Millie 116,988 28
05/30/2006 10:37 AM

I had a bunch of debris piled there. I don't know what he did with it, because I'm too lazy to walk back there and look.



He's really pissing me off with his behavior. I want to clean up my patio and de-weed the front area of my house, but he's being so neat and tidy that I just can't do it. It's the principle of the matter. I have to leave my yard looking crappy now because I know it's going to drive him nuts.



I've only seen him once--he's a middle-aged gay (maybe) guy.



I think I may start a compost heap.

Happy PhartSack 13,792 15
05/30/2006 10:46 AM

Show him your tits. Problem solved.

Phuc 237,919 21
05/30/2006 10:47 AM

Just talk him up. Make a friend.



Millie: "You know how I know you're gay?"



Neighbor: "How do you know I'm gay?"



Millie: "You cleaned my debris."

Pumpkin Noggin 56,642 8
05/30/2006 10:47 AM

On the upside, you don't have to lift a finger to "enjoy" the newly cleaned up back....on the other...he could start throwing parties all night long in "his" back yard...

Had a neighbor who tried to get extra property by tilling a 3 acre parcell of land between our property one year. He went down to the county to say 'I'm planting X on this land this year', they called me to find out if I'd given permision (I was out of town when he tilled and was getting ready to plant). He was very pissed off when I said "Frost NO!" and demanded he till under 1 1/2 acres he'd already planted. Best crop I had that year, 'cause I didn't have to pay to have it sprayed for weeds (he'd already done) or get gas for the tractor to till.



Good luck with your guy, maybe start tossing empty beer cans into the back space, and sunbath on the bench (since it's now on your property)

Lucky Luke 695 9
05/30/2006 10:53 AM

I've just moved into a nice little place downtown. There is a hot chick living in the front part of the yard and we "share" a courtyard. I've been fixing up the place nicely to impress her, but she hasn't even said "hi". I was hoping that if she came over I would suggest we sit on the little bench I got and maybe this could become our special spot...I also wanted to offer to fix up her garden but I think she is shy or just a recluse.....

Fratberry 283,018 53
05/30/2006 10:55 AM

"Wait, someone actually lives in that house? Oh man, I could have sworn it was abandoned, what with all that trash laying about."

SAVIORA Throws Knives 4,599 8
05/30/2006 10:58 AM

Speaking of trash, the problem of the bench replacing the missing debris can easily be solved with hobos.



If you bait it, they will come.

Cry Havoc and Unleash the Corn Chips of War! 57,521 23
05/30/2006 11:07 AM

Walk out of your back door, 'accidentally' trip over the bench and sue his ass off.



Problem solved.

Pubah 56,805 18
05/30/2006 11:16 AM

Have sex with the window open...he'll move out

SAVIORA Throws Knives 4,599 8
05/30/2006 11:17 AM

Or videotape it, in which case you can have him arrested.

Jihad Joe: The Real Arabian Hero 6,067 8
05/30/2006 11:17 AM

Shoot him then burn his house down. Flee across nearest border.



Problem solved...?

Midgets on Parade 96,092 48
05/30/2006 11:20 AM

Replace the bench with an alter to pray to the ZUG gods.



Make sure to use lots of dead squirrels and rubber chickens.

Pubah 56,805 18
05/30/2006 11:21 AM

Park your car in front of HIS back door.

The Doobie Brothers 78,555 13
05/30/2006 11:24 AM

Doo, doo, doo, we're lookin' out our back door.

Pubah 56,805 18
05/30/2006 11:38 AM

Dear Ms. Savior',

Permit me to introduce myself. I am Pubah, Senior N00b and resident homeless hobo. Doth you haveth any junketh in your trunketh I may retrieve? Feel free to Gab, but remember, hobo's are a proud bunch. We're very selective about the debris we retrieve.

Post more pictures,

Pubah

Millie 116,988 28
05/30/2006 11:42 AM

That was Creedence Clearwater Revival who sang that song--NOT the Doobie Brothers.



I looked out my back door and he piled my debris neatly, behind his bench.



The people who lived there before him STOLE my big granite block that was next to my house. I was going to steal it back, but I hadn't realized they'd moved out because I'm a Shakespearety neighbor.



Now, I can't take it back because he has potted plants all over it.



Oh, and I know he's probably gay because 99% of the men in this town are.

Pubah 56,805 18
05/30/2006 11:44 AM

99% of the men in this town are...





Why haven't you moved?

Millie 116,988 28
05/30/2006 11:49 AM

I can't afford to move. My mortgage is ridiculously low.

Sharribarri 14,124 11
05/30/2006 11:49 AM

Millie, bake him wicked awesome cookies and then when he think s you're a sweet and nice and stuff, tell him you wanted to be sure he isn't confused about where your property is and where his is...... You can probably get some on that bright orange plastic temporary fencing stuff at Home depot to give him a visual if he doesn't get it the first time around.....



Next step would be to bake him a cake in the shape of a person with a few fingers missing or a limb mangled.

Millie 116,988 28
05/30/2006 11:54 AM

I still haven't figured out how much I care that he has taken over my back door area.



The last neighbors hung party lights on MY house for their many parties. They asked me permission first and I said I didn't care.



They never invited me to a party, though.



I'd take pictures, but the battery in my camera died.

Pubah 56,805 18
05/30/2006 11:56 AM

Run an extension cord to his house and charge your battery.

SAVIORA Throws Knives 4,599 8
05/30/2006 11:56 AM

Dear Mr. Pubah,

Very pleased to meet you. As a lowly, fresh n00b, I meant no disrespect to the Hobo Community. However, I do have one question for you: Is it true that Bag Ladies are higher up than Alcoholic Benchwarmers, and yet lower than the Dumpster Divers? Answer that, and you may retrieveth whatever you'd like from my trunk, though I fear that all that remains of my junk are bones. Possibly from rodents.

Mind the knives,

SAVIORA

SAVIORA Throws Knives 4,599 8
05/30/2006 11:59 AM

Dear Millie,

In case of an emergency, my weaponry is at your disposal.





Just make sure you actually dispose of it, 'cause I'm already in deep poo - poo.

All Trixxie, and a Crock of Dick Cheese 65,026 15
05/30/2006 12:01 PM

Defecate right in front of his backdoor.

Straight Pimpin' Lila with kung fu grip! 78,555 13
05/30/2006 12:01 PM

CCR, Doobie Brothers - they're really all the same guys after a night of no sleep.

Phuc 237,919 21
05/30/2006 12:02 PM

I still haven't figured out how much I care that he has taken over my back door area.



I am suddenly very jealous of your new neighbor.

Pubah 56,805 18
05/30/2006 12:03 PM

Savior Mon Ami,

All homeless dumpster dive. It's the most efficient way to acquire things (food, clothing, shelter, digital cameras). Bag ladies are higher on our social scale simply because they alway have something to sell (Didn't you watch the Jerry Springer "I Sleep with Bag Ladies: episode).

As for the junk in your trunk (please remove the razor blades. They hurt my probe), Your Pubah must see your trunk to determine what junk he wants to retrieve.

Again, I am selective.

Skin and bones streatched over organs,

Pubah

Sharribarri 14,124 11
05/30/2006 12:05 PM

Defecate right in front of his backdoor.



I read this as decaffeinate and had to re-read. I'll be right back, I need a fresh cup.

Pumpkin Noggin 56,642 8
05/30/2006 12:06 PM

All Trixxie, and a Crock of Dick Cheese

5/30/2006 12:01 pm

Defecate right in front of his backdoor.



Then set it on fire

SAVIORA Throws Knives 4,599 8
05/30/2006 12:17 PM

Pubah,

The razor blades need to stay until the mice learn.

My condolences to your probe,

SAVIORA

SAVIORA Throws Knives 4,599 8
05/30/2006 12:17 PM

Ooo, razor blades!



Leave them on the neighbor's doorstep as a subtle hint.

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
05/30/2006 12:19 PM

CCR, Doobie Brothers - they're really all the same guys after a night of no sleep.



Oh, SURE! You certainly weren't up all night composing my return email!



*runs from room sobbing, but in a manly way*









*pokes head back into room*



Sorry guys, continue with Millie's gay-neighbor problems....

Chickens N Sweet Brown Rice 08 286,539 61
05/30/2006 12:21 PM

"Millie" up the bench when you know he's not home. Let your inner artist free.



Plus leave him a note thanking him for cleaning up your part of the shared back yard, kindly asking for your grandmother's tombstone back as you weren't finished hand carving it.

Chickens N Sweet Brown Rice 08 286,539 61
05/30/2006 12:22 PM

Hand paint each and every gravel of rock in your parking space. Label each one with your name.

Chit 178,781 15
05/30/2006 02:07 PM

It sounds to me like the two of you might get along pretty famously if you were to take the time to meet him.



Could this be what you are actually afraid of ?



Enemies require much less maintenance than friends. That's for sure.



Everyone likes cookies....

Chit 178,781 15
05/30/2006 02:09 PM

Ohh, and an automatic 5 orb for this phrase Chickens...



"Millie" up the bench

Millie 116,988 28
05/30/2006 03:40 PM

Chit, I don't like making friends with my neighbors. They always know when you're home so you can't hide from them. And when you see the on the way to the car, they expect you to stop and make conversation or something.



Too much pressure.



I prefer a quick wave and a "hi" as I jump into my car and leave.



And, if they knew me better, they would prefer that, too, I'm sure.

DemoMonkey, leader of the MondeGreen Party. 166,252 10
05/30/2006 08:20 PM

"Oh, and I know he's probably gay because 99% of the men in this town are."



Well. That's what they TELL you, anyways.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
05/30/2006 09:29 PM

1. I've been trying to clean Millie's debris for two years. Evidently it hasn't worked because I'm gay.



2. Doth you haveth any junketh in your trunketh I may retrieve?



Dude, you may be homeless, but you are certainly not smoooooveless.



3. I got no 3.

Pubah in the Sky, with Diamonds 56,805 18
05/31/2006 12:10 PM

<action>Laughs at the irony</aciton>



Savior' has mice in her cat.

Fratberry 283,018 53
05/31/2006 02:39 PM

Four words:



Welcome. Wagon. Poop. Canoe.

Fratberry 283,018 53
05/31/2006 02:40 PM

Four more words:



Bonky.Bonky.Bonky.Bonky.

Pumpkin Noggin 56,642 8
05/31/2006 02:41 PM

Fratberry

5/31/2006 2:39 pm

Four words:



Welcome. Wagon. Poop. Canoe.



I hate it when the welcome wagon shows up in a poop canoe....Shakespeare all over the front steps, and I'd not unpacked the hose yet.

Fratberry 283,018 53
05/31/2006 03:55 PM

Your retarded.

Pumpkin Noggin 56,642 8
05/31/2006 04:06 PM

You may be right, after all this is my car.

Sarah (Once daily, by mouth.) 30,601 8
05/31/2006 06:05 PM

Put a batch of fire ants chewing on some hamhocks in his yard, and tell him his ants ate your baby.