Sage of Seattle (Salaciously Sacrilicious) 36,465 8
11/08/2006 10:49 PM

"My first day as a kindy teaher."



(Kindy is preschool here)



So what then is a 'teaher'?

Jaggy - I see Threstrals 11,895 13
11/08/2006 10:50 PM

Argh.

Sage of Seattle (Salaciously Sacrilicious) 36,465 8
11/08/2006 10:50 PM

Oops. Sorry. Five for you. Great story, babe.

Nipple Tweak 18,881 12
11/08/2006 10:52 PM

The plus side of this was lots of hurt kids that needed cuddling. That doesn't sound good. But cuddling kids while others clean up is awesome.



Hey, I didn't think I had the "toddler terminology" swearbot turned on.

Sexual Harassment Turkey stuffed full of giblets 181,795 70
11/08/2006 10:56 PM

You should have given the kid a cookie. Duh. You suck at fat people.

Neep- Sinners are dumb. Throw rocks at them. 35,066 15
11/08/2006 10:56 PM

Hey, I didn't think I had the "toddler terminology" swearbot turned on.





Oh, that's just wrong.

Jade - Queen of Mistakes 14,453 11
11/08/2006 10:58 PM

Cookie! Cookie! I want a cookie!

Jaggy - I see Threstrals 11,895 13
11/08/2006 11:03 PM

He did seem happy eating. Or maybe that was because he was mashing everyone else's cake into the table. The birthday cake was for a 5-year-old, whose last day it was. His Mum says she buys too many books, so she knows Neep.

daisypie 49,378 9
11/08/2006 11:14 PM

You should have given the kid a Super Atomic Hanging Wedgie... Duh!

Neep- Sinners are dumb. Throw rocks at them. 35,066 15
11/08/2006 11:35 PM

Weird.

Frogpop 173,153 25
11/09/2006 12:20 AM

If kindy is preschool, then what do you call kindergarten?

Jaggy - I see Threstrals 11,895 13
11/09/2006 12:24 AM

What? School starts at 5.

Chest, Oliver Chest 203,475 12
11/09/2006 12:26 AM

If kindy is preschool, then what do you call kindergarten?



Quality pornography.

Frogpop 173,153 25
11/09/2006 12:27 AM

In WWII did the US change the name of kindergarten to Freedom School?







We didn't?







Oh right, we weren't fags back then.

Frogpop 173,153 25
11/09/2006 12:33 AM

What? School starts at 5.



"In the United States (and Canada) kindergartens are usually administered in an elementary school as part of the K-12 educational system. Children usually attend at ages 5-6, but sometimes as old as 9. Kindergarten is considered the first year of formal education although the child may have gone to pre-school/nursery school."

-Wiki



I don't know anyone who waits until nine. Maybe that's for southerners.



"In the state of New South Wales the first year of infants school is called kindergarten. In Victoria, kindergarten is a form of, and used interchangeably with, pre-school. In Queensland kindergarten is usually an institution for children around the age of 4 and thus the precursor to preschool and primary education. Other states and territories may or may not follow either model. In South Australia school for children age 3 to 5 is called Early Learning Centre or Prepatory School. In New Zealand, kindergarten consists of the first 2 years before Primary School, from age 3 to 5."

-Wiki



Y'all need to get your acts together down there if you expect anyone to take you seriously.

Jaggy - I see Threstrals 11,895 13
11/09/2006 12:37 AM

Pshhh, it's 2-4 here. It is more education oriented then just daycare, playcentre or preschool.

Frogpop 173,153 25
11/09/2006 12:42 AM

Our kids learn that fat people are Emersons too.



Although, in this country it's looked at more as a goal to aspire to than a cautionary tale..

Sage of Seattle (Salaciously Sacrilicious) 36,465 8
11/09/2006 12:47 AM

*coughbigcough*

Millie 116,988 28
11/09/2006 12:49 AM

I thought you were calling yourself a "kindly teacher" (filling in the missing letters), but reading your account, I see that you aren't very kindly!



Just kidding--the brat deserved to be called one.

Frogpop 173,153 25
11/09/2006 12:52 AM

Big isn't an Emerson. He's jolly like Saint Nick.

And he buys people drinks at the drop of his orange hat.

Jaggy - I see Threstrals 11,895 13
11/09/2006 01:02 AM

Fat kid wont be there tomorrow. Cuuuute clingy cuddly kid will be though.

Frogpop 173,153 25
11/09/2006 01:09 AM

..as long as fat kid doesn't eat him first.

Dead Battery- Causes Mudslinging 2,533 9
11/09/2006 01:35 AM

Frogpop is a Frost-ing commmie.

Frogpop 173,153 25
11/09/2006 01:43 AM

I guess I do know someone who waited until nine afterall.

Dianada 57,835 109
11/09/2006 01:43 AM

I'd say he's more of a realist.

Chickens wonders is it 2008 yet? 286,539 61
11/09/2006 05:45 AM

Tomorrow, tell the kiddies the story of the monster that lives in the bathroom that loves to bite the tooshies of the fattest kids.

Tweak 18,881 12
11/09/2006 05:58 AM

Tooshies? Jeez, go the whole way and tell them it'll tear their balls off.

Jaggy - I see Threstrals 11,895 13
11/09/2006 07:23 AM

I've offered to take music tomorrow, but mum doesn't want me teaching the kids the lyrics to Baby Got Back. Or having the dance to Ice Cube's You Can Do It. Basically the kids aren't allowed to have any fun.

Nachos - It's always the quiet ones. 57,521 23
11/09/2006 07:29 AM

Why don't you just buy them all poles to dance around while you're at it?

Timmy The Talking Toilet 11,593 15
11/09/2006 07:35 AM

maby if you used "Straight outta Compton" instead it might have worked.

Lupience- Extra Creamy! 26,981 11
11/09/2006 08:21 AM

Draw that nasty boy another of your Fairy pictures. Only this time draw the evil fairies...you know, the ones with razor sharp teeth.

Tell him the story of the nasty little boy who angered the fairies and was shredded to little pieces and never seen again.

Then show him tubgirl.

Deny everything.

Phuc a Duck 237,919 21
11/09/2006 08:50 AM

His Mum says she buys too many books, so she knows Neep.



Is this some sort of hidden code alerting Al Qaeda to attack ZUG?

Pumpkin Noggin-Cranberry Chutney comming soon 56,642 8
11/09/2006 10:06 AM

<action> laughing so hard at the fact that Tweak said what I was thinking I can't typQW[[[[[[[[[[[[[ jrfqw34rt

TK in the Straw 98,000 37
11/09/2006 10:10 AM

Then he tried to put a doll's jacket on, and got stuck, and expected me to help him.



Fat kid in a little coat!

m squared all trussed up 2,881 7
11/09/2006 10:20 AM

My 5-year-old son's favorite songs are "Without Me" by Eminem and "My Humps" by the Black-Eyed Peas. And he can seriously get funky wit' it.



On a side note, he also dances spasticly to the "Thomas the Tank Engine" song.

Tucker Jolson 16,163 11
11/09/2006 10:53 AM

Next time the fat kid gives you some lip stand him up in front of the class, have him take off his shirt, take some photos, and then tell him to expect some phone calls from a few kindly old men who would like to touch him in his "special" place.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
11/09/2006 11:03 AM

That fat kid obviously has some isshues. I hope you're teahing him a leson.

Dave's not thanking anyone, I earned my shit. 52,827 16
11/09/2006 11:06 AM

Make the little butterball go outside and run around the building a few times. Jogging behind him with a rolled up wet towel and snapping it at his chunky ass will add motivation.



Some day 20 years from now when he isn't a tubby Frost he'll thank you.



Or beat the Shakespeare out of you.

Tucker Jolson 16,163 11
11/09/2006 11:42 AM

O'Doyle Rules!

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
11/09/2006 11:52 AM

I've taught a lot of kids, but fortunately it was at a theatre school, where they have to be very active, so I don't have to deal with many fatties. They either don't enroll, or quit.



Fat kids are almost always terrors. Probably because they've already figured out that nobody will ever love them.

Pumpkin Noggin-Cranberry Chutney coming soon 56,642 8
11/09/2006 12:06 PM

Fat kids are almost always terrors. Probably because they've already figured out that nobody will ever love them.





Or because they're Mummy and Da "love them" so much they've never been disciplined.



A few "No Johnny, put down that cookie" "No Johnny, don't hit" "No Johnny, we don't puch our teacher in the vagina with our fists until we're much older" phrases usually do the trick.

Sage of Seattle (Salaciously Sacrilicious) 36,465 8
11/09/2006 02:39 PM

Why don't you just buy them all poles to dance around while you're at it?



This reminds me that this one chick I know suggested that it'd be pretty HAWT if I were to dance around a pole, doing a sexy strip-tease.



I'm pretty sure she was serious.



With my luck however, I'm sure that as soon as I got on stage, I'd "pull a Vince" in my chair and get laughed at more than I already am.



*thinks about it for a bit, then runs rolls from the room, crying*

TK in the Straw 98,000 37
11/09/2006 02:42 PM

Why don't you just buy them all poles to dance around while you're at it?



It's been done.

Dave's not thanking anyone, I earned my shit. 52,827 16
11/09/2006 02:45 PM

Damn it, where the hell were these toys when we were kids?

BillyBones 620 7
11/09/2006 03:16 PM

I got to draw an awesome pastel drawing of a tree full of fairies, under the pretence of sitting there to name kids' work.

In other words, you passed yourself off as a kindy teacher to achieve your true goal of becoming a kindy student.

BillyBones 620 7
11/09/2006 03:17 PM

Is this some sort of hidden code alerting Al Qaeda to attack ZUG?



Close, it's alerting Al Queda's little known afro-american sub-cell...







...Al Jemima.

Jaggy - I see Threstrals 11,895 13
11/10/2006 04:40 PM

Is this some sort of hidden code alerting Al Qaeda to attack ZUG?



Neep works in a bookshop, Phuc.

Jaggy - I see Threstrals 11,895 13
11/10/2006 04:43 PM

Oh, and there's this room that only the teachers are allowed, with all the cleaning chemicals and paint and stuff. I unlocked it, because you have to go through to the staff toilet. I'd just been playing a chasing game with the kids, so they were trying to follow me.



Naturally I said, "no, children aren't allowed in here, this is where all the fun stuff is."



Got in trouble with Mum again.

Whistler P. McManus 186,122 44
11/10/2006 08:32 PM

Self control is not something that develops automatically at a certain age. It's a discipline that must be taught and developed. When a child is a fatass before the age of five, the parents are not encouraging the child to learn self control - in eating for sure and probably in any area.



The solution is this: take the kid's lunchbox away as soon as he arrives at school. Tell him that he has to earn his lunch with good behavior. If he makes it to lunch time without hitting another kid, give him half of the food.



Enjoy the remaining food yourself.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
11/10/2006 10:12 PM

You had me at "and I kept accidentally laughing at him."

Jaggy 11,895 13
11/10/2006 11:55 PM

The 4 year old girls have taken to jumping of the high part of the playground to be cool. Yesterday I caught the two leaders encouraging my pet, an incredibly cute 2 year old, to do it, and she was just about to when I grabbed her.



Maybe I should let Zacharia next time he decides to make the playground boys only.

Chef Captain Skippy 41,253 13
11/10/2006 11:59 PM

maybe you should kill any child with an uncommon biblical name.

DemonMonkey, a man, of wealth, and taste. 166,252 10
11/11/2006 12:38 AM

"Mordo the gonad detonator". That's an uncommon biblical name.



In fact, I don't think it even occurs once.

Jaggy 11,895 13
11/11/2006 01:21 AM

Zacharia's little brother, or cousin, i'm not sure, is called Moses.

Pumpkin Noggin-Cranberry Chutney coming soon 56,642 8
11/13/2006 09:08 AM

And I'm sure he'll be a hit at any pool parties.

Jaggy - the angel on top of the tree 11,895 13
11/16/2006 06:04 AM

Bump to say the fat kid shat his pants today. No nappies. Handed that one to Mum. Ew.



There's this girl with pretty hair I just can't stop playing with. I just found out her big sister is my friend from ballet whose hair I coveted all the way through my childhood, because it was so long. And that's saying something, I could sit on mine. Although I think her's might have been thicker rather than longer.

Phuc a Duck 237,919 21
11/16/2006 06:32 AM

The solution is this: take the kid's lunchbox away as soon as he arrives at school. Tell him that he has to earn his lunch with good behavior.



Using meals as reward and punishment is a guarnteed way to give your kid either an eating disorder, control issues, or a membership in the GOP.

Jaggy - the angel on top of the tree 11,895 13
11/16/2006 09:26 PM

He's started wanting to sit with the teachers to eat. We make him sit by himself.

Swanson's Lupience broth 26,981 11
11/16/2006 09:38 PM

I work in schools every day. I know of children like this.









Kill him. Kill him now.

You don't even have to make it look like an accident. The time you'll serve will be well worth ridding the world of this pre-school psychotic serial rapist/killer/dog-kicker/toilet seat pissing on pathetic mother fearing child who's Frost-ing lucky he doesn't live in the United States because he'd be black, on welfare and sporting the trendy name 'Ja'il' (pronounced "jay-hill") pathetic child of an obese black woman who cannot spell of do anything without thrusting her loud body and voice all around in order to get her Shakespeare for free.

Swanson's Lupience broth 26,981 11
11/16/2006 09:39 PM

I'm sorry. Did I type that out loud?