Jolly Good 99 6
06/03/2006 11:46 PM

Tight-ass syndrome.

Chit 178,781 15
06/03/2006 11:46 PM

How tight of a fit is that new bike seat that you just got ?

Mr. Slinky 28,185 10
06/03/2006 11:53 PM

I know it's GAB and all, but still













































T.M.I.

THESTALKER:looking for love !!! 742 0
06/03/2006 11:55 PM

One word.



















ENEMA

LLLLLLLLL 48,662 14
06/04/2006 12:00 AM

Dude, take the beads out first!

Midgets, licking windows since 1977 96,092 48
06/04/2006 12:03 AM

Too much anal.

daisypie 49,378 9
06/04/2006 12:03 AM

<action>doesn't know where he's going with this, but...</action>I'd be glad to help you out with that, Kittuns.

Happy PhartSack 13,792 15
06/04/2006 12:04 AM

<action>psssst....Kittuns.....you forgot to remove the buttplug</action>

Happy PhartSack 13,792 15
06/04/2006 12:07 AM

<action>smacks head</action>





Damn LLLLLLLLLL I can't type as slow as I think.









Huh???

Chit 178,781 15
06/04/2006 12:08 AM

Again Daisypie might be on to something.





I read that if your colon should fall to demonic possession, the only way to get back control is to exercise your rectum.

SHP - Are you ready to wok? 181,795 70
06/04/2006 12:58 AM

So Kittuns colon is this year's Kittuns vagina?

Not Phla 131,068 34
06/04/2006 01:00 AM

I'm saving all my good posts for the year of Kittuns' galbladder.

pendy 987 8
06/04/2006 01:23 AM

Stalker, What the Frost were you searching for when you found that horrible cat enema story?

THESTALKER...where is the love????? 742 0
06/04/2006 01:27 AM

Good web site huh BLAM??????

Not Phla 131,068 34
06/04/2006 01:35 AM

Your BLAM key is dysfunctioning. It's completely going off at the wrong time. There was no Soviet Russia joke, there was no "gallbladder, I hardly even know her" joke, and there wasn't even an amurder.com joke.



You should get that checked out.

Fratberry 283,018 53
06/04/2006 02:00 AM

Simple. Nougat deficiency.

>^.^< x2 44,835 9
06/04/2006 03:29 AM

CANDY BARS

$P,hla.07 131,068 34
06/04/2006 03:32 AM

TIMMAY!

>^.^< x2 44,835 9
06/04/2006 03:37 AM

Whatevah, I DO WHAT I WANT!

THESTALKER...where is the love????? 742 0
06/04/2006 03:44 AM

No I have my BLAM it seems to be functioning correctly.

It's just me I have neither the skill nor the intelligence to figure out how it works.

THESTALKER...where is the love????? 742 0
06/04/2006 03:45 AM

A LITTLE HELP PLEASE ????

Not Phla 131,068 34
06/04/2006 04:17 AM

The barrel part of the gun goes in your mouth.



You're welcome.

THESTALKER...where is the love????? 742 0
06/04/2006 04:54 AM

Some advise on a reliable way to actuate the trigger mechanism too please

Closet Friend #1004 7,665 11
06/04/2006 08:18 AM

Back on topic - don't panic, it's probably all in your head...

THESTALKER...where is the love????? 742 0
06/04/2006 10:38 AM

KITTUNS any luck yet ?????

GollyJee 520 7
06/04/2006 10:49 AM

KITTUNS???? Let me back out first...damn!

ThirstyMcSurly 4,444 12
06/04/2006 11:42 AM

does anal retentive have a hyphen in it?

Fratberry 283,018 53
06/04/2006 11:46 AM

Only if you don't wipe thoroughly.

Balfazz 518 9
06/04/2006 12:42 PM

Maybe it's kinda like a ketchup bottle. You have to stick a knife in there to let the air in.

Pokeyhollis 346 8
06/04/2006 01:19 PM

The barrel part of the gun goes in your mouth.



You're welcome.



Well if Kittuns put the barrel in her ass she might be able to Shakespeare.

Jihad Joe: The Real Arabian Hero 6,067 8
06/04/2006 02:00 PM

It might be this new condition I've heard of called "Constipation". It isn't serious I hear, but it can cause some pain.

Chickens N Sweet Brown Rice 08 286,539 61
06/04/2006 06:08 PM

Trae called. If you wanna trade your non-responsive colon for her exploding one, she's all in. Helps with the weight loss!

>^.^< x2 44,835 9
06/04/2006 08:21 PM

If I could pass this log, I wouldn't have a weight problem.

I don't eat sudoku 86,705 14
06/04/2006 08:27 PM

1. Buy bag of peanuts.

2. Eat entire bag of peanuts.

3. Have the nicest Shakespeares you've had for a long time.

4. Thank me.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
06/04/2006 08:29 PM

Where's the profit in that?

>^.^< x2 44,835 9
06/04/2006 08:30 PM

3. Have the nicest bloodiest Shakespeares you've had for a long time.

THIS IS NOT A TOY! 86,705 14
06/04/2006 08:31 PM

No kitty, that's beetroot. You see, peanuts makes your poop all mushed up and nice to squeeze out without too much grunting.

















I've said too much, haven't I?

Whistler P. McManus 186,122 44
06/04/2006 08:37 PM

You could go to the drugstore and get an osmotic laxitive, such as Fleet phospho soda. This is the stuff they use to prep you for a colonoscopy or a barium enema.



Drink it down, grab a book and head for the bathroom, where you'll spend the next 12 hours purging your system.



Whatever's in there will come out, and then you can start all over with a clean slate, so to speak.

THIS IS NOT A TOY! 86,705 14
06/04/2006 08:41 PM

Or a tabula rasa, if you will!

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
06/04/2006 08:42 PM

I'm a big propellant proponet of Colonblow.



Besides leaving you squeaky clean, it's an excellent source of dinner table conversational starters.

Lupience has Peonies. 26,981 11
06/04/2006 11:25 PM

Stupid impaction.

Mrs. JM 24,693 8
06/05/2006 08:52 AM

1. Buy bag of peanuts.

2. Eat entire bag of peanuts.

3. Have the nicest excrements you've had for a long time.

4. Thank me



This also works with raisins. I've been in this situation many times myself. Be careful with fiber... just when you think its not working - You're in a meeting and...Turtle head.

CCCCCCCCC 286,539 61
06/05/2006 10:07 AM

This ought to work.

Pumpkin Noggin 56,642 8
06/05/2006 10:28 AM

Apparently chocolate donuts and chocolate milk fro breakfast do wonders.

Le Straw 98,000 37
06/05/2006 10:43 AM

I am not clicking on any links in this thread...until I get home.

Chance 171,275 14
06/05/2006 12:02 PM

I'm using this small space to announce that I can poop, and I am in chat. Join me wont you?

Pumpkin Noggin 56,642 8
06/05/2006 12:03 PM

Is there a correlation between Chat and Shakespeare-ing?

Perhaps diarrhea of the mouth is involved?

Chance 171,275 14
06/05/2006 12:06 PM

It has more of a connection with a dirty sanchez since fingers are involved.

Jesus Christ! It's cs! 15,189 12
06/05/2006 12:07 PM

Maybe you need to get Activa yogurt. Or eat a lot of Ex-lax. That should take care of it.

Flap-Jack Kittuns 44,835 9
06/05/2006 12:17 PM

Kittuns Anal Update: I poo'd a little last night. I'm at work again and will eat dried apricots which I stopped eating in the past because they caused my stools to be loose.

Chance 171,275 14
06/05/2006 12:18 PM

There are 4 lovely ladies in chat, 7 if you count me 3 times.

Flap-Jack Kittuns 44,835 9
06/05/2006 12:25 PM

Chance, have I told you lately that you're a retard?

Chance 171,275 14
06/05/2006 12:30 PM

No, but go ahead. I'm expecting it.

Are you drinking 1% cuz you think you're fat? 14,124 11
06/05/2006 12:33 PM

Kittuns, I thought of you as I was buying a bike this weekend. I hope to ride lots and become a svelte lady like you.

Flap-Jack Kittuns 44,835 9
06/05/2006 01:03 PM

Yeah, I've gotten totally ripped after riding my bike.



My new pic.

Pubah Going Postal 56,805 18
06/05/2006 01:17 PM

<action>Arrives fashionably late</action>



Eat greens and cabbage. Post us in the morning.

Pubah Going Postal 56,805 18
06/05/2006 01:18 PM

...I got totally ripped on my new bike...





I see...bovine roids will do that to a Gabber.

Pubah Going Postal 56,805 18
06/05/2006 01:23 PM

<action>Eats a mess of Collard Greens, prunes and Epsom Salts...poops...grinds dried poop to a powder (not Susan Powter) and sprinkles it over every kitten or bicyclist he sees</action>



Mojo sent...We hope everything comes out alright.

Fillyrific 39,193 20
06/05/2006 02:20 PM

Pram, shut up. You're a pain in the ass who has yet to master any part of GAB etiquette and you're not funny. Go stick something up your ass and die.

Flap-Jack Kittuns 44,835 9
06/05/2006 02:20 PM

<action>sends Pram back to it's cage</action>

Damn n00bs, always running they mouth.

Chance- Now with 33% more retard. 171,275 14
06/05/2006 02:21 PM

Huh? Wha?

Flap-Jack Kittuns 44,835 9
06/05/2006 02:22 PM

Go stick something up your ass and die.



Does this mean I'm going to die?

Flap-Jack Kittuns 44,835 9
06/05/2006 04:44 PM

Holy crap.



No, literally. Holy crap.



The apricots and water worked. The stools weren't as girthy as I usually like them, but I damn near filled the bowl. I even scared one of my stallmates with one of my foulrts.

Kittuns is the poo whispererer 44,835 9
06/05/2006 05:05 PM

DAMNIT!



I just got a camera phone, why the hell didn't I take a photo and post it?!

Are you drinking 1% cuz you think you're fat? 14,124 11
06/05/2006 05:29 PM

With your luck, it probably would've fallen in the toilet. Then, you'd have a story to tell gab about how mad you are because your new phone fell in the toilet but you are still somewhat happy because you had a good poo.

Whistler P. McManus 186,122 44
06/05/2006 06:16 PM

<action>sniffs and wipes away a tear</action>



Damn, I'm a sucker for a happy ending.

THESTALKER &his friend the pedestrian humorist 742 0
06/06/2006 03:16 AM

The stools weren't as girthy as I usually like them,



So if you were disapointed with the girth what is your prefered circumference??????



Here are some I found for a comparo.

Succubus 3,359 10
06/06/2006 03:31 AM

It's hotter outside, and so you're using more water to cool your body and have less to lubricate your colon. Drink more water! Also, eat a lot of head lettuce. There's a chemical in it that gives some people the squirts but for most people just provides gentle digestive help.

Chickens N Sweet Brown Rice 08 286,539 61
06/06/2006 06:30 AM

Have you lost weight?

Neep- Do not annoy the unmedicated. 35,066 15
06/06/2006 06:31 AM

My mother just hinted that I might lose weight if I took up smoking.



She thinks smoking is evil.



I think she wants me dead.

Neep- Do not annoy the unmedicated. 35,066 15
06/06/2006 06:32 AM

Heroin was also mentioned.

Kittuns in a pillowcase 44,835 9
06/07/2006 02:06 PM

Apparently, the day after apricots produces better results.



Yesterday I went to use the rest room. I did my duty and noticed that is was a snake fit to be on a plane. I was proud of myself. I shed a single tear, and flushed my baby away. That's when the inner dialog began...



"Bye-bye Mr. Poo!"



notices poo kinda gets stuck going through the hole, dislogdes itself and slowly continues on it's path.



"Phew! That was a close..."



water doesn't go down, heart starts pounding



"Go down! GO DOWN!"



water continues to rise, hits the top of the bowl



"Oh God, please don't overflow! This is so embarassing. Please, I promise to never make fun of cripples or 'tards ever again."



water starts to recede



"And by ever again, I meant, today."



water starts rising again



"No! I mean NEVER! I'll volunteer at the Special Olympics! I'LL BE NICE TO JILLY!"



water recedes to almost an empty bowl

Mrs. JM 24,693 8
06/07/2006 02:18 PM

Hey Kittuns.

Kittuns in a pillowcase 44,835 9
06/07/2006 02:21 PM

<action>sprays herself with "Cootie-B-Gone Cootie Repelant(TM), reluctantly gives Jilly a hug</action>

Um, hey.

CCCCCCCCC 286,539 61
06/07/2006 02:21 PM

Jilly gets a fiver for timing.

Bendy Straw 98,000 37
06/07/2006 02:24 PM

Oh my god, Kittuns! Would the alternative have been that bad? So you would have had a flooded bathroom. So you would have had to call a plumber and listen to him make jokes about how you're full of Shakespeare and then have to pay him hundreds of dollars. I mean, come on!

Ditdah 123,110 14
06/07/2006 02:29 PM

Damn, Kittuns - That little drama was the funnest thing I've read in a long time.



I'm ashamed that poop still makes me laugh.

Bankey 70,843 10
06/07/2006 02:29 PM

<action>looks forward to the equally exciting "Why Can't I Stop Pooping?" Thread</action>

Mrs. JM 24,693 8
06/07/2006 02:31 PM

I've had my cootie shot. So it's okay. Wanna sleep over?

Kittuns in a pillowcase 44,835 9
06/07/2006 02:32 PM

You'll have to read Trae's threads for those riveting stories, Bankey.



This incident happened at work.



Also, someone was in the stall next to me at the time.

Kittuns in a pillowcase 44,835 9
06/07/2006 02:37 PM

<action>asks her mom if she really, really has to go to a sleep over at Jilly's house. Puts a pained smile on her face and talks through her teeth...</action>

Shure Jeeleee. Ith luff to pen da nigh.

Careful,that Turtle might be Chancerous 42,578 26
07/13/2006 09:11 AM

I just searched for this thread because a friend of mine is "stuck" and can't go. I am sure she will thank you for the apricot and water solution.

Take a Chance on Chickens 286,539 61
07/13/2006 09:27 AM

Oh come on. Why don't you just take your buddy out for some cheap chinese? Always works for me.

Salt -n- Jeppa 58,758 13
07/13/2006 10:17 AM

Actually, you might want to get Trixxie's cure for constipation. I'm pretty sure it involves a doorknob, a camera and internet access.

Slinky has no chance with Chance. 28,185 10
07/14/2006 12:16 AM

Taco Bell is your next best bet.

Thud 68,497 19
07/14/2006 12:21 AM

Or a garden hose.

ThirstyMcsurly, best served on the rocks 4,444 12
07/14/2006 12:40 AM

Stop eating GI Joes

btotheizzle 1,386 7
07/14/2006 03:36 AM

I call Action Man.



He's tasty.

Pram Sandwich 80,728 42
05/30/2010 11:27 AM

Ya done goobly goo'd up your colon

Pram Sandwich 80,728 42
05/30/2010 11:27 AM

Well, that's better than the green apple splatters...

Pram Sandwich 80,728 42
05/30/2010 11:27 AM

Chance Funny





6/05/2006 12:30 pm[vCurOmR77JSDP5f0qSuYLQ]







No, but go ahead. I'm expecting it.



He kind of did already...

Pram Sandwich 80,728 42
05/30/2010 11:27 AM

SHE kind of did already.

Pram Sandwich 80,728 42
05/30/2010 11:27 AM

Fillyrific Side-splitting





6/05/2006 2:20 pm[QJ8BNx4jXxyPzylZ880STQ]







Pram, shut up. You're a pain in the ass who has yet to master any part of GAB etiquette and you're not funny. Go stick something up your ass and die.



Hey, just because I don't have a hardon for HTML doesn't mean that I don't follow ettiquette.



For instance, this would be rude:



"Hi, Filly. Your vag is kind of hanging out in the wind today. Maybe you should tuck it in"



This is polite:



"Hi, Filly. Your baby maker is trying to get a tan. I have some lotion you can have so it doesnt' get burned too badly"



This is rude: "You Carroll."



This is polite: "..."



(there is no nice way of saying that, unfortunately)