Chance 171,275 14
05/29/2006 09:38 PM

Yeah um Jade, you seem pretty emo at the moment.



If you dont get help here, please get help somewhere.



Okay now that thats behind us, wanna get nekkid?

Taco: the Lord of the Crunch 61,976 36
05/29/2006 09:39 PM

If I had a good budget and logistics were set aside, I'd like to have an axe battle royale with an expertly trained grizzly bear. Or I could steal a car and drive it off of a high bridge into a traffic helicopter, landing on traffic below in a fiery mass.



Realistically, run my car in a shut garage and die of carbon monixide poisoning. You just kinda get sleepy.

Sexual Harassment Policy Panda 181,795 70
05/29/2006 09:41 PM

The only thing about suicide as opposed to sudden unexpected death is that you can wipe your computer clean of all the deviant porn before you go.

Chance 171,275 14
05/29/2006 09:41 PM

Oh yes, and to answer your question I would take about 100 xanax and slowly go to sleep.



Believe me, its tempting sometimes.

Sexual Harassment Policy Panda 181,795 70
05/29/2006 09:42 PM

The only thing about suicide as opposed to sudden unexpected death is that you can wipe your computer clean of all the deviant porn before you go.



And then what if you fail? You have to download all the farm porn all over again.



Not that I've thought about it in the least.

Piquantrax - Sex A Peel 8,691 9
05/29/2006 09:42 PM

Jade don't kill yourself, no matter what, you will always be better than Jilly.



On a side note, I think I'd probably shoot myself in the face with and antrax laced bullet.

Losty 538 0
05/29/2006 09:46 PM

I'm doing it the old fashioned way. Drink way too much, smoke, pop pain killers like lollies, dont exercise, eat Shakespeare food, be in a loveless relationship and dont wipe the veggies before having sex with them.

Taco: the Lord of the Crunch 61,976 36
05/29/2006 09:47 PM

I just got a spam email entitled "90% of everything is crap." Not really relevant to suicide in any way, but I figured I'd mention it anyway.

Hodgmania 594 7
05/29/2006 09:48 PM

Whatever you do, you have to take out your enemies with you.



Like the goddamn cable company.

Straight Pimpin' Lila with kung fu grip! 78,555 13
05/29/2006 09:49 PM

Several years ago I actually put thought into this subject. I was gonna get on the highway and then veer off head-on to the other side. Granted, I would take someone out with me but at that point I didn't give a Frost and I thought that the more it looked like an "accident" the less pain on my family.

If I did it now I'd go out in a blaze of Zinfandel and Oxycontin'd glory! If you're gonna go, may as well go high as a kite, huh?



But thank goodness I don't think this way anymore or I never would have had my wonderful wedding and daily bon bons.

Taco: the Lord of the Crunch 61,976 36
05/29/2006 09:53 PM

But BS aside, if you're not Frost-ing around...don't do it. Think of it this way: if everything is so bad, you've got nowhere to go but up. Every now and then life has to hit rock bottom so you can appreciate the good times for what they're worth. </seriousness>



Who am I kidding. Life sucks, you get cancer, you beat it, it comes back, and then you die.

Hodgmania 594 7
05/29/2006 09:55 PM

Oh, and if you're dying of HIV, be sure to have sex with as many people as possible. Don't tell them, of course. Let them consider it a gift.



A life-long lasting gift.



Of death.

Losty 538 0
05/29/2006 09:58 PM

That would have to be the most irresponsible post I have ever read Hodgmania.



NOT FUNNY MATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sexual Harassment Policy Panda 181,795 70
05/29/2006 09:58 PM

The only victims of suicide are the people who are left living afterward. In some cases, they never get over it. They live the rest of their days in misery. I can make most people miserable AND keep collecting birthday gifts if I'm still alive. Profit!

Billy Bob Snork 45,655 12
05/29/2006 09:58 PM

Bulimia.

Hodgmania 594 7
05/29/2006 09:59 PM

I AM NOT YOUR MATE!!!



-Love, Hodg

Taco: the Lord of the Crunch 61,976 36
05/29/2006 09:59 PM

God forbid someone say something irresponsible, morally incorrect, lewd, corrupt, reprehensible, or crude on GAB.

Chance 171,275 14
05/29/2006 10:00 PM

And I say you start with Losty. We need to infect those who have sticks up their asses first.

Straight Pimpin' Lila with kung fu grip! 78,555 13
05/29/2006 10:00 PM

<serious>

Jade, I just saw your Myspace blog and responded to you. Read it, gorgeous.

I might not be of much use but you are in a familiar department for me and I can offer my support.

</serious>



Oh yeah and POOT!!

Billy Bob Snork 45,655 12
05/29/2006 10:00 PM

I'd make sure to take Losty with me, anyway.

Hodgmania 594 7
05/29/2006 10:01 PM

The apocalypse is upon us.



Taco and Chance have defended a noob.

Straight Pimpin' Lila with kung fu grip! 78,555 13
05/29/2006 10:02 PM

On another note, I have a feeling this thread is going to be the unexpected blockbuster runaway clickie thread of the summer!

Chance 171,275 14
05/29/2006 10:04 PM

Taco and Chance have defended a noob.



Yes, it was a mere oversight on my part. Well, whats done is done. I guess this makes you my bitch now. Come over here and rub my corns.

Taco: the Lord of the Crunch 61,976 36
05/29/2006 10:04 PM

I didn't defend a n00b...it's been more than 20 years since AIDShakespeare, so it's funny now. Much like dead babies and spousal abuse.

Hodgmania 594 7
05/29/2006 10:05 PM

Yes, it was a mere oversight on my part. Well, whats done is done. I guess this makes you my bitch now. Come over here and rub my corns.



I thought you wanted me to start with Losty?

Chance 171,275 14
05/29/2006 10:06 PM

Dont address me directly.

Straight Pimpin' Lila with kung fu grip! 78,555 13
05/29/2006 10:07 PM

The love Chance and I share between each other should inspire any person away from suicide.

Taco: the Lord of the Crunch 61,976 36
05/29/2006 10:10 PM

The only thing about suicide as opposed to sudden unexpected death is that you can wipe your computer clean of all the deviant porn before you go.



And then what if you fail? You have to download all the farm porn all over again.



Not that I've thought about it in the least.



I just now realized that SHP had that whole conversation solo. I need to go to bed.

Losty 538 0
05/29/2006 10:17 PM

Losty removes stick from ass and inserts it in Chances head.

Billy Bob Snork 45,655 12
05/29/2006 10:20 PM

Serious: if life lost it's appeal to me, I'd do something crazy-awesome. I'd like flip out and kick random people in nuts while running naked around town. And then I'd join the French Foreign Legion as Mr. Ninja Gheyden... or something.



Really, rob a bank. Frost the queen. Start a hobo parade. Whatever.

Hodgmania 594 7
05/29/2006 10:25 PM

Anything with hoboes is automatically awesome. Not that this anything has to do with suicide. Just saying.

Jade - Fuck Everything. 14,453 11
05/29/2006 10:27 PM

Apparently cyanide is also a good way to go. It's just hard to get hold of.

Taco: the Lord of the Crunch 61,976 36
05/29/2006 10:33 PM

Cyanide, while fast, is immensely painful for the few seconds it takes to die. Plus, if it's aged, it may not be fatal...but you would be in absolutely debilitating pain. Cyanide stops ATP production in your cells...every single piece of your body suffers.



So no, Frost cyanide.

SAVIORA Throws Knives 4,599 8
05/29/2006 10:36 PM

On that note, I'll be sticking with alcohol poisoning. My last attempt may have failed, but this means I can party til the day I die.

UnderHaggis 101,398 77
05/29/2006 10:57 PM

Heh. I guess Donk didn't do it fast enough.

Fartpuppy - Now with Redrum. 5,142 13
05/29/2006 10:59 PM

If you want to die of alcohol poisoning then you're better off injecting it into your veins.

Scorpion 4,080 9
05/29/2006 11:00 PM

Cancer, I would kill myself with Cancer.

Straight Pimpin' Lila with kung fu grip! 78,555 13
05/29/2006 11:03 PM

To Jade from Lila:



Someday, somewhere

We'll find a new way of living

Will find a way of forgiving

Somewhere...

There's a place for us

Somewhere a place for us

Peace and quiet and open air

Wait for us

Somewhere

There's a time for us

Someday there'll time for us

Time together and time to spare

Time to learn, time to care

Someday, somewhere

We'll find a new way of living

Will find there's a way of forgiving

Somewhere...

There's a place for us

A time and place for us

Hold my hand and we're half way there

Hold my hand and I'll take you there

Somehow...

Someday, somewhere...



I wrote that myself. Uh-huh. Think it'll sell?

SAVIORA Throws Knives 4,599 8
05/29/2006 11:04 PM

you're better off injecting it into your veins.



..And miss the smooth flavor of regurgitated Guiness? You're no fun.

Cry Havoc and let slip the sweater kittens of war 1,039 8
05/29/2006 11:09 PM

Remember, "down the street", not "across the road".

SHP - Fuck suicide, I just bought a wok! 181,795 70
05/29/2006 11:13 PM

So, what's everyone doing next week?

SHP - Fuck suicide, I just bought a wok! 181,795 70
05/29/2006 11:13 PM

OK so maybe not everyone...

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
05/29/2006 11:13 PM

Best tagline ever.



Seriously.



Seriously.

GollyJee 520 7
05/29/2006 11:20 PM

Take the elevator to the 30th floor of a tall office building.



Dry swallow an m-80 with a extra long fuse.



Light the fuse and do my best swan dive.



Explode into chum over a pack of suits on their way to lunch.

Straight Pimpin' Lila with kung fu grip! 78,555 13
05/29/2006 11:22 PM

Ok, I revise my answer - go back in time to 9/11, jump out of a burning tower and your family will get money from da gubment til the end of time.



Suicide = PROFIT!!

DemoMonkey, leader of the MondeGreen Party. 166,252 10
05/29/2006 11:45 PM

"Say you're going to commit suicide. What would be your preferred method?"



Aging.



Oh sure, it isn't flashy. But history has proven it to be 100% effective.

SAVIORA Throws Knives 4,599 8
05/29/2006 11:49 PM

...Unless you're Dick Clark.

DemoMonkey, leader of the MondeGreen Party. 166,252 10
05/29/2006 11:51 PM

Robots don't count.

Hodgmania 594 7
05/29/2006 11:52 PM

Or Keith Richards.

DemoMonkey, leader of the MondeGreen Party. 166,252 10
05/29/2006 11:53 PM

Neither do zombies.

Straight Pimpin' Lila with kung fu grip! 78,555 13
05/29/2006 11:55 PM

I love you, Demo. And that ain't the wine talkin'. Ok, not just the wine.

Fillyrific 39,193 20
05/29/2006 11:56 PM

<action>doesn't read thread</action>How would I do it? Well, I'd start with the hot guys, then go to the cute guys, then the hot chicks, then the cute chicks, then the mediocre chicks and guys at once, and....and....



Wait. This thread isn't what I think it's about, is it? Damn.

Millie 116,988 28
05/30/2006 12:10 AM

I remembered that thread of Donk's because I had just had that conversation with my friend.



I'm not sure how I'd do it. Probably drug O.D. I'd just have to research it throroughly so I don't wind up a veg.

Pubah 56,805 18
05/30/2006 11:25 AM

Suicide is easy...



...making life worth living, now THERE'S a challenge!



First, you get out of bed



Then you...



...go to the library



Click on ZUG



and Gab with funny people until the librarian kicks you out.



go to sleep, wake up, repeat.

Jade - Fuck Everything. 14,453 11
05/30/2006 11:27 AM

That's not suicide. That's just a boring daily routine.

Pubah 56,805 18
05/30/2006 11:29 AM

Welcome to MY world



But life is good...and so is the shrimp foo yung I found in the dumpster.

Pumpkin Noggin 56,642 8
05/30/2006 11:31 AM

Commit suicide:



Make fun of Prams music, then show up on his doorstep with a bouquet of flowers and a "play guitar the easy way By John Denver" book.

Cry Havoc and Unleash the Corn Chips of War! 57,521 23
05/30/2006 11:31 AM

The only victims of suicide are the people who are left living afterward. In some cases, they never get over it. They live the rest of their days in misery.



All the more reason to take them with you.



Personally, I've always been a fan of the whole murder/suicide pact business.



But only as long as I get the murder part.

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
05/30/2006 12:03 PM

DEATH. BY. SNOOSNOO!

Cry Havoc and Unleash the Corn Chips of War! 57,521 23
05/30/2006 12:11 PM

Actually, and I may be going against the grain here, but I don't have a problem with suicide with the following caveat:



Your life has to be at a level at which you find unacceptable with no chance of it ever getting any better. This has to be a 100% logical decision with no emotion involved in any way, shape or form.



For me, this would have to be something along the lines of becoming a blind, deaf, mute quadraplegic.



If you make that decision based upon anything else then you have to be one of the most idiotic people on the face of the planet and deserve a good slap to bring you to your senses.

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
05/30/2006 12:19 PM

The only acceptable reason for suicide is when the penis gets cut off. Cause man, that would just suck.

Chickens N Sweet Brown Rice 08 286,539 61
05/30/2006 12:31 PM

I can tell you how NOT to do it.



A buddy of mine was given a shotgun by his father one Christmas. Later that year, he came home from Jr. High one afternoon to a note on the door. His dad asked him to come out to the garage and clean things up before his mother got home.



In the garage, Dad had blown out his brains with his son's new Christmas present.



No therapy needed here, folks, move along.

Pumpkin Noggin 56,642 8
05/30/2006 12:33 PM

Chickens N Sweet Brown Rice 5/30/2006 12:31 pm

I can tell you how NOT to do it.



A buddy of mine was given a shotgun by his father one Christmas. Later that year, he came home from Jr. High one afternoon to a note on the door. His dad asked him to come out to the garage and clean things up before his mother got home.





<Moral of the story>

Never expect a Preteen to clean up anthing...especially on a time frame



In the garage, Dad had blown out his brains with his son's new Christmas present.



No therapy needed here, folks, move along.

Chris Garrett 86,932 12
05/30/2006 01:17 PM

So, Chix, do you still have the shotgun?

Chit 178,781 15
05/30/2006 05:40 PM

Life ain't for everyone...







"Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and its sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early."



-- Doug Stanhope

Chit 178,781 15
05/30/2006 05:46 PM

My sister had a friend in high school that waited till his folks left the house to go to the store or something, then rigged himself up to the garage door somehow.



When they got back he was dangling from the opened garage door with the remote from the other car on the floor.



If you are going to take yourself out of the game, might as well collect a few style points on the way out.

Hugh Rhynn 206 8
05/30/2006 06:32 PM

I'd strap a bomb to my chest and blow up some innocents.

Piquantrax - Sex A Peel 8,691 9
05/30/2006 06:47 PM

My friend in 9th grade, got style points, he waited till his parents got in the elevator to go down from his apartment, and jumped off the balcony and landed basically right at their feet.

Mr. Slinky 28,185 10
05/30/2006 06:47 PM

Are you Frost-ing serious Piq!?

Erika Le' Vaginae 76,152 9
05/30/2006 06:49 PM

How would you do it?





I'd agree to meet Chris Garrett.

Ollie Ollie Go Go Pop 203,475 12
05/30/2006 06:54 PM

Look on the bright side. If she does off herself, we get to submit her myspace page to here.

Mr. Slinky 28,185 10
05/30/2006 06:54 PM

Using a spoon made specifiacally for people with 4 and 2/3 fingers eating Chris Garretts Emerson.

Piquantrax - Sex A Peel 8,691 9
05/30/2006 06:56 PM

Yea I am serious. It sucked that he died, cause it was kinda surreal since we were in 9th grade. But I gotta give it up for timing.

Erika Le' Vaginae 76,152 9
05/30/2006 07:03 PM

If I ever commit suicide I'm going to fling myself off the top of a skyscraper, but before I do I'm going to fill my pockets with candy and gum. That way when the horrified onlookers walk up they can go, "Oh My God what happenOOO, Snickers, hey!"



</Patton Oswalt>

Ollie Ollie Go Go Pop 203,475 12
05/30/2006 07:09 PM

I'd have sex with Dead Robot.

Erika Le' Vaginae 76,152 9
05/30/2006 07:14 PM

Holy Shakespeare. I recycled that post from a previous thread on this subject. Then I went back and reread the old thread, and THAT is the thread that began my CG fear.

Pram Sandwich 80,728 42
05/30/2010 11:27 AM

<action> glares at Pumpkin Face </action>



STFU, fan of John Denver.