressing 53,089 9
11/28/2007 02:23 AM

than a morning coffee fueled poop when it decides to hit the backdoor.

"Now. No, I mean, RIGHT NOW."

I posted about this, too. In fact, I think I'm gonna wait 'till the last possible moment to run to the bathroom. Life rocks!

Chickens hung by the chimney with care 237,969 14
11/28/2007 03:39 AM

THE ONION SLIVER THREAD!

Ditdah in a pear tree 115,015 10
11/28/2007 03:41 AM

Wow, you're observent today.

Just Chance 168,178 11
11/28/2007 03:43 AM

ONION SLIVER!!!11

Cinderblock 19,807 10
11/28/2007 05:21 AM

My head hurts today and GAB made it worse.

El Canager in a manger 65,909 8
11/28/2007 05:30 AM

You know what can make you feel better? Watching that video of the two girls eating feces and vomiting into each other's mouth.

Cinderblock 19,807 10
11/28/2007 05:32 AM

You know what can make you feel better? Watching that video of the two girls eating feces and vomiting into each other's mouth.


*wistful sigh* It always does.