Erika Le' Vaginae 76,152 9
08/15/2006 02:49 PM

Oh so now I'm Charity, am I? Last time you made me call myself Bubbles.

Phuc 237,919 21
08/15/2006 02:50 PM

I was gonna go with "Sugar Tits" but I didn't want anyone thinking I was a catholic.

Crypto- A master in the ancient art of N00b 800 7
08/15/2006 02:52 PM

I have........ 2 torn ligaments in my ankles. Torn ligaments in my wrist, and the same wrist is dislocated, and keeps popping out of place on a regular basis (I am actually gonna get it looked at). I dislocated my shoulder several years ago, and im pretty sure its still out of place a little.

I've never actually seen a doctor about any of these. I usually just fix them myself.

Got rack? 41,132 13
08/15/2006 02:53 PM

I scraped my leg on a piece of sheet metal about 10 years ago (back when I did real work). The cut was minor and had scabbed properly in short order.



Except it was a little swollen and had what appeared to be a wee bit of pus oozing out a few days later so I popped it with a pen knife.



And then a couple days later I had a raging fever, could barely walk and my whole calf was swollen and the wound was about the size of a quarter and oozing blood and pus.



A few days of antibiotics and the scab came loose with a pocket of pus attached to it the size of half a walnut shell, and similarly shaped. A correspondingly shaped and sized hole was in my leg.



I still have a slight depression at that spot on my leg.

Erika Le' Vaginae 76,152 9
08/15/2006 02:59 PM

<action>reads Gork's post, immediately limps to the hospital on her green and purple leg </action>Damn you Phuc, and your tricky ninja mind games.

Phuc 237,919 21
08/15/2006 03:02 PM

<action>beats Erika about the thighs with his "most helpful GABber" trophy</action>

Chickens Floating Belly Up 286,539 61
08/15/2006 03:04 PM

Walking back to my buddy's apartment at the beach I stepped on a broken beer bottle and cut the Shakespeare out if the bottom of my foot. Cleaned it up, bandaged, and forgot about it. Several months later, I got what I was absolutely convinced was a plantars wart same area. Kept pussing up. I kept lancing it. Finally read somethere that there should be a black "seed" at the center and if you could cut deep enough, it would come out and all would heal over. There was a dark spot so I took an exato to it until suddenly I broke through.



Out came an ounce or so of puss, blood and a half inch long shard of amber glass. Nice. Never went to the doctor over it though.

Midgets 96,092 48
08/15/2006 03:11 PM

About 3 years ago I was walking through an overgrown field and tripped over part of an old truck frame. It gashed my leg down to the bone.



The people I was with were drinking so I had to drive myself the the ER which wouldn't have been so bad except my car was a stick shift.



Once there they cleaned it up, stitched me up, and gave me a tetanus. Unfortunatly that wasn't the end of it.



Two days later my leg hurt so bad I could barely walk and was swollen to twice the size of the other, It also had a very nice reddish yellow drainage oozing out.

I called the ER to so if the Doc would write me some scripts for a pain med and an antibiotic. He wouldn't do it and just said that my leg was normal(without ever seeing it) and to just make an appt. with my doc.



The next day the wound started turning black and I had to cut the stitches because they were in danger of just ripping out.



I drove my happy ass back to that ER to have something done with my leg. I wound up being admitted because I had developed a nasty MRSE infection, that oddly enough 5 other people who had been in that ER also developed, but the hospital denied could have happened there.



It took 6 months for that wound to heal and left a scar the size of a silver dollar that dimples down to just skin over the bone.

Erika Le' Vaginae 76,152 9
08/15/2006 03:11 PM

<action>posts from the future</action>I got this nasty bruise once from a minor drunken tumble. Well the bruise never got any better, and instead turned into a deep green lumpy blob with dark purple trim. As time went on, the pain got worse instead of better, and as the swelling went down several large lumps became apparent on my thigh muscle. An ex-nurse that I work with said it looked like an edema, but since I know more than everyone else, I ignored it. Then this nice yellow man from the internet tried to talk me into going to the hospital by starting a thread intended to scare me straight, but I ignored him too.





And this is pretty much the story of how I got my start in amputee porn.

Polo is not a shirt 4,634 12
08/15/2006 03:14 PM

an edema



Is that kind of like an swelling?

DemoMonkey, leader of the MondeGreen Party. 166,252 10
08/15/2006 03:15 PM

Under the influence of alcohol - and I doubt that proviso will be unique to me in this thread - I went to a Rocky Horror costume party many years ago. Wearing, amongst other acoutrements, platform heel boots.



(Fag. Let's move on.)



At one point in the party, late in the evening, I was out on the back deck and I noticed people congregating out in the yard. It was only a few feet from the deck to the ground, so I hopped down to see what was going on. Unbeknownst to me, the hosts had been having some landscaping done and there was a three foot depression at the point I picked.



The dry spaghetti-like sound of my ankle snapping was audible across the yard.



However, being as my bloodstream had been almost completely replaced with generic cola and Captain Morgans white anti-freeze, my perception of the pain was somewhat dulled. A quick medical examination by "some dude who took an ambulance course" followed.



Him: Can you stand on it?

Me: (the shrieking of my pain receptors somehow lost in translation): Ayeas!

Him: It's not broken then.



To this day I am not entirely clear on the details of how I got home that night. However, at the time I lived next to a fire station. The next day, they received a rather urgent call to walk over and visit their neighbor.



They had to cut my, by then green and purple, ankle out of the boot like a hungry man carving up a sausage.

Erika Le' Vaginae 76,152 9
08/15/2006 03:16 PM

Kind of like swelling. Except that it would involve a cavity that I tore into my own muscle when I fell, and the swelling that results is caused by fluid and puss being retained in said cavity. That is what causes gangrene.

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
08/15/2006 03:17 PM

And this is pretty much the story of how I got my start in amputee porn.



And what will be the release date of said porn?

Sage of Seattle (Stridently Salacious) 36,465 8
08/15/2006 03:17 PM

Polo is not a smart either.

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
08/15/2006 03:18 PM

Kind of like swelling. Except that it would involve a cavity that I tore into my own muscle when I fell, and the swelling that results is caused by fluid and puss being retained in said cavity. That is what causes gangrene.





FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAP

Chickens Floating Belly Up 286,539 61
08/15/2006 03:19 PM

<action> is all inspired and decides to really share with the crowd</action>



One night while drinking, I stumped my toe. I didn't get it looked at. This was the eventual result.

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
08/15/2006 03:20 PM

You spilled grape juice all over your foot and didn't waShakespeare off?

Chickens Floating Belly Up 286,539 61
08/15/2006 03:20 PM

Well, the final result was a bit worse.

Chickens Floating Belly Up 286,539 61
08/15/2006 03:21 PM

And for the love of all that's holy, don't google up amputation.

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
08/15/2006 03:22 PM

You washed it off with acid!

Polo is not a shirt 4,634 12
08/15/2006 03:22 PM

I was commenting on the fact that you used the word 'edema' incorrectly.



Also- gangrene is caused by a lack of perfusion to a tissue(no oxygen), not edema.



Next time you have a medical question, ask me instead of this ex-nurse.

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
08/15/2006 03:25 PM

That may be true, but Erika is extremely hot. So I have no choice but to believe her over you.

Polo is not a shirt 4,634 12
08/15/2006 03:26 PM

Polo is not a smart either.



Nevermind Erica, I guess I'm not a smart.

Traeaneurism 156,790 17
08/15/2006 03:26 PM

About 11yrs ago I had what I thought was a really bad cold. One morning I woke up and couldn't swallow (GASP!) and just thought I had a bad case of strep or tonsillitis. As the day went by, I started feeling a little feverish and I noticed my glands were starting to swell - more so on the right side. Funny thing is, my right eye began to tear and redden as well. I decided I needed to go to the doctor and get some antibiotics.... As I'm driving to the doc in the box, I start losing the sight in my right eye, which freaked me out a little but I thought it was just due to the tearing.



I walk in and they ushered me back with hardly any wait at all. He took my temp and it was a nice solid 104F. He looked in my throat and told me to go to the ENT.... Do not pass go... do not collect the $200 (Heh) - - he didn't even make me pay for my visit. I thought that was weird but I started to feel even worse so I went across town to the other doctor. I get in the waiting room and there are about 6 other people in front of me. This wasn't good, as I was starting to feel faint, couldn't swallow, barely breath or see out of my right eye. Something was very wrong here. I made myself comfortable on the sofa in the waiting room and next thing I know the doctor and nurses are helping me into the examination room... I had passed out.

Traeaneurism 156,790 17
08/15/2006 03:26 PM

Turns out my fever was now up to 106F and I had a golf ball sized abcess on my right tonsil. The poison in the abcess was leaking into my throat cavity and making me VERY sick. They called an ambulance and took me to the hospital where I laid down ON THE FLOOR in the ER because I couldn't walk.

After two operations (while awake) where they numbed my throat and went in through my mouth with a scalpel where they removed the pus filled sac, and a week on IV antibiotics, I was released. I had some freak condition which was related to the mono virus, but much worse (Pharynal conjunctive fever). I was out of work for 2wks recovering and then got a wicked case of thrush on my tongue from all the medicines. Nothing quite like feeling like Shakespeare, with a hairy tongue.



When I went to my recheck after I was better, the doctor says "Glad you came in when you did, you almost died."



Yeah, nice.

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
08/15/2006 03:31 PM

Nothing quite like feeling like Shakespeare, with a hairy tongue.



That's exactly what I say after a night of heavy drinking and Poe eating.

Chickens Floating Belly Up 286,539 61
08/15/2006 03:31 PM

... and so the first experiment of the sperm collection sac in the human female failed.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
08/15/2006 03:32 PM

Coming out of a bar, my buddies shoved me down the steps (which some genius of an architect had decided to build from stone with sharp, jaggedy edges, figuring it was just the thing for a place where drunks would be staggering out).



I ripped a four-inch gash (heh) on the inside of my left forearm. I declined medical tretment but did allow Don to try and close the wound with a butterfly bandage and some gauze.



The first sound I heard the next morning was the soft knock on my door as my mother came in to say something to me.



The second sound was her scream upon seeing her baby boy's bedsheet covered with blood.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
08/15/2006 03:33 PM

Oh, and Erika? From now on, I'm gonna call ya Peg.

Erika Le' Vaginae 76,152 9
08/15/2006 03:35 PM

If I lose the other leg, will you call me Bob?

Traeaneurism 156,790 17
08/15/2006 03:41 PM

Another time, back at the 1999 World Series here in Atlanta I was walking around the stadium with a cheesehead hat on my head (the Braves were originally in Milwaukee) drunk as a West Virginia wife at her own wedding, when we stepped off the the shuttle bus and I twisted my ankle.



When I woke up the next morning it was still a little sore, swollen and a little blue..but nothing too bad. I was scheduled to go to Cancun with a friend the next month so I was looking forward to that and not worrying about my twisted ankle.



So, after falling down several times in Cancun (NOT due to drinking) and still having a little soreness (which I'd gotten used to) I decided to have it looked at.

Traeaneurism 156,790 17
08/15/2006 03:42 PM

Turned out I had broken a bit of bone off and part of my tendon was free floating in my ankle.



So yeah... 6mos after the injury, 2 surgeries later and a wicked cool scar, I'm once again able to keep both feet on the ground.





Shut up.

Plain Ol' Chance 171,275 14
08/15/2006 03:44 PM

If I lose the other leg, will you call me Bob?



I'm sure he would love to call you bob, but for different reasons.

Chickens Floating Belly Up 286,539 61
08/15/2006 03:49 PM

If I lose the other leg, will you call me Bob?



No, he would have the top of your head flattened, your ears enlarged, and call you "perfect".

Erika Le' Vaginae 76,152 9
08/15/2006 04:09 PM

Don't need the big ears. That's what the pigtails are for.

Pumpkin 3.14159265..... 56,642 8
08/15/2006 04:45 PM

If I lose the other leg, will you call me Bob?



I think Neal would be more apropos

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
08/15/2006 04:48 PM

Don't need the big ears. That's what the pigtails are for.



Will you marry me?

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
08/15/2006 04:50 PM

<action>feels tickly in her no-no place</action>

Wearing, amongst other acoutrements, platform heel boots.



When I first read this, I missed the part set apart by commas, and imagined Demo in NOTHING BUT platform heel boots.

Sage of Seattle (Stridently Salacious) 36,465 8
08/15/2006 05:19 PM

feels tickly in her no-no place



And which place is that, exactly?

Chickens Floating Belly Up 286,539 61
08/15/2006 05:22 PM

If I lose the other leg, will you call me Bob?





Erika, I would like to thank you for the best set up line of the day. Gracias.

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
08/15/2006 05:42 PM

Will you marry me?



I know that once you hit submit, there is no taking a post back. But having been a victim of marriage for over 8 years, I would like to say that this is extremely dangerous and shoud not be tried at home. When making that post, I was momentarily delirious with the thought of Erika performing sex acts on me while I whipped her pigtails around as if I was riding a wild she-stallion. I think we all know marriage is not what I really, really, really want from Erika. I just didn't want her to think I was some kind of weirdo creepy stalker guy or something.

Erika Le' Vaginae 76,152 9
08/15/2006 05:44 PM

Damn, and I was about to say "Yes."

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
08/15/2006 05:45 PM

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

hisboyelroy 10,621 13
08/15/2006 05:50 PM

planters warts don't have seeds and they should be shaved, not lanced.

The Jerk 6,311 9
08/15/2006 05:58 PM

I once had a zit on the shaft of my Coleridge. That was something that I didn't want to show my doctor so I popped it myself. It was the most painful zit I ever popped. I swear I heard the sound of the flesh tearing open as the pus shot out.

Bean 8,602 19
08/15/2006 06:40 PM

Hmmm no I'm a wuss and I always go to the Dr unless it's just something run of the mill... but the ex hubby... well...



Ever since I knew him he had a bump right under the head of his penis, and it seemed to me to maybe just be something that happened when he was circumcised or whatever, cuz it was not big but it was a bump. He said it had been there as long as he could remember. It never bothered him, never bothered me, etc. Well a few months after we got divorced I talked to him on the phone (I think I had some mail for him) and he said, "eeehhh remember that bump I had down there? well it popped"



It had burst, puss and blood everywhere, and he went to the dr and the dr actually took pictures of it because he had never seen anything like it before.

Erika Le' Vaginae 76,152 9
08/15/2006 06:44 PM

Yeah. That's why the doctor took pictures.

Trae: This Side Up. 156,790 17
08/15/2006 09:46 PM

Another time I had a weird feeling in my gums. Like pressure, with a small amount of pain like a toothache. I went to the mirror and looked at the spot above my front teeth. There was a white spot.



I pushed on it, and a huge wad of pus exploded all over the mirror and left a nice hole in my mouth. Needless to say, I went to the doctor and it turns out I had an abcess in my sinus cavity. After the surgeon took it out I got to see it. It was the size of my pinky nail and had cool little talons hanging from it where it attached itself to my body.



Turned out it was cause from a faulty root canal when I was 17yrs old and was benign.



I really should join the circus as Abcess Girl, huh?

Sage of Seattle (Stridently Salacious) 36,465 8
08/15/2006 10:31 PM

When in the hospital, I ended up having more than seven hundred needle injections in my stomach of Heparin (an anti-coagulant) over a two year period.



I had developed several minor infections because of the constant puncture wounds, but once a little red spot appeard on my stomach and grew to about the size of a pinky finger. The nurse said I shouldn't pop it or anything, but it started itching like mad for about a day, and so I decided to just pop the thing and end the suffering. I took a knife and it accidentally slipped from my fingers arrowing straight down into my gut. Needless to say, the cyst (or whatever it was) popped, and it took one towel and a washcloth to sop up the puss and blood that came from my stomach. I had to pack the wound for about a week with gauze so that it would heal correctly. So now I can happily add that to my growing scar collection. Sixteen and counting!

Midgets 96,092 48
08/15/2006 10:37 PM

16 scars?



Poe.







When I took a physical to join the Army we had to list all scars and explain how we got them.

I had 34 and took an hour to do it.

That was also 10 years ago, I've added since.

Sage of Seattle (Stridently Salacious) 36,465 8
08/15/2006 10:41 PM

I don't think anal stretch marks count, but thanks for trying.

The Little IGA 84 7
08/15/2006 10:48 PM

I had a pilonidal cyst. Back in WWII they called it Jeep Seat because it hurt like hell to sit down. See, this cyst is on the tip of the tailbone and caused by ingrown hairs and other hairy-ass type complications.



Anyway, I had one of these that got infected. It swole up to about the size and shape of an uncooked biscuit. It hurt so bad that I couldn't sleep. It oozed puss mingled with blood.



Finally the damned thing popped. Blood and puss was everywhere alond. A wad of nasty ingrown hairs was expelled in the mess. It stank.



I got it surgically removed the next week. I now have an additional inch of asscrack and a funny part in my hair.

Thud 68,497 19
08/15/2006 10:54 PM

I got it surgically removed the next week. I now have an additional inch of asscrack and a funny part in my hair.



Do you mean the scar interferes with the part in your back hair?





Two words: back waxing

I'm the Taconaut, Bitch! 61,976 36
08/15/2006 10:56 PM

I went to the dentist during my junior year of high school to get a cavity filled. I hate the noise drilling makes, so I was waaaaay doped up on laughing gas. During the novicaine injection I felt my mouth fill up with fluid, and there was some rushing and the sucker thing being shoved down my throat, but I was higher than a kite and didn't really think anything of it.



Bad move. I drove home and went to bed. The next morning I went to school feeling completely out of it and pretty Shakespearety, and I had this strange massive purple bruise on my cheek.



The following month after that is a blur. Apparently I passed out on my way to the nurse after I started crying in the middle of class because I couldn't read or walk. What had happened was they had hit a major blood vessel to my brain and due to poor dental procedure, I had contracted bacterial meningitis. I spent a month out of school in the hospital, and I'm very lucky to be alive and not a vegetable.

Midgets 96,092 48
08/15/2006 10:59 PM

I felt my mouth fill up with fluid, and there was some rushing and the sucker thing being shoved down my throat, but I was higher than a kite and didn't really think anything of it.







fapfapfapfapfapfapfap

kingyannman 422 9
08/15/2006 11:31 PM

You've got an additional inch of asscrack? Hows that working out? moon a lot of people?

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
08/16/2006 12:50 AM

I had a pilonidal cyst...It swole up to about the size and shape of an uncooked biscuit.



I don't know who the hell you are, IGA, but that was just beautiful.

Pram Sandwich 80,728 42
08/16/2006 04:51 AM

I was gonna go with "Sugar Tits" but I didn't want anyone thinking I was a hypoglycemic.



Fixed your post!

Poppy Flowers 1,784 9
08/16/2006 07:06 AM

Last October, having just arrived at university, I contracted what pretty much everyone else gets, Fresher's Flu. Unfortunately, after hacking up my lungs for a couple of weeks I developed an incredibly intense pain in my side whenever I breathed in, spoke, or moved.



Being lazy, I didn't bother going to the doctor because I thought I'd pulled a muscle in my chest from coughing. The pain got worse and worse instead of going away, and after about three weeks I felt constantly high, because I couldn't breathe in enough to get enough oxygen to my brain all the time.



Finally I eventually went to the doctors, where he just listened to my chest and and diagnosed me with pleurisy. It took another 2 months for the pain to stop, and I missed out on a LOT of partying. Fortunately I've made up for it by spending the rest of the year drunk.

Traeaneurism 156,790 17
08/16/2006 08:21 AM

I spent a month out of school in the hospital, and I'm very lucky to be alive and not a vegetable.



It'd be really easy to take advantage of you either way, sugar tits.

Phuc 237,919 21
08/16/2006 08:43 AM

I contracted what pretty much everyone else gets, Fresher's Flu



No more mentos for you, young lady.

Succubus 3,359 10
08/16/2006 11:10 AM

Hmm... once when I was a little kid (I think I was about 8) I had been running around in my parents' yard, barefoot. I got a strange little swelling on my foot - it was about the size of a jellybean, almost round, and reddiShakespeare also itched like a mother-Froster. My mom kept telling me it was nothing. A week or two later... no, it didn't pop, like everyone else's strange swelling. It grew little wormy looking swellings out the side of it. It turns out that they literally WERE wormy swellings, because it was some sort of soil-dwelling parasite. The doctor gave me some medication to take - and everyone else in the family had to take it too, since we'd all been walking around barefoot.

Phuc 237,919 21
08/16/2006 11:14 AM

Damn hippies.

Yorkie Thompson, Jr. 60,724 12
08/16/2006 11:20 AM

I always get little growths and Shakespeare on me that I'm not sure what they are, but I just take a knife and cut them off, because I'm hardcore like that, and also a big Frost-ing dumbass.



A friend of mine, however, has this big-ass wart type thing on his hand that he's had for about three years now. He won't go to the doctor, because he thinks he's diagnosed himself well enough. It has since spread into one two inch wide disgusting black and purple bumpy patch on his palm. He tries to take care of it by cutting it off periodically and by injecting antifreeze into it. He's a Frost-ing idiot.

His girlfriend won't let him touch her with it, but she has no problem letting him put his penis, which doubtless his hand has touched, in her. She's a Frost-ing idiot, too.

Succubus 3,359 10
08/16/2006 11:26 AM

You're supposed to freeze warts, not antifreeze warts!

Mr Fook 4,016 9
08/16/2006 11:35 AM

I once had a weird hard bump about the size of half a golfball on the top of my hand.

One day I had the brilliant notion to just push the Froster back down. I put my hand on the ground and had my brother step on it.

Some Frost-ing how, the bump was gone.

I was a kid, the bump was maybe 15-20% the size of my hand, and it just disapeared.



Strangely enough, my balls dropped the very next day!

Millie 116,988 28
08/17/2006 12:36 AM

Damn, this thread is gross.

CaseyLou 144 7
08/17/2006 01:12 AM

All I have to add to this is don't drink tequila and dive in the shallow end of the pool.



Buckets of chlorine needed to sanitize the pink from the pool water the next day.



Alcohol thins the blood and turns most normal people into free bleeders. And you know that your not going to go to the hospital, because then you would have to tell your parents how all this happened.

Beater of the Meat 10,702 8
08/17/2006 08:04 AM

When I was in Hawaii for spring break last year, I was surfing. First, I was stung by a jellyfish on my arm (no big deal). Then, I stepped on a stingray, which stung me in the calf (worse than the jellyfish, but still no big deal). Next, I fell off of my board, HARD. I landed on 3 sea urchins. Two on my chest, one on my stomach. Because I had fallen so hard, their spines had been driven into me at least a good 1/4 inch. I couldn't get them out, and every second they were in there, was another second's worth of poison pumping into my body. I finally realized that I had a tool that could be of use, my board scraper. I took it out of my pocket, only to realize that it's attached to my board shorts. So, here I am, getting delusional from the poison, in a foot and a half of water, bending over so that I look like I'm trying to suck my own Coleridge. When I got them out, I decided that the hospital wasn't necessary. I had a fever for 2 weeks after that, hallucinations and all.

BlueLep 13,144 10
08/17/2006 08:33 AM

About 3 years ago, both of my feet got ran over by a car in my high school parking lot. I passed out instantly, and woke up hours later in a hospital. My ankle was fine, but all of my toe bones were cracked like mad. I was supposed to stay off of my feet for 2 months and use a wheel chair. Did I listen? No. I only waited a month. In which, my toes could handle me walking.



About a few months later, the big toes on both feet are infected, and the bone is all out of wack. I kept putting off the operation, but until about 6 months ago; when they would bleed non-stop. Before they were just oozing and very painful, but I ignored that. So I got the operation, and the doctor tells me that the bone has grown in at an angle. So even with the operation, it may not fix everything, including ingrown toe nails.



So now, I sit here with my right toe crooked, and my left toe bleeding and all puffed up. Two weeks away from getting the nail pulled out. Not only that, but if the doctor can't rid me of my infection soon enough, I may have to get my toe cut off to stop the chances of my entire leg getting infected.



Also now that I have been walking on my regular toe for so long, I don't even use my toes for balance. I used the other side. It's strange.



I'll take pictures of my toes when I get home and post em' if everyone wants...

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
08/17/2006 09:17 AM

GAB and deformed-foot photos...



You gotta ask?

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
08/17/2006 09:19 AM

One time I stuck my penis into a girls vagina. I just haven't been the same since.

Chickens Floating Belly Up 286,539 61
08/17/2006 09:22 AM

Oh you liar.

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
08/17/2006 09:24 AM

Well, ok. It was a realdoll. But the vagina was an exact replica of Jenna Jameson's. So I'm gonna count it anyway. I couldn't look that doll in the eye for weeks afterward.

Phuc 237,919 21
08/17/2006 09:32 AM

I've been feeling exhausted and nauseous for a bout a week now. On Tuesday, my throat started hurting. No big deal. Except this morning, it hurt a LOT. So I looked at it in the mirror with a flashlight and I saw large raised white bumps and a blistery thingie.



I have a doctor's appointment at 10:30.



Alright everybody: GAB DIAGNOSIS TIME!!!

BlueLep 13,144 10
08/17/2006 09:33 AM

Herpies.

Erika Le' Vaginae 76,152 9
08/17/2006 09:34 AM

White spots in the throat means strep throat. White lumps on the tonsils, either tonsilitis or tonsil stones. Or you need to start gargling after you take a shot in the mouth.

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
08/17/2006 09:36 AM

I've been feeling exhausted and nauseous for a bout a week now. On Tuesday, my throat started hurting. No big deal. Except this morning, it hurt a LOT. So I looked at it in the mirror with a flashlight and I saw large raised white bumps and a blistery thingie.



I have a doctor's appointment at 10:30.



Alright everybody: GAB DIAGNOSIS TIME!!!



Had that last week. Everyone will think it's strep, but the test will be negative. It's viral. Get some prednisone for the swelling and vicodan for the pain.

Crackalacka! 68,758 11
08/17/2006 09:37 AM

Oh look! Our first fight! Oh Erika, I can't stay mad at you. Let's just have make up sex.

Rochallor 38 6
08/17/2006 09:39 AM

When I was about four(this is all from the accounts of family members, I don't remember it, thank God), I was at my uncle's house. My dad was helping my uncle roof his house, and I was playing on their swing set with my cousin. Anyway, I was on a platform about ten feet in the air, and my cousin has the great idea to push me off. By some freak of nature, I did not tumble in midair, but landed ON MY FEET below. There was "a crunching sound" and they turn to see me standing on the ground, about three inches shorter than I was seconds ago. I didn't scream at all, but instead stood there for a moment and then fainted. I had broken both my legs and was in a wheelchair for about two days before I decided my legs had healed enough... Well, I staggered around like Frankenstein for a month, but I've had no problems with my legs since.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
08/17/2006 09:43 AM

I was playing on their swing set...on a platform about ten feet in the air



Who the hell puts a swing set on a platform ten feet high?









Wait, West Virginia, right?

Supercalifragilisticexpinachosdocious 57,521 23
08/17/2006 09:45 AM

Alright everybody: GAB DIAGNOSIS TIME!!!



Anybody with any medical training will obviously tell you it's cancerous aids and you've got approximately one week to live.



Then they'd sell pictures of your suprised face on the internet and give you a real diagnosis.

Rochallor 38 6
08/17/2006 09:58 AM

Who the hell puts a swing set on a platform ten feet high?









Wait, West Virginia, right?



XD

Actually, it was a basic Sears-style swingset at first, but my uncle's crazy about construction, and he built a school-playground style wooden set around it.

Beater of the Meat 10,702 8
08/17/2006 10:22 AM

Alright everybody: GAB DIAGNOSIS TIME!!!





I bet it's tinselitis. That's what you get for blowing jolly red fat men.

Chickens Floating Belly Up 286,539 61
08/17/2006 10:29 AM

GAB DIAGNOSIS TIME!!!



You should gargle with an antiseptic after John cums down your throat.

Chickens Floating Belly Up 286,539 61
08/17/2006 10:30 AM

Alright that mind picture is offending even me.

Sage of Seattle (Stridently Salacious) 36,465 8
08/17/2006 04:36 PM

One of my sisters chopped me in the head with a dull axe once when I was a kid and it aldkfjj;weo0ja hohoohppp woeww welwowowowowowowo with hiidspoisdkl;ds hahahahahaa!

SheCabbage 5,200 13
08/17/2006 04:54 PM

Mine's not nearly as gross, but it's all I've got.



When I was a kid, 13 or so, I had a wart on my knee. I found some ancient wart stuff in the medicine cabinet and diligently applied it per the instructions. Rather than getting rid of the wart, it just provided many layers of rock-hard stuff on top of the wart until it was about half an inch tall. It hurt to wear jeans because they would press against it.



One evening I pulled down my pants to use the toilet and it caught on the reinforced wart. I heard a noice like a pebble striking the wall and when I looked down at my knee, there was no more wart, just a small pink circle.



Suddenly the circle welled up and started gushing blood. Who knew that warts apparently have their own carotid arteries?



After it healed up, the wart never returned.

SheCabbage 5,200 13
08/17/2006 04:55 PM

Oh, and I never did find the wart, though I looked for it.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
08/17/2006 04:56 PM

Once I caught HIV.

SheCabbage 5,200 13
08/17/2006 04:57 PM

That's a mood-killer.

ThirstyMcsurly, best served on the rocks 4,444 12
08/17/2006 04:57 PM

I got stabbed in the neck with a screwdriver two weekends ago. I should have gone to the hospital...but it was a phillips head so I figured it would be OK.

Miss Bitchy 36,465 8
08/17/2006 05:32 PM

Dearest Sage,



Do you remember us talking the other nite after you got done shagging me on the porch of my house? Well, I did ask Mr Google and he said that herpes is curable! So yay honey love you don't have to prattle on about how I Frosted up your life or anything. And those drugs you gave me well I dint like them at first, but now that you forced me to eat them I love them almost as much as I love you.



So keep on writting that bad poetry of yours so that you'll drive away all the other women but you'll never drive me away!



Miss Bitchy-poo

Werehampsta 6,375 8
08/17/2006 07:44 PM

I waited over thirty years before getting a growth removed.

DemoMonkey, leader of the MondeGreen Party. 166,252 10
08/17/2006 07:54 PM

"I waited over thirty years before getting a growth removed."



Awesome.

Phuc 237,919 21
08/17/2006 08:17 PM

Cracks wins. Viral. Boring.

Supercalifragilisticexpinachosdocious 57,521 23
08/17/2006 08:26 PM

Once I caught HIV.



Why do I think that DR and Werehampsta lurk on the board for weeks at a time just waiting for these threads?

SHP - who'dyou who'dyou who'dyou think you are? 181,795 70
08/17/2006 09:31 PM

I am notorious for poking things with a stick. Or cutting myself open with an exacto knife. I squeeze any questionable bumps. I have been known to use a razor and a safety pin to do major surgery.



One time, I got a small bump on my no-no spot. It wasn't a big deal, I get razor burn easily and I figured it would go away. A few days later, it was purplish and painful. I popped it. There was a little ooze, no big deal. A week later, it was still there. One morning, I woke up at the home of a guy I was seeing and after my shower, I was examining it in the mirror above the sink. I squeezed a little bit, and it shot out - the spot that hit the mirror was about as big as a silver dollar.

At home that night, I got the only thing I had on hand - dull tweezers and a little box cutter that I kept on my key-chain.

After about 15 minutes of upside-down digging, I pulled out a three inch ingrown hair. I put some Neosporin on it and have not visited a doctor for anything short of organ removal since.

Cantremember 658 7
08/18/2006 06:02 AM

"I was examining it in the mirror above the sink. I squeezed a little bit, and it shot out - the spot that hit the mirror was about as big as a silver dollar."















fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap

Tweak weighs the same as a duck 18,881 12
08/18/2006 06:35 AM

Last year I suddenly stopped being able to hear out of my left ear. No pain, no symptoms other than the fact that I couldn't hear anything.



I assumed it would fix itself.



After about 3 months, there was no change so I went to a doctor. He looked at it for a few minutes, then told me there was nothing wrong with it.

Well, about twenty Frost-ing minutes later, when I'd finally convinced him that, nope, I still couldn't hear anything and yep, that might indicate that something's not quite right, he booked me in with an ear specialist.



Now, I was overjoyed to have an appointment to see someone who might actually know something. About three months later. When the appointment finally came, the "expert" did some tests, confirmed that, nope, I couldn't hear anything, and then told me that she couldn't see anything wrong with it.



Neither doctor knew what was wrong, so neither of them prescribed anything. At that point I gave up, decided I hated doctors, and my hearing came back a few weeks after the last appointment.



Frost, I rule.

Supercalifragilisticexpinachosdocious 57,521 23
08/18/2006 07:12 AM

One time, I got a small bump on my no-no spot. It wasn't a big deal, I get razor burn easily and I figured it would go away. A few days later, it was purplish and painful. I popped it. There was a little ooze, no big deal. A week later, it was still there. One morning, I woke up at the home of a guy I was seeing and after my shower, I was examining it in the mirror above the sink. I squeezed a little bit, and it shot out - the spot that hit the mirror was about as big as a silver dollar.

At home that night, I got the only thing I had on hand - dull tweezers and a little box cutter that I kept on my key-chain.

After about 15 minutes of upside-down digging, I pulled out a three inch ingrown hair. I put some Neosporin on it and have not visited a doctor for anything short of organ removal since.



How in god's name were you examinging it in the mirror above the sink? Handstands?



Also, this is the best argument I have ever come across for women to keep anytihng below te neck scrupiously free of any and all body hair. Ladies, take note, SHP's story may well just save your life.

Brewmaster 596 7
08/18/2006 01:06 PM

Now, if I lose something like an eye, limb or anything involving the head or precious face; I go to the hospital. But if something should get stuck in me; I usually keep it. I've got a barb from a stingray in my right heel, a sea anemone spine in my left and a large black thorn in my knee.My friends are like "Why don't you cut them things out"?



I tell them "Because I would lose my magical stingray like powers you Frost-ing idiots."

Dead Robot 67,630 16
08/18/2006 01:52 PM

DR and Werehampsta lurk



We certainly don't have to wait long...



BAZING!

DemoMonkey, leader of the MondeGreen Party. 166,252 10
08/18/2006 01:57 PM

But if something should get stuck in me; I usually keep it.







...

Naw. Too easy.

Just plain ole turtle 42,578 26
08/18/2006 02:09 PM

How in god's name were you examinging it in the mirror above the sink? Handstands?



SHP is pretty tall

Plain Ol' Chance 171,275 14
08/18/2006 02:39 PM

One time I fell off a stage and got a huge bruise that kept getting worse and worse as time went on. It got all infected and they had to amputate my leg. I had them remove the other leg so I could live my remaining days as a spinner.

Phuc 237,919 21
08/18/2006 02:43 PM

The doctor called back. I got mono.



That's the price I pay for making out with Leather Tuscadero behind Arnold's.

Beater of the Meat 10,702 8
08/18/2006 02:48 PM

3 years ago (10th grade), some kid stabbed me with a pencil. The pencil got lodged between my collarbone and my shoulder. Then, with the pencil still sticking in me, I grabbed Oedipus, and put his head in a locker, and repeatedly slammed the door on his neck. They expelled me from the school. It hurt my pride, I should see a doctor.

jaggeh 860 8
08/18/2006 02:49 PM

a few months ago, after a night of boozing and eating nacho's, i felt like i had a bit of a sore throat. I get sore throats a lot so i thought nothing of it. The next day i started to feel woozy in work and my eyes were going in and out of focus.



I couldnt take the time off work so i just hit up some paracetamol and kept working, by the end of the day i thought i would have trouble walking but managed to stumble to my local ER.



Turns out the nacho's lacerated the inside of my throat which had become infected. the stuff i was coughing up that day wasnt pretty either, like lots of little abortions.

Mr Fook 4,016 9
08/18/2006 02:51 PM

I grabbed Oedipus, and put his head in a locker, and repeatedly slammed the door on his neck.



Bahahahhahaahha

Just plain ole turtle 42,578 26
08/18/2006 02:52 PM

So what you are saying is, Nachos punctured your throat?



























Fag

Harvard Chick 16,937 8
08/18/2006 02:56 PM

One time I did this thing with another person that was a bad idea. We were horribly injured. It was so bad that, to this day, I still can't talk about it.



Carry on.

Beater of the Meat 10,702 8
08/18/2006 02:57 PM

If it's so funny, click it, Fooker. And you better not soccermom me, motherfooker

Beater of the Meat 10,702 8
08/18/2006 02:58 PM

One time I did this thing with another person that was a bad idea. We were horribly injured. It was so bad that, to this day, I still can't talk about it.



Wow, you've tried to make a three person pyramid in the pool too!?

Harvard Chick 16,937 8
08/18/2006 02:59 PM

STFU Guam Baby.

Beater of the Meat 10,702 8
08/18/2006 03:00 PM

<action>Ducks</action>



Watch where you hurl those insults!

Sage of Seattle (Stridently Salacious) 36,465 8
08/18/2006 03:09 PM

One time I did this thing with another person that was a bad idea. We were horribly injured. It was so bad that, to this day, I still can't talk about it.



Yeah, wow that was such a riot! I'd even bet that you still don't remember me being there! Just PM me if you need details of what you did...

Pumpkin 3.14159265..... 56,642 8
08/18/2006 03:11 PM

Turns out the nacho's lacerated the inside of my throat



DUDE! You have to CHEW THEM not swallow them whole!

Succubus 3,359 10
08/24/2006 11:11 PM

You know, it doesn't surprise me that SHP can see her cooter area in the mirror over the sink, if she's 6' tall. I have really incredibly long legs for my height and I can see mine in over-sink mirrors.

Filly 39,193 20
08/24/2006 11:32 PM

I was having sex with this guy last Saturday, and somehow the condom came off. Because I didn't want him digging around in my vagina any more than he already had been, I had to drag the goddamned thing out with my fingernail. Since there's not a whole lot of feeling up in that area, I can't really tell how bad I cut myself, but what I can tell is that I've been bleeding ever since.





Frost-ing bastard. It wasn't even that good.

SHP 181,795 70
08/24/2006 11:40 PM

That happened once to me, too, Filly. Only it wasn't a condom, it was a baby, and it's STILL causing me pain.

All work and no play makes Yorkie a dull boy 60,724 12
08/24/2006 11:42 PM

Aww...man.



I just signed onto IM to see if Filly was around. Then I read that, and signed off.

Chickens Floating Belly Up 286,539 61
08/25/2006 01:43 PM

I have really incredibly long legs for my height and I can see mine in over-sink mirrors.



Your post is meaningless without pictures.

Chickens Floating Belly Up 286,539 61
08/25/2006 01:43 PM

<action>prays

Oh, please let this work, please, please, please.

Sarah, plain and not so tall. 30,601 8
08/25/2006 01:50 PM

I had a blood boil underneath my belly button, I think the result of an ingrown hair (Yes, I have a few sparse hairs from my belly button to my ladyparts...don't act like you don't have them either, girls).



Anyway, it was huge and ugly, and I decided to pop it. So i squeezed, and squeezed, and nothing. The Froster wouldn't give up. Plus, it hurt.



So I finally mustered up all my courage, and while laying propped up on some pillows, squeezed the sonofabitch as hard as I could, and the thing exploded blood all over face.



I looked like Carrie.

Chickens Floating Belly Up 286,539 61
08/25/2006 01:52 PM

Whatever you say there Sasquatch.

Sarah, plain and not so tall. 30,601 8
08/25/2006 01:54 PM

<action>glares at Chickens, then goes to the store to buy a Shick Quattro. The Lady Bics just aren't working for her anymore</action>

Chickens Floating Belly Up 286,539 61
08/25/2006 01:56 PM

Let me know when you're ready for your inspection, hotstuff.

Aimless 54,807 10
08/25/2006 01:57 PM

I have three hairs right below my belly botton.



I named them Larry, Moe & Bob Johnson.

The Secret Ingredient Is Zolton 88,200 34
08/25/2006 02:01 PM

I have three hairs right below my belly botton.



That just gave me the strangest composite mental image of your hoohah and the top of Homer Simpson's head.



So. Horngusted.

Sarah, plain and not so tall. 30,601 8
08/25/2006 02:04 PM

Let me know when you're ready for your inspection, hotstuff.



After this pesky infection clears up, I'll e-mail you.

Chickens Floating Belly Up 286,539 61
08/25/2006 02:18 PM

<action>Orders a full body condom.

Sarah, plain and not so tall. 30,601 8
08/25/2006 02:20 PM

<action>orders a keg full of K-Y</action>



That'll doer.

Pumpkin Seeds-roasted on an open fire 56,642 8
08/25/2006 02:26 PM

<action> hands Chix his spelunking equipment</action>



Her, mate, you might need this.

Pumpkin Seeds-roasted on an open fire 56,642 8
08/25/2006 02:26 PM

<action> smashes his keyboard from dropping that E

Sarah, plain and not so tall. 30,601 8
08/25/2006 02:28 PM

<action>goes back to work</action>

Juansidious 7,400 0
10/04/2006 11:45 PM

I don't know why anyone let this post die!



So I'm Frost-ing BUMPING it, mother-FrostERS!

Dave's not here 52,827 16
10/04/2006 11:49 PM

Juan,



Some threads die of natural causes. Bumping them is just wrong, like making a string puppet out of someone's beloved dead grandmother.



Except that would be funny.

Juansidious 7,400 0
10/04/2006 11:51 PM

Ok.



So, making the grandma string puppet was wrong?



I guess I better toss it then.