|
|
A month or so ago I had a crazy dream involving M&M's. The dream was so weird that a prank call was in order. I couldn't make this dream up if I tried nailing PCP-coated nails into my forehead. Never having made a prank call other than "Is your fridge running?" and "Do you like scary movies?" I prepped some questions and took diligent notes on the conversation.
The Dream:
I was getting it on with Owen Wilson under the Alaskan Pipeline under some polar bear fur. (He was decent.) 9 months later I give birth to M&Ms. Not the cartoon mascots, but 25-30 little regular M&Ms. In my dream the doctors tells me that this is normal and happens often. She also says that I can eat them or raise them as children. Next I am having a conversation with my sister, she was telling me to keep the baby M&Ms. She gave birth the M&Ms and is enrolling them in school soon. The last thing in the dream I remember is me in a dilemma over the M&M babies. I don't want to eat them because they are my children but I also don't want to send them to school because they will be stupid and fail.
The Call:
MM&M: Thank you for calling Master Foods USA, this is Juanita, how may I help you?
HP: Hi Juanita, I'd like to speak to someone in your Subliminal Messaging Department.
Juanita: Do you have a question about a message printed on an M&M?
HP: No, there wasn't a message on an M&M, they were plain store bought M&M. I'd like to speak to someone in your Subliminal Messaging Department.
J: For record purposes may I get your name and area code please?
HP: Elizabeth Hargrave, 33181.
J: Will you hold while I get more information?
HP: Of course.
Incidentally M&M has great hold music, and informational bits about their candies. Did you know the 3 Musketeers bar was originally 3 flavors?
J: I'm sorry, but we don't have a Subliminal Messaging department.
HP: Hmm, Well that doesn't help. Maybe if I tell you the full situation you will know what to do. (I tell her about the dream)
J: Umm, I've never heard anything like this. I'm not sure how to help you.
HP: You don't put LSD in you M&Ms do you?
J: NO! I can assure you that we do not put illegal drugs in our products.
HP: Shame, that would explain the dream. And the after taste. Tell you what, let me speak to Milton Hershey and I'll talk to him.
J: We have no one in this department by that name. Can I help you with anything else?
HP: Am I going to give birth to M&M babies?
J: No. Have a good day and thank you for calling Master Foods.
All in all, I say a great call. I can't get over the fact that she didn't know who Milton Hershey was or the fact that he's been dead for 40 years. I really didn't need to call them to figure out what the dream meant. I think it means that I want to have colored babies.
|
|
|
Like This? Rate It!
|
|
Funny
21 votes
3.9
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1572060
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 Comments on "Melts your mind, not your hand."
|
|
|
0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1593291
Vroom-Vroom 30,762  12
01/11/2007 10:16 PM
Frist to Prost.
|
| |
|
|
|
0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1593294
Leroy Calhoun 77,546 17
01/11/2007 10:23 PM
Why do people not know the difference between an area code and a zip code?
|
| |
|
|
|
0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1593295
Midgets 96,092 48
01/11/2007 10:26 PM
I think it means that I want to have colored babies
That's fine, as long as you avoid the yellow ones.
|
| |
|
|
|
0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1593413
The High Priestess of Stewie 58,948 29
01/12/2007 07:34 AM
I pride myself in getting typos past the censors.
|
| |
|
|
|
0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1593431
Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
01/12/2007 08:43 AM
Can M&Ms be considered meat?
|
| |
|
|
|
0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1593476
Dave's not here 52,827 16
01/12/2007 10:03 AM
You just moved up like 6 spots on my list of people I want to do drugs with.
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1594239
Jepperoni 58,758 13
01/13/2007 12:11 PM
I think it means that I want to have colored babies.
Does Demo know about this?
How 'bout Pubah?
|
| |
|
|
|
0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1594240
DemoMonkey will shoot your eye out. 166,252 10
01/13/2007 12:21 PM
You know when people are talking about race and colour, and they say 'I don't care if he's black, white, green or purple'? Well we need to draw the line somewhere. Frost purple people! Unless they're choking, in which case, help them.
-Mitch Hedberg-
|
| |
|
|
|
0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1594454
Whistler P. McManus 186,122 44
01/13/2007 08:17 PM
You had me at "Elizabeth Hargrave."
|
| |
|
|
|
0 votes
0.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1594589
BlueWaffels 13,144 10
01/14/2007 01:07 AM
You just moved up like 6 spots on my list of people I want to do drugs with.
Hey man, i'm like a walking drug.
Short one that is...
|
|
|
|
Store
58,948 
29