It was kind of a funny post.

No offence, but this is not a suicide hot line. This is no place to talk about your problems unless you want to be fair game for being ripped apart.

Well, I'm glad you threw him out!



I'm sorry that you feel the way you do. People are going to make fun of this situation, though. Just so you know...



Just realize the problem is that your husband is a Frost-ing Emerson and nothing you did caused it.



Please try to reach out to your family and loved ones if you can. You should not be alone when you are feeling like this. Also, remember your children and that THEY need you more than ever. Stay strong for them.

You threw out the baby?

You other two--stfu.

Side-splitting!

I know but I was really hoping people would have a heart, I know its not the place but I just am not doing anything right right now, including making sense or thinking sensibly. I'm trying to hold it together for my kids, but its late and I don't want to call anybody and bother them, and I really need you all to have a heart right now because I swear to God I feel like I'm going to break and I can't--I have to take care of my kids.

It's not your fault, m, just remember that no matter how attractive you are, there's always going to be somone hotter than you, and your husband will always be lusting after other women. Unless you're Jessica Alba. Damn, she is fine. I bet if you were Jessica Alba, your husband wouldn't cheat.



Anyways, hope that helped.

Look. The guy is a Frost-ing skuzzbag. I can't believe he not only cheated on you, but had the slut living in your house.



Don't allow him to have this power over you! You did nothing wrong. All you did was trust your husband, which is what you do when you are married.



Just try to get through the night any way you can and try not to let this consume you.

I am going to be sincere, then not.







Sincere: Medicinal dose of ice cream, and/or chocolate.



Sincere: Call a lawyer Tuesday.





Not Sincere:



Wreck his truck, cut up his underwear, burn his boots, and kill his dawg.

Thanks guys, you know I would understand if she was good looking but she is really fat and skanky, and I just have to question myself, if that is what he went after, what does he think about me?

Answer to all your problems begin with one simple letter.



S.

Yeah, Jerry Springer...

Thanks Slinky. I appreciate it. And I would accomodate you if I didn't have my kids to worry about.

<action>can't stop laughing</action>Hahaha, Sucks for you!











And you made breakfast for the bitch after your husband Frosted her!!11on1!

And lunch and dinner.





And then probably sucked his Coleridge after he put it in her ass.



Consider yourself white trash.

He wasn't thinking about YOU--just his dick and his stupid ego.



Men cheat for stupid reasons. It has little to do with the attractiveness of their wives. If Halle Barry and Christie Brinkley can't keep their husbands faithful, than what hope does anyone have?



She probably made him feel "manly" in some way. Men are selfish babies sometimes and they will find any way possible to blame someone else for cheating.



He is an Emerson. The woman he was with is an Emerson, too, for cheating with your husband THEN making it worse by taking advantage of you and your generous nature.

Your husband is a Frost-ing idiot.



I mean, damn.



I would chissel through a foot of concrete with my penis to get to that.

MM, you have to just remember that it will all get better with time. It's gonna hurt, but it starts hurting less as you realize like Millie said, that it wasn't your fault, and that you aren't dependant on him to be happy.



Buckle down cause it's gonna get ugly for a while, but promise yourself that you'll make it through the whole trip without doing anything you are sorry for later.



Lesser folks have made it through deeper pools of Shakespeare, and lived to tell the story...so can you.





Payback = Frost his buddies.

It is very possible that he is not only a loser, but a mentally Frosted up loser.





He might be seeing you more as the Momma of his chillen then as the sexy woman you are.



Which is Frosted, but so it goes.





He has probably wanted to do some really Frost-ing perverted stuff, so did the Frost-ing perverted stuff with this crack ho, instead of doing it with the Momma of his chillun.





And so it goes.

All the men in this thread, except Declan, are being Emersons.



And none of you have been funny yet. If you can't be funny, keep it to yourselves.

O.K., except Dave, Chit, and Declan.



Sorry.

...this isn't going to be a funny post.



If you can't be funny, keep it to yourselves.



Yeah.

"I know most of you don't like me..."



Don't be so hard on yourself. Most of us don't know you yet.

I'm sorry, I was really hoping you all would understand, and I know some will shoot me down for this but I just had to chance it because I am hurting so much I had to talk.

Mill, I think it's time for you to be milked!

...this isn't going to be a funny post.



If you can't be funny, keep it to yourselves.



Meh.

MM, This is Gab. Funny stuff, not the, "I HAVING A LIFE CRISIS, PEOPLE COME HELP Me Blah Blah."

Blue Lep, that joke was not funny the first time. Now that it's about the 546th time you've used it, it's still not funny.

Same goes for about every post you make.

Pfft. Your opinion doesn't mean Shakespeare.

Yeah, Shakespeare, like what your cookies will be compared to MINE THIS YEAR.



That's right, I'm sending cookies, THE BEST ones ever.

Good luck with that. I'm sure your boobs are nicer, too.

I don't doubt that for a minute.

Good luck with that. I'm sure your boobs are nicer, too.



I love my doobs...

Goddamn it, mSquared, call me, right now.

Good luck Lep, I just bough a new 600W Kitchenaid mixer and I'm doing 6 varieties, not counting macaroons.







Of Frost, I think I've been fagjacked. Where the hell is the number for that baptist hotline?

Yeah Sage, get here while she's still married.

Sage, I deleted it again, go to chat and pm me and i'll give you my number.

Yeah Sage, get here while she's still married.



Funniest post in this thread.

Blue Leprechaun.......





Face facts. You are little more than a Frost-ing Smurf.



I deeply hope that you get caught in a drive-by depantsing.

Awww, Declan!



Defending my honor (or boobs--not sure which); how sweet!

Millie--





Neither.





You have made me laugh.





Blue Lepmurf has only made me wonder which drugs he is on.

Declan just wants to see BlueLep without his pants. Your honour is just an fortunate side-effect.

Why would he insult him if he wants to get into his pants? That doesn't make sense.

<action>slowly walks out of thread with his heroin, advoiding Declan</action>

MarieMarie, "the answer" doesn't begin with an ess - right, Sage? - but rather, it ends with an ess.  Go and be with your kids.  Right now!  And then stay near them for as long as it takes.  There's no other bond as comforting and no other love as pure and unconditional...

There's no other bond as comforting and no other love as pure and unconditional...



You've never had a labrador retriever.

then brought her to my house and had me taking care of her...cooking, cleaning up after her, washing her clothes





If I were you I wouldn't even seperate her whites from her colors any more.





That'll fix the bitch.

From the "And now for something completely different" thread:



My husband plays in a bar band and he has "adopted" this drugged-out ho and is letting her stay at our house whenever she wants. She is also bi, which is stimulating to him. She is quite fat and not attractive at all and he really seems to think she's a great gal...she seems to think I'M a great gal...He says he just wants to "help" her get away from the druggies she usually hangs out with. So I'm thinking tonight I will make him hop like a bunny for me in the privacy of our bedroom and make his penis flop around. Thanks for the idea, Dave.





So, I'm assuming that he didn't hop like a bunny and make his penis flop around for you, huh?



<serious> Having read that post you made, you, yourself, gave the exact red flag that shot up faster than Ollie's dick on a playground. Someone in this mess wanted a three way, and he was testing the waters first. </serious>



<semi-serious> No offense, but I'm calling FAT DAUGHTER and CHICKENS IS DEAD? on this. Not that I expect proof, but it'd be damn convincing if you'd post pictures of you cutting off his schlong. </semi-serious>

But I agree with Millie, it's not your fault. Don't do anything stupid or illegal, and damn sure call a lawyer first thing tomorrow.





Unless you want to forgive him, causing him to jump through hoops to win you back and posting the hilarity that ensues.

Well Hammer, I wish to God I wasn't serious. I just called his cell, and guess where he was? You guessed it.

Don't call him. Don't forgive him, unless you want to do this again in 6 months. Just call that lawyer.

If you say you called him and caught him in the middle of boinking her again, I would first laugh at what a Coleridgegobbling Frostweasel he was, and then feel sorry for you for having to go through all this Shakespeare.

Well, I wanted to see where he was. He asked me before he left not to keep the kids away from him. I said I wouldn't, as long as he didn't continue keeping company like that. I told him as one last favor to me, not to go to her. And he did. So that answered any and all questions I had.

Or call the Ghostbusters. They are very good at getting rid of slimy, Frosttard evil bastards.

And they have a groovy theme song.

Gee, Dave, I guess I was wrong for making a joke about how much she could humiliate him and make us laugh about it. We'd never laugh at someone's terrible, terrible life problems. *coughfetuscough*

You ok there Hammer? I think you have a fetus caught in your throat.



Little tip, if you're going down on a pregnant woman near term, don't swallow.

For you noobs.



I would post another link to a thread where someone linked to a website in memorium to their stillborn baby. One GABber decided to make a Christmas e-greeting for all of us using the images from the site (a fetus with angel wings, to be exact). We believed the site was taken down shortly after it was linked here, due to the massive hits it received in a short amount of time.



We never joke about peoples problems, though.

I would post another link to a thread where someone linked to a website a woman made in memorium to their stillborn baby.



It wasn't a GABber.

a. close all your bank accounts and credit cards on Tuesday

b. change the locks

c. call a lawyer

d. install a burgular alarm

e. leave town for a while.



Time to put on your big girl pants and realize if he was willing to Frost you over while married, he is more than willing to do it while you're divorcing. Time for damage control.



Oh, and go Frost the hell out of his brother.

My apologies. I just re-read that thread about Ford, and the link to the website I mentioned is about 3/4ths of the way down. Of course it's all gone now.

Your husband sucks.



Which is bad if you're not gay and/or have a vagina.



Also, and this is somewhat serious, avoid alcohol for now.

I am sorry for your unhappiness and wish you all the best. I hope the people you are friends with from this board contact you and give you the comfort and support you need.



However, and i say this kindly, you should flee this place like it was on fire right now. It is the most caustic environment for someone heartsick imaginable. Go and do not look back until YOU are ready to make jokes about it, or it will eat you alive.



I will leave you with a reminder of 3 fundamental truths. They will not bring comfort, but they may bring clarity.



1) Men are all manipulative and evil.



2) Women are all weak willed and stupid.



3) You can swap the first word of statements 1 and 2 and they will still be valid.



Welcome to Cynicism, population: lots.

<action>Taps foot impatiently, waiting for the "fat daughter" moment.</action>



Man M2, I've seen people come to this place with their problems before and it NEVER ends well. This one did for some reason. Gab most be tragically growing up. I'm disappointed.



Anyway, I can't really add to the great advice that these folks already gave you so I'll just give you my best wishes.



Best Wishes and Good Luck!

My status on Gab isn't high enough to be that lone jerk that drives her to suicide or child abuse. I'd join in, but I'm not going to start.



I'm like a hyena.



It's pathetic, really.

I did toss in the go Frost his brother statement just to gab up my otherwise sage advice.

Listen to Demo. You will find more support from strangers in other places than you will from fair-weather friends here. As a comedy site we aren't capable of accustomed to only being serious. People in this thread have clearly tried very hard to do right by you but as each hour passes we will grow weaker until the black goo in our souls takes over and spills out onto the keyboards.



I repeat what Demo said: flee for now.

Haha! m^2 is Jilly!

Payback = Frost his buddies.



I'm your husband's best friend.

So beater wants to Frost the roller disco queen... Fantastic.

Hey any port in a storm.

I'd Frost anything. Present company excluded.

Chin up there, m^2. You did nothing wrong, so don't feel so sorry for yourself. It must be hard, but you're better off without someone like that in your life. Make sure you stay strong for your kids; they'll be hurting too. Find a friend or relative for help. Most of us on Gab will do what we can for you, as long as you're willing to tolerate the occasional insensitive comment.





Oh, and if this experience turns you lesbian, send me a videotape of it. Please?

I like you M.



Well not anymore after this thread.



No wonder why he cheated.

Seriously though, its revenge time.



Have a three-way with his best friend and some other chick.



Then sleep with his brother. If the doesnt have a brother, sleep with his sister, if shes not into that sleep with his father.



Start telling him that you been faking the orgasims for the last 20 years and his dick is soo small that he couldnt get a baby midget off.



Buy a giant dildo and start useing it all the time. Tell him you dont want his dirty little skank Frost-ing pecker in you.

The best revenge would be a full on porn shoot with you and his dad released to everyone you know and the internet.



This might work against you keeping the kids, but hey, you have to make your choices in life.

I know most of you don't like me





I like me just fine.





Its you Im not too sure about.

Payback = Frost his buddies.



Who is this guy? I've gotta buddy up to him.

I threw him out.



Was so hoping (for your sanity and our humor) that this was going to read:



I threw him out.......the third story picture window, into a skip (dumpster) full of razorwire and rubbing alcohol.





SO disapointed.

<action> wonders which went first, the baby or the bath water?

HALF!!!!!



</Eddie Murphy>

<action> sings </action>



Over the river and through the woods, to Dr. Phil's house we go

DON'T SING!

<action> switches to his speaking voice </action>



The horse knows the way

To carry the sleigh,

Thru the white and drifted what the Frost?

1. Based on that photo linked to in the gallery, you're hot. Dave is right in saying that many a man would want to chisel through concrete with their peckers in order to get to your poon.



2. Like it has been said previously, men don't always cheat for the looks. It can be the sense of excitement, the possibility of a threesome, or somebody who is willing to swallow, take it in the ass, and take it ass to mouth.



3. If you want to break the cycle of abuse then you will have to find the strength within you to not take him back. Don't fall into that trap just because it's comfortable and familiar. Move on, get a new life, start fresh with your children, and legally get everything you can fromt the Froster.



4. And, since it's gab and I can't let this post go without saying something crass and obnoxious, here's a recipe from the ultimate revenge:



Find a handsome, well built, and massively hung black guy. Let him Frost the bejeebus out of you while exclaiming how you've never been Frosted like that before in your life. Then, you could:



A) send a copy to your husband



OR



B) you can be the inaugural entry in the new GAB XXX gallery



Either way it's win-win.

Find a handsome, well built, and massively hung black guy midget. Let him Frost the bejeebus out of you while exclaiming how you've never been Frosted like that before in your life.





That's just good advice there.

Your husband Frosted a fat, unattractive chick?





HOLY Shakespeare, HILLARY CLINTON IS A GABBER!!1!!eleventy!!

You realize that I will be bringing this up again and again and again. Just like miracles had an abortion and Harvard Chick was date raped.











<action>looks at his last post in this thread, checks calendar, realizes he's s few years too late for that joke</action>

Look on the bright side......At least he Frosted a fat CHICK, not BIG a fat guy.

I know that I'm a woman, so I'm supposed to be nice to you right now and act like I'm on "your side. I have no desire to pat you on the back, though, and tell you that it's all okay and that it wasn't your fault. And to the people that said none of this was her fault- How the hell do you know that? Because she came here and told us her side of the story?

Okay, now that I've said that, I do have a word of advice for you, Eminem.



I understand that you are angry. And you probably do have a right to be angry. What you DON'T have a right to do is use your children to hurt him. I'm not saying that you're going to do this, or that you're thinking about it. I'm just saying that this is going to be hard enough on your children. You've mentioned them several times in this thread, and talked about how much you care about them and that you have to worry about them right now. Just make sure you're actually thinking about them during the next few months. There's going to be a desire to lash out at your husband. Just make sure that you don't do it in a way that's going to damage your children.

"You did nothing wrong. "



Other than marring and breeding with this guy.... but other than that...

Help, the black ooze is taking over!

<action> throws Chix a (one)line(r)</action>

I don't want to say her husband is a cheating Emerson...but.....

Man, we're all gonna laugh when it turns out that MarieMarie is ChrisGarrett ChrisGarrett.

I just want people to remember that Blue Lep has offered to send cookies to all GABbers.

I'd rather him send me a few muffins to buff with my specially made icing.

Honey, are you dumber than dirt or just to stupid to live? Why in hell would anyone come to ZUG for sympathy? As for the cheating husband....you had to have had a clue. You threw the Emerson out, now get on with your life. Oh, and don't forget to Frost over the slut he was with. That is loads of fun.

Fag.

Dammit, Yorkydee, you Frosted up my reply to Jolson.

That's not the REAL Yorkie!

Even the REAL Yorkie isn't real. He's SD.

I should stop snacking on paint chips after work.

I've already pointed out to that person that he/she should change the name.

I'm sorry honey!

If I had know you posted here under m squared I would never have said and done all those things! I swear, Chance meant nothing to me! I'm sorry she ate all the kids twinkies, and her making you wash that giant thong was just over the line. I hope you can forgive me.



ps



It's ok if I still flirt with Erika, right? I mean she is hot like fire.

You know M2, If you had a Thai Hooker at home, she'd shank 'em both for you and then make fudge brownies and watch "Fried Green Tomatoes" with you.



But seriously;



1. If your life is so centered around another that you consider suicide, you have issues to deal with. Seek help.



2. Everyone gets rejected at some point in their lives. Deal with it! Your kids will watch carefully how you handle this. Don't set them up to be washrags who base their self image on someone else's opinion.



3. Women in your position often have a reduced self image. It might help you to send nude pictures of yourself to a total stranger. (Say, through e-mail, which may be in their profile.) I'm sure that the flood of positive feedback from this will make it all better.

m,



I know I've ripped on you before, but this is really a Shakespearety situation for you. Hang in there.

Wine is good for this sort of break down.



Get drunk, cry all day and then beg him to come back.



After about a week dump him again because you cant deal with the fact that he cheated on you.



Get drunk again and do it all over again.



Blue pills will stop this behaviour if you really want to break up.

I go away for the weekend, and THIS thread happens?



I miss out on everything!

You were probably the woman her husband cheated with. EXPLAIN YOUR ABSENCE!

She might have been one of them. I mean, there were so many.

Ok..I know we don't really care, but anyone seen M2 since yesterday?

She killed herself.

















About time...

Actually, I had to kill her. Do you know what child support costs are these days?

Meh, she's probably still on the phone with Sage.

Correction, Frost-ing Sage.

Correct correction: Frost-ing Sage with the phone.

She killed herself.



Any idea where her body is? I want to have my way with her one first time.

Too late, Sage already skull Frosted her.

<action>writes list down of "people to call when he needs a body buried"</action>

1. BlueLep



You Coleridgeknocker, you said you could keep your mouth shut!

<action>writes new list of "people who need burying"</action>

1. BlueLep



Oh, what the hell.



2. Pram

You said that only if I got first shot!



You SO broke that contract.

Horay...I TWO lists I didn't make!

<action>writes a list of people to kill</action>Sage

Pumpkin

Pram



Sorry, third time ain't a charm.

Hey...I made you PIE man!

Me still hungee

Sorry Pumpkin, bro, but he jes' cold like dat!

<action>throws away list and writes a new one</action>People to hook up with at GAB but will more than likely fail



Taco.

<action> throws Lep some Sage rubbed chicken</action>



Sorry....just had to be done.

That was supposed to be GABlanta...

Sage rubbed butts with Chickens?



So now Sage is going for married men?

Goddammit, Pumpkin, how many times do I have to tell you, Chickens and I are only FRIENDS!

Fagjacked again.

You were probably the woman her husband cheated with. EXPLAIN YOUR ABSENCE!



Uhh....

Does anyone have her email address? Maybe we should check on her...seriously.



I don't Dateline calling me.

<action>shoots BlueLep for spoiling his joke</action>

I don't NEED...NEED!!!1!!

HI SRRRH!

The last fifteen posts are proof that Corky procreated.

I'll exclude Sarah from that list this time.

Wo wo woooooo

wistun to duh moosiwk

Wo wo woooooo

wistun to duh moosiwk

fo duh taaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaahme

When did we move on to 'Buckwheat sings' jokes?

Sarah -



Her email is in her profile. I would strongly advise not emailing her right now however. She told me she'll keep in touch when she can and I said that I'd check back on GABchat off and on even while at GABlanta.

You Ethel.

Ethel = hairlip for Emerson.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!



I read the first post in this thread and nearly shat myself!!!



Would someone please summarize?

My wife finally busted me. Are you happy now?

whuh' evuh.



Kudos for whoever came up with the "dumber'n Jilly" persona.

I have given him my whole life...    and



Goddamn it, mSquared, call me...    and



Sage, I deleted it again, go to chat and pm me and i'll give you my number.





Some will see the glass house and say that it is half full.  I see it as half empty...

<action>smashes the glass</action>Now it's completely broken. Good going.

<action> kicks in the toilet and knockse over the fridge</action>



You missed a few bits, Lep.

Fools! There can be no streaking now...

<action> pulls out gianormous bottle of Bactine</action>



SURE there can...you just have to be careful...I'm outta Band-Aids.

<action>smashes pumpkin's head</action>Oh wow, it really IS a Pumpkin. My bad.

<action> picks up the pieces</action>



Damn you azure fairy...go get me some Frost-inglue!

<action>looks through the medical cabnet, grabs the toothpaste</action>WHERE THE Frost IS THE BACTINE!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand the retard children run rampant once again. Sometimes noobs can be so stupid.

<action> speaking to Sage </action>



Actually, I would like to cremated, sir.

<action> toss Pram a "BE"

Heh, I cliked the link, Cracka. Hat really handed your ass to ya.

Yeah, but he gave me head later. It's true what they say about guys with tongue piercings.

Fag.

We were in Mexico. So only the one giving head is gay.

And you're still in Mexico?



No.



FAG!



Oh, thanks, Pumpkin.

Bump!

WHY?

I HAVE NO IDEA! I'M KIND OF AN IDIOT!

Haha! m^2 is Jilly!



UH-UH!

<action>Arrives late and smells a fat daughter</action>

Pubah confused.

While he empathises with your pain and agrees that too many men are bastards, He can't help but wonder?

Why would you take care of any woman your husband is doin the nasty with?

Why would you bare your soul to people you already know to be heartless perverts using any angle to get a laugh?

How tall are you...uh...wanna go out?