Le Mailman sonne toujours deux fois 174,473 52
04/19/2006 08:19 PM

Second Period



I was in shock. Not because my boss would give me this challenge (after all, he is the kind of a boss who takes me to a strip club for business purposes), but because I knew perfectly well that my ninja skills aren't even close to those displayed by Mr. Sir in Boston. There was no way I could achieve this. But there were playoff tickets at stake. Hell, I'd probably try to slide an entire Visa card down a plumber's ass crack for playoff tickets, so I accepted the challenge. I could only hope that the beers that the girls drank during the first period would help me accomplish my end of the deal somehow.



The girls returned to their seats a few minutes after the start of the second period, each carrying not one, but two glasses of beer. As the game went on, I realized that my task was even more difficult than I originally thought. Not only did I need the girl to stand up to give me access to the dime slot, but I also needed her to stand still. And since she only stood up to cheer, dance and spill beer on the guy in front of her, this was not likely to happen.

Le Mailman sonne toujours deux fois 174,473 52
04/19/2006 08:19 PM

Third Period



I still had the dime in my hand when the second period ended. My colleagues encouraged me again. "Go for it", "you can do it", that kind of crap. A few minutes before the start of the third period, the girls returned to their seats again, but just stood there for a moment, instead of sitting down.



It was now or never. The girl in front of me was standing, she was not moving too much, and the many potential witnesses around us had not yet returned to their seats. With my colleagues watching closely, I extended my arm towards the girl's jeans. My hand started trembling. The dime was two inches away from the objective when the second girl suddenly turned to me, and realized what I was up to. She looked at me with her eyes wide open; I froze and looked back at her. I expected her to yell. A punch in the face would not have been out of line either. But instead, she started giggling. She giggled and nodded, as to say: "Yeah, do it, do it now."

Le Mailman sonne toujours deux fois 174,473 52
04/19/2006 08:20 PM

Crunch time



Intrigued by the giggling, the first girl turned around towards me. I quickly hid the dime in my hand and smiled. The second girl then grabbed her friend by the shoulder and pointed at the rink, to distract her. I now had an unexpected ally in my quest for the playoff ticket. This turn of events caused me to become more relaxed about my task. I streched my hand confidently towards the butt crack, dropped the dime in it, retreated promptly and took the most innocent look I could imagine. Then it hit me: unlike Mr. Sir, I had no way out. I was stuck there, and I was the only possible culprit for this offense. For the second time in a few minutes, I saw a punch in the face in my near future.



But it didn't happen. My colleagues and I had a hard time keeping a straight face, girl #2 was openly giggling, and girl #1 never noticed anything out of place. She even started giggling with her friend, for no apparent reason other than the quantities of beer she had to drink.



So what's next? Well, I'll be back in that same seat in just a few weeks for a playoff game. Given the price of these seats, chances are that the seats in front of mine belong to a season ticket holder, who just happened to give them to his daughter last night. So I might get to meet Daddy at the playoff game. Maybe I'll get a punch in the face after all.

daisypie 49,378 9
04/19/2006 10:14 PM

Hell, I'd probably try to slide an entire Visa card down a plumber's ass crack for playoff tickets...



I tell you what, there's $20 in it for you, if you do.

daisypie 49,378 9
04/19/2006 10:15 PM

Thanks for the laughs, Mailman!



This is now one of my all-time favourite GAB stories, and I'm looking forward to any updates.

Dogs Akimbo 205,285 31
04/19/2006 11:29 PM

The Mailman: Always Gives You the Money Shot

Phuc 237,453 20
04/20/2006 09:20 AM

Way to go, mon frere!



Woulda made a great article. Wif pics.

Professor Nutbutter 181,220 34
04/20/2006 09:34 AM

Mr. Mailman, did you happen to catch the "Coin Slot Cream" commercial on SNL last weekend?

Le Mailman sonne toujours deux fois 174,473 52
04/20/2006 03:23 PM

Woulda made a great article.



I didn't submit it as an article because I thought its reference to the original dime slot story made it too "inside-GABbish".





Mr. Mailman, did you happen to catch the "Coin Slot Cream" commercial on SNL last weekend?



No, I didn't. Are you telling me I should have poured cream down the girl's pants (*), instead of the dime? Because for tickets to the Stanley Cup Finals, I would do that.



(*) And by cream, I mean cream. Damn perverts.

Mr. Sir. 66,708 9
04/20/2006 08:25 PM

Some people leave hospital wings, school departments, and libraries as a lasting memory of their life.



I'll have the creation infamous "Dime Slot".



I couldn't be more proud of the Mailman. Well, unless he stopped being a dirty Frenchie.

The Happy Napkin 30,762 12
04/20/2006 08:49 PM

You're my hero, and I would give you, up to HALF of my kingdom if you would dance for me.

Witness Protectionat'd 130,632 34
04/20/2006 09:13 PM

That's like half a bag of old Cheetos and a sticky stack of Sears catalogs?