Return of the Son of the Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
08/30/2006 09:21 AM

...I just ate your child. It was yummy.

Traeaneurism 156,790 17
08/30/2006 09:23 AM

As a single working Mom, I go to work to ESCAPE the kid. It's the only peace and quiet I get!!!



Give him a "special brownie" and see if that calms his ADD ass down.

The Mailman, as portrayed by Jacques Tati 176,450 56
08/30/2006 09:30 AM

If I could I would tell her...



"I need a place to throw a leather party tonight. Can I use your place?"

Traeaneurism 156,790 17
08/30/2006 09:32 AM

"Do you know that in remote villages in the Congo, they actually eat children?"

Traeaneurism 156,790 17
08/30/2006 09:32 AM

"Is it ok if I give the little crumb snatcher a scorpion flavored lollipop??"

Traeaneurism 156,790 17
08/30/2006 09:33 AM

"You know, when I was younger I was actually slated to play the Child Snatcher in the broadway adaptation of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? Yeah.. but ultimately they said that I loved the role too much..."

Jolson 16,163 11
08/30/2006 09:34 AM

Just find some "shell space" in your office, that is, space that hasn't been built out yet. Tell the kid that it's a secret room and then lock him/her in there until it's time to punch out. Truuuust me, the mom will thank you.

The Mailman, as portrayed by Jacques Tati 176,450 56
08/30/2006 09:38 AM

"I brought you a DVD that you can show to your kid while you're working. It's a movie about gladiators. Does your kid like movies about gladiators?"

Return of the Son of the Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
08/30/2006 09:38 AM

Push him down an elevator shaft.

Traeaneurism 156,790 17
08/30/2006 09:39 AM

"Johnny, I have AIDS. You know what AIDS is, Johnny? Here...wanna use my scissors???"

Return of the Son of the Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
08/30/2006 09:39 AM

Where do you work where your manager can bring her boogermaker to work with her? Kay-Bee toys?

SAVIORA, Defender of Very Little 4,599 8
08/30/2006 09:40 AM

"I didn't realize that my foot was so far out into the aisle....Is he ok?"

The Mailman, as portrayed by Jacques Tati 176,450 56
08/30/2006 09:43 AM

"My butt plug is missing from my desk. I don't think any of my colleagues would have touched it, so you could please ask your kid if he's been playing with it?"

Dead Robot 67,630 16
08/30/2006 09:45 AM

I would totally love to sneeze in the little sprog's eyes!

Jolson 16,163 11
08/30/2006 09:46 AM

<action>drives up in an '82 white Dodge van with a puppy and a sack of candy in the back.</action>



I'll just take him for a drive around the block.

Return of the Son of the Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
08/30/2006 09:52 AM

Joey, have you ever been to a Turkish prison?

Declan McManus as Yaskov 131,887 36
08/30/2006 10:07 AM

Bring in Sharkboy.





If anyone objects, say:"_______ brings in her child, I thought I'd bring in mine."

Declan McManus as Yaskov 131,887 36
08/30/2006 10:07 AM

Oh, and make Sharkboy wear his collar.

Declan McManus as Yaskov 131,887 36
08/30/2006 10:10 AM

and nothing else.

Traeaneurism 156,790 17
08/30/2006 10:10 AM

"Did you know that there really are monsters that live under your bed and in your closet? It's true, ask your Mom."

Traeaneurism 156,790 17
08/30/2006 10:13 AM

"If you eat vegetables, you will die."

Midgets 96,092 48
08/30/2006 10:15 AM

"When you're not here your mom brings in someone from her "other family", she loves him more."

Midgets 96,092 48
08/30/2006 10:22 AM

"If the office is now considered a daycare it totally Frosts up the terms of my probation. I guess I can't sleep in the mens room anymore. Cute kid, what's it's name?"

Return of the Son of the Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
08/30/2006 10:35 AM

<action>waits to see if anyone gets the Airplane! reference</action>

Chit 178,781 15
08/30/2006 10:38 AM

It's straight women like you and their children, that forced society to chose the word "GAY" to describe guys like me.



Then walk off whistling.

Declan McManus as Yaskov 131,887 36
08/30/2006 10:39 AM

Make a brooch or a pterodactyl out of the kid. Value added.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
08/30/2006 10:46 AM

Donk, like a slap in the face from a nun.

The Mailman, as portrayed by Jacques Tati 176,450 56
08/30/2006 10:51 AM

Rockin' Donkey waits to see if anyone gets the Airplane! reference



*Ahem.* I'm pretty sure the guy who made a reference to the same Airplane! scene eight posts earlier, got it, thank you very much.

Chit 178,781 15
08/30/2006 10:53 AM

Boy, that kid of yours sure does love playing with those ant traps.

Return of the Son of the Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
08/30/2006 10:54 AM

They didn't have DVD's back then. Well, mabye in FRANCE.

Jolson 16,163 11
08/30/2006 10:56 AM

<action>passes the kid a carton of Ortho.</action>



Go ahead, have a taste. It's like candy.

Mrs. Chance Bojangles 171,275 14
08/30/2006 01:58 PM

I would give the kid some benedryl and a pillow.

Chi Chi Felipe- not KChiki 161,353 14
08/30/2006 02:00 PM

"Hey kid, ever seen a grown man naked?"

Mrs. Chance Bojangles 171,275 14
08/30/2006 02:01 PM

Not recently, you offering?

Chi Chi Felipe- not KChiki 161,353 14
08/30/2006 02:01 PM

"Hey kid, look at this guy on GAB who posts without reading a whole thread first and looks like a big douche."

Enohead 324 7
08/30/2006 02:19 PM

..."I did you a favor by shipping your kid off to a labor camp. It's okay, you can have another one. This time, try to lay off the bennies while you're pregnant. Maybe the next one will come out a touch more normal."

Pumpkin Seeds-roasted on an open fire 56,642 8
08/30/2006 02:25 PM

"Timmy/Johnny/Aaron/Kathy...whatever you're name is....want to see my stapler? I keep it in my pants..."

Pumpkin Seeds-roasted on an open fire 56,642 8
08/30/2006 02:28 PM

Your kid alergic to anything? Peanuts, eggs, bee stings, arsnic.....

Midgets 96,092 48
08/30/2006 02:32 PM

"Hey kid, come with me down to IT and I'll introduce you to your real father."

Pumpkin Seeds-roasted on an open fire 56,642 8
08/30/2006 02:35 PM

"What the Frost is this Shakespeare? You trying to get my replaced with your Frost-ing kid? Frost THAT!" then storm off throwing things (pencils, pens, chairs) at the kid.

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
08/30/2006 02:45 PM

Poop into a ziplock bag and give it to him.

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
08/30/2006 02:45 PM

I realize that's not funny, I'm just trying to restore some balance to the thread. I mean, if we have no poop jokes and only gay jokes, GAB becomes the Fox News of comedy.

Pumpkin Seeds-roasted on an open fire 56,642 8
08/30/2006 02:50 PM

Who gets to be Larry Thompson?

Whoa Nelly! 33 6
08/30/2006 06:51 PM

"I am a registered sex offender, can I have his number?"

m squared 2,881 7
08/30/2006 07:01 PM

I would just make a point to always tell her how good looking the kid is, and every chance you get, touch him. Rub his back, caressingly...run your finger under his chin...slap him on the butt and call him "slugger"...things like that. She will make sure he stays away from you.

Return of the Son of the Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
08/30/2006 07:22 PM

Yeah. By firing him.

Succubus 3,359 10
08/30/2006 07:24 PM

Either Bob Johnson is totally off his game lately, or someone has him tied up in a basement and is using his account while his muffled screams echo in their ears.

Thud 68,497 19
08/30/2006 07:32 PM

If I could I would tell (ask) her...



How much useable meat can you get from one that size?

purple muffins 23 6
08/30/2006 07:45 PM

........cannnnnnnnnnibals........

Timmy The Talking Toilet 11,593 15
08/30/2006 09:13 PM

you could always play hide and seek, make him count to a thousand while you just slap up another wall up in the cubical he is counting in, and there you go, brat in a fully enclosed cube



But I do have some electrical fence parts if you need some?

Millie 116,988 28
08/30/2006 11:31 PM

I don't know what you could say, but I think you should bring the child a super-soaker and tell him his mother loves to be squirted.



Fill it with whatever liquid strikes your fancy.



Tell him you will kill him if he, #1 tells her where he got it and, #2 squirts you.

Pumpkin Seeds-roasted on an open fire 56,642 8
08/31/2006 10:00 AM

I like Millie's idea...might I suggest the following to fill it with?

-Liquid Paper (hard to find, true, but makes a lovely mess)

-Ink (if the colour scheme in the office is mostly light colours)

-Coffee (see above)

Dead Robot 67,630 16
08/31/2006 11:19 AM

Now there are two kids! I don't fooshing believe it!

Pumpkin Seeds-roasted on an open fire 56,642 8
08/31/2006 11:35 AM

They're multiplying....

Your only course of action is go rent a kid for the day.

Pick out an obnoxious one.

I'm the Taconaut, Bitch! 61,976 36
08/31/2006 11:49 AM

Write a letter to the corporate office complaining about her unprofessional and distracting office behavior. Complain that she is clearly more focused on her child than her work and demands that her coworkers follow suit. Position yourself to take her job once her out of wedlock bastard bearing ass gets fired.