hings that shouldn't need to be said
A comedy conversation
by Johnny Virgil  2,359  7
10/29/2006 08:04 PM 254 views
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More things that shouldn't need to be said, but apparently do.
If you weigh upwards of 200 pounds, you should choose a profession that doesn't require that you repeatedly waddle your giant ass up and down a two-foot wide aisle to serve peanuts and drinks. All I'm saying is that I didn't particularly enjoy the repeated stretch-polyester caresses to the face that my aisle seat so generously provided.
If your breath smells like dead animals, try not to sleep with your open mouth pointed directly at my wife.
If you have a cough that sounds like you are expelling pink, wet chunks from your chest cavity, at least cover your pie hole when you cough. And after you cough, please wipe the saliva off your mustache. Better yet, shave that Shakespeare off. I realize you're a stocky, 60-something italian woman, but razors are cheap. Just sayin'.
If you are obese, and sitting next to me, don't just assume it's ok with me to raise the armrest between us. I will slam that Shakespeare down hard, because it's the only thing keeping you from spilling over into a seat that I paid good money for. Also, it's not my fault that it requires five minutes of strenuous activity for you to un-wedge yourself from your seat to allow me to go to the bathroom, so don't act all exasperated. Here's an idea -- skip the in-flight meal once in a while.
And keep your sausage fingers off my reading light and air control.
Under no circumstances should you "make yourself comfortable" by taking off your leather loafers immediately after the jet leaves the runway. Especially if you are sitting directly behind me and have been walking around in the tropics all day wearing no socks. Next time, please realize that your feet smell like a rancid combination of parmesan cheese, garbage juice and unwashed ass, and refrain from jamming them so far under my seat that the smell comes up in front of me.
And lastly: Walk to the left. Stand to the right.
Morons.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Funny
9 votes
3.3
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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Johnny Virgil 2,359  7
10/29/2006 08:05 PM
goddammit. I fat-fingered the enter key before it was ready to go.
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Hilarious
7 votes
4.1
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Whistler P. McManus 186,122 44
10/29/2006 08:06 PM
Hey, Jerry Seinfeld:
Ever hear of business class?
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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Neophyte 9,956 11
10/29/2006 08:08 PM
Johnny likes to fly!
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Funny
4 votes
3.3
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Johnny Virgil 2,359 7
10/29/2006 08:10 PM
I don't think they have those on Southwest, Newman.
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Funny
6 votes
3.0
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The Millie Mash 116,988 28
10/29/2006 08:14 PM
Some of us have METABOLISM PROBLEMS, mister! Are we supposed to drive everywhere?
So insensitive.
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Funny
2 votes
3.5
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Johnny Virgil 2,359 7
10/29/2006 08:20 PM
From looking at this, you can sit next to me any time. Just don't touch my air control.
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Chuckleworthy
4 votes
2.5
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Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
10/29/2006 08:23 PM
"Why am I not as easily aroused as a nipple placed under an ice cube? It must be your fault. You're a lousy lover."
Don't say that. Trust me.
END. IN. TEARS.
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Chuckleworthy
6 votes
2.2
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TableTopJane-I got a rock 173,958 15
10/29/2006 08:23 PM
Something else that shouldn't need to be said:
"Yeah, there's no way I'm going to read all of that."
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0 votes
0.0
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Johnny Virgil 2,359 7
10/29/2006 08:31 PM
My kingdom for a "delete dumbass post" button...
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Hilarious
10 votes
4.3
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Redneckhaunter 531 6
10/29/2006 08:37 PM
If your breath smells like dead animals, try not to sleep with your open mouth pointed directly at my wife.I have a real problem of doing that when I sleep with your wife.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
10/29/2006 10:22 PM
If Millie was squeezed in next to me on a long flight, I think I would need someone to touch my air control.
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0 votes
0.0
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Scoobynoob 2,160 6
10/29/2006 10:27 PM
I've no interest in Millie's boobs. But I do like the artwork. Is it for sale?
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Funny
3 votes
3.0
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Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
10/29/2006 10:50 PM
I've no interest in Millie's artwork. But I do like the boobs. Is it for real?
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.0
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The Millie Mash 116,988 28
10/29/2006 10:53 PM
After that comment, do you think you will ever find out?
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Chuckleworthy
4 votes
2.0
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Fratberry 283,018 53
10/29/2006 11:14 PM
I'd like to see Millie paint her boobs the same color pattern as her kitchen. Or her mailbox. Heh, box.
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0 votes
0.0
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Scoobynoob 2,160 6
10/29/2006 11:16 PM
Eh, you don't me interested in your boobs. I'd just get jealous and pound yours in till they're coming out your back.
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Funny
5 votes
3.2
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Fratberry 283,018 53
10/29/2006 11:23 PM
You are an idiot.
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Funny
7 votes
3.6
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Fratberry 283,018 53
10/29/2006 11:24 PM
</things that shouldn't need to be said>
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.7
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Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
10/29/2006 11:36 PM
After that comment, do you think you will ever find out?
I've sadly come to believe that it neither raises nor lowers my chances.
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