Mel Gibson hates me 15,189 12
10/05/2006 03:18 PM

I just took a big Shakespeare and my Emerson is sore.

syncope 49,019 14
10/05/2006 03:18 PM

Whatever you said, I don't care either way.









You said completely indifferent, right?

Dave's not here 52,827 16
10/05/2006 03:19 PM

Sometimes when my wife looks sad I leave the room, pull my shorts down to mid thigh and then bunny hop back into and across the room so that my penis flaps up and down.



It always makes her laugh, especially when the cats try to attack it.

Mel Gibson hates me 15,189 12
10/05/2006 03:20 PM

Funniest. Post. EVAR!

Crackherone 68,758 11
10/05/2006 03:20 PM

I sell recycled human feces for 26.00 a ton. And I sell a lot of it.

Crackherone 68,758 11
10/05/2006 03:21 PM

Funniest. Post. EVAR!





You know there are more threads than this one, don't you?

vote Ned Lamont on December 25th 14,124 11
10/05/2006 03:23 PM

I'm dating an Asian from philly. No! He is not Erika's ex.

Chix Votes No Incumbents 286,539 61
10/05/2006 03:23 PM

Last night I heard this while sitting on my porch last night.





I called back to it and got it to come within 20 yards of the porch, but never got a look at what it was. This morning before daylight, again ,it was out there calling to me.



Turns out I was flirting with a screech owl. Sounds like a horse's whinny to me.

Chix Votes No Incumbents 286,539 61
10/05/2006 03:24 PM

That happened last night.

vote Ned Lamont on December 25th 14,124 11
10/05/2006 03:24 PM

<action>frantically hits edit button to no avail</action>

Mel Gibson hates me 15,189 12
10/05/2006 03:25 PM

You sure it wasn't Trixxie screeching out a mating call and running around in the woods?

Phuc. Music Expert. 237,919 21
10/05/2006 03:25 PM

Way to go, Chix. He looks just like your type.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
10/05/2006 03:25 PM

I just spent about thirty minutes searching for a slide projector to buy, borrow, or rent. I called at least a dozen places in town. No one uses slide projectors anymore! I heard at least a dozen times. One place could order one for me to arrive in a week (I need it today), several places asked me "Who uses those anymore?" and a lot of people had no idea what I was talking about.



I finally found one. It's huge and bulky and comes in a very seventies looking bulky briefcase. I feel so cutting edge.

Chix Votes No Incumbents 286,539 61
10/05/2006 03:25 PM

Also, this movie, the 1969 version is the balls and well worth Netflicking. Bennie Hill and Noel Coward.

syncope 49,019 14
10/05/2006 03:26 PM

Shakespeare hit the fan at work and I confided in a friend who just so happened to be an ex-employee.





A week later one of our clients gets an anonymous call disclosing said Shakespeare hitting said fan. The boss clamps down and they trace through all the people who know to me.



"Who did you tell?"



"Just Pete."



"Did it ever occur to you that revealing company secrets to disgruntled ex-employees may not be the best way to move up the corporate ladder?"



"Uh...I am stupid."

Chix Votes No Incumbents 286,539 61
10/05/2006 03:26 PM

The tripod logo is my type?

Chix Votes No Incumbents 286,539 61
10/05/2006 03:27 PM

You should kick Pete's ass.

Shemp, sleepin' late and smokin' tea 22,222 17
10/05/2006 03:30 PM

Crazy?



You wouldnt know what crazy was, if Charles Manson were eating Fruit Loops on your front porch.



Who said anything about crazy?



Does it matter?

syncope 49,019 14
10/05/2006 03:32 PM

Pete didn't do it. I don't know who did. But "I'm sure it wasn't him" isn't a real solid defense, especially in the absence of any other suspects. I had to bite the broom handle and take my medicine.

Dave's not here 52,827 16
10/05/2006 03:33 PM

Better than biting your medicne and taking the broom handle.



Unless you're into that.



I don't really know you.

Chix Votes No Incumbents 286,539 61
10/05/2006 03:38 PM

Why did you admit to it? Sounds like you deserve your medicine afterall.

shadesofgrey 5,445 7
10/05/2006 03:40 PM

No one uses slide projectors anymore!

Not only are they rarely used, but Kodak is no longer making them. So if you will be needing one in the future, it may be prudent to try and buy one.

Just trying to help out a bit.

Coffee makes me happy.

syncope 49,019 14
10/05/2006 03:41 PM

Why did you admit to it?



Trying to cover up would've just prolonged the inevitable and, like I said, I had no real defense. My only hope was to head off the damage early and try to score some honor points for coming clean.

Pumpkin Noggin-Soggy pumpkins make good pie 56,642 8
10/05/2006 03:42 PM

One kid took a dump in the Y's pool, the other kid took a dump on the teachers foot...the third dumped the entire contents of 36oz bottle of bubble bath on to the newly finsihed hardwoof floor. (Still don't know how she even got to it)







And I'm at work so the wifey had to deal with all of it.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
10/05/2006 03:42 PM

Actually, they are still used extensively by artists and art schools, but I am looking into getting one, since digital prints just don't do the same thing.









I prefer tea.

Chix Votes No Incumbents 286,539 61
10/05/2006 03:44 PM

performance artists are all about the slide projectors.

Shemp, sleepin' late and smokin' tea 22,222 17
10/05/2006 03:46 PM

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

Filly 39,193 20
10/05/2006 03:47 PM

I think I'm gonna go lesbian. Boys suck.

Chix Votes No Incumbents 286,539 61
10/05/2006 03:48 PM

you should try men

Phuc. Music Expert. 237,919 21
10/05/2006 03:49 PM

Don't give up just yet, Filly. There are still options available.

Crackherone 68,758 11
10/05/2006 03:49 PM

<action> tucks it back</action>

I think I'm gonna go lesbian. Boys suck.

Filly 39,193 20
10/05/2006 03:51 PM

I'm thinking about swearing off all of them right now, actually. Boys and men.

shadesofgrey 5,445 7
10/05/2006 03:52 PM

<action>was at one time a photo major, worked at a photography store, now works at a photo studio</action>That is true. Artists still prefer slides, and the color saturation possible with slide film is truly incredible.

I am a photographer. I prefer film for my artistic work (mainly black and white landscape and structure).

However, as much as I hate to admit it, the digital SLR Cameras completely blow film away. We tested a Canon 20D (8 megapixel) with a photo and blew it up to a 30x40. you could see flawless detail in the photo without the slightest hint of grain or distortion. You can't do that with 35mm film.

Earl Grey is very tasty.

Phuc. Music Expert. 237,919 21
10/05/2006 03:53 PM

I was going to use that pic in another thread and call it "Pram's last date with a real female" or sumpin.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
10/05/2006 03:59 PM

I do digital photography, but I mainly do sculpture, painting and drawing. I'm applying to new schools and slides are required for my portfolio, because that still the standard for Fine Arts. Plus, with digital, there will always be pixelation, and I don't want that when I document my paintings.



But basically, I use slides because that's what it the university wants and I want to get in.



















Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.

Aimless Claus 54,807 10
10/05/2006 04:29 PM

You could soak Trixxie's balls in hot water and get more flavor than the grass and twigs they try to pass off as tea in the grocery store.



Teavana has some of the best tea, with Rooibos Chai being my favorite.

Calliope 927 10
10/05/2006 04:40 PM

My 7th and 8th grade choir only has 2 more rehearsals until our 1st concert.

Jihad Joe- The Real Arabian Hero 6,067 8
10/05/2006 04:46 PM

I finished my mad minute math excercise in under a minute today.



It was all subtraction, too!



I can't wait to graduate the 3rd grade!

Shemp, sleepin' late and smokin' tea 22,222 17
10/05/2006 04:53 PM

Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!

Just Sarah. 30,601 8
10/05/2006 04:56 PM

Sometimes when my wife looks sad I leave the room, pull my shorts down to mid thigh and then bunny hop back into and across the room so that my penis flaps up and down.



It always makes her laugh, especially when the cats try to attack it.



Do you do parties?

Just Sarah. 30,601 8
10/05/2006 04:57 PM

There's a gross smell coming from my garbage disposal. I'm too poor cheap to buy any drain cleaner, so I just keep spraying perfume down the drain.

Dave's not here 52,827 16
10/05/2006 05:08 PM

Yogurt will clear many protein or grease based drain clogs in a few hours. The bacteria and enzymes break down the clog.

Midgets 96,092 48
10/05/2006 06:24 PM

I have a freezer full of deer meat. I don't make it very often because the kids won't eat it because they think it's gross and they think killing deer is mean.

The last time I made some (deer brats) they wouldn't touch it and the youngest actually cried.



Were having chili tonite. What they don't know is that it's deer chili.

I know they'll eat it because they don't know.



Do you think I should wait till after they're done and tell them, or keep it my little secret?

Pram M@ven 80,728 42
10/05/2006 06:25 PM

That's a good idea, Dave. You can just scrape some off your back!

Hello Mofo 10,950 10
10/05/2006 06:33 PM

So I was working a table in the oval (center of campus) today to register people to vote, and there was a cell phone company there handing out frisbees, and they tossed one to this Asian girl on a bike. She actaully caught it, while riding her bike through the quad. I was like "Wow, Asians are really good at frisbee."



Then she took the time to read what it said on the frisbee... and in the meanwhile totally ignoring what lay directly in front of her, and crashed her bike into an empty table, bringing everything down, and dumping her over the handlebars. I was like, "Wow, Asians REALLY can't drive... ANYTHING." Only that time, I said it out loud. People stared at me.



Awkward.

Tweak 18,881 12
10/05/2006 06:57 PM

One day the CIA are going to release damning evidence that toothbrushes are made from albino rat droppings.

Pram M@ven 80,728 42
10/05/2006 07:18 PM

Yeah, and toothpaste is made of cane sugar.

Ditdah 123,110 14
10/05/2006 07:22 PM

Hi. My name is Ditdah, and I am a Pogo addict.

Tweak 18,881 12
10/05/2006 09:29 PM

Hi. My name is Tweak and I live across the street from Ditdah. I own a pair of binoculars and my neck hurts.

Millie 116,988 28
10/05/2006 11:59 PM

Today, an 80-year-old lady hugged and kissed me after writing a $21,000 check to Home Depot.



I don't get commission.

mothcleaner 4,106 9
10/06/2006 12:02 AM

chat Frost-heads

m squared 2,881 7
10/06/2006 12:17 AM

My husband plays in a bar band and he has "adopted" this drugged-out ho and is letting her stay at our house whenever she wants. She is also bi, which is stimulating to him. She is quite fat and not attractive at all and he really seems to think she's a great gal...she seems to think I'M a great gal...He says he just wants to "help" her get away from the druggies she usually hangs out with. So I'm thinking tonight I will make him hop like a bunny for me in the privacy of our bedroom and make his penis flop around. Thanks for the idea, Dave.

Pram M@ven 80,728 42
10/06/2006 12:21 AM

My husband plays in a bar band



HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Millie 116,988 28
10/06/2006 12:26 AM

Can he play "Freebird" for me, m?

m squared 2,881 7
10/06/2006 12:38 AM

Millie:



I've discovered I'm really not that funny, so I'm just going to leave it at "yes."

Chit 178,781 15
10/06/2006 12:39 AM

Chickens, your kids are lucky living out in the backwoods with you.



When I was a kid, the only owl I ever heard was this character, and he was a real prick.



And as far as tea goes, I know it's artsy fartsy, but I dig the teas from a local company called "The Republic of Tea"

Try them if you get the chance.

Humphrey 51,764 12
10/06/2006 12:58 AM

I've just spent 4 hours working out the stock borrow costs on a billion dollar index arbitrage trade we currently have on our books, only to find it will be unwound on monday.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
10/06/2006 01:00 AM

And now, for something completely different.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
10/06/2006 01:01 AM

Volume Seven is such a whore.

Chit 178,781 15
10/06/2006 01:02 AM

Say No More ! !

Declan McManus, as Yaskov 131,887 36
10/06/2006 01:12 AM

BLOODY SEABIRD FLAVOUR, what else?

Humphrey 51,764 12
10/06/2006 01:12 AM

So tell me Dogs... just how many hookers do you currently have taped and gagged in you basement?

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
10/06/2006 01:16 AM

How many you need?

m squared 2,881 7
10/06/2006 01:21 AM

So, just out of curiosity, what is the going rate for a hooker? If one is fairly good looking, has no noticable sores or lesions, and still has all her teeth?

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
10/06/2006 01:21 AM

Now, a dog with a monkey on its head, that's funny.

m squared 2,881 7
10/06/2006 01:30 AM

I REALLY had hoped it would be you with a monkey on your head. Teh sigh.

Jade - Gettin' Down With The Sickness 14,453 11
10/06/2006 01:30 AM

Why the hell am I GABbing at this time of the morning? It's 6.30am and I've had no sleep whatsoever. I'm hallucinating through ODing on caffeine.

Filly 39,193 20
10/06/2006 01:31 AM

SISTER HAZEL IS THE Shakespeare!

Jade - Gettin' Down With The Sickness 14,453 11
10/06/2006 01:32 AM

Wheeeeeee.

ResurrectionRyan 533 8
10/06/2006 01:34 AM

It's important to save our rainforests. So future generations will have something to log.

Jihad Joe- The Real Arabian Hero 6,067 8
10/06/2006 01:36 AM

Earth first!





We'll strip mine the other planets later.

ringworm 68,315 13
10/06/2006 01:41 AM

i've lived in alabama for a week and a half now, and i'm like at least three times as comfortable w/ the word Ogden Nash as i used to be.

Chit 178,781 15
10/06/2006 01:45 AM

Now, a dog with a monkey on its head, that's funny.









That monkey looks like a real slut.

Chit 178,781 15
10/06/2006 01:48 AM

i've lived in alabama for a week and a half now, and i'm like at least three times as comfortable w/ the word Ogden Nash as i used to be.





That's an amazing statement comming from a Texan.



Hell of a job son! You're gonna fit right in.

Hodgmania 594 7
10/06/2006 01:49 AM

<action>doesn't read thread</action>



A LUMBERJACK!



(piano vamp)



Leaping from tree to tree! As they float down the mighty rivers of

British Columbia! With my best girl by my side!

The Larch!

The Pine!

The Giant Redwood tree!

The Sequoia!

The Little Whopping Rule Tree!

We'd sing! Sing! Sing!





Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay,

I sleep all night and I work all day.



CHORUS: He's a lumberjack, and he's okay,

He sleeps all night and he works all day.



I cut down trees, I eat my lunch,

I go to the lava-try.

On Wednesdays I go shoppin'

And have buttered scones for tea.



Mounties: He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch,

He goes to the lava-try.

On Wednesdays 'e goes shoppin'

And has buttered scones for tea.



CHORUS



I cut down trees, I skip and jump,

I like to press wild flowers.

I put on women's clothing,

And hang around in bars.



Mounties: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,

He likes to press wild flowers.

He puts on women's clothing

And hangs around.... In bars???????



CHORUS



I chop down trees, I wear high heels,

Suspendies and a bra.

I wish I'd been a girlie

Just like my dear papa.



Mounties: He cuts down trees, he wears high heels

Suspendies?? and a .... a Bra????

Humphrey 51,764 12
10/06/2006 01:51 AM

wazzup Ogden Nash?

Pram M@ven 80,728 42
10/06/2006 11:12 AM

And now, for something completely different.



That could be anyone's webcam.