Phuc 237,919 21
10/05/2006 01:14 PM

...because while I was sleeping last night, the sheets got tangled around my neck and cut off the supply of oxygen to my brain, causing massive brain damage. I can barely summon the brain power to put one foot in front of the other--forget about walking and chewing gum at the same time.



Anway, because of my newfound state of awareness, I am compelled to post a joke that I did not find funny yesterday but today am in spasms of hysterical laughter at the mere mention of circuses, juggling, or Carrottop.



Carry on.

Jihad Joe- The Real Arabian Hero 6,067 8
10/05/2006 01:15 PM

What did one tire say to the other tire?



I'm tired.

Chances are you're not me. 171,275 14
10/05/2006 01:17 PM

How do you bring a yellow man to his knees?



Kick him in the egg roll.













I love you.

Bankey 70,843 10
10/05/2006 01:17 PM

What did the ocean say to the beach?



Nothing it just waved.

Pumpkin Noggin-Soggy pumpkins make good pie 56,642 8
10/05/2006 01:17 PM

A page from the new Congressional Cook book.



Heading: Tossed Salad

Instructions: turn page

Crackherone 68,758 11
10/05/2006 01:19 PM

Why don't tigers eat clowns?





















Because they taste funny.

Midgets 96,092 48
10/05/2006 01:20 PM

What do a puppy and a near sighted gynecologist have in common?







They both have wet noses.

Jihad Joe- The Real Arabian Hero 6,067 8
10/05/2006 01:21 PM

What was Bob the Builder called after he retired?





Bob.

BennyHey 91 7
10/05/2006 02:22 PM

What do Lorena Bobbit and Bill Gate's have in common?

They'll both turn you hard drive into a 3.5' floppy disk

Coprophagic Snork. 45,655 12
10/05/2006 02:34 PM

-I took my kid to the zoo yesterday.

-And?

-They didn't want him either.

m squared 2,881 7
10/05/2006 02:38 PM

Helen Keller went to town

Riding on a pony

Stuck a feather in her hat

And called it AHHBRAAGERAAHH!

Crackherone 68,758 11
10/05/2006 03:14 PM

What do you call a black guy that flies air planes?

























































A pilot you racist bastard.

Pumpkin Noggin-Soggy pumpkins make good pie 56,642 8
10/05/2006 03:18 PM

<action> obligitory</action>

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Interupting Cow

Interupting cow wh

MOOOOOOOO

Pram M@ven 80,728 42
10/05/2006 07:20 PM

<action> imps a sheep </action>



That was laaa-aaa-aaaa-aaa-aaame.

Humphrey 51,764 12
10/05/2006 07:26 PM

Mommy, Mommy... there's a man at the door collecting for the old peoples home. Should I give him grandpa?

MaddMatt - Steely Eyed Warrior/Poet 15,437 9
10/05/2006 07:44 PM

Why did the robot cross the road?







Because it was carbon bonded to the chicken . . . . AH AH AH AH ABLAM!

Chit 178,781 15
10/05/2006 07:53 PM

What's the difference between sushi and Poe ?









Rice.

Chit 178,781 15
10/05/2006 08:40 PM

Q: Did you hear that Buckwheat converted to the Nation of Islam ?





A: His new name is Kareem O Wheat.

Juansidious 7,400 0
10/05/2006 08:44 PM

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much a beer costs.



The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

Fratberry 283,018 53
10/05/2006 09:23 PM

What does a buck-toothed cow say?











Moooooof.

Chit 178,781 15
10/05/2006 09:32 PM

Q: What do you call 1,000 lesbians armed with rifles?









A: Militia Etheridge.

Fratberry 283,018 53
10/05/2006 09:36 PM

Q: How many Unix programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Four. One to change the bulb. One to write the manual page. One to

describe what all the options are for. One to explain why it is

better to change lightbulbs with Unix than with DOS.

ResurrectionRyan 533 8
10/05/2006 09:37 PM

Whats the diffrence between a pizza and a black guy?



A pizza can feed a family.

Midgets 96,092 48
10/05/2006 09:40 PM

How are an egg, your meat, and your wife different than a blowjob.











You can beat your meat and eggs, you can even beat your wife, but you just can't beat a blowjob.

Fratberry 283,018 53
10/05/2006 09:42 PM

Q: How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?





A: Four hundred and seventy two. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle...

Fratberry 283,018 53
10/05/2006 09:47 PM

And one of those jokes I feel really, really bad about laughing at, but I just can't help it...



Q: If white babies become angels with they die, what do black babies become?









































































A: Bats.

Fratberry 283,018 53
10/05/2006 09:50 PM

Sorry, sorry, sorry, so so so sorry.

Midgets 96,092 48
10/05/2006 09:53 PM

Liar.

Midgets 96,092 48
10/05/2006 09:54 PM

How do all racist jokes start?























With somebody looking over their shoulder.

Jolson 16,163 11
10/05/2006 09:57 PM

What's the best part of having sex with a 6 month old?









Hearing the hips crack.

ResurrectionRyan 533 8
10/05/2006 09:58 PM

Good one. You said what were all thinking.

Midgets 96,092 48
10/05/2006 10:02 PM

I'm about to tell you the greatest joke that's never been told.

Midgets 96,092 48
10/05/2006 10:02 PM

What.



If I actually told it it wouldn't be "the greatest joke that's never been told".

Humphrey 51,764 12
10/05/2006 10:10 PM

What's brown and sticky?













































A stick.

Midgets 96,092 48
10/05/2006 10:14 PM

What's brown and stinkey?













































































A Ogden Nashes corpse.

ResurrectionRyan 533 8
10/05/2006 10:16 PM

Why is 6 afraid of 7?



Because 7 brutally raped and murdered 6's family.

Jolson 16,163 11
10/05/2006 10:25 PM

What's black on the inside, yellow on the outside, and goes screaming over a cliff?









A busload of black kids.

Midgets 96,092 48
10/05/2006 10:26 PM

Racist prick.

Jolson 16,163 11
10/05/2006 10:31 PM

Prickish race.

ResurrectionRyan 533 8
10/05/2006 10:32 PM

OK, none of my jokes are doing to well in the orb department. But this one should change the trend...



What the diffrence between an Irish man and an Irish women?

I can get drunk enough to have sex with an Irish man.

Midgets 96,092 48
10/05/2006 10:35 PM

Remember that when BIG comes knocking.

Shep - Best serverd chilled 482 6
10/05/2006 10:36 PM

Q. What do you call a bus full of blacks driving off a cliff?





A. A good start.

shadesofgrey 5,445 7
10/05/2006 10:43 PM

There once was a man from Peru
Who fell asleep in a canoe
He was dreaming of Venus
And whipped out his penis

And woke up with a handful of goo.

- George Clinton

Thud 68,497 19
10/05/2006 10:44 PM

How do you keep Pram in suspense?

Fratberry 283,018 53
10/05/2006 11:12 PM

Throw him in an enormous vat of vaseline?

Juansidious 7,400 0
10/05/2006 11:22 PM

Q. How do you stop a black man from hanging around your front yard?

































A. Hang him around back.

Juansidious 7,400 0
10/05/2006 11:25 PM

Q. Where do you hide a black man's food stamps?























































A. Under his work boots.

Fratberry 283,018 53
10/05/2006 11:27 PM

Somehow this is all my fault. I just know it.

Harvard Chick 16,937 8
10/05/2006 11:43 PM

Q. Why dont blind men skydive?











A. Because it scares the Shakespeare out of the dog

Harvard Chick 16,937 8
10/05/2006 11:47 PM

What happened to the asian dude who walked into a wall with a boner?



















He smashed his his nose.

Harvard Chick 16,937 8
10/05/2006 11:54 PM

One night a policewoman pulls over a big Irish guy for drunk driving.

She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.



She says, "Anything you say can and will be held against you."



He replies "BREASTS!"

Chit 178,781 15
10/06/2006 12:09 AM

My ex-wife inspired me to write this little piece of poetry after we broke up.



All Haiku poems have

five syllables then seven

but who cares you Frost-ing dirty whore





--Anonymous Comedian

anhishere 11,158 14
10/06/2006 12:53 AM

How did Helen Keller burn her hand?





By reading the waffle iron.

Jihad Joe- The Real Arabian Hero 6,067 8
10/06/2006 01:35 AM

What do you say to an alien with two heads?









Hello. Hello.

Jihad Joe- The Real Arabian Hero 6,067 8
10/06/2006 01:39 AM

I tried to write a

Haiku, but I came up one

syllable short



</repeated joke>

Pumpkin Noggin-carving out a niche in life 56,642 8
10/06/2006 09:04 AM

Two Atoms walking down the street.

One says "I've lost an Electron"

The other says "Are you sure?

The first says "I'm Positive"

Pumpkin Noggin-carving out a niche in life 56,642 8
10/06/2006 09:05 AM

Asian proverb say:



Man on viagra in airport turnstyle going to Bangkok.

Pumpkin Noggin-carving out a niche in life 56,642 8
10/06/2006 09:07 AM

I spilled spot remover on my dog.

Now I can't find him.



-Steven Wright

k4stmoon 1,143 11
10/06/2006 12:49 PM

What's the definition of mixed emotions?























A car full of Ogden Nashes and wetbacks going over a cliff.















































And it's your car.

Brewmaster 596 7
10/06/2006 01:03 PM

Q: What does a dog with a hare-lip say?





A: Mark Mark

Chit 178,781 15
10/06/2006 01:57 PM

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.



--Mitch Hedberg

Wonder Trixxie 65,026 15
10/06/2006 02:33 PM

An Irish Man walks past a bar.













































































Yea right.

ResurrectionRyan 533 8
10/07/2006 10:11 PM

What's the diffrence between my grandmothers corpse and a church?



I've neven been inside a church.

Man That You Fear 7,400 0
10/07/2006 10:15 PM

There's a black man and a Mexican in a car.



Which of them is driving?

















































Neither. The cop is.

Man That You Fear 7,400 0
10/07/2006 10:20 PM

There are four men standing on top of the Empire State Building. One is Asian, one is black, one is Mexican, and one is white. Each of them in turn throws something that they have too much of in their homelands.



First, the Asian man throws some sushi off.



Next, the black man throws some fried chicken off.



Thirdly, the Mexican throws a burrito off.



Finally, it was the white man's turn. He looked around, and then threw the Asian, the black man, and the Mexican off.

Man That You Fear 7,400 0
10/07/2006 10:26 PM

Ha ha, I found this web site for borderline illiterate racists.



Some choice selections:



"In the metro an old lady apostrophizes a Ogden Nash who was sitting calm in a seat:

- In my country, the ladies stay on the sits, and young boys like you stay in their feet!

- In my country, Africa, the boys stay in the middle of the fire, and the ladies stay in the kettles, boiling. "



"- What's black with three feets?

- A piano!"



"A cop asks a Ogden Nash:

- Can you legitimate yourself?

- Is this because I'm black?"



"There was three Mexicans walking down the street when three old white guys approached them. The first white man said:

- Whats up wet backs.

The first mexican said:

- I am not wet, I am just greasy from stealing car parts.

The second old man said:

- What the hells that smell, smells like beanery.

The second Mexican replies:

- It don't smell like beanery, we just got back from taco bell.

The third mexican says:

- YaYA, amigo, we just got back from Taco Bell.

The third white guys says:

- I was talking to the bean, not the whole damn burrito"

SAVIORA, Defender of Public Breastfeeding 4,599 8
10/07/2006 10:45 PM

"Borderline?"

rxrep 164 6
10/08/2006 03:53 PM

Anyone know what the speed limit for sex is ????













68















Because when you reach 69 you gotta turn that ass around!!

ResurrectionRyan 533 8
10/09/2006 05:48 PM

What do you call something that turns a fruit into a vegetable? AIDS!

Coprophagic Snork. 45,655 12
10/09/2006 05:58 PM

-What's the difference between a tire and a Ogden Nash?















-Tires don't sing the blues when you put chains on them.

ResurrectionRyan 533 8
10/09/2006 11:42 PM

What's the worst part about eating bald Poe?

Putting the diaper back on once your finished.

ResurrectionRyan 533 8
10/09/2006 11:43 PM

And I'm now officaly going to Hell.

Thud 68,497 19
10/09/2006 11:48 PM

What's the worst part about eating bald Poe?

Putting the diaper back on once your finished.



So you shave your grandmother?



Sick Frost.

jeeniRoach 47,787 51
10/10/2006 12:19 AM

Did you know that the word "gullible" is not an English word?



















Really.