WARNING: NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART
A comedy conversation
by Huggiesdsc  167  7
10/29/2006 12:45 AM 191 views
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I can't hold it in any longer. I have to get it off of my chest.
Frankly, I feel abused. Today, at my house, the most heinous, unholy, God-awful creature, no doubt the embodiment of pain and misery itself, decided it was going to crawl out my butthole, leaving a fiery rampage of pure hatred behind it as it went. I was playing video games, when what appeared to have been a nuclear explosion went off in my stomach, but I was almost at a check point, so I decided he was going to have to wait a little while. But this cretin was persistent. At the threat of losing precious underwear, I paused the game and made haste to the bathroom.
I'm telling you, this monster was huge. He literally, no exaggeration at all, singed my butthole.
Drenched in sweat, I began wiping a mixture of tobasco, mud, burnt hairs, and my innocence off of ground zero. The wiping process took hours, maybe even days.
Not expecting anything out of the ordinary, I had brought a gameboy and a box of Cheez-Its, but before long I realized I was running out of rations, and starvation was imminent.
I was in there so long my plant died from lack of water. LACK OF WATER. It's a freaking cactus! But apparently the length of time between rainfalls in the desert is shorter than how long it took to wipe the oily residue from my scorched backside.
Surprisingly, the toilet paper held its ground, not breaking once, but I couldn't keep this up much longer. I was running out of toilet paper, as well as rectal skin, and more than once I considered surrendering to the dingleberries. Luckily I made it out eventually, free of clingongs, and got back to videogames. My guy didn't even notice I was gone. Aren't video games wonderful?
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Like This? Rate It!
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Funny
11 votes
3.3
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Funny
6 votes
3.5
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Whistler P. McManus 186,122  44
10/29/2006 12:56 AM
Hello, dear. Are you new?
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Amusing
2 votes
1.5
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Huggiesdsc 167 7
10/29/2006 01:13 AM
*ponders* How did whistler know I was new?
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Chuckleworthy
7 votes
2.8
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Mr. Slinky 28,185 10
10/29/2006 03:43 AM
Because he read into the future and knew you didn't know how to do an action tag, DUH!
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.3
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UnderHag 101,398 77
10/29/2006 04:20 AM
The real question is, were there any onions involved? Because, if not, I'm not really interested.
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0 votes
0.0
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Bieze 1,382 7
10/29/2006 06:26 AM
Whistler wasn't talking to you, he was talking to your turd. I think he'd hit that.
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0 votes
0.0
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Huggiesdsc 167 7
10/29/2006 10:04 PM
<action>uses action tag for the first time ever</action>
psh, I've been here forever. Tsnot my fault you never saw me before, it's yours.
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Funny
5 votes
3.6
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Trick or Treat, Bitch! 15,189 12
10/29/2006 10:07 PM
Dear Huggie,
Thank you for warning us in your thread title. We aren't much for the poo stories around here.
Welcome.
Frost-ing dumbass.
Sincerely,
csme
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0 votes
0.0
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Scoobynoob 2,160 6
10/29/2006 10:25 PM
Frankly, I feel abused
Frankly, you look abused.
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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Huggiesdsc 167 7
10/29/2006 10:26 PM
I think I've never felt so loved before.
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0 votes
0.0
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Fratberry 283,018 53
10/29/2006 10:31 PM
Holy Jebus how old are you anyway?
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Funny
3 votes
3.3
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Huggiesdsc 167 7
10/29/2006 10:34 PM
It says 4 1/2 on my I.D., but I bought that thing at Kroger for six dollars, so I really don't know how accurate it is... I geuss we'll go with 19 cuz that's the age that gets me laid on myspace
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Amusing
4 votes
1.5
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Fratberry 283,018 53
10/29/2006 10:36 PM
In other words, you're still in high school.
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Funny
1 votes
3.0
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Alpha Maelstrom (click name for disclaimer) 5,097 15
10/29/2006 10:40 PM
you say that as if it were news, frat. Give him time to adjust, and he'll fit in just fine.... what with the way everyone's slacked off on the whole 'lets not allow the stupids to remain' thing we used to do in these parts.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Huggiesdsc 167 7
10/29/2006 10:40 PM
You can just eat my balls, fatberry. You don't know! You don't know! (he probably knows) No he doesn't! No he doesn't! He doesn't even know!
But seriously, I'm 25, nice to meet you.
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Funny
8 votes
3.5
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That which goes Thud in the night 68,497 19
10/29/2006 10:42 PM
I geuss we'll go with 19 cuz that's the age that gets me laid on myspace
I'm calling fat daughter, both on age and getting laid.
And spelling and grammar lessons would help, but you'll probably get those in your junior year.
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Hilarious
9 votes
4.1
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Fratberry 283,018 53
10/29/2006 10:44 PM
Alpha, I realize you've been here since 2001 and you are seriously one of the funniest gabbers I've ever had the pleasure of Frost off Carrollface.
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Chuckleworthy
4 votes
2.0
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Scoobynoob 2,160 6
10/29/2006 10:59 PM
So basically, this is another "I took a crap story?"
Dude you need to seriously girly it up or something. Is that all that came out of your butthole? Maybe a hamster slid out with it? A box of Cap'n Crunch? The lost I Love Lucy episodes?
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.3
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Huggiesdsc 167 7
10/29/2006 11:23 PM
Is it not enough that a burning chocolate choo-choo fully equipped with kung-fu grip (to aid butthair grabbage) and enough highly toxic nerve gas to take out a bull elephant RIPPED A SHINY NEW STOMACH ULSER INTO MY ANUS?
If not I'll try again tomorrow and see if I can't pass a few fuzzy woodland creatures to appease your ravenous appetite.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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That which goes Thud in the night 68,497 19
10/29/2006 11:28 PM
STOMACH ULSER INTO MY ANUS
Huggieswearer, for Frost's sake, learn what the words mean before you use them.
Please.
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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Huggiesdsc 167 7
10/29/2006 11:31 PM
Ouch... is this how you treat new members? I'd ask for my money back but you people would probably make me pay shipping and handling...
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0 votes
0.0
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That which goes Thud in the night 68,497 19
10/29/2006 11:33 PM
Only new members who need Hammerhead and BIG to tear them new orifices our assistance.
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0 votes
0.0
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Alpha Maelstrom (click name for disclaimer) 5,097 15
10/29/2006 11:38 PM
That only counts for the latest incarnation of gab, you should know that, and don't worry, I'll be gone again as soon as the site transfers to the new host, and I can be productive again.
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.3
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Fratberry 283,018 53
10/29/2006 11:54 PM
feh
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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Lupience wears silly socks 26,981 11
10/30/2006 12:09 AM
Singed your butthole?
Heh.
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Amusing
2 votes
1.5
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Death Chickens from OUTER SPACE 286,539 61
10/30/2006 05:10 AM
It's always good to lead off with a good poo story on gab.
Needed a better ending but I liked the beat. I could dance to it.
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Lupience wears silly socks 26,981 11
10/30/2006 07:32 AM
Needs more cowbell.
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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SHP. Eats shoots & leaves with some candy 181,795 70
10/30/2006 04:20 PM
Complete sentences. Socially acceptable topic. Good formation of paragraphs, and lots of visual descriptions. It's no poop canoe, but you elitest bastards should lighten the Frost up.
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0 votes
0.0
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Huggiesdsc 167 7
10/30/2006 05:38 PM
SHP is my new most favorite turtle ever. There really was no climax to the story, so I just told it how it was. Umm... my bad.
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0 votes
0.0
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TorchAteTeen 3,239 8
10/30/2006 06:43 PM
Heep big writing, whiteman.
Hello. My name be Chief Lee DontF'nCare.
nOObs all go through it. Hell! I love it! Get used to it, 'cause you seem to be less funny than I am.
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