Jihad Joe- The Real Arabian Hero 6,067 8
09/22/2006 11:56 AM

...First?!

Kittumus Prime 44,835 9
09/22/2006 11:58 AM

I've never really notices how big your nose was.



From now on, I will refer to you as John "Toucan" Hargrave.

Jihad Joe- The Real Arabian Hero 6,067 8
09/22/2006 11:59 AM

First of all, they're named after the penis. Twice.



I love it.

Mr. Slinky - Already at the bottom of the stairs 28,185 10
09/22/2006 11:59 AM

First of all, they're named after the penis. Twice.



BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Mr. Slinky - Already at the bottom of the stairs 28,185 10
09/22/2006 11:59 AM

Nevermind.

Sarah (Storms are brewin' in my eyes) 30,601 8
09/22/2006 11:59 AM

I know that Johnson & Johnson is America's most trusted company, but not to me. First of all, they're named after the penis.



The #1 reason I hate my last name. Also, I'm terrified that I will marry someone with the same name and be called Sarah Johnson-Johnson.

Capt. CaAaAaAaAaAaveChickens 286,539 61
09/22/2006 12:06 PM

Somebody's been listening to the Jerky Boys.



Not that that's a bad thing.

Harvard Chick 16,937 8
09/22/2006 12:09 PM

This is embarrassing.

Brewmaster 596 7
09/22/2006 12:15 PM

A more pitiful looking photo, I have not seen.

Dave's not here - but his seat is still warm 52,827 16
09/22/2006 12:23 PM

I really like it when John writes funny articles.



</hint>

Pumpkin Noggin-smashed along the doorsteps 56,642 8
09/22/2006 12:33 PM

Undies, you need to send that new phone down to John, apparently he needs a new one as well.

Ragosports 56 8
09/22/2006 01:32 PM

Tear down Bounty Quilted Picker-Upper Next!

slainte23 18 8
09/22/2006 03:44 PM

I love the Boston accent. "Who names their kid Nohn!"

slainte23 18 8
09/22/2006 03:46 PM

By the way, what's wrong with this company when they keep a nurse on staff?

Dave's not here - but his seat is still warm 52,827 16
09/22/2006 03:47 PM

Might have something to do with the drugs and medical supplies they sell.

Brewmaster 596 7
09/22/2006 03:59 PM

I imagine there would be alot of falling accidents that would justify having a nurse; what with all the soap, lotions and lubes being produced. Why, I'd bet that working for Shlong and Dong is just like living a Three Stooges episode.

Timmy The Talking Toilet 11,593 15
09/22/2006 04:00 PM

So.....





what about Astroglide in the eyes now?

scoobynooby 2,160 6
09/22/2006 04:05 PM

I thought it was ass-troglide

Pram Bag 80,728 42
09/22/2006 05:59 PM

An indian bread? Hahahaha! Where do you come up with this stuff, John?

Jaggy 11,895 13
09/22/2006 07:05 PM

Haha, you sound like Sandra Bullock when she's mocking a NY accent. Droppah.



You were mean! If you'd tried to have a scientific conversation about your experiment it would have been funnier.

Baron Hotc0ck von Hugenstien 58,948 29
09/22/2006 07:16 PM

Jeff's such a Poe. Suck it up and dump the bottle in your eye!

meganamillion 6 7
09/23/2006 05:53 AM

I live in England where we don't believe high speed internet is good for your ability to download....well, anything. You should go back to transcribing phone calls. Then us sad, slow English folk can read it.

Fratberry 283,018 53
09/23/2006 04:45 PM

what about Astroglide in the eyes now?



Next month: The ZUG SkullFrost-ing Prank

Fratberry 283,018 53
09/23/2006 08:35 PM

What? Too harsh?

the walrus 7 7
09/24/2006 07:20 PM

wow. your voice is very annoying. i mean, my Jesus, you talk like Peter Freakin' Griffin. anyway, funny article. ummm...Shakespeare

juliar 14 8
09/24/2006 09:34 PM

Yeah, you do talk like Peter Griffin. I cracked up when you were spelling out your last name.



But that's a great prank nonetheless. You shouldn't've put it in your eye though, it would've sucked if it caused temporary blindness or something.

Return of the Son of the Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
09/24/2006 09:53 PM

John was putting on the Boston accent. Damn n00bs.

RicaB 54 8
09/25/2006 11:55 AM

I love that the more irate Nohn got, the better his vocabulary became. It started with "burned like a mother-Froster" and ended with "screaming like a valkyrie" "dripping a viscious fluid" that was "less caustic than lye."

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
09/25/2006 11:07 PM

That was more of a legitimate call than a prank call. Unless perhaps you FAKED putting it in your eye and the picture shows your eye as red because you instead accidentally ejaculated into it.



Very enjoyable.

Crash2108 - God of all knowledge 54 9
09/26/2006 11:20 AM

You know they won't really do anything to the label. If anything it'll read on the back: CAUTION - Do not apply directly to eye with a dropper.



The "Hurt like a mother-Froster!" part was ha ha ha ha-larious.

the tastiest n00b 245 6
10/03/2006 09:29 PM

I'll be the voice of all the non-members who view this site:



That was horribly un-funny.



Just letting you know.

Thud 68,497 19
10/03/2006 09:31 PM

I'll be the voice of all the non-members who view this site...



I think we'd be happier if you were a non-member.



So get with the cheering us up.

cookiebite 3 7
11/16/2006 01:39 PM

I'm glad I'm a member because I don't want that guy talking for me.





I thought it was hilarious. And I was trying REALLY hard not to laugh loud because I'm at work.



My eyes are watering.

Dolly P. 6 4
07/27/2009 09:04 AM

Lol, Funnyer then i was expecting on the written bit, but could you write it up as well? I missed it entirly the first time and i had to double check but funny, love the name bit

Mighty Kind 36,161 48
07/27/2009 09:16 AM

Now all you need to do is compare the sting of no more tears shampoo to another brand. Like extra strength Head and Shoulders or t-gel.

amazonchic 7 8
08/02/2009 10:20 PM

I wonder what fun we could have with Oragel. Perhaps once your entire mouth is numb, you can call and let them know they should have warning labels on their product. I've always wondered what would happen if the Oragel got too close to my husband's toothpaste, especially after a bad fight.

John, you are sheer genius. I love your written comedy best.

Lord Biffington 181 5
08/03/2009 01:54 AM

talk about a coincidence. I finish reading this, and this comes on the TV.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1X2JsAqB2o

John Hargrave 128,751 73
09/13/2011 12:06 AM

I thought of this today after reading Pram's new prank phone call.

Not Jeeni 47,787 51
09/13/2011 04:54 AM

That last shot of John reminded me of those vintage 1970 big sad-eyed cat paintings.

Pram 80,728 42 makes up a legally passable excuse like the cool kids on Youtube
09/13/2011 08:59 AM

I thought of this today after reading Pram's new prank phone call.

This isn't mine.
I don't own this.
Fair use?
No copyright intended.
No infringement intended.

Pram 80,728 42
09/13/2011 09:15 AM

...in defense of Johnson and Johnson's, the cancer-giving formula of Baby Shampoo has only been out for a year.

The reason, according to a Johnson's rep, is that they had to use more toxic ingredients because of complaints from PETA.

Drewcifer ÷ 46,324 58
09/13/2011 04:07 PM

Jeeni, your cat picture reminded me of this fantastic thread.

I ain't not Jeeni 47,787 51
09/13/2011 04:13 PM

Oh great... thanks?

Johnny Plankton 4,102 27
09/14/2011 10:41 PM

I've been drunk on Listerine and snorted Johnson's baby shampoo, and Listerine is still the clear winner. But a Vanilla Extract sombrero still reigns supreme.

Jeeni is ready for Halloweeni 47,787 51
09/14/2011 10:45 PM

Johnny, remind me to drink with you next time we meet up.

This month, I learned how to make vanilla extract - using vodka and vanilla beans - and decided to try the drink you just spoke of. I don't know if it's a real drink, but it was all I had, and it was pretty smooth.