Kittuntoe 44,835 9
04/18/2006 03:30 PM

Oh for crackers sake.

Pete Moss 12,363 11
04/18/2006 05:33 PM

What did the tailor say when he pricked his finger?





Darn!

Bonky 75,733 15
04/18/2006 05:34 PM

I walked into a bar and yelled, "WHO SHOT MY PAW?!"

Ollie Ollie Go Go Pop 203,475 12
04/18/2006 05:35 PM

Since you are a legal adult now, Hat, I'm not entirely sure how I would go about stealing you from your parents.

OneEyedTrouserTrout 6,046 8
04/18/2006 05:38 PM

An Eskimo was having problems with his car, so he decided to take it to a mechanic.



After examining the engine, the mechanic reported the problem. "Looks like you blew a seal," the mechanic told the Eskimo.



"Nope," said the Eskimo, "that's just frost in my mustache."

Happy PhartSack 13,792 15
04/18/2006 05:46 PM

Why do you wrap your hamster in Duct tape?













So it doesn't explode when you Frost it.

Gorcarella Reggikato 41,132 13
04/18/2006 06:03 PM

A pastor announces that to get the churhces building fund started, everyone will sell bibles for the next 4 weeks. Two weeks in, he asks for an update.



One parishoner raises a hand and says, "I've sold 5 bibles." Another raises his hand and says, "I've sold 10 bibles!"



A man in the back raises his hand and says, "I-i-i've s-s-old wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh-one hund-d-d-red and f-f-f-fifty b-b-b-bib-b-bles."



The pastor was ecstatic! He eagerly asked the man to tell the rest of the parish how he sold so many.



"W-w-w-well, I g-g-g-go t-to th-th-the h-h-house and g-g-g-get a b-b-b-bible a-and w-w-w-w-walk t-t-to th-th-the d-d-d-door a-and n-n-n-knock a-and w-w-w-when th-th-they ans-s-s-s-wer I of-f-f-fer t-t-t-to s-s-s-sell th-th-them a b-b-b-bible or I c-c-c-c-an r-r-r-r-read it-t-t t-t-t-o th-th-them."

bewilderedmonkey 28 7
04/18/2006 06:46 PM

How do you make a bear cross?







You just nail two bears together...

Your Name Here 52 7
04/18/2006 06:51 PM

What's a perfect ten for micheal Jackson?

Two five year olds

Chit 178,781 15
04/18/2006 08:05 PM

Since everyone here is over 18 years old, I guess it's ok to make Michael Jackson jokes.





Not that you have to be an adult to make the jokes. It's just that if we are all over 18 in here, there's really no chance of that creepy pedophile stumbling in here and getting all pissed off about it.

The Easter Filly 39,193 20
04/18/2006 08:20 PM

"Since everyone here is over 18 years old, I guess it's ok to make Michael Jackson jokes."



Haha.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
04/18/2006 08:49 PM

Wait a minute.



Filly's a guy AND under 17?

Hosteen Chickens 286,539 61
04/18/2006 08:51 PM

and, she's blown a seal.

Hosteen Chickens 286,539 61
04/18/2006 08:51 PM

Navy.

The Easter Filly 39,193 20
04/18/2006 09:30 PM

How did you know, Dogs?

deedee 69 7
04/18/2006 09:42 PM

Man: Hello little boy.

Boy: Hi old man.

Man: Do you like music?

Boy: Yeah, some music.

Man: Do you like Michael Jackson?

Boy: No.

Man: Well I know he would like you!

deedee 69 7
04/18/2006 09:44 PM

When's it bed time at the jackson house?



When the little hand touches the big hand.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
04/18/2006 11:47 PM

How did you know, Dogs?



I didn't know.





'til NOW!

The Lloyd has risen! 48,662 14
04/19/2006 09:34 AM

Steal someone else's joke...



Come again?

The Lloyd has risen! 48,662 14
04/19/2006 09:35 AM

According to recent information, Michael Jackson's estate, Neverland Ranch, has been put up for sale.

Apparently the local municipality is considering buying it to create the California Museum of Uggghhhhh.

Taco: the Lord of the Crunch 61,976 36
04/19/2006 10:55 AM

O rly?

Sharribarri 14,124 11
04/19/2006 11:02 AM

How tall are you?

Mrs.JM 24,693 8
04/19/2006 11:06 AM

Q: What does a woman do when she's had enough sex?

A: Come here and find out.





harharhar.

Cracka Mo Dee 68,758 11
04/19/2006 11:20 AM

Why did Michael Jackson have his limo driver take him to Old Navy?







He heard little boys pants were half off.

Mrs.JM 24,693 8
04/19/2006 12:16 PM

Did you hear that Micheal Jackson died? He ate a 12 year old weiner.

Selling Seashells by the Seashore 164 7
04/19/2006 12:33 PM

My wife rolled out of bed this morning and jumped on her menstrual cycle and took off! You know what sound a menstrual cycle makes? nagnagnagnagnagnagnga bitchbitchbitchbitchbitch

Mr. Slinky 28,185 10
04/19/2006 12:34 PM

Should I go post that in the worst joke I've heard all week thread?

Taco: the Lord of the Crunch 61,976 36
04/19/2006 12:42 PM

A boy asks his father, "dad, what does a vagina look like?"



The father replies, "Well, before sex, the vagina is a beautiful, inviting flower."



"Well, what about after sex?"



"...have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"

You aint got a Chance 171,275 14
04/19/2006 12:57 PM

A boy asks his father, "dad, what does a vagina look like?"



The father replies, "Well, before sex, the vagina is a beautiful, inviting flower."



"Well, what about after sex?"



"...have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"







I came up with that all by myself.

Trivium 333 7
04/19/2006 02:05 PM

Since Michael Jackson jokes seem to be the in thing in this thread:



Michael Jackson and Roy Chubby Brown are doing their bit for a sick kids charity by taking the kids on a cruise. Everything is going fine untill the ship hits an iceberg and begins to sink.



MJ: Holy Shakespeare, the ship's sinking. What are we going to do?



RCB: It's obvious, let's grab a lifeboat and get the Frost outta here.



MJ: But what about the children?



RCB: Frost the children!



MJ: We don't have time for that!

Chit 178,781 15
04/19/2006 02:29 PM

Today I saw a really ugly pregnant girl.









It just made me stop say to myself, "Good for you !"

Your Name Here 52 7
04/19/2006 03:39 PM

Do you know the difference between a blow job and a cheeseburger?



(no, what?)



Hmm. Well. Let's go to lunch.

Emdub 96 7
04/19/2006 07:48 PM

A young man was sitting in a bar enjoying a drink.

An older man notices him and walks up to him.

He taps the younger man on the shoulder and says, "Hey you... I had sex with your mother."

Some patrons in the bar notice this interaction and perk up.

The young man looks up at the older man, then sighs and continues with his drink.

The older man taps him on the shoulder again, a little more assertively.

He repeats, a little bolder. "Hey! I said I did your mother!"

A larger number of patrons notice this and begin to close in expecting a violent reaction.

But again the younger man just shakes his head ruefully, sighs, and continues with his drink.

The older man finally hits his peak.

He gives the younger mans shoulder quite a yank and says, "Listen up boy! I said I Frosted your mother!!"

The crowd reaches a torrid crescendo of whispers.

Finally the young man stands up.

He faces the older man and says...



"Go home dad, you're drunk."

Chit 178,781 15
04/19/2006 07:59 PM

You all know how Feburary is Black History month, right ?





I think we should all get together pronounce it "Valentines" Day.







Just to sort of bring us all a little more together.

Selling Seashells by the Seashore 164 7
04/19/2006 09:26 PM

Should I go post that in the worst joke I've heard all week thread?



No, it's Frost-ing funny if you make the noises, dumb ass!

newwave 45,912 10
04/20/2006 12:59 AM

<action>makes the noises</action> No, no it isn't. Now, since I made a noise for you, how about you make a noise for me and tell me if it sounds funny? It's the noise of putting a plugged-in soldering iron in your urethra while taking a bath.

Chit 178,781 15
04/20/2006 02:51 AM

A lot of people don't like bumper stickers.



I don't mind bumper stickers.



To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says "Hey, let's never hang out."

Chit 178,781 15
04/20/2006 05:33 AM

I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said "Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear."



I just thought, "Man I hope so because she was pretty mad."

Pete Moss 12,363 11
04/21/2006 06:59 PM

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder



1.. All the DNA is the same.



2. There are no dental records.

Gorcarella Reggikato 41,132 13
04/21/2006 07:03 PM

A guy walks into a bar and sees Bush and Rummy are sitting at one end. He queries the bartender if its really them and the bartender says, "Yeah! Why doncha go say hello?"



So the guy goes down the bar and introduces himself, shakes hands with the luminaries of the free world and asks what they're doing in a bar.



"Well," says Bush, "We're planning on bombing 500,000,000 Muslims and blond with big knockers!"



"Why a blond with big knockers?" quizzes the guy.



Bush elbows Rummy and says, "See? I toldja nobody cares about them Muslims!"

pendy 987 8
04/21/2006 09:23 PM

3 coyboys are sitting around a campfire arguing over who is the most manly. The first cowboy says "I was ridin' on the trail one day when a rattler spooked my horse. I jumped down, grabbed the thing with my bare hands, and bit his head off." The second cowboy then says "Yeah, well I once killed 6 trainrobbers...with 2 bullets." The third cowboy remained silent, listening to the argument...









...while he stirred the coals with his Coleridge.

Chit 178,781 15
04/21/2006 10:03 PM

Used to be when I listened to rap music I'd have to ask my black friends what they were saying.







Well, since I bought "Hooked On Eubonics," I ain't gotta axe dem Shakespeare !

CrazyInLove 245 8
04/22/2006 03:07 AM

Since everyone here is over 18 years old, I guess it's ok to make Michael Jackson jokes.





you're kidding, right?

The Amazing Chocobot 61 8
04/22/2006 09:03 AM

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?



Nothin'. You already told her twice.

Blueberry Pan-cake 2,382 8
04/23/2006 11:44 AM

TEXAN: "Where are you from?"



HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."



TEXAN: "OK - where are you from, jackass?"

Blueberry Pan-cake 2,382 8
04/23/2006 11:45 AM

A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man."



The other man then replies: "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."

Sage of Seattle (New! Improved! Ok, not really) 36,465 8
04/23/2006 11:57 AM

Michael Jackson was being interviewed recently when he stated that, from now on, he'd only date twenty-eight year olds. When asked why, he said, "Because there are twenty of them!"

Duke of Ellington 353 8
04/23/2006 04:56 PM

So, an irish guy walks out of a bar...

Chit 178,781 15
04/23/2006 05:05 PM

I have a jar at home, and I put pennies in it whenever I curse.

The other day I spilled the jar.







Now I owe it about $25.

Le Mailman sonne toujours deux fois 176,450 56
04/23/2006 05:12 PM

Why do you wrap your hamster in Duct tape?



So it doesn't explode when you Frost it.







Do you know the difference between a turtle and a hamster?



You don't need to wrap the turtle in duct tape.

The Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
04/23/2006 05:19 PM

Do you know the difference between a hamster and a gerbil?





Gerbils have just a little more white meat.

Chit 178,781 15
04/23/2006 08:06 PM

I like the beach. I like to get there really early before everyone else shows up and take like thirty bottles with notes in them and throw them into the water.



Then I wait for everyone to come to the beach and when someone goes to pick up one of the bottles, I go up behind them because when they open it there's a note saying,



"I'm standing right behind you."